EPISODE 426. Broadcast on February 17, 2013.
javabeans: We come back to our athlete guest special, where tomorrow will bring a sports day at the local school. Ha, what a way to use (misuse?) the Olympian guests, by making them play with grade-schoolers. That’s like the special where they made the famous songwriters play backup musicians at the village concert.
girlfriday: 1N2D: we make famous people do really mundane things.
javabeans: 1N2D: ego killer.
girlfriday: After splitting up to drop the kids off at home, they come back to school, which will serve as basecamp for the night.
javabeans: Is Shi-kyung wearing Mi-ran’s jacket again? Cute.
girlfriday: He is! Yay.
javabeans: The cast members are used to waiting around for stuff, so they’re laughing and joking. But when we cut to the guests, they’re looking rather disgruntled. Captions: “Aren’t… you going to feed us?” The members figure that the producers promised the guests that they’d be comfortable on the trip, while the captions identify them as “fraud victims.” Haha.
girlfriday: After a while, Bird says it’s dinnertime, and Mi-ran actually just busts out laughing, because it’s way past dinner and they’re starving and now Bird just seems like he’s messing with them. He says that tonight they’ll all get rice cake soup… but they only get ingredients. A deep sigh from Shi-kyung’s side… he knows that means he’ll have to cook dinner.
javabeans: And that means they’ll have to wait at least another hour before they get to eat. Tae-woong chimes in that he can cook it all in under 20 minutes. The catch: It’ll just be seasoning powder and water. Thankfully for everyone, Shi-kyung takes the chef’s position. Everyone’s jumped on the Shi-kyung-and-Mi-ran love train (so cute) and say they look like newlyweds. Shi-kyung quips that if they really were married, their food bill alone would be enormous. Could you imagine? Family of four, table for twenty.
girlfriday: It’s so cute how she says shyly that they’ll make dinner and follows him out, like she might do a little dance if there weren’t twenty cameras on her right now.
javabeans: It’s both adorable and a little awkward, because it’s obvious that she has a crush on him, and everyone here knows it, and everyone in the country knows it, but rather than deny it we’ll all just tacitly understand it to be true. I feel like she’s leaning over his shoulder to read the recipe, but she’s really just squeeing inside and telling herself, “Keep it together… pretend to read…”
javabeans: Sigh. I envy her. I miss those days.
girlfriday: Oh like you wouldn’t become her if you were standing next to Shi-kyung right now.
javabeans: Okay, that’s another way I envy her.
girlfriday: While the rest of the group waits on dinner, Joo-won asks Kyung-sun to teach him some cool kicks. Could come in handy for Action Manboy.
javabeans: Joo-won stands there while she kicks in front of his face, and in the slo-mo replay you can see him screwing up his face, manfully trying not to flinch.
girlfriday: Hee, he totally flinches, all slo-mo and scared, while her kick actually sends this gust of wind. Damn.
javabeans: Then Jong-min demonstrates his own kick combo, only he looks like a monkey with the flexibility of… a monkey… and Kyung-sun bursts out laughing.
girlfriday: Jong-min runs with it and calls her out like he wants a fight… which seems like the worst idea ever.
javabeans: Maybe he hasn’t been embarrassed enough already today. Is this what happens when you just decide to go for broke, like you’re on a humiliation binge?
girlfriday: Pwahahaha, what is he doing? Jong-min flails about with these jelly arms… fighting like a third-grader, and Kyung-sun kicks his ass. Multiple times.
javabeans: What cracks me up is that Jong-min’s actually getting into it, like the sparring is making him mad, and determined to fight back. But it’s also like… meeting Michael Jordan and being pissed that he schools you. It’s something out of Gag Concert, only it’s not meant to be a gag.
girlfriday: Finally Jong-min gets kicked in the ass so many times that he gets called out, and then Tae-hyun subs in for him like this is some team match.
javabeans: Commence Gag Concert, Part 2.
girlfriday: Is there a butt-only rule in this game?
javabeans: I feel like she’s doing that to restrain herself, except (1) the handicap does them no good, and (2) it’s just that much more humiliating. They swap him out, telling the next hyung to do it “for real.” Well then, why did you send out Dog Feet?
girlfriday: Pfft, did Tae-woong just ask to be butt-kicked? That was weird. He literally says, “Will you kick me in the butt?”
javabeans: He looks shocked when he gets hit, like he thought everyone was exaggerating till he got his own ass handed to him. But isn’t Su-geun a black belt himself?
girlfriday: He demonstrates… and he looks like he knows what he’s doing. Though of course everything he does still FEELS like Gag Concert, but he’s beating Jong-min up pretty handily.
javabeans: Then again, it’s Jong-min. Who, by the way, is so disgruntled by this point that he literally growls at Byung-chul, “Yo Fencing, get out here!” Lol, he’s actually getting too invested in this. Remember how he’s your Olympian guest?
girlfriday: Ha, so because they can’t actually have them waving pointy swords at each other, the PDs hand them two chalkboard erasers covered in chalk dust, and it’s a game to be the first to smack the other in the cheek. This oughtta be good.
javabeans: Jong-min looks a little crazed as he feints and tries to distract Byung-chul. You know, the world-ranked fencer. And then just like that, a lightning strike to the cheek and he’s out. Damn Byung-chul is fast.
girlfriday: Montage of all the guys taking a turn, and getting chalk-faced in about ten seconds each. Cue Gaksital theme song as Joo-won takes off his jacket. Su-geun: “Gaksital! Don’t forgive him!” Joo-won: “I will avenge my hyungs!”
javabeans: The whole Gaksital-will-never-forgive-you thing was a bit lame the first time, but as a meme it’s hilarious.
girlfriday: Totally. It’s solely funny as a reference.
javabeans: (Did you also find it weird that in the last episode when introducing themselves to the school, Joo-won identified himself as Gaksital and not as… what was his Level 7 Civil Servant name again?)
girlfriday: I would’ve done the same.
javabeans: But a savvier actor would’ve gone with the drama he’s in NOW. It’s weird, though I totally get it.
girlfriday: It’s like, once you play Superman, you’re kinda just Superman, even if you’re in other shit.
javabeans: Unless you’re Seung-gi Superman, who I’m sure would’ve found a way to be not-Superman.
girlfriday: Seung-gi would’ve found a way to introduce himself as variety/singer/actor, naming five projects and maybe a refrigerator.
javabeans: And after all that Gaksital build-up, Byung-chul just diiiiiiives for Joo-won’s face the second the round starts, tagging him in about 0.2 seconds. Whoa.
girlfriday: What the? Cat reflexes, that guy.
javabeans: He’s so fast that I’m actually amazed that Joo-won managed to recoil. I would’ve been standing there, still figuring out how to start. Although maybe I’m not a good example for any sort of reflex test.
girlfriday: But the boys announce that they have another ace, and in walks Su-geun, draped in a blanket. Byung-chul actually seems a little nervous to play just one round, so they go best two out of three.
javabeans: He definitely is the first to give Byung-chul anything to worry about, and lasts longer. Byung-chul wins the first bout, but he looks mightily relieved — Tae-hyun even chides that he can’t be this excited to beat Su-geun. Not with his specs.
girlfriday: Omg, this next round cracks me up. Su-geun totally goes for it, but he’s like… hopping forward on one foot, shaking the eraser out in front of him, like he’s trying to sprinkle the dust on Byung-chul’s face. Byung-chul just backs up straight into the wall and they both collapse.
javabeans: Caption: “Short-armed, a sad creature.”
girlfriday: That was like a cartoon.
javabeans: I’m amazed once more at how little it takes to entertain them. Back to the kitchen, where the dumpling-rice-cake-soup is still under way. Squee! Shi-kyung puts his hand on Mi-ran’s shoulder, proving that I am WAY too invested in this fake loveline.
girlfriday: Squee! Squee!
javabeans: I don’t know why, but it feels like she is me and he is my crush and I am just right there, dying inside of adolescent giddiness.
girlfriday: He’s using banmal, and calling her Mi-ran-ie, and I’m totally squeeing.
javabeans: Not gon’ lie, I rewound that about a half-dozen times.
girlfriday: *rewinds again*
javabeans: He even makes the traditional joke-reference (said after a single woman does something traditionally “domestic”) about how she’s ready to get married now. She tosses her hair, literally.
girlfriday: In her head: Only if I get to marry oppa! Back in the other room, Byung-chul breaks out his practice fencing equipment, with these plastic light-saber-looking things that beep when they make contact. Tae-hyun somehow turns it into a gag prop, for a masked, full-body Hmph-like action that I can’t describe but is cracking me up.
javabeans: It’s his embodiment of pissy fencer. Tae-hyun can make anything hilarious. I made the joke about the apple-on-head earlier, but they bust out the milk cartons for Kyung-sun to kick off Jong-min’s head. He looks like he’s going to pee himself, but she’s so good that even with a huge powerful kick the only thing that moves is the carton, which gets tapped off.
girlfriday: Dayum. That’s impressive.
javabeans: Su-geun goes next to prove HIS milk-carton-kicking skills… but what does it say that they place his carton on a pillow and hold it waaaay out away from the body?
girlfriday: He still manages to do a spinning 540-degree flying kick, which does look cool, even with his short legs.
javabeans: Though he did also knock down the cushion, proving they were smart not to sacrifice a real head for the task.
girlfriday: Dinner time!
javabeans: I don’t know if it’s because I’m hungry, or if last trip’s kimchi-and-MSG soup is fresh on my mind, but it looks delicious.
girlfriday: They really should leave the cooking to Shi-kyung, for everyone’s benefit.
javabeans: I feel like it almost fucks with the whole premise of the show, to have one guy who can actually cook well.
girlfriday: Yeah for the variety factor, I do miss Seung-gi’s nutty OCD science-experiment cooking.
javabeans: The timer! Don’t forget the timer! You need a timer!
girlfriday: They all scrape their bowls clean, and then Bird pops in to say that they have to do their sleepytime games somewhere else because the rain is melting all the snow and making the field a giant slush puddle. I love that he’s decided it’s too wet to play the games outside, but not too wet to sleep outside.
javabeans: Muahaha. So they relocate to a room in the school laid out with rubber mats: “It smells like feet!” Bird explains that the task is “Protect the Queen”… meaning that the earlier teams will remain intact. Cue immediate complaints from the losing team. On the upside, Kyung-sun will have the chance to “scout” one member from Mi-ran’s team.
girlfriday: Don’t take Shi-kyung! It’ll mess with the loveline!
javabeans: She should take Su-geun to boost their chances. Although I wouldn’t mind seeing Joo-won losing so she can take him too.
girlfriday: Ah, she’s smart. She trades Joo-won for Tae-woong. Now with Joo-won and Byung-chul on the same team, (and Dog Feet on the other team) it’s a little more even for the physical games. The first game is a chicken fight, where the goal is to knock down each team’s queen.
javabeans: It looks pretty crazy to have all ten hopping around at the same time. Kyung-sun starts attacking Mi-ran, and Shi-kyung jumps in to defend her, only that sends him toppling and Mi-ran goes down next. Hehe. I did love that Kyung-sun just jumped into the fray and went into it as an attacker, not a defender.
girlfriday: They get Shi-kyung and Byung-chul to chicken fight each other, just for kicks, and at first you think Shi-kyung might actually win because Byung-chul is on the defensive. But he doesn’t ever lose his balance, and eventually Shi-kyung goes down. For the next game, they bring out giant padded circles, and tell them the goal is to push the opposing queen off the mat. Mi-ran’s like, I got this.
javabeans: This is like the lowest-rent American Gladiators ever. Ha.
girlfriday: Ha, Mi-ran’s boys just run over and attack the other team full-force, and they all go tumbling down. Mi-ran’s just sitting on her circle, watching and clapping, not moving a muscle.
javabeans: That was pretty awesome. The losers are like, “What the hell just happened?” And Mi-ran’s all, “Yo. ‘Sup.”
girlfriday: Kyung-sun’s team wins the next game pretty quickly — it’s one-to-one dodgeball, which isn’t really the most exciting game.
javabeans: Yeah, when the entire edit takes about 30 seconds you know you have to think of better games.
girlfriday: Next is the front-facing version of the butt-wrestling game they like to play, where you just use your hands to knock your opponent down.
javabeans: Or, you know, the normal version of the game. I love that the 1N2D version with the butts has become the standard, but this is really the way you play.
girlfriday: ‘Cause everything’s ass-backwards here, literally.
girlfriday: Am I the only one watching this game waiting for two boys to kiss?
javabeans: Not anymore.
girlfriday: HAHAHAHAHA, aaaand we have a winner. Byung-chul goes face-first into Shi-kyung’s chest and sliiiiides down his body. It’s not a kiss, but just as funny.
javabeans: What… the… hell? I feel like you can see Shi-kyung’s thought bubble, warring between winning the game and escaping from The Awkward.
girlfriday: The How far down you gonna go there, buddy? So because Shi-kyung wins, he goes up against Kyung-sun, who’s the last player on her team. They’re pretty evenly matched, but then the guys start to notice that Shi-kyung is smiling like a fool the whole time, and they’re like, “You can’t ENJOY it!”
javabeans: Su-geun: “Remember, the one you made mandoo with is Mi-ran-sshi!” Haha. They’re really evenly matched but she finally knocks him down, and then it’s queen vs. queen. HAHA, Mi-ran loses her balance and actually grabs Kyung-sun’s abdomen, which is (1) a loss, since it breaks the rules, and (2) really embarrassing. At least they’re both women.
girlfriday: LOL, Joo-won’s reenactment (with Byung-chul) is hysterical.
javabeans: Especially the part where she had enough presence of mind to realize she shouldn’t grab the boobs before relocating the hands. Kyung-sun’s team ends up winning 3-to-1, so Mi-ran’s team sleeps outside. Poor Tae-woong, who got ramyun for lunch and a puddle for a bed. (Joo-won got lucky both rounds.)
girlfriday: Both teams settle in for the night and then the wake-up song comes on at 7. The guests look beaten up. I think Mi-ran’s just too nice to complain. They split up to go pick up the kids, and I love Tae-hyun’s moment of frustration when he finds his identical twins in identical outfits.
javabeans: Those three sisters are freaking adorable, running up saying hi to everything. Some of our adults are better with kids than the others. Mi-ran, for instance, plays a game with one of the girls in a very natural way, while Tae-woong grills his kids on how they cooked their bacon last night.
girlfriday: He finally finds something he has in common with the shy little girl: “Do you not like sports? Me neither! Do you wanna skip it?” Lol. You’re supposed to encourage them to go!
javabeans: They arrive at school and file into the gymnasium. It really is a tiny school and a tiny village. The teams are the same as yesterday, but now they’re Blue and White, and they let the kids pick their teams. Uh. Is this going to work?
girlfriday: Turns out it does, which is really surprising. I’m pretty sure those twins just cling to Tae-hyun because they like him, without any thought to the team or winning. They split up and practice their team cheers (Ran Team does a weightlifting one which is cute) and then the first game is team jumprope. They’re surprisingly good, but then, maybe it’d be weirder for kids not to be good at jumprope.
javabeans: Lol, Shi-kyung is the weak link for his Blue Team (no surprise there) and says one of the kids shot him a dirty look for tripping. HA.
girlfriday: He spends the next round in punishment pose. Hee.
javabeans: The next game is a relay race with a huge ball. When the kids get stuck on Team White, it’s cute that the adults on Team Blue slooooow down to let them catch up. It’s even cuter how the kids on Blue are like, “HURRY! WHY SO SLOW?! WE’RE WINNING.”
girlfriday: They’re adorable. Then it’s on to couple soccer, where they have to play while holding hands with a teammate. There are some really funny moments in the game, like when one of the boys falls down and they call for a sub, and his identical twin comes running up.
javabeans: That’s so cute. The fallen twin stays put, though, and there’s this confused announcing (because they’re identical): “We have had a player swap! …no? No swap? Never mind.”
girlfriday: It’s hysterical. And then we see that Tae-hyun is paired up with a really competitive girl who’s running all over the place, and literally dragging him around like dead weight.
javabeans: So funny. She’s like the world’s most energetic puppy. I think she may have been the one glaring at Shi-kyung for losing the other round. He’s dying, and she’s super frustrated.
girlfriday: Tae-hyun can’t keep up with her, so then he calls Tae-woong in to sub for him… but she gets even MORE frustrated being attached to Dog Feet that she trades him back in five minutes. HA.
javabeans: You know she’s thinking, “URG! If only I didn’t have this ajusshi attached to my arm…”
girlfriday: But hey, she’s the one to score the winning goal, right through Byung-chul’s legs, so you gotta figure there’s an upside.
javabeans: Her parents are adorable. I fully expect to hear about her next decade, and then these clips will resurface as her 1N2D past.
girlfriday: I’m so confused by this next game. What are they doing? The gym floor is covered in cards and they’re flipping, but there’s nothing on the other side.
javabeans: OHHH. Each card has two sides, one blue and one white. You’re supposed to flip to your side, and at the end of the round the team with the most cards in their color wins. It’s like an exercise in futility, only quantified.
girlfriday: AH! Yes, exercise in futility pretty much sums it up.
javabeans: I kind of think the inventor of this game was a genius. The thought process must’ve been: How do you take rock-scissors-paper and make it less complex?
girlfriday: It does turn kinda funny when people start just sitting down on cards, and then Shi-kyung tackles Joo-won.
javabeans: Then a kid jabs him in the ass. One minute seems really long for this kind of insanity. Ah, and then it’s pizza time. That is a lot of pizza.
girlfriday: Yum. And then after lunch it’s the final baton relay.
javabeans: Do you WANT lots of puking?
girlfriday: Ew, I hadn’t thought it was a bad idea, but now I’m nervous. This is a pretty great relay — there’s a big reversal in the middle, and in the final leg, Kyung-sun very nearly closes the gap. Ran Team wins.
javabeans: Tae-hyun runs like an elf. There’s no other way to put it. He’s all elbows and giggling.
girlfriday: It’s possible he IS an elf.
javabeans: Aw, one of the girls starts crying when they lose. Don’t cry! You’re all getting presents!
girlfriday: T-shirt and picture time. How cute, Mi-ran says that Soccer Girl asked her last night if she was really The Jang Mi-ran, thinking they brought someone who just looks like her.
javabeans: The day comes to a close, and a week later the cameras are on hand to catch the kids’ reactions when they’re presented with photos of the 1N2D trip. Aw. I always feel so bittersweet at moments like this, like how the event was so much more meaningful for the big grown-up stars than for the kids it was meant to entertain. Is that one of those “we’re old now” things? One of many, I suppose.