the thing I’m learning more and more is we do a lot of things unconsciously. most of the people you ask will probably have no concrete answer. poor work ethic, poor family relationship ( irreverence for parents, disjointed sibling relationships), lack of spirituality (acceptance of a higher power not so much religion) and educational background/prospects are a my qualifiers/dis-qualifiers. I don’t directly consult a list at the time I make the decision about the person as in I’m not aware that is the reason I say no thank you, but thinking about it carefully I can answer this way.

From my personal experience, I think more women fall into the In-Young category than the other two – frankly, none of my friends were either as scarily promiscuous as the one friend or as unlucky/unrealistic as the other. Most girls are rightly so looking for someone to marry, and will only have a serious relationship with someone that they want to marry. Of course it doesn’t always work out, it may take a couple tries and some serious growing up/painful experiences.

That being said, that was 20 years ago and it seems to me that this “system” is slowly crumbling. It’s not just a “why buy the cow” thing, people have been saying that for 40 years now, it is more of a lack of feeling of responsibility, an avoidance of adulthood. I think it is the result of a toxic combination of self-obsessed parents who no longer take the effort to actually raise children, an educational system that punishes high energy and rogue thinking, and a society that alternately ignores children or stifles them in safety rules, “stranger danger,” artifical “self-esteem” boosts, or PC double-speak.

I am absolutely a realist, too, which I think is a nice way of saying I am also cynical of “true love.”

But we need to separate out sex and love and marriage.

Marriage is very very difficult full time job. If someone is holding out for marriage to have sex the first time, that is a nice thing. But nobody should get married to someone because they want to have sex with them.

You get married to someone because even though you picture yourself with this person in the worst possible scenarios, you think you will still love him.
You can imagine a time where he is snoring loudly next to you, you want to kill, but you don’t. Even though there is a hole in the wall because he keeps promising to fix it, and the flooring in the family room is unfinished, and he keeps telling you the same stories over and over.

Maybe because he can make you laugh more than anyone, and you like the way his skin smells, and you miss him when he isn’t there bothering you.

It is not exactly romantic to be married for 20+ years, but I can honestly say, my heart does still speed up when I kiss him, so that is something, isn’t it?

When I look back at my dating years, I am glad I had other experiences before meeting my husband. I think I would have always wondered if I had settled for the right man, or not.
I didn’t sample that many bulls, but I did manage to get one who I liked better than any other.

OK, Sethe,
Explain to me the importance of having “power” in a relationship.
Do you mean freedom to leave?

Why would a man want to settle down with one woman when he could go and have sex with any number of women?
I don’t think men want to have to keep going out and reconquering a different mate every two years.
Sure biologically they can, but with birth control, so can a woman.

Wouldn’t a man want to have the same woman in his life for the same reasons he wants to have the same friends for life? When you like someone, you want to spend a lot of time with them. When you find someone who shares the same values, goals and other things, you stop looking.

@pipit
The perfect man thinks like Editor Song Seung Jun, looks like The Hand Towel and loves like any character Joo Sang-Wook plays!

Also, Jomo, regarding your comment about “power,” I guess my feeling is that it’s defined as the ability to break/cut off the relationship when the other person still wants it to continue.

Okay, I just had a flash of clarity about what I mean by all of this rambling. (Smoking my first cigarette after a year or so of abstinence totally calmed me down and cleared my brain — yeah, everyone here is going to judge me for this, but there’s nothing that helps with stress like smoking [except drinking, and one can't do that at work, for example] — well, or reading the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, but sometimes that’s not enough for me). I’m in a very stressful life/work situation right now (totally of my own making, and I absolutely take responsibility for it), and it’s only negative coping mechanisms that can help me right now.

In a RELATIONSHIP, meaning a short-term dating (or whatever) thing, I’ve certainly been the one who cuts things off as much as any man has. But as far as MARRIAGE, hasn’t that always been (and still is) the man’s choice? He’s the one who chooses to propose (or not), so in that sense, the power truly lies with him, not with the woman.

(Yeah, and now everyone knows what a f*d up person I am, if it hasn’t already been obvious, but I know my issues and I know what to do about them… it’s just difficult — and I’m sharing all of this cause I truly respect the opinions of those who post here.)

I think hookedonmonix hit the nail on the head.
The person who loves more, or who is less willing to let go, has the power. But IRL, who that person can change, just like in the shows.

Kdramas are good at showing the see-saw ride of “who loves whom” more throughout a OTP’s relationship.

The typical story:It starts out as the girl crushing on the boy, they move in together, he starts to develop feelings, she likes his best friend, she threatens to leave because he won’t acknowledge her, she leaves, he pursues and eventually they decide to stay together at the end, right?

But that is NOT the end of the see-saw ride, and there is no happily ever after once the camera stops filming. It’s just that the writers and directors are clever enough to NOT show us the ever after. Who wants to see it, anyway? It would look too much like our real lives.

Because there is never a time in a relationship where the see saw levels out for more than a short time. That is why they make marriage such a big deal with a CEREMONY and GUESTS and GIFTS and CHURCH. All those extras are there to help keep the balance, to put a little pressure on one end when needed, and a little pressure on the other when needed.
If I could have a do-over, I don’t think I would have gotten married again. Nobody ever promised I would live happily ever after; my parents never had a fulfilling and demonstrative marriage. They did raise 7 kids together, so that’s something. But being married doesn’t automatically make you less lonely, or fulfill some gaping hole in your heart. I wish I could be free and travel and be alone again.

My single friends, othoh, say they would trade places with me. We both are seeing the grass greener, I guess.

Uh, you could give some of us here strange thoughts by talking about your “potato” blooming, and about spraying Vitamin Water on it. What ELSE do you do with your potato? (No, I don’t really want to know, I’m just asking for dramatic effect )

LOOOOOOOL this is super funny….but I agree with Izzie and her Drama Marathon To Do List……I was on vacation last week and I was able to marathon Prosecutor Princess in 2 night went to bed around 4am…love PP…marathon 49Days another 2 nights cry buckest but love love 49D and catch up on curret dramas BBF, Heartsring, rewatch BL caused I was missing Ding Dong, and of course rewatch CH from ep 1 to 12….and yes family was worry they though I was becoming a vampire….:D

second that fool! I loved it. I also loved it a lot more when I found out more about the lead actor. he seems so nice. I don’t why but he reminds of bill murray.

k…”That fool” is definitely going 2 my list!!!;) I love it when the male leads r real nice…;)

Thankz Viola…I haven’t seen kim sam soon..is it Hyun Bin’s???

Venus….I have seen all of them!!!:)) Thankz 4 d suggestions!!:)

Prosecutor Princess, My Girl, Playfull Kiss, You’re Beautiful, My Girlfriend is a Gumiho, BOF, My Princess, Smile You, Goong, Coffee House….that all I can think of….

Hmmmm..should I dispel my blue people mystique and actually explain to you?

There are 52 weeks in a year, OT happens every week, you first posted on OT 186, so 186+52= 238, and that means your 1 year anniversary would fall on OT 238. Tada!

Ahh.. So that’s how you counted! *makes mental note*

Haha well I certainly don’t mind learning about them. Both plants AND animals.