Santa turns over a new leaf [Year in Review, Part 5]
by Santa Claus
Ho ho hoooo boy. Well, this sure was a rough year for ol’ Nick, what with the ongoing class action reindeer labor lawsuit and the elf uprising and all. It was getting close to Christmas time so I resorted to training some scab caribou to show old Rudolph that he wasn’t the boss of me. And he still isn’t! HE TOTALLY DOES NOT have anything to do with the five-deer pileup collision on the North Pole Turnpike! AT ALL! All I need is a glowing stick-on nose from Amazon and I’ll be back on track to deliver these presents in no time!
Of course, that doesn’t erase the three months I had to spend in rehab with my neck in a brace because an upstart stag doesn’t know how to corner worth a damn… except in the literal way where it erased three months of my life with amnesia. I’m told it was horrible. (This, by the way, was not the rehab I envisioned for myself.)
But what’s the point in making a mountain out of spilled milk? I’ve got a silver lining and a bunch of trees needing tinsel. I’ve decided 400 isn’t too old to teach an old horndog new tricks, and having a positive outlook might be just the thing. I’ve got a new lease on life and an evolved sense of self, and my review philosophy is all about finding the good in the bad, the pearl in my oyster, the Donny to my Marie.
Liar Game: People lie, cheat, and win money. This is the perfect drama.
A New Leaf: I feel your pain, bro. Also, can I get you to represent me in this reindeer case? That would be great.
Let’s Eat: Don’t mind if I do.
Mr. Back: That’s not what I would do with a hot new body, but everyone’s got a right to waste virility in their own personal way, no judgment.
High School King of Savvy: Ah, it was like looking into a mirror. But if Mrs. Claus asks how you knew she’s older, everyone blame it on loose-lipped Rudolph.
Misaeng: Jingle’s bells! The most relatable drama of the year! The pain is palpable and real. Interns these days—you give them one candy cane raise a year, and now they want worker’s comp and pension plans, amirite?
God’s Gift—14 Days: I don’t know what God takes 14 days to deliver one gift, but hey, we can’t all be as awesome as I am.
Witch’s Romance: Everybody deserves love, even if you’re a dried-up old maid.
Pride & Prejudice: Why wouldn’t I love a drama about two of my favorite things?
Secret Love Affair: Piano lessons. Got it.
Temptation I find it admirable that Kwon Sang-woo pretended to be torn about his dilemma. Give that man an elf-made diamond-encrusted nativity scene.
Emergency Couple: I learned valuable lessons about what not to do if Mrs. Claus ever goes through with that divorce.
It’s Okay, It’s Love: Love is the excuse—er, I mean reason—for everything. Go forth and do everything.
Pinocchio: There are people in the world who can’t lie?! Why isn’t something being done to find a cure? Is there a fund I can contribute to? Poor, brave girl. We’ll get through this together!
Secret Door: There was technically a door, and it was technically secret, so it was technically not false advertising.
She’s So Lovable: A heartwarming tale about a man and his dog.
Age of Feeling: A heartwarming tale about a man and his fisticuffs.
Golden Cross: A heartwarming tale about a man, his revenge, and his banking institution.
Cantabile Tomorrow: Aw, a heartwarming tale of stalking gone right.
Marriage Not Dating: It was cute, even if I think you’ve got your priorities backward.
Surplus Princess: Admittedly, I thought there were going to be more princesses in this, but she had a tail and she was hot.
Miss Korea: If I ever quit this Santa gig, I’m going to open a Miss Korea training center beauty salon.
Doctor Stranger: He knew just from her heartbeat that she was his one true love! How original!
My Spring Days: Oh wait.
Dr. Frost: Wow, he’s certainly had a lot of work done since I saw him last. But he looks great?
Reset: So, how exactly does one learn to hypnotize people into doing their bidding? I’m asking for a friend.
Bad Guys: A drama where the bad guys are the good guys? Where do I sign up?
Iron Man: I don’t know why you’d want to get rid of your rage-knives, but if your love is worth it, I guess that’s your sacrifice to make.
Gap-dong: Sure, he got caught in the end, but he had a good twenty years.
You From Another Star: If I knew that A-list actresses liked wormholes… hold on, need to take a detour to Natalie Portman’s house… brb.
- 2014 Year in Review, Part 4: And the award goes to… (girlfriday’s review)
- 2014 Year in Review, Part 3: The art of lie detection (HeadsNo2’s review)
- 2014 Year in Review, Part 2: Stocking stuffers for the drama addict (gummimochi’s review)
- 2014 Year in Review, Part 1: Omg is it that time of year already? (javabeans’ review)
- 2014 Beanie Awards: Vote for your favorite dramas of the year
- Santa presents: Things I Learned from Dramaland
- 2013 Year In Review, Part 5: 2013 Editors’ Picks
- 2013 Year In Review, Part 4: Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice? (girlfriday’s review)
- 2013 Year In Review, Part 3: A Year in Compliment Sandwiches? (HeadsNo2’s review)
- 2013 Year In Review, Part 2: I Watched for You (gummimochi’s review)
- 2013 Year In Review, Part 1: Cheers to Dramaland 2013? (javabeans’ review)
- 2013 Beanie Awards: Vote for your favorite dramas of the year