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This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 7

When Soo-yeon makes a difficult decision, Hyun-woo is left scrambling to hold on to his marriage, which forces him to take a hard look at his own faults in the process. In the meantime, Joon-young fixates on a new obsession and debates on whether to come clean with his friends and colleagues. Thank goodness these guys have Bo-young around to provide some cool logic, though her solutions may not be what they were hoping for.

 

 
EPISODE 7 RECAP

Hyun-woo heads home, intending to follow TUNAMAYO’s advice and have a conversation with his wife. Instead, he arrives to find an empty house and divorce papers waiting for him, with Soo-yeon’s wedding ring sitting on top. He immediately calls his mom and is relieved to hear that Joon-soo is with her. His mom tells him that Soo-yeon said she needed some time alone, revealing that her daughter-in-law had told her the truth. She advises him to think about Joon-soo, and whether he wants his son to live in a broken home.

After he hangs up with his mother, Hyun-woo gets a text from Soo-yeon saying that she was afraid if they met in person, then they would end up fighting again. She continues that she doesn’t want to hurt him anymore, and asks him to contact her when he has his feelings sorted out. Hyun-woo angrily rips up the divorce papers, yelling, “Why do I have to get a divorce? Why me? What is it that I did so wrong? What the hell did I do that was so wrong?!”

Yoon-ki has his newest target in a hotel room, but the woman isn’t feeling very amorous and fends off his advances. Looking out the window, she says the lights remind her of Okinawa, and sighs that if she were to go there, then her heart and body would unfreeze. Yoon-ki jumps up like a dog that just heard the sound of kibble: “Even your body? Let’s Go!” They make plans to go that weekend.

Yoon-ki returns home and whines to Ara about the “nighttime hiking trip” that a certain Judge Kim is making him go on this weekend. He keeps ranting about how he’s so upset since he and Ara had planned to be together this weekend, and he’s really disappointed. Ever that supportive (and suspicious) wife, Ara sends her grouching husband to go wash up… then proceeds to sniff/inspect his clothing, finding a long, female hair on his tie.

Joon-young is well and truly drunk after the team dinner that night and sits crying to himself while an exasperated Bo-young watches over him. Sobbing about Hyun-woo’s pitiful life, he wails at Bo-young that she has no idea how pathetic his own life really is. Bo-young just sighs, asking if this is revenge for him taking her home when she was drunk. Heh.

Looking like she wants to be anywhere but there, Bo-young dashes off for a moment and returns to put a hangover cure in his hand and two heat packs in his jacket. She asks her semiconscious colleage to understand that this is the best she can do.

She starts to walk off but then comes back a moment later, looking torn.

Hyun-woo decides to stay the night at Joon-young’s again, wandering in and ranting that Soo-yeon asked for a divorce… only to realize that Joon-young isn’t home.

Back on the street, Bo-young walks away from Joon-young after wrapping a cardboard fence around him and sticking a post-it note to his forehead with the message: “Please wake me up at 7:30 a.m. I have to go to work.” Well, I suppose she tried.

Having asked her boss for a day off, Soo-yeon waits at a train station, bag in hand. Meanwhile, Hyun-woo sits amidst a clutter of empty beer cans, reading the responses to his post. More than a little tipsy, Hyun-woo scoffs at all the compliments to TUNAMAYO’s advice and types out a reply, accusing TUNAMAYO of just wanting attention.

All his many fans see his post and eagerly tune in to read Hyun-woo’s story, which is a criticism of TUNAMAYO’s bad advice. Hyun-woo flops back down on the couch while the tide turns in the chat room, with everyone criticizing TUNAMAYO for butting in.

Morning dawns, and a hungover Hyun-woo answers a call from Joon-young, who yells that their show’s premiere episode managed to get eleven percent ratings (translation: pretty good). Hyun-woo groggily asks where Joon-young is, but when Joon-young answers that he’s at home, Hyun-woo points out that he’s at his home, leading Joon-young to ask, “…Then, where am I?”

Cut to: Joon-young waking up in his cardboard fort on the sidewalk, getting stared at by pedestrians. Rocketing up, he finds the post-it that Bo-young left and sees that a number of people have added their own notes. The replies range from unhelpfully telling him to go to work, to apologizing for taking a sip of his drink. Hah.

Joon-young meets Hyun-woo for a convenience store breakfast, all the while ranting at Bo-young for leaving him in the cold when he took such good care of her before. His tirade is cut short when Hyun-woo shares that Soo-yeon asked for a divorce.

All ready to be flustered on his hyung’s behalf, Joon-young’s righteous fury gets interrupted when the pair overhear two customers discussing TOYCRANE’s latest post, gossiping that he’s about to get dumped by the woman who divorced him.

Hyun-woo and Joon-young quickly duck down, and Joon-young reads over Hyun-woo’s post, awed that he’s become a celebrity overnight. Joon-young asks if he’s really getting a divorce, but Hyun-woo snarls back that he’ll never get a divorce: “I’ll keep her by my side until I’ve sucked all the happiness out of her!” Yup, that’s healthy.

Soo-yeon arrives at her father’s house in the countryside. He greets her warmly, but there seems to be a polite tension between them. Soo-yeon’s dad makes her some food while Soo-yeon goes back to her childhood room, looking at all her old photos.

Hyun-woo and Joon-young arrive at work, and the whole team is abuzz to see the positive response that their program is receiving. Hyun-woo encourages everyone to keep working hard, but Joon-young is busy eerily glaring at Bo-young.

Back in the country, Soo-yeon’s dad brings a tray of food to his daughter’s room, but finds her sound asleep on the floor.

Getting ready for his Okinawa getaway, Yoon-ki goes to a tanning salon. He gets called away soon after by one of his many girlfriends. The two meet in a car, with Yoon-ki bemoaning how all the location shooting has led him to getting a tan in winter. Puh.

His girlfriend whines that he’s been ignoring her lately and asks him to go on a trip with her, but when he agrees that of course they should go, she grins and chirps that they should go this weekend. Since this clashes with Yoon-ki’s Okinawa plans, he distracts the young thing with a make-out session, covering her protests with rather forceful kisses.

Hyun-woo comes across Joon-young crying over his phone. Hyun-woo disbelievingly asks if he’s crying on his behalf (again), but it turns out that this time, Joon-young’s sobbing over the thoughtful and well-meaning comment that TUANMAYO posted in response to Hyun-woo’s criticism.

Joon-young is in awe of the magnanimous response to Hyun-woo’s tirade and starts berating his hyung for his harsh words, but Hyun-woo is more concerned to hear that TUNAMAYO responded to his new posts.

Back at his desk, Hyun-woo reads TUNAMAYO’s response: “You must be devastated. Wouldn’t the reason that you’re so angry be that you still love your wife? No matter what choice you make, please choose the one that leaves you with the least regret.” Hyun-woo remains unmoved by the touching words, interpreting it as a refusal on TUNAMAYO’s part to admit she was wrong in front of the other netizens.

In contrast, Joon-young has tipped over into worship mode, praising the glory of TUNAMAYO. (Oy.) Ignoring his converted hoobae, Hyun-woo angrily writes back that he followed TUNAMAYO’s suggestion, and now his wife is asking for a divorce.

At his post, all of Hyun-woo’s fans tune in, reading as Hyun-woo continues writing that he tried to be understanding of his wife and do all the things TUNAMAYO suggested, but now she’s asking for a divorce anyway.

Yoon-ki stops by the team’s office, and the sight of his browned complexion causes Hyun-woo and Joon-young to ask if he got hit by lightning. Yoon-ki’s airily explains today’s tanning trend, but Bo-young interrupts to tell them that their new husband for the show is here to be interviewed.

The team’s new spouse proves to be no weakling, angrily saying that his wife had an affair and is now asking him for a divorce. Hyun-woo and Joon-young exchange glances over the parallels as the man continues to yell that he’ll never give his wife the divorce.

Yoon-ki steps in to point out that as the cheating spouse, the man’s wife has no grounds to ask for a divorce. However, the man admits that, actually, he cheated on his wife three years prior. (Pot, meet kettle.)

After the interview, Joon-young can’t understand it: They both cheated on each other, so why won’t they just divorce? Bo-young says that it’s because a divorce means everything is over, and the man clearly still loves his wife.

At Joon-young’s disbelieving look, Bo-young points out, “Seeing how he’s still getting that angry, he must still love her.” Her words jolt Joon-young with how similar they sound to TUNAMAYO’s advice.

Soo-yeon is awakened from her deep sleep and heads out to her father, smiling to hear him playing the harmonica. Soo-yeon asks if he isn’t lonely living out here by himself, but he assures her that he’s fine before asking after his grandson.

The father-daughter moment is interrupted when Hyun-woo calls his father-in-law. Fishing to see if his wife is there, Hyun-woo keeps the conversation light, but Soo-yeon’s dad doesn’t reveal that she’s with him.

Yoon-ki is having some trouble keeping up with all his mistresses. Exhausted from his girlfriend, he tries to beg off on a date with the flower arrangement teacher, but the woman says they can just meet over the weekend. Unwilling to compromise his Okinawa trip, Yoon-ki gives in, and the two retire for hanky-panky.

Struggling to stay awake, Yoon-ki goes bathing suit shopping with the client he’s trying to seduce, who seems to like the idea of seeing him in an itty bitty speedo.

The film team discusses whether to use the two cheating spouses as this week’s topic, but Joon-young can’t stop staring at Bo-young, convinced she’s TUNAMAYO. After fumbling through the meeting, he asks Bo-young if she’s a member of the stocks chat room (where Hyun-woo posted). When she affirms it, he tentatively inquires if her username is a food.

Bo-young nods, asking if he knows her ID, and Joon-young looks like his world is imploding. After Bo-young leaves, Joon-young stares after her, whimpering that his precious TUNAMAYO can’t possibly be her.

Oh boy. In preparation for his new speedo, Yoon-ki goes to get a Brazilian wax. He’s happy to see that his attendant is a pretty woman, but she’s soon replaced by a burly man who unmercifully yanks the wax strips from Yoon-ki’s not-so-happy place (eeouch!).

At the team office, Joon-young grins/glares at Bo-young, believing he’s caught on to her TUNAMAYO identity. The grinning glare is so creepy that she confronts him over it, and Joon-young just goes off, calling her a hypocrite and demanding back his “days’ worth of touched feelings.” Bo-young just sighs to see Joon-young reach yet another level of crazy.

On a roll, Joon-young “outs” Bo-young as TUNAMAYO, whisper-yelling at her, “You knew that Hyun-woo is TOYCRANE and posted comments while pretending to be someone else, didn’t you?” He grins again, asking how long she’s known, but Bo-young snarks back, “What would I know? I just found out that [Hyun-woo] is TOYCRANE from you.”

Joon-young still doesn’t believe her, so she walks off, shaking her head at his antics and calling him a mental patient. Yeesh, the laugh he gives to her retreating form is alarmingly insane.

Hyun-woo and Joon-young share some couch time, both pouting over their prospective problems. Joon-young is still convinced that Bo-young is TUNAMAYO and sends an angry post about her, determined to make her respond to him.

Meanwhile, Soo-yeon turns her phone back on and calls Hyun-woo, who leaps up to answer it.

Hyun-woo immediately starts a mini-rant on the phone, asking how she could just take off and leave divorce papers behind. He reminds her about Joon-soo, and yells that he hasn’t done anything wrong to be punished with a divorce.

Soo-yeon asks him what he wants to do then, but Hyun-woo can only answer that he doesn’t know. He says he can no longer tell what’s right or wrong, but he doesn’t want Soo-yeon to decide on her own either. Aww, his words are angry, but more than anything, he sounds scared that his wife won’t come back.

Out of the blue, Soo-yeon asks her husband, “You’ve never cheated on me?” Hyun-woo stands shocked, unable to answer as Soo-yeon tells him to forget she asked before hanging up.

Hyun-woo wanders back to the couch in a daze and asks Joon-young, “Have I ever had an affair?” He tells him about Soo-yeon’s question, and how he got tongue-tied and couldn’t answer.

Because he couldn’t answer her right away, Hyun-woo starts second-guessing himself, telling Joon-young in a puzzled voice that surely, if he’d had an affair, he should remember… right?

Yoon-ki waddles to dinner with Ara, lying that his limping is due to pulling a muscle and not from have the hair yanked from little Yoon-ki. Ara drops the hint that her father was planning to come for dinner this weekend and was very disappointed to have to cancel, which has Yoon-ki hastily telling her to reschedule. He promises that he can come home in time for dinner with his father-in-law.

Ara starts to call her father to ask him to make Judge Kim cancel the “hiking trip” anyways, so Yoon-ki wincingly scoops her up and carries her to the bedroom, distracting her the best way he knows how. Later, as Ara is sleeping, Yoon-ki lies awake with a nosebleed from exhaustion. As a string of texts from his many mistresses beep onto his phone, Yoon-ki whimpers, “Because of Okinawa, I’m burnt to ashes.”

Still at her father’s house, Soo-yeon starts to read a book, but stops when she sees that Hyun-woo had written a note on the back page: “Don’t just look at books, come look at the stars with me.”

The sweet message from her husband reminds her of when the two were young. They’d been out looking at the stars, and the young couple had promised each other that, no matter how busy they get in the future with work and family, they’d make time to come look at the stars together.

Back in the present, Soo-yeon tears up at the memory.

The next morning, Joon-young waits for Bo-young with his late night post to TUNAMAYO up on his computer screen. Beckoning Bo-young over, he sighs at the mean things that people will say to each other online, but then gapes when Bo-young immediately writes a response to the mystery post, “I agree with this refreshing comment. Honestly, TUNAMAYO should mind [their] own business.”

Suddenly protective of his beloved TUNAMAYO, Joon-young pouts that they’re just trying to help, not be nosy. Bo-young is unapologetic as she states that the person had no right to butt into other people’s lives. She flounces off with Joon-young yelling after her, “What do you know about TUNAMAYO!?”

Hyun-woo scrolls through his phone as he tries to find out who he cheated with while Joon-young pouts that Bo-young isn’t TUNAMAYO after all. Hyun-woo distractedly says he thought she was TUNAMAYO too, but reveals that her ID is actually PUDDING.

Much relieved now, Joon-young helps Hyun-woo brainstorm over who he may have cheated with, but they come up empty. Joon-young decides that their only option is to ask Yoon-ki, claiming that their friend always remembers not only his own women, but other men’s women.

Unfortunately, the guru of infidelity is a bit of a mess. Joon-young and Hyun-woo even ask the exhausted man if he needs to go to the hospital, but Yoon-ki just groans cryptically that they don’t understand how tiring Okinawa is.

Hyun-woo shares Soo-yeon’s question, and Yoon-ki shoots out a number of establishments that Hyun-woo may have gone to that could be considered cheating (massage parlors, kissing rooms, etc.), but Hyun-woo hasn’t even heard of half those places, so that’s out.

Yoon-ki goes for a different tactic, telling Hyun-woo to picture all the girls he’s met in his life that he found attractive. Hyun-woo starts listing a few (and Yoon-ki and Joon-young immediately start judging him for each one), but then insists that nothing happened with those women.

At a loss, Joon-young suggests that if there wasn’t a woman, was it a man? Heh, Hyun-woo joins the ranks of people calling Joon-young crazy this week.

The time’s come for Soo-yeon to head back home. Her father puts a few dollars in her pocket and tells her to bring Joon-soo out to visit soon. There’s no hug goodbye, but as Soo-yeon’s taxi pulls away, her father follows the car down the driveway, and Soo-yeon can’t hold back her tears.

Joon-young sends a private message to TUNAMAYO that night, telling about how his wife left him and how he’s been living a lie ever since. TUNAMAYO responds by encouraging him to tell his friends, even if some leave his for it: “Don’t be afraid. It might be a good chance to find out who’s most precious to you.”

Yoon-ki finally leaves the office for Okinawa, but he runs into Ara on the way out. Knowing that he didn’t have any hiking gear, she brought some for him. With no choice but to accept it, Yoon-ki shows up at the airport looking like a pack mule on the way to Everest.

Still looking for answers, Joon-young and Hyun-woo ask Bo-young if, to her knowledge, Hyun-woo has ever had an affair. Stumping both of them, she asks what kind of affair they mean. Joon-young argues that an affair is an affair, but Bo-young fires back that there are many different kinds, and even just having your heart flutter can be an form of one.

When Hyun-woo scoffs that every man has had an affair then, Bo-young points out that men don’t show interest in women they don’t want to sleep with, so something as simple as a dinner date could be the basis of an affair.

Hyun-woo reads back through the online posts. Everyone seems to be firmly on his side, saying he did nothing wrong, but Bo-young’s words replay in his head. He calls Soo-yeon’s dad again, and this time the man readily says that Soo-yeon is on her way home now. Hyun-woo breathes a giant sigh of relief.

Soo-yeon picks Joon-soo up, and the little boy asks if his mom is coming home now. The pair are joined by Hyun-woo, who answers that of course she should come home.

Bo-young and Joon-young share a drink and discuss whether Hyun-woo should get divorced. Bo-young can tell that Hyun-woo has great love for his wife and that he bases every decision he makes off of that, but she says that his problem is that he can’t find the right way to tell Soo-yeon how he feels.

Joon-young asks if she got her own divorce for the same reason, and Bo-young states (in her regular blasé fashion) that her husband cheated, so she left him. Joon-young barely has time to choke down this news before Bo-young hits him with her own question, “You don’t have a wife, do you?” Joon-young sits stunned as Bo-young guesses that the story he told about his wife leaving him was true.

Over in Okinawa, Yoon-ki’s conquest is successful, and he and the woman fall into bed together, both blissfully unaware of the typhoon making its way to the island’s coast.

Hyun-woo and Soo-yeon finally sit down to talk, and Hyun-woo apologizes if he ever hurt her by cheating in any way. He admits that he has thought about having an affair before, and if she considered that cheating, then he’s sorry for hurting her.

Soo-yeon doesn’t respond, so Hyun-woo pushes a bit, asking if she cheated for revenge. When she still doesn’t answer, Hyun-woo nearly begs her to tell him the reason, since he’s going crazy wondering what it is.

Soo-yeon slowly answers, “It just… It just happened.” Hyun-woo is understandably frustrated, saying that he thought they were doing well — so how could “it” have just happened?

Soo-yeon answers that she thought they were doing well too, but she never realized how thin she was stretching herself. We see flashes of her daily life as she describes how she went out of her way to smile and be relaxed even when she was exhausted. She adds that she was always running around to pick up Joon-soo and take care of their home while also having a career. She says that she thought that everyone lived like that, so it didn’t matter if she wasn’t particularly happy or unhappy.

It wasn’t until she met Sun-woo and he started noticing how overworked she was that things started to change, she claims. That a stranger could see what she couldn’t made her look at her life differently. He asked her what she wanted to do, and she realized she hadn’t thought about just herself in a long time.

Soo-yeon finishes, saying that she knows it isn’t an excuse. She apologizes again, and annoyed, Hyun-woo asks if she had an affair because he didn’t notice how tired she was. He says that that’s how it is for everyone, pointing out that he hasn’t had an easy life either, but he still makes an effort to help with Joon-soo and the house.

Soo-yeon tries to say that isn’t what she meant, but ends up just apologizing again, saying that she should have told him she was having a hard time. Still, she cries that she can’t face him anymore, and that it’s all too difficult. Taking a breath, she finally tells a stunned Hyun-woo, “Let’s just stop.”

The next day, Typhoon Hera crashes into Okinawa, and Yoon-ki’s new conquest snuggles happily into her morose lover. Realizing that there’s no way to fly back home in this storm, Yoon-ki breaks the fourth wall to whimper a weak “Dammit,” as the soundtrack plays, “This isn’t right, this isn’t right, this isn’t how life is supposed to go…”

 
COMMENTS

It’s sad to see that while Hyun-woo is fighting to hold on to his marriage and understand his wife, Soo-yeon just wants to end it. They’re both reflecting the different sides of a relationship that Bo-young and TUNAMAYO described: a spouse who gets angry still has love for their partner, while someone who calmly accepts the end no longer has any feelings for the other person. Hyun-woo may be hurt and furious with Soo-yeon, but he obviously still loves his wife and doesn’t want to lose her. He’s trying so hard to find a way to get past this that he’s even doubting his own faithfulness, desperately looking for a flaw in himself that could justify his wife’s infidelity. Soo-yeon’s decision to ask for a divorce seems to have shocked him out of his vindictive streak from last week, and now, in spite of her transgression, he’s attempting to work it out and hold onto his family.

In contrast, Soo-yeon is just done with the whole thing. There is no fire or passion to any of her actions, but rather a bleak acceptance that her marriage is over. After however many years of spreading herself too thin added to the stress of the affair coming out in the open, it appears that she would rather end everything and stop the pain rather than fight for whatever might be left. Even when she thought back on their early years together, there was no happiness at the memory — there was just a final sadness, as though it was already over.

I really don’t see the point of Yoon-ki anymore, especially since I’m now so disgusted by his philandering that the only comic relief he provides is when he’s physically injured. I know that he does give a view from the cheating side of the spectrum, but his views on adultery don’t exactly warrant the crazy amount of screen time he’s been getting, especially since his story line isn’t actually going anywhere. If Ara were any closer to discovering the truth or having an affair of her own, then I’d be somewhat invested in their plot line. But at this point, I’m more interested in finding out the identity of TUNAMAYO than watching Yoon-ki get a nosebleed from too much extramarital coitus.

In spite of that small complaint, I’m still loving how this show continues to give a real look at a husband who not only discovered his wife’s affair, but now has to face where their marriage and relationship goes from there. We all grow up hearing that if someone cheats on you, you leave them — no exceptions. But really, there is no template to follow in this situation: You do what is best for you and your partner or family. Sometimes, like TUNAMAYO said, the best you can do is pick the choice that leaves you with the fewest regrets. It may be painful and morally questionable, but life often is.

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Yoon-ki got that Donald Trump chic going on with the orange skin

It's fitting. They both have absolutely no respect for women. I'm sure they'd get along swimmingly.

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I nearly choked on my drink whilst reading the first line lol. (So accurate though !)

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hahahaha..
I know I was about to type something serious..But then I read your comment..All was forgotten..

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Every episode I keep cursing at the guy. For God's sake why he doesn't he just die? I sound like a sadist but it gives me immense pleasure watching him getting hurt lol. But how long would it take for the wife to stop hoping or caring and give him a run for his life.And his friends are more pathetic in being patronizing towards him.Especially when Hyun woo knows ara personally, smh.

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You know, at first I found him amusing, because the way they represent it is so wacky, but now I'm just really sad for his wife. She deserves more from life than just be his servant. And that moment when I saw the similarities between him and Trump just made me have zero tolerance for his character. Seriously, can we skip all his parts and delete his character altogether? Please? I'm begging here.

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I cannot believe this is the same man of "Angry Mom".

What a great actor indeed!

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I so agree with you Candid clown, every time I see yoon-ki on the screen I get so mad and disgusted, I really don't know how a person can be like that, how can he be this low! And these women, how can they fall for that?! I can't watch him anymore, I just can't!

I feel for Hyun-woo, decisions are never easy when there are kids involved, and just when he decided to hear Soo-yeon and work this out, she made her decision and left him, I'm sure she thought a lot about it but I don't think that was enough, it was sad how he started questioning himself just to justify what Soo-yeon did!

I love Joon-young!

Thank you CandidClown for the recap.

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I, too, dislike Yoon-Ki. He is disgusting and gross. But I also wonder what is driving him. Is he truly just a reprehensible man or is there an underlying pain driving him? It is entirely possible that he is just a cheating fool. But given the way this show is presenting the characters in their current states and then slowly revealing more about them, I wouldn't be surprised if they give him a reason for his philandering either. (But honestly, I would kind of prefer he just be a disgusting cheater because there isn't always a reason, some people are just cheaters.)

On a side note, as a still somewhat new-ish drama watcher, does JTBC always have such interesting character-driven dramas? I have really enjoyed the dramas I've seen from them this year and hate that they get low reviews because of being cable.

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JTBC don't have a lot of shows but theirs are usually... different? I don't know how to describe it. They have misses too. No channel is perfect. But your comment made me check the list of their dramas and I saw a lot more positives than bad ones in there.

I also see a lot of raves for their variety shows too.

If you're liking their offerings so far, you should check their old dramas. Cruel City and Yoona's Street are my favs. :)

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Pretty sure Ara is Tunamayo

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That's what I was thinking right from the start too. She can't possibly be just using her phone for posting pictures...

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Yup, that's what I think too!

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At one point I thought she even sounds like Ara. But since we don't really know the gender of Tuna Mayo it could also be Hyun Woo's boss.

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I was thinking that it could be sooyeon, but after the most recent episode, i thought if its not her then who, why is there this mystery going around tunamayo for it to be brought twice. Then thought of all characters and i thought, it must be ara. She is the only one who we dont know much. It seems there will be a progression to yoonki ara couple, too.

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Omg that totally makes sense! She has already got the poise factor..and added to that she's calm and composed all the time.

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The woman whom they always show during the message board scenes -- the one who is sitting in the dark with something like a blanket over her head -- that definitely looks like Ara.

I always assumed we were being lead to believe that woman is TUNAMAYO, and that it was quite obvious it was Ara...?

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(At any rate, considering the caliber of that actress and the nature of her previous roles, she'll be laying down the law sometime soon)

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Wow - Ara being TunaMayo did not even occur to me! Does this mean she had an affair? Because TM's posts seemed like they came from someone who had an affair themselves. I'll have to go back and review them - maybe I was misinterpreting them.

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This is a really great theory.

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PLEASE help! Am I right in thinking that her name in Korean is part of "I know"? I've heard "ara" and seen it subbed as "I know". Is that correct?

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I think you are correct.

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Pretty sure. Otherwise, there is almost no point and existance of this couple.

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Yup, the first thing I thought. It has to be her. I'm so vexed with her philandering husband and wish she'd just break it off. This isn't a marriage.

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That's an awesome theory.

Then it'd be more awesome if she finally catches Yoon-ki cheating and instead of being the calm, pro-communication TUNAMAYO, she goes all-out war on his cheating ass. XD

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I just started watching this drama this weekend and I've been loving it so far especially the soundtrack. I would never get tired of listening to Urban Zakapa's I Don't Love You ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭

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THIS !! The circumstances in this show are depressing to say the least but the song choices and OST just helps add to it. I've got both Park Won's & Urban Zakapa's songs on repeat now or days.

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Yesss their songs are so good! The whole OST has been great so far. I like 2BiC – Mr Trouble too.

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To be honest, I find it hard not to feel for Soo-yeon. I don't want to excuse her actions or say that what she did was acceptable but she honestly does seem absolutely exhausted.

I know that Hyun-woo had his own issues with work and whatnot, but while he repeatedly says that he used to help Soo-yeon with the household chores, we don't really see much of that. And what little he does is blown out of proportion. Like in an earlier episode where he drops off his son at the bus stop, the women coo over him for being such a good father when he honestly just fulfilled a responsibility that ever parent has. Hyun-woo may have used those praises or similar things to inflate his ego, because "unlike other men" he helped around the house. Soo-yeon had to run to pick up Joon-soo after school, had to cook, had to constantly chat and interact with the other mothers. This may be what is expected because "everyone lives this way" but it doesn't mean it's right.

I just think that we're being a little harsh on Soo-yeon without really knowing the full picture because Hyun-woo clearly has his share of faults, and while that doesn't mean Soo-yeon's affair is alright, he isn't really the ideal husband he painted himself to be. And I'm happy that he's starting to realize that and is perhaps willing to work on his marriage.

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+ 1000

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She betrayed his trust, humiliated him in the worst way possible and lied to his face for half a year, without caring how it would affect him or their child (so much for "putting them first").
She was overworked, partly because of choices she made. He took her for granted and didn't support her enough. He was also not a mind reader. They had problems communicating. Those are simple problems of work life balance that, as he pointed out, basically everybody has (he should have been more attentive, and while she did chose her lifestyle, there is no reason they couldn't have rescheduled it so that she could enjoy work, home life and alone-time).He loved his wife. He took her somewhat for granted. He could have been more attentive. He did help out occasionally, but not enough. Now that he has discovered that he had been led by the nose for the last six months, he is angry and wants to verbally provoke his wife. He is basically lashing out, and it's not really about the trigger, but about what she did to him. One has to point out that he has just discovered the betrayal, humiliation and deception by catching her red handed, so it's not exactly inexcusable that he might be filled with anger.

Now, when I see people saying things like "yes, she did cheat but" or "yes, he is hurting but", I think that they are either insane or hypocritical assholes. There is no place on Earth where the emotional trauma of learning that you had been deceived for the last half a year is morally equivalent to having angry outbusts after learning that fact. It's basically an objective truths that there is no universe where her actions are "understandable" and he is completely unsympathetic because he is angry. The differences are many. For starters, these are qualitatively different acts in terms of severity, quantifiable as the emotional harm caused to the person. Then there is the fact that him being angry with her is completely within reason and a perfectly justifiable response. I can essentially guarantee that none of the smug assholes currently finger-pointing as monday armchair quarterbacks would react the same way, if not worse. We are human beings, so it's not believable that keyboard warriors will proclaim Christological equanimity and feign outrage. By the same token, I can almost guarantee that no one would act like she did, this is empirically proven by the fact that in the modern world most people have busy lives, and yet most people don't betray and deceive the people who love them.

Also, regarding the "putting him and the kid first". I would say that six months of not giving a damn about the way her actions would affect her husband and child are more than enough to make the contrary case in terms of selfishness. You can eat vegetables all days for years, but if you eat cows for six months, there is no way you can pretend to be a vegetarian. I think that this is the morally normal way to approach the situation, and I can't really...

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Also, regarding the "putting him and the kid first". I would say that six months of not giving a damn about the way her actions would affect her husband and child are more than enough to make the contrary case in terms of selfishness. You can eat vegetables all days for years, but if you eat cows for six months, there is no way you can pretend to be a vegetarian. I think that this is the morally normal way to approach the situation, and I can't really empathize not only with her characters, but also with some of the comments. It's like saying, yes, she did torture and shoot the dog, but there's worse, her husband passed when the light was red. Err... the first is much, much worse than the latter?

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Sometimes people get blindsided and think they know a person better than they do. This does not mean that their love isn't genuine, and a normal human being would have some understanding that even if people are a bit arrogant and self centered, it doesn't mean they are a devil. If they consider that it should follow that all their relationships should degenerate into betrayal, humiliation and lies -if that is a reasonable expectation-... well, I truly hope that the people who are making this false equivalence that they said it here first: unless you are perfect, don't bother hoping for any sliver of honesty or respect. Hope they can sing the same tune something similar happens to them in the future. Maybe the will discover that they, too, are not perfect

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Consider that some texts were all she needed to catch his attention and alert him that there was a problem. Not *that* oblivious and self centered, right? Could have been better. But he was not *that* dense. Imagine what she could have done had she explicitly told him she had an issue when she finally realized she was tired, rather than playing bs guessing games like a fucking teenager and pretend that he read her mind. The other guy was coming at it from a fresh perspective, sometimes the people we see less clearly are those closer to us (which is why it could very well happen that other people know someone has an affair before his partner does). It might be a higher emotional intelligence, a fresh perspective or chance. It doesn't say much about them morally (the fact that they would be willing to betray their spouse, humiliate them, and lie to their faces, with no case for how it would affect their partner or their children, does).

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I agree that people are being a tad harsh. I think her desire to end their relationship is not that she wants to end it. She can't find a way to rebuild since she's so guilt-ridden. What happens when your life finally overwhelms you to the breaking point of having an affair? Not due to a cheating spouse, but perhaps one who neglected as time wore on? It doesn't justify her actions yet her reason is understandable (though not necessarily relatable). She would have to forgive herself before making it work again with her husband.

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I don't agree that they are being a tad harsh. If you do something like that to a person, you can't expect them to treat you well in return. And he just discovered her half-a-year deception, catching her red-handed. He has every right to be angry, *everyone* would react like that in their position, something they would have to admit were they not too busy monday-morning-quarterbacking (by contrast, most people wouldn't deceive someone they love for half a year). It's like grieving after a funeral, people don't have the right to expect you to crack jokes on the return trip to the cemetery. You can't betray, humiliate and deceive someone, and then expect them to treat you civilly, as if nothing happened.

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She is a symbol of exhausted woman. It is sad to see her actually while being mad at her.

Man is simple-minded, but woman is more complex. Man won't be able to understand woman unless woman expressing herself, and also the same the other way around.

Both need to work on their marriage, communicating and understanding are the key point to save their relationship. I personally disagree with her decision to end their marriage without trying to do something.

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I can't really think of anything more morally bankrupt to say than this. It's completely backwards. "I don't want to excuse", then proceed to make excuses. "I understand... but...". No, you obviously don't. I am not making like of the condition by calling that autistic screetching: this is basically lacking theory of mind. That ought to become the next "I am not racist, but". It's sure to be followed by grandstanding bs, diminishing, euphemizing weasel words and facts spinning. Oh, and victim blaming, too. I find the lack of empathy for the protagonist to be kind of unbelievable. *Everyone* would react like that in their position, something they would have to admit were they not too busy monday-morning-quarterbacking (by contrast, most people wouldn't deceive someone they love for half a year).

First of all, there is no comparison between what they did, but the order of severity is tilted in the other direction. She betrayed his trust, humiliated him and lied to his face for the last half a year, without caring about how it would affect him or their child, and would have continued doing so, had he not caught her red handed. Nothing he could say to her could even come close to humiliating and hurting her in a comparable way. That's simply not the moral equivalent of what she did.

I view things like physical abuse as points of no return in a relationship. Lying to someone to his face for month on end is on that spectrum. In divorce law, there is a concept of "fault divorce". Cruelty (phisical abuse) and adultery being fault conditions. It's on a different moral scale, and just like I wouldn't put "he hit her, but she is always verbally attacking him", I wouldn't put a verbal fight with another person on the same level of breaking someone's trust and humiliating deceiving him for months on end. She was tired and he wasn't perfect. You might argue with someone and be both at fault. If he punches you in the face, he can't blame it on the argument, it was his choice.

Lastly, there is the fact that *just* discovered it. This is something that just happened. He has every right to be angry at her. If you treat someone like shit, you can't complain that they treat you like shit in return. It's in no way unjust or unfair, you reap what you sow. Or, put otherwise, it's perfectly fair for him to be unfair in this circumstance. It's not rocket sience, if you put people through this kind of pain, you can't expect them to like you and treat you well. It's like grieving after a funeral, people don't have the right to expect you to crack jokes on the return trip to the cemetery. You can't betray, humiliate and deceive someone, and then expect them to treat you civilly, as if nothing happened.

I am not against them splitting up, but it's completely absurd that she would be the one asking for divorce (after hurting and deceiving him as she did, she can't exactly be outraged that he would tell her at any change how low...

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I am not against them splitting up, but it's completely absurd that she would be the one asking for divorce (after hurting and deceiving him as she did, she can't exactly be outraged that he would tell her at any change how low of a person he think she is... she had his trust, she squandered it, now she can't complain that he won't trust her and always think the worse of her -she gave him ample reason to make it logical to prefer that heuristic-) when it should be him that doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. Though, of course, he should jump at the chance.

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I really get irritated to see those things discussed in the same breath, as if lying to someone's face for six months straight, betraying and humiliating him, would be somewhat comparable to . I think that we wouldn't be talking about this if it was something more openly cruel like outright domestic abuse. But in my eyes, it's a morally unacceptable behavior on the same continuum. Meaning that it's *really* fucked up, not *a little* fucked up. It's not a verbal fight or beign oblivious to someone's issues. I also have to note that Sun Woo was the *only* one that noticed (her son and her other friends were equally oblivious, which to me makes your unfairly critical assessment of her husband -coupled with a weasly, slithery minimizing of her actions- dubious at best). Also, you probably don't have teenage kids, or your assumption that you should be able to perfectly understand and introspect someone you love if you just chose to, even if they don't tell you anything, impossible to mantain without laughing.

Communication is key to a relationship, but honesty and basic respect have to be assumed. She could have legitimely left him, but deceiving him was unexcusable.

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To complete the metaphor, I would say that the guy suffers from a variant of battered wife syndrome. He was better than the other husband, which puts things in perspective... I mean, not that we want to follow the lowest common denominator, but the charge against him from some commenters (and himself) is *literally* that he is not perfect. If this he was one of my female friends I would seriously be worried about what else she would be willing to accept from the relationship while being paralyzed by self blame and holding herself to an absurd standard (and excusing away the boyfriend's behavior). He is in no physical risk, but it's basically the same attitude and the same dynamic of unreasonable expectations and being unable to let go of a toxic situation.

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This refers to the him in the future, not to the relatively, if not introspective, one we see here

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The problem with his statement that "Everyone is exhausted" and "Everyone lives that way" is that he is not part of that "everyone" he is making reference to.

Like you said, he feels that he has earned himself the title of a good husband because he has chipped in and helped out with some of the house chores and child rearing, etc. But what he (and a lot of people) don't realise is there's a difference between helping out because it's part of your responsibility to do so and helping out when it is convenient for you to help out.

Because at the end of the day when it is not convenient for either one of them to carry out their responsibility as parents, Soo Yeon is the one obliged to fetch their child amidst busy schedule, or hold up her work to go back and cook for the family or do the laundry and put their child to bed despite the exhaustion and the pending workload.

And the saddest part of all of this is the fact that she (and scarily many people) believes she doesn't really have the right to complain because all this is essentially what a Mom/wife is supposed to do anyways. You getting a "good husband" who "helps out" is a privilege you need to thank your lucky stars for getting.

So is it that surprising that she is so obtuse and reluctant to explain herself when she feels like her excuse for her affair is simply invalid?

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Strongly agree on this.

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"Everyone is exhausted" and "everyone lives that way" are completely fair statements. That he may or may not be part of that "everyone" does in no way constitute a "problem", a claim's truth doesn't change based on who states it (besides, while an unappreciative asshole, he is not lazying on the couch all day contributing nothing). I might be a billionaire and argue that being short of money doesn't entitle anyone to rob a bank. There is no contradiction in that.

Also being an unhappreciative asshole might mean you deserve her to leave you. It doesn't mean you deserve to have your trust betrayed, and to be lied to your face. You are not owed love, but you are owed the bare minimum of honesty and respect. He was not perfect. Does this mean he deserved to be cheated on? No. Let alone deserve, is her reaction a justifiable leap from the sorvable initial problem of bad communication? No. Making him cook would make him a better husband, but it doesn't mean he would be any more or less deserving of being hurt, humiliated and deceived the way he was. There is simply no proportionality.

The post above basically concede his point. without apparently realizing that it destroys his ad-hominem argument. Working women that have to take care of the house are overworked, assholes husbands help less than they should and he was actually one of the "good ones" in that, while being an unappreciative asshole that took her for granted, he did have a job and helped a little. That's basically the claim he was making, and you will notice that it's not as if people generally respond by having affairs. That's because it's not a reasonable way to respond.

Having to deal with stresses and issues doesn't give you a free pass to hurt, humiliate and deceive people who love you and have not hurt you in any way. We understand the path from A to B, and call people that behave like that, taking their frustrations out on others, assholes. She feels that her excuse for her affair is invalid for a very good reason: because it is (for the reason explained by her husband and that you yourself confirmed).

Let alone working women, life balance is something people in general struggle with. People need to take their minds off their concerns. They might consider better time management, exercise or meditation. There is no justifiable leap from that to betraying your husband, humiliating him and lying to his face for half a year, it's simply not one of the available options. Plus, a lover doesn't add extra hours. In the time she spent with him she could have just as easily gotten some me-time doing yoga.

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Ultimately, I take issue with calling her exhaustion, or lack of communication (that they both contibuted to... he should have been more attentive, but he can't be expected to be a mind reader), or any of their issues, which could have legitimely lead to a breakup, the "reason" or "excuse" for her action. She did what she did because she chose to. Saying to life is hard is banally true. If you are hungry, you can either beat up someone and steal his food, or go to a restaurant. There are the circumstance, and there are choices to deal with them. What you do doesn't depend on the circumstance, but on the choice. Most people would have chosen differently.

If you are in an argument, you can be both in the wrong. If you escalate by throwing a punch, then you can't refer back to the discussion and say that you were both in the wrong about the previous argument. The punch is a separate thing, and only the assaulter is responsible for his own actions. He doesn't get to claim that "he started it", he is not in kindergarden. The same way I wouldn't excuse domestic violence on the grounds of stresses and misunderstanding, I wouldn't accept those as justifications for humiliating and deceiving a person for months on end.

He, and people in general, should be more appreciative. That doesn't come close to being an excuse for what she did.

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Sometimes people get blindsided and think they know a person better than they do. This does not mean that their love isn't genuine, and a normal human being would have some understanding that even if people are a bit arrogant and self centered, it doesn't mean they are a devil. If they consider that it should follow that all their relationships should degenerate into betrayal, humiliation and lies -if that is a reasonable expectation-... well, I truly hope that the people who are making this false equivalence that they said it here first: unless you are perfect, don't bother hoping for any sliver of honesty or respect. Hope they can sing the same tune something similar happens to them in the future. Maybe the will discover that they, too, are not perfect

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Consider that some texts were all she needed to catch his attention and alert him that there was a problem. Not *that* oblivious and self centered, right? Could have been better. But he was not *that* dense. Imagine what she could have done had she explicitly told him she had an issue when she finally realized she was tired, rather than playing bs guessing games like a fucking teenager and pretend that he read her mind. The other guy was coming at it from a fresh perspective, sometimes the people we see less clearly are those closer to us (which is why it could very well happen that other people know someone has an affair before his partner does). It might be a higher emotional intelligence, a fresh perspective or chance. It doesn't say much about them morally (the fact that they would be willing to betray their spouse, humiliate them, and lie to their faces, with no case for how it would affect their partner or their children, does).

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Damn, that pretty much summarized all of my feelings in a much more coherent way :)

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"Everyone is exhausted" and "everyone lives that way" are completely fair statements. That he may or may not be part of that "everyone" does in no way constitute a "problem", a claim's truth doesn't change based on who states it (besides, while an unappreciative asshole, he is not lazying on the couch all day contributing nothing). I might be a billionaire and argue that being short of money doesn't entitle anyone to rob a bank. There is no contradiction in that.

Also being an unhappreciative asshole might mean you deserve her to leave you. It doesn't mean you deserve to have your trust betrayed, and to be lied to your face. You are not owed love, but you are owed the bare minimum of honesty and respect. He was not perfect. Does this mean he deserved to be cheated on? No. Let alone deserve, is her reaction a justifiable leap from the sorvable initial problem of bad communication? No. Making him cook would make him a better husband, but it doesn't mean he would be any more or less deserving of being hurt, humiliated and deceived the way he was. There is simply no proportionality.

The post above basically concede his point. without apparently realizing that it destroys his ad-hominem argument. Working women that have to take care of the house are overworked, assholes husbands help less than they should and he was actually one of the "good ones" in that, while being an unappreciative asshole that took her for granted, he did have a job and helped a little. That's basically the claim he was making, and you will notice that it's not as if people generally respond by having affairs. That's because it's not a reasonable way to respond.

Having to deal with stresses and issues doesn't give you a free pass to hurt, humiliate and deceive people who love you and have not hurt you in any way. We understand the path from A to B, and call people that behave like that, taking their frustrations out on others, assholes. She feels that her excuse for her affair is invalid for a very good reason: because it is (for the reason explained by her husband and that you yourself confirmed).

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Let alone working women, life balance is something people in general struggle with. People need to take their minds off their concerns. They might consider better time management, exercise or meditation. There is no justifiable leap from that to betraying your husband, humiliating him and lying to his face for half a year, it's simply not one of the available options. Plus, a lover doesn't add extra hours. In the time she spent with him she could have just as easily gotten some me-time doing yoga.

Ultimately, I take issue with calling her exhaustion, or lack of communication (that they both contibuted to... he should have been more attentive, but he can't be expected to be a mind reader), or any of their issues, which could have legitimely lead to a breakup, the "reason" or "excuse" for her action. She did what she did because she chose to. Saying to life is hard is banally true. If you are hungry, you can either beat up someone and steal his food, or go to a restaurant. There are the circumstance, and there are choices to deal with them. What you do doesn't depend on the circumstance, but on the choice. Most people would have chosen differently.

If you are in an argument, you can be both in the wrong. If you escalate by throwing a punch, then you can't refer back to the discussion and say that you were both in the wrong about the previous argument. The punch is a separate thing, and only the assaulter is responsible for his own actions. He doesn't get to claim that "he started it", he is not in kindergarden. The same way I wouldn't excuse domestic violence on the grounds of stresses and misunderstanding, I wouldn't accept those as justifications for humiliating and deceiving a person for months on end. He has the right to act morally superior in this istance because on balance, while an asshole, he is.

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"Everyone is exhausted" and "everyone lives that way" are completely fair statements. That he may or may not be part of that "everyone" does in no way constitute a "problem", a claim's truth doesn't change based on who states it (besides, while an unappreciative asshole, he is not lazying on the couch all day contributing nothing). I might be a billionaire and argue that being short of money doesn't entitle anyone to rob a bank. There is no contradiction in that.

Also being an unhappreciative asshole might mean you deserve her to leave you. It doesn't mean you deserve to have your trust betrayed, and to be lied to your face. You are not owed love, but you are owed the bare minimum of honesty and respect. He was not perfect. Does this mean he deserved to be cheated on? No. Let alone deserve, is her reaction a justifiable leap from the sorvable initial problem of bad communication? No. Making him cook would make him a better husband, but it doesn't mean he would be any more or less deserving of being hurt, humiliated and deceived the way he was. There is simply no proportionality.

The post above basically concede his point. without apparently realizing that it destroys his ad-hominem argument. Working women that have to take care of the house are overworked, assholes husbands help less than they should and he was actually one of the "good ones" in that, while being an unappreciative asshole that took her for granted, he did have a job and helped a little. That's basically the claim he was making, and you will notice that it's not as if people generally respond by having affairs. That's because it's not a reasonable way to respond.

Having to deal with stresses and issues doesn't give you a free pass to hurt, humiliate and deceive people who love you and have not hurt you in any way. We understand the path from A to B, and call people that behave like that, taking their frustrations out on others, assholes. She feels that her excuse for her affair is invalid for a very good reason: because it is (for the reason explained by her husband and that you yourself confirmed).

Let alone working women, life balance is something people in general struggle with. People need to take their minds off their concerns. They might consider better time management, exercise or meditation. There is no justifiable leap from that to betraying your husband, humiliating him and lying to his face for half a year, it's simply not one of the available options. Plus, a lover doesn't add extra hours. In the time she spent with him she could have just as easily gotten some me-time doing yoga.

Ultimately, I take issue with calling her exhaustion, or lack of communication (that they both contibuted to... he should have been more attentive, but he can't be expected to be a mind reader), or any of their issues, which could have legitimely lead to a breakup, the "reason" or "excuse" for her action. She did what she did because she chose to...

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Ultimately, I take issue with calling her exhaustion, or lack of communication (that they both contibuted to... he should have been more attentive, but he can't be expected to be a mind reader), or any of their issues, which could have legitimely lead to a breakup, the "reason" or "excuse" for her action. She did what she did because she chose to. Saying to life is hard is banally true. If you are hungry, you can either beat up someone and steal his food, or go to a restaurant. There are the circumstance, and there are choices to deal with them. What you do doesn't depend on the circumstance, but on the choice. Most people would have chosen differently.

If you are in an argument, you can be both in the wrong. If you escalate by throwing a punch, then you can't refer back to the discussion and say that you were both in the wrong about the previous argument. The punch is a separate thing, and only the assaulter is responsible for his own actions. He doesn't get to claim that "he started it", he is not in kindergarden. The same way I wouldn't excuse domestic violence on the grounds of stresses and misunderstanding, I wouldn't accept those as justifications for humiliating and deceiving a person for months on end.

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Consider that some texts were all she needed to catch his attention and alert him that there was a problem. Not *that* oblivious and self centered, right? Could have been better. But he was not *that* dense. Imagine what she could have done had she explicitly told him she had an issue when she finally realized she was tired, rather than playing bs guessing games like a fucking teenager and pretend that he read her mind. The other guy was coming at it from a fresh perspective, sometimes the people we see less clearly are those closer to us (which is why it could very well happen that other people know someone has an affair before his partner does). It might be a higher emotional intelligence, a fresh perspective or chance. It doesn't say much about them morally (the fact that they would be willing to betray their spouse, humiliate them, and lie to their faces, with no case for how it would affect their partner or their children, does).

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As for "excuse", there is a difference between explaining a behavior and excusing a behavior. A crooked cop wants money. Money is a valid explanation, but it doesn't excuse his behavior. Now, to me it's pretty clear that nothing could excuse her behavior. As for explaining, it is a pretty piss poor explanation. She had to work and do housework. That's though. She had to take care of *one* kid. In the show they make this out to be a huge deal (he too, in the future). Now, consider the billions of people in the world in the same position with less money, having to work two jobs to make ends meet and maybe having to take care of two, three, four kids, maybe even someone with disability, or an older/sick parent or relative. There are tons of people that had it *much* worse than her all over the place, just around her, without having to go so fare as to consider war refugees or people in third world countries dying of hunger. She has a busy schedule, and this is partly by choice (after all, it's not as if her career is something that someone else decided to choose for her, if you value your time, choose something with a flexible schedule). Not to say that it was a wrong choice, or that she should necessarily sacrifice one or the other, but that's essentially what she had agreed to, thinking she could do it, and when she realized she couldn't keep up, what she should have done is either reorganized her schedule (as she did when she needed to find the time to meet with her lover, so nothing impossible -after all, fucking someone doesn't add extra hours to the day), or had a frank, *explicit* talk with her husband (not some teenege "read my mind" bs game). Just a few messages were enough to catch his attention, and surely between being lied to, humiliated and betrayed for half a year, and a potentially harsh conversation, he would have much preferred the former. If she wasn't willing to have that conversation because he was an asshole, then that simply means that she cared more about avoiding the hassle of rustling his feathers than about his feelings, their relationship or the promise she made when she married him.

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Well, he will later also come in useful when it comes to changing the lights and fixing something in the house, given the way they keep calling him to help with that.

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Once again, I see no obvious or reasonable connection between being tired and overworked and sleeping with someone else, anymore than I would with being mildly irked by someone and start beating him in the streets. It just doesn't excuse that kind of behavior. In both cases, I would say "Okay. I understand. You are an asshole".

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Totally agree with you about hyun woo. He may say that his life and challenges are hard for him, but it's on a totally different level compared to soo yeon's. His problems are related to physical and mental fatigue from having to hold a job and helping around the house. But these are also problems for all soo yeon, who on top of that the responsibility of managing their son's education and emotional well being falls solely on her shoulders. Otherwise why is she the one who has to suck up to the other mothers for her son's benefit?

The divide is already pronounced when hyun woo in last episode had the gall to tell his wife that her being pushed aroundby the other mothers was due to her wanting to look superior to non working mothers, and that it's ALL her fault her son is being excluded socially. Come on, this is the sort of thing only an insensitive husband or one who's deluded about his level of involvement would say. A really involved husband would work out a solution with his wife instead of just pointing fingers at her when he sees a problem.

Sorry if I come across as ranting, because hyun woo's speech last episode hit a nerve with me because I heard one in a similar vein years ago from my dad to my mum. Lucky for her my mum had a comeback which shut up my dad for good. But soo yeon has yet to learn it, poor thing.

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Completely agree however I think that it's not that Soo Yeon hasn't learned to have a voice. She seems to be taking all of Hyun Woo's abuse because she feels she deserves it. She knows she was wrong and is just trying to take her punishment.

By the end of this episode and the next I completely lost all sympathy, though I admit I didn't have much, for Hyun Woo. I understand that he is hurt but to degrade and verbally attack Soo Yeon the way his does is ridiculous. Then he has the audacity to be surprised and offended that she decided to file for divorce.

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I can't really think of anything more morally bankrupt to say than this. It's completely backwards. "I don't want to excuse", then proceed to make excuses. "I understand... but...". No, you obviously don't. I am not making like of the condition by calling that autistic screetching: this is basically lacking theory of mind. That ought to become the next "I am not racist, but". It's sure to be followed by grandstanding bs, diminishing, euphemizing weasel words and facts spinning. Oh, and victim blaming, too. I find the lack of empathy for the protagonist to be kind of unbelievable. *Everyone* would react like that in their position, something they would have to admit were they not too busy monday-morning-quarterbacking (by contrast, most people wouldn't deceive someone they love for half a year).

First of all, there is no comparison between what they did, but the order of severity is tilted in the other direction. She betrayed his trust, humiliated him and lied to his face for the last half a year, without caring about how it would affect him or their child, and would have continued doing so, had he not caught her red handed. Nothing he could say to her could even come close to humiliating and hurting her in a comparable way. That's simply not the moral equivalent of what she did.

I view things like physical abuse as points of no return in a relationship. Lying to someone to his face for month on end is on that spectrum. In divorce law, there is a concept of "fault divorce". Cruelty (phisical abuse) and adultery being fault conditions. It's on a different moral scale, and just like I wouldn't put "he hit her, but she is always verbally attacking him", I wouldn't put a verbal fight with another person on the same level of breaking someone's trust and humiliating deceiving him for months on end. She was tired and he wasn't perfect. You might argue with someone and be both at fault. If he punches you in the face, he can't blame it on the argument, it was his choice.

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Lastly, there is the fact that *just* discovered it. This is something that just happened. He has every right to be angry at her. If you treat someone like shit, you can't complain that they treat you like shit in return. It's in no way unjust or unfair, you reap what you sow. Or, put otherwise, it's perfectly fair for him to be unfair in this circumstance. It's not rocket sience, if you put people through this kind of pain, you can't expect them to like you and treat you well. It's like grieving after a funeral, people don't have the right to expect you to crack jokes on the return trip to the cemetery. You can't betray, humiliate and deceive someone, and then expect them to treat you civilly, as if nothing happened.

I am not against them splitting up, but it's completely absurd that she would be the one asking for divorce (after hurting and deceiving him as she did, she can't exactly be outraged that he would tell her at any change how low of a person he think she is... she had his trust, she squandered it, now she can't complain that he won't trust her and always think the worse of her -she gave him ample reason to make it logical to prefer that heuristic-) when it should be him that doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. Though, of course, he should jump at the chance.

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"Everyone is exhausted" and "everyone lives that way" are completely fair statements. That he may or may not be part of that "everyone" does in no way constitute a "problem", a claim's truth doesn't change based on who states it (besides, while an unappreciative asshole, he is not lazying on the couch all day contributing nothing). I might be a billionaire and argue that being short of money doesn't entitle anyone to rob a bank. There is no contradiction in that.

Also being an unhappreciative asshole might mean you deserve her to leave you. It doesn't mean you deserve to have your trust betrayed, and to be lied to your face. You are not owed love, but you are owed the bare minimum of honesty and respect. He was not perfect. Does this mean he deserved to be cheated on? No. Let alone deserve, is her reaction a justifiable leap from the sorvable initial problem of bad communication? No. Making him cook would make him a better husband, but it doesn't mean he would be any more or less deserving of being hurt, humiliated and deceived the way he was. There is simply no proportionality.

The post above basically concede his point. without apparently realizing that it destroys his ad-hominem argument. Working women that have to take care of the house are overworked, assholes husbands help less than they should and he was actually one of the "good ones" in that, while being an unappreciative asshole that took her for granted, he did have a job and helped a little. That's basically the claim he was making, and you will notice that it's not as if people generally respond by having affairs. That's because it's not a reasonable way to respond.

Having to deal with stresses and issues doesn't give you a free pass to hurt, humiliate and deceive people who love you and have not hurt you in any way. We understand the path from A to B, and call people that behave like that, taking their frustrations out on others, assholes. She feels that her excuse for her affair is invalid for a very good reason: because it is (for the reason explained by her husband and that you yourself confirmed).

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Let alone working women, life balance is something people in general struggle with. People need to take their minds off their concerns. They might consider better time management, exercise or meditation. There is no justifiable leap from that to betraying your husband, humiliating him and lying to his face for half a year, it's simply not one of the available options. Plus, a lover doesn't add extra hours. In the time she spent with him she could have just as easily gotten some me-time doing yoga.

Ultimately, I take issue with calling her exhaustion, or lack of communication (that they both contibuted to... he should have been more attentive, but he can't be expected to be a mind reader), or any of their issues, which could have legitimely lead to a breakup, the "reason" or "excuse" for her action. She did what she did because she chose to. Saying to life is hard is banally true. If you are hungry, you can either beat up someone and steal his food, or go to a restaurant. There are the circumstance, and there are choices to deal with them. What you do doesn't depend on the circumstance, but on the choice. Most people would have chosen differently.

If you are in an argument, you can be both in the wrong. If you escalate by throwing a punch, then you can't refer back to the discussion and say that you were both in the wrong about the previous argument. The punch is a separate thing, and only the assaulter is responsible for his own actions. He doesn't get to claim that "he started it", he is not in kindergarden. The same way I wouldn't excuse domestic violence on the grounds of stresses and misunderstanding, I wouldn't accept those as justifications for humiliating and deceiving a person for months on end. He has the right to act morally superior in this istance because on balance, while an asshole, he is.

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She is right in feeling that she deserves his anger and condemnation. If you broke someone's trust and lie to his face for half a year, you don't get to act morally outraged when they tell you in minutious details how giant of an asshole you are. You nod and shut the fuck up, unless you are even more of an entitled, shameless scumbag than your previous actions would already indicate. Him doing what he did today in normal circumstances? A giant asshole. Him doing that after having just caught his wife red handed, and discovered a six month long trail of deception, betrayal and humiliation? Perfectly within the range of what any normal person would expect. It doesn't make you one bit morally bankrupt to be an angry asshole after such a discovery, any more than not willing to crack a joke after a funeral makes you morose. There is also the fact that taking care of the child is also her resposibility, and he fucked up this time... who knows if he might have something on his mind? Wink wink.

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I would say that after the kind of betrayal, humiliation and deception she subjected him to, the word "audacity" should apply to anyone who doesn't understand how one that just discovered all that might be pissed off and prone to searching verbal altercation, and a chance to tell you exactly what kind of lying scum you are, at any chance. It's not ridiculous, but perfectly understandable, that he would try and fail to express his anger. Fail because whatever he does, he really can't ever come close to cause her a fraction of the pain and humiliation she caused him with her intentional cations, while conversely, she could do housework for the rest of her life and not even come close to making up for what she did. Let's just say that while I think that it would be perfect that she leaves, it's kind of baffling that it wouldn't be him who leaves first. If you compare the level of emotional paint they caused to each other, there is a chasm that can't be filled, and it's certainly not him that stands at the top. They are not on equal ground. This behavior would be unacceptable in general, but not after having just learned what he did -to call it ridiculous or audacious, and act all shocked and appalled as if there was no clear explanation is sight is completely socially retarder and idiotic-. This is not day zero, him verbally attacking her for no reason. It might not be the reason in question (it's not really about the specific trigger), but it is a damn good reason.

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She betrayed his trust, humiliated him in the worst way possible and lied to his face for half a year, without caring how it would affect him or their child (so much for "putting them first").
She was overworked, partly because of choices she made. He took her for granted and didn't support her enough. He was also not a mind reader. They had problems communicating. Those are simple problems of work life balance that, as he pointed out, basically everybody has (he should have been more attentive, and while she did chose her lifestyle, there is no reason they couldn't have rescheduled it so that she could enjoy work, home life and alone-time).He loved his wife. He took her somewhat for granted. He could have been more attentive. He did help out occasionally, but not enough. Now that he has discovered that he had been led by the nose for the last six months, he is angry and wants to verbally provoke his wife. He is basically lashing out, and it's not really about the trigger, but about what she did to him. One has to point out that he has just discovered the betrayal, humiliation and deception by catching her red handed, so it's not exactly inexcusable that he might be filled with anger.

Now, when I see people saying things like "yes, she did cheat but" or "yes, he is hurting but", I think that they are either insane or hypocritical assholes. There is no place on Earth where the emotional trauma of learning that you had been deceived for the last half a year is morally equivalent to having angry outbusts after learning that fact. It's basically an objective truths that there is no universe where her actions are "understandable" and he is completely unsympathetic because he is angry. The differences are many. For starters, these are qualitatively different acts in terms of severity, quantifiable as the emotional harm caused to the person. Then there is the fact that him being angry with her is completely within reason and a perfectly justifiable response. I can essentially guarantee that none of the smug assholes currently finger-pointing as monday armchair quarterbacks would react the same way, if not worse. We are human beings, so it's not believable that keyboard warriors will proclaim Christological equanimity and feign outrage. By the same token, I can almost guarantee that no one would act like she did, this is empirically proven by the fact that in the modern world most people have busy lives, and yet most people don't betray and deceive the people who love them.

Also, regarding the "putting him and the kid first". I would say that six months of not giving a damn about the way her actions would affect her husband and child are more than enough to make the contrary case in terms of selfishness. You can eat vegetables all days for years, but if you eat cows for six months, there is no way you can pretend to be a vegetarian. I think that this is the morally normal way to approach the situation, and I can't really...

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Also, regarding the "putting him and the kid first". I would say that six months of not giving a damn about the way her actions would affect her husband and child are more than enough to make the contrary case in terms of selfishness. You can eat vegetables all days for years, but if you eat cows for six months, there is no way you can pretend to be a vegetarian. I think that this is the morally normal way to approach the situation, and I can't really empathize not only with her characters, but also with some of the comments. It's like saying, yes, she did torture and shoot the dog, but there's worse, her husband passed when the light was red. Err... the first is much, much worse than the latter?

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Sure, the perfect housewife, she only humiliated and lied to his face for the last half a year. And Hannibal Lecter is a perfect host, he just has a little problem in that he eats people, the small things people do. On the other hand, that asshole clearly played the violin horribly, probably he kind of deserved what he got.

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I really get irritated to see those things discussed in the same breath, as if lying to someone's face for six months straight, betraying and humiliating him, would be somewhat comparable to . I think that we wouldn't be talking about this if it was something more openly cruel like outright domestic abuse. But in my eyes, it's a morally unacceptable behavior on the same continuum. Meaning that it's *really* fucked up, not *a little* fucked up. It's not a verbal fight or beign oblivious to someone's issues. I also have to note that Sun Woo was the *only* one that noticed (her son and her other friends were equally oblivious, which to me makes your unfairly critical assessment of her husband -coupled with a weasly, slithery minimizing of her actions- dubious at best). Also, you probably don't have teenage kids, or your assumption that you should be able to perfectly understand and introspect someone you love if you just chose to, even if they don't tell you anything, impossible to mantain without laughing. abba

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To complete the metaphor, I would say that the guy suffers from a variant of battered wife syndrome. He was better than the other husband, which puts things in perspective... I mean, not that we want to follow the lowest common denominator, but the charge against him from some commenters (and himself) is *literally* that he is not perfect. If this he was one of my female friends I would seriously be worried about what else she would be willing to accept from the relationship while being paralyzed by self blame and holding herself to an absurd standard (and excusing away the boyfriend's behavior). He is in no physical risk, but it's basically the same attitude and the same dynamic of unreasonable expectations and being unable to let go of a toxic situation.

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This refers to the him in the future, not to the relatively, if not introspective, one we see here

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I truly hope that the people who are making this false equivalence that they said it here first: unless you are perfect, don't bother hoping for any sliver of honesty or respect. Hope they can sing the same tune something similar happens to them in the future. Maybe the will discover that they, too, are not perfect

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"Everyone is exhausted" and "everyone lives that way" are completely fair statements. That he may or may not be part of that "everyone" does in no way constitute a "problem", a claim's truth doesn't change based on who states it (besides, while an unappreciative asshole, he is not lazying on the couch all day contributing nothing). I might be a billionaire and argue that being short of money doesn't entitle anyone to rob a bank. There is no contradiction in that.

Also being an unhappreciative asshole might mean you deserve her to leave you. It doesn't mean you deserve to have your trust betrayed, and to be lied to your face. You are not owed love, but you are owed the bare minimum of honesty and respect. He was not perfect. Does this mean he deserved to be cheated on? No. Let alone deserve, is her reaction a justifiable leap from the sorvable initial problem of bad communication? No. Making him cook would make him a better husband, but it doesn't mean he would be any more or less deserving of being hurt, humiliated and deceived the way he was. There is simply no proportionality.

The post above basically concede his point. without apparently realizing that it destroys his ad-hominem argument. Working women that have to take care of the house are overworked, assholes husbands help less than they should and he was actually one of the "good ones" in that, while being an unappreciative asshole that took her for granted, he did have a job and helped a little. That's basically the claim he was making, and you will notice that it's not as if people generally respond by having affairs. That's because it's not a reasonable way to respond.

Having to deal with stresses and issues doesn't give you a free pass to hurt, humiliate and deceive people who love you and have not hurt you in any way. We understand the path from A to B, and call people that behave like that, taking their frustrations out on others, assholes. She feels that her excuse for her affair is invalid for a very good reason: because it is (for the reason explained by her husband and that you yourself confirmed).

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Let alone working women, life balance is something people in general struggle with. People need to take their minds off their concerns. They might consider better time management, exercise or meditation. There is no justifiable leap from that to betraying your husband, humiliating him and lying to his face for half a year, it's simply not one of the available options. Plus, a lover doesn't add extra hours. In the time she spent with him she could have just as easily gotten some me-time doing yoga.

Ultimately, I take issue with calling her exhaustion, or lack of communication (that they both contibuted to... he should have been more attentive, but he can't be expected to be a mind reader), or any of their issues, which could have legitimely lead to a breakup, the "reason" or "excuse" for her action. She did what she did because she chose to. Saying to life is hard is banally true. If you are hungry, you can either beat up someone and steal his food, or go to a restaurant. There are the circumstance, and there are choices to deal with them. What you do doesn't depend on the circumstance, but on the choice. Most people would have chosen differently.

If you are in an argument, you can be both in the wrong. If you escalate by throwing a punch, then you can't refer back to the discussion and say that you were both in the wrong about the previous argument. The punch is a separate thing, and only the assaulter is responsible for his own actions. He doesn't get to claim that "he started it", he is not in kindergarden. The same way I wouldn't excuse domestic violence on the grounds of stresses and misunderstanding, I wouldn't accept those as justifications for humiliating and deceiving a person for months on end. He has the right to act morally superior in this istance because on balance, while an asshole, he is.

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1) he was an unappreciative asshole.
2) for the betrayal itself, it *was* all her fault. If two people argue and both are in the wrong, but then one escalates the confrontation and physically assaults the other, he can't refer back to the argument and claim that it was because of that. He chose to escalate.

If he was such an asshole, she could and should have left him. But she owed him the basic honesty and respect to not break his trust and lie to his face for half a year.

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I really get irritated to see those things discussed in the same breath, as if lying to someone's face for six months straight, betraying and humiliating him, would be somewhat comparable to . I think that we wouldn't be talking about this if it was something more openly cruel like outright domestic abuse. But in my eyes, it's a morally unacceptable behavior on the same continuum. Meaning that it's *really* fucked up, not *a little* fucked up. It's not a verbal fight or beign oblivious to someone's issues. I also have to note that Sun Woo was the *only* one that noticed (her son and her other friends were equally oblivious, which to me makes your unfairly critical assessment of her husband -coupled with a weasly, slithery minimizing of her actions- dubious at best). Also, you probably don't have teenage kids, or your assumption that you should be able to perfectly understand and introspect someone you love if you just chose to, even if they don't tell you anything, impossible to mantain without laughing.

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To complete the metaphor, I would say that the guy suffers from a variant of battered wife syndrome. He was better than the other husband, which puts things in perspective... I mean, not that we want to follow the lowest common denominator, but the charge against him from some commenters (and himself) is *literally* that he is not perfect. If this he was one of my female friends I would seriously be worried about what else she would be willing to accept from the relationship while being paralyzed by self blame and holding herself to an absurd standard (and excusing away the boyfriend's behavior). He is in no physical risk, but it's basically the same attitude and the same dynamic of unreasonable expectations and being unable to let go of a toxic situation.

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This refers to the him in the future, not to the relatively, if not introspective, one we see here

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She betrayed his trust, humiliated him in the worst way possible and lied to his face for half a year, without caring how it would affect him or their child (so much for "putting them first").
She was overworked, partly because of choices she made. He took her for granted and didn't support her enough. He was also not a mind reader. They had problems communicating. Those are simple problems of work life balance that, as he pointed out, basically everybody has (he should have been more attentive, and while she did chose her lifestyle, there is no reason they couldn't have rescheduled it so that she could enjoy work, home life and alone-time).He loved his wife. He took her somewhat for granted. He could have been more attentive. He did help out occasionally, but not enough. Now that he has discovered that he had been led by the nose for the last six months, he is angry and wants to verbally provoke his wife. He is basically lashing out, and it's not really about the trigger, but about what she did to him. One has to point out that he has just discovered the betrayal, humiliation and deception by catching her red handed, so it's not exactly inexcusable that he might be filled with anger.

Now, when I see people saying things like "yes, she did cheat but" or "yes, he is hurting but", I think that they are either insane or hypocritical assholes. There is no place on Earth where the emotional trauma of learning that you had been deceived for the last half a year is morally equivalent to having angry outbusts after learning that fact. It's basically an objective truths that there is no universe where her actions are "understandable" and he is completely unsympathetic because he is angry. The differences are many. For starters, these are qualitatively different acts in terms of severity, quantifiable as the emotional harm caused to the person. Then there is the fact that him being angry with her is completely within reason and a perfectly justifiable response. I can essentially guarantee that none of the smug assholes currently finger-pointing as monday armchair quarterbacks would react the same way, if not worse. We are human beings, so it's not believable that keyboard warriors will proclaim Christological equanimity and feign outrage. By the same token, I can almost guarantee that no one would act like she did, this is empirically proven by the fact that in the modern world most people have busy lives, and yet most people don't betray and deceive the people who love them.

Also, regarding the "putting him and the kid first". I would say that six months of not giving a damn about the way her actions would affect her husband and child are more than enough to make the contrary case in terms of selfishness. You can eat vegetables all days for years, but if you eat cows for six months, there is no way you can pretend to be a vegetarian. I think that this is the morally normal way to approach the situation, and I can't really...

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Also, regarding the "putting him and the kid first". I would say that six months of not giving a damn about the way her actions would affect her husband and child are more than enough to make the contrary case in terms of selfishness. You can eat vegetables all days for years, but if you eat cows for six months, there is no way you can pretend to be a vegetarian. I think that this is the morally normal way to approach the situation, and I can't really empathize not only with her characters, but also with some of the comments. It's like saying, yes, she did torture and shoot the dog, but there's worsAlso, regarding the "putting him and the kid first". I would say that six months of not giving a damn about the way her actions would affect her husband and child are more than enough to make the contrary case in terms of selfishness. You can eat vegetables all days for years, but if you eat cows for six months, there is no way you can pretend to be a vegetarian. I think that this is the morally normal way to approach the situation, and I can't really empathize not only with her characters, but also with some of the comments. It's like saying, yes, she did torture and shoot the dog, but there's worse, her husband passed when the light was red. Err... the first is much, much worse than the latter?e, her husband passed when the light was red. Err... the first is much, much worse than the latter?

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I truly hope that the people who are making this false equivalence that they said it here first: unless you are perfect, don't bother hoping for any sliver of honesty or respect. Hope they can sing the same tune something similar happens to them in the future. Maybe the will discover that they, too, are not perfect. Assholes.

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I agree on how Soo Yeon has to do more than Hyun Woo does because that's how a mother's "supposed" to behave and agree that that can and does completely exhaust her but I will never understand how she didn't say anything to him. Her expectation that he'll just know is pretty ridiculous because how can he just know? It just doesn't make sense to me that her next choice of action was to cheat instead of telling him what was wrong especially since we saw him ask her if she was upset/angry in the first ep after he couldn't pick up the kid and she just smiled and said everything was okay. That's why I can't really feel sympathetic to her.

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I do not in any way condone her cheating.

But I have a feeling that she probably did try to tell him before that she needed more help around the house and with the kid, and he just wrote her off, so she just stopped trying. Now she's dead tired of trying, and she knows it's not an excuse for cheating anyway, so she just wants to end it.

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Actually, we can't really know that, and from what I have seen I get the opposite vibe (in any case, he is not a mind reader). But I think that he did somewhat take her for granted, if you see the way he forgot their anniversary and expected her to cook for him. He could have been nicer and more appreciative. That doesn't mean that he deserved to be lied to and deceived for months, there is simply no moral equivalence there. And, as I said before, when thinking about work life balance most people imagine yoga or exercising. An affair doesn't add more work week, and nothing stopped her from using the hours spent with her lover for some me-time.

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That, and the fact that there is simply no proportionality between being an unappreciative asshole and deceiving someone for six months.

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@Mint25 @amarawrrr

Agree with you. Hyunwoo is apparently the sympathetic character, but, in fact, he comes across as arrogant and shallow. As you've both said, Sooyeon is actually the victim in a society with a double standard that severely penalizes women for wanting both a career and a family. Her husband, who should be the most supportive, is simply an extension of society's expectations. When she meets a man who seems to appreciate her, he becomes her sanctuary, and she falls for him. The dramatic irony, which makes this story somewhat interesting, is the fact that Sooyeon, too, doesn't fully understand her motives and feels guilty. The real culprit in this drama, by extension, is the audience, who are part of a society that has no sympathy for women.

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I agree with everything that has been said regarding Soo Yeon and how she's been forced into a tight corner by the expectations/ double standards of society. Also, I would like to point out that this expectation of a women's role compared to a man's role is a key theme that has been presented throughout the series. From Bo Young asking the question of why men are so easily forgiven when they cheat compared to women, to why there is the theme that when a wife cheats that the husband should feel ashamed of being cheated on (because he wasn't the one who cheated instead). Why is it, as Hyun Woo's mom has emphasized, that just because Soo Yeon is a mother that she has less right to choose for herself what she wants? Soo Yeon as a character is so tied down by all the roles that she has to play constantly - perhaps some might bash her for choosing to 'cheat', but it was her way of taking a little control back into her life. And she's still under pressure to hide it - because society puts monogamy on a pedestal. Right now, I just hope Soo Yeon doesn't give a shit about what anyone thinks (whether to give up the marriage or to stay on), and make the best decision that is for herself.

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I can't really think of anything more morally bankrupt to say than this. It's completely backwards. "I don't want to excuse", then proceed to make excuses. "I understand... but...". No, you obviously don't. I am not making like of the condition by calling that autistic screetching: this is basically lacking theory of mind. That ought to become the next "I am not racist, but". It's sure to be followed by grandstanding bs, diminishing, euphemizing weasel words and facts spinning. Oh, and victim blaming, too. I find the lack of empathy for the protagonist to be kind of unbelievable. *Everyone* would react like that in their position, something they would have to admit were they not too busy monday-morning-quarterbacking (by contrast, most people wouldn't deceive someone they love for half a year).

First of all, there is no comparison between what they did, but the order of severity is tilted in the other direction. She betrayed his trust, humiliated him and lied to his face for the last half a year, without caring about how it would affect him or their child, and would have continued doing so, had he not caught her red handed. Nothing he could say to her could even come close to humiliating and hurting her in a comparable way. That's simply not the moral equivalent of what she did.

I view things like physical abuse as points of no return in a relationship. Lying to someone to his face for month on end is on that spectrum. In divorce law, there is a concept of "fault divorce". Cruelty (phisical abuse) and adultery being fault conditions. It's on a different moral scale, and just like I wouldn't put "he hit her, but she is always verbally attacking him", I wouldn't put a verbal fight with another person on the same level of breaking someone's trust and humiliating deceiving him for months on end. She was tired and he wasn't perfect. You might argue with someone and be both at fault. If he punches you in the face, he can't blame it on the argument, it was his choice.

Lastly, there is the fact that *just* discovered it. This is something that just happened. He has every right to be angry at her. If you treat someone like shit, you can't complain that they treat you like shit in return. It's in no way unjust or unfair, you reap what you sow. Or, put otherwise, it's perfectly fair for him to be unfair in this circumstance. It's not rocket sience, if you put people through this kind of pain, you can't expect them to like you and treat you well. It's like grieving after a funeral, people don't have the right to expect you to crack jokes on the return trip to the cemetery. You can't betray, humiliate and deceive someone, and then expect them to treat you civilly, as if nothing happened.

I am not against them splitting up, but it's completely absurd that she would be the one asking for divorce (after hurting and deceiving him as she did, she can't exactly be outraged that he would tell her at any change how low...

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Lastly, there is the fact that *just* discovered it. This is something that just happened. He has every right to be angry at her. If you treat someone like shit, you can't complain that they treat you like shit in return. It's in no way unjust or unfair, you reap what you sow. Or, put otherwise, it's perfectly fair for him to be unfair in this circumstance. It's not rocket sience, if you put people through this kind of pain, you can't expect them to like you and treat you well. It's like grieving after a funeral, people don't have the right to expect you to crack jokes on the return trip to the cemetery. You can't betray, humiliate and deceive someone, and then expect them to treat you civilly, as if nothing happened.

I am not against them splitting up, but it's completely absurd that she would be the one asking for divorce (after hurting and deceiving him as she did, she can't exactly be outraged that he would tell her at any change how low of a person he think she is... she had his trust, she squandered it, now she can't complain that he won't trust her and always think the worse of her -she gave him ample reason to make it logical to prefer that heuristic-) when it should be him that doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. Though, of course, he should jump at the chance.

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She betrayed his trust, humiliated him in the worst way possible and lied to his face for half a year, without caring how it would affect him or their child (so much for "putting them first").
She was overworked, partly because of choices she made. He took her for granted and didn't support her enough. He was also not a mind reader. They had problems communicating. Those are simple problems of work life balance that, as he pointed out, basically everybody has (he should have been more attentive, and while she did chose her lifestyle, there is no reason they couldn't have rescheduled it so that she could enjoy work, home life and alone-time).

He loved his wife. He took her somewhat for granted. He could have been more attentive. He did help out occasionally, but not enough. Now that he has discovered that he had been led by the nose for the last six months, he is angry and wants to verbally provoke his wife. He is basically lashing out, and it's not really about the trigger, but about what she did to him. One has to point out that he has just discovered the betrayal, humiliation and deception by catching her red handed, so it's not exactly inexcusable that he might be filled with anger.

Now, when I see people saying things like "yes, she did cheat but" or "yes, he is hurting but", I think that they are either insane or hypocritical assholes. There is no place on Earth where the emotional trauma of learning that you had been deceived for the last half a year is morally equivalent to having angry outbusts after learning that fact. It's basically an objective truths that there is no universe where her actions are "understandable" and he is completely unsympathetic because he is angry. The differences are many. For starters, these are qualitatively different acts in terms of severity, quantifiable as the emotional harm caused to the person. Then there is the fact that him being angry with her is completely within reason and a perfectly justifiable response. I can essentially guarantee that none of the smug assholes currently finger-pointing as monday armchair quarterbacks would react the same way, if not worse. We are human beings, so it's not believable that keyboard warriors will proclaim Christological equanimity and feign outrage. By the same token, I can almost guarantee that no one would act like she did, this is empirically proven by the fact that in the modern world most people have busy lives, and yet most people don't betray and deceive the people who love them.

Also, regarding the "putting him and the kid first". You might be the nicest person in the world, and never argue with your wife, but if you get into a fight once and hit her, that's one time too many (this being relevant because cruelty and adultery are both valid causes for fault divonce, and to me are on a spectrum of unacceptable behavior the way, for example, storngly arguing verbally is not). You don't have to kill one person a day to be a...

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Also, regarding the "putting him and the kid first". I would say that six months of not giving a damn about the way her actions would affect her husband and child are more than enough to make the contrary case in terms of selfishness. You can eat vegetables all days for years, but if you eat cows for six months, there is no way you can pretend to be a vegetarian. I think that this is the morally normal way to approach the situation, and I can't really empathize not only with her characters, but also with some of the comments. It's like saying, yes, she did torture and shoot the dog, but there's worse, her husband passed when the light was red. Err... the first is much, much worse than the latter?

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She betrayed his trust, humiliated him in the worst way possible and lied to his face for half a year, without caring how it would affect him or their child (so much for "putting them first").
She was overworked, partly because of choices she made. He took her for granted and didn't support her enough. He was also not a mind reader. They had problems communicating. Those are simple problems of work life balance that, as he pointed out, basically everybody has (he should have been more attentive, and while she did chose her lifestyle, there is no reason they couldn't have rescheduled it so that she could enjoy work, home life and alone-time).He loved his wife. He took her somewhat for granted. He could have been more attentive. He did help out occasionally, but not enough. Now that he has discovered that he had been led by the nose for the last six months, he is angry and wants to verbally provoke his wife. He is basically lashing out, and it's not really about the trigger, but about what she did to him. One has to point out that he has just discovered the betrayal, humiliation and deception by catching her red handed, so it's not exactly inexcusable that he might be filled with anger.

Now, when I see people saying things like "yes, she did cheat but" or "yes, he is hurting but", I think that they are either insane or hypocritical assholes. There is no place on Earth where the emotional trauma of learning that you had been deceived for the last half a year is morally equivalent to having angry outbusts after learning that fact. It's basically an objective truths that there is no universe where her actions are "understandable" and he is completely unsympathetic because he is angry. The differences are many. For starters, these are qualitatively different acts in terms of severity, quantifiable as the emotional harm caused to the person. Then there is the fact that him being angry with her is completely within reason and a perfectly justifiable response. I can essentially guarantee that none of the smug assholes currently finger-pointing as monday armchair quarterbacks would react the same way, if not worse. We are human beings, so it's not believable that keyboard warriors will proclaim Christological equanimity and feign outrage. By the same token, I can almost guarantee that no one would act like she did, this is empirically proven by the fact that in the modern world most people have busy lives, and yet most people don't betray and deceive the people who love them.

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Also, regarding the "putting him and the kid first". I would say that six months of not giving a damn about the way her actions would affect her husband and child are more than enough to make the contrary case in terms of selfishness. You can eat vegetables all days for years, but if you eat cows for six months, there is no way you can pretend to be a vegetarian. I think that this is the morally normal way to approach the situation, and I can't really empathize not only with her characters, but also with some of the comments. It's like saying, yes, she did torture and shoot the dog, but there's worse, her husband passed when the light was red. Err... the first is much, much worse than the latter?

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I think that he is an unattentive asshole that doesn't appreciate his wife. I also think that it doesn't matter, because that is in no way comparable to how grave and sick betraying, humiliating and deceiving a person for six months is. Not being perfect does not mean that you are not entitled to the sliver of respect and honesty that it would take to talk to you about the issue (he is not a mind reader), or even leave you. He should exhamine his faults, but also put them into perspective. That's passing a stop sign without looking vs torturing and shooting a dog on the severity scale. It's stupidity and a bit of self centredness, it does not say much about him ethically, it's not heinous and immoral. Lying to someone while looking him in the eye for six months is.

I really get irritated to see their behaviors discussed in the same breath, as if lying to someone's face for six months straight, betraying and humiliating him, would be somewhat comparable to . I think that we wouldn't be talking about this if it was something more openly cruel like outright domestic abuse. But in my eyes, it's a morally unacceptable behavior on the same continuum. Meaning that it's *really* fucked up, not *a little* fucked up. It's not a verbal fight or beign oblivious to someone's issues. I also have to note that Sun Woo was the *only* one that noticed (her son and her other friends were equally oblivious, which to me makes your unfairly critical assessment of her husband -coupled with a weasly, slithery minimizing of her actions- dubious at best). Also, you probably don't have teenage kids, or your assumption that you should be able to perfectly understand and introspect someone you love if you just chose to, even if they don't tell you anything, impossible to mantain without laughing.

He should work on this, but for his next relationship, not to save his marriage. What she did was so not proportionate to whatever slight he might have committed that it's on another planet. You don't have to be perfect to be able to assume that the person you love won't willingly break your trust, humiliate you and deceive you -if you operate under that assumption, you don't really trust them, so there is no relationship to salvage there-.

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To complete the metaphor, I would say that the guy suffers from a variant of battered wife syndrome. He was better than the other husband, which puts things in perspective... I mean, not that we want to follow the lowest common denominator, but the charge against him from some commenters (and himself) is *literally* that he is not perfect. If this he was one of my female friends I would seriously be worried about what else she would be willing to accept from the relationship while being paralyzed by self blame and holding herself to an absurd standard (and excusing away the boyfriend's behavior). He is in no physical risk, but it's basically the same attitude and the same dynamic of unreasonable expectations and being unable to let go of a toxic situation. This refers to the him in the future, not to the relatively, if not introspective, one we see here.

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Sometimes people get blindsided and think they know a person better than they do. This does not mean that their love isn't genuine, and a normal human being would have some understanding that even if people are a bit arrogant and self centered, it doesn't mean they are a devil. If they consider that it should follow that all their relationships should degenerate into betrayal, humiliation and lies -if that is a reasonable expectation-... well, I truly hope that the people who are making this false equivalence that they said it here first: unless you are perfect, don't bother hoping for any sliver of honesty or respect. Hope they can sing the same tune something similar happens to them in the future. Maybe the will discover that they, too, are not perfect

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ROFL. Just scrolling down through all of Lee Sang-yeob's screencaps is all it takes for me to lose it. His expressions are priceless. I'm officially waiting for the day he'll be a lead in his own rom-com. It better come soon.

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Me too. Him and the writer are the next best thing after hyun woo. And his expressions are impeccable. But have to say this show totally upgraded him one level after that debacle of the noodles show.

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I liked him in Master of Noodles way better than the main lead. So far he is quite versatile - he was also great (and creepy) as a psychopath killer in Signal. Who can even imagine he in Signal and here is the same person?

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Those episodes in Signal where he had acted as the killer were my favorite ones. Those were hauntingly heartbreaking.

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Wah??? He was the killer in Signal???? WOW! Just Wow! What a great actor. He's totally my favorite here.

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Yes, he was the serial killer who buried all those women on the mountainside...
...kinda creates room for an alternate explanation of why his wife disappeared :)

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Haha.I'll be here just waiting for that to happen. I'm sorry but I always laugh whenever he cries like a lost puppy. He's just so adorable.

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Me, too. His ridiculous sobbing next to LSK's deadpan question of whether he is crying because he is pitying him again is totally a LOL moment for me.

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I always have soft spot for him, and his role here is just too adorable.

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Ditto! He's adorable and hilarious, plus we already saw his emotional and subtle acting in some cameo roles.
Love his character's dynamic with Bo-Young and Hyun-Woo (sometime with Yoon-Ki, too!).

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He was a lead in a rom-com, a weekender called A Little Love Never Hurts. You can watch it on Viki, it's pretty good!

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Many questions I have about Soo-yeon and her crazy-making inability to express her emotions were answered in the scenes with her father. Talk about stoic, reserved, withheld and unemotional!! He never asked her what was wrong, preferring just to be around her quietly. That's all fine when you need quiet but when you need the hammer of tough love to crash upon your head to at least get you TALKING, it's the people you love and trust who can do that for you. No wonder she retreats and can't speak up for herself. What a crippling example of a father she has. People like Soo-yeon and her father and other people I've known who do nothing but smile, take care of others, act like martyrs and say "I'm sorry" ad nauseum all the time drive me absolutely NUTS. I say this so freely because I used to be one of those people. It took me until my 30's to totally grow out of it. Now Hyun-woo has to realize how he can save his wife and his marriage by taking charge and rescuing her from herself. I hope he does because I'm tired of yelling at my computer screen.

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Oh Sooyeon.. I really felt for her this ep. Just the whole part of her going to see her father really tugged at my heart. And when she finally broke down in tears as she was driven away in the taxi.. man. I suppose I might feel more for her than a lot of people just for the sake that she comes off as so human. Not that the other characters don't, they do. It's just that I am still rooting for her character. I honestly don't wish anything bad on her.

My whole feeling here is that she too is human and makes mistakes. yeah I know really simple maybe too simple.. but the thing is I see myself in her as well..and I can't hate myself..I mean I can, but I choose not to. Here's the thing, I believe she is aware of how her affair has thrown her family's world upside down and she seems to be trying to take responsibility for it. That doesn't mean we will understand what she thinks she should do..she is just trying to get through. I suppose I also feel for her because she lost herself and the outing of the affair put it all into perspective. Being a mother, wife, employee..that isn't all there is to life..but an affair was not going to solve her problems and I think she knows that now. Anyway I just really enjoyed watching Sooyeon in this ep..twisted my heart that's for sure.

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Post (1/2)

Have blogged about this episode at https://kdramaanalysis.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/my-wife-is-having-an-affair-this-week-episode-7/

Also wanted to include in the comments what I have written about Hyun Woo and Soo Yeon:

"Things are still not looking good for Hyun Woo and Soo Yeon and the prospect of them getting back together is a distant reality. Even though they finally have their first heart to heart conversation, it reveals that the issues between them are much deeper than just the affair and also how far apart they have grown. This show certainly isn't one to settle for easy answers or reconciliations and with each episode, it just keeps digging deeper into issues of marriage, loyalty and women's identity.

While Hyun Woo did display some growth in the previous episode by deciding to have a proper conversation with Soo Yeon, his perspective on what went wrong between them still hasn't matured much. As shown in this episode, he is fixated on the affair and still fails to look beyond that into their marital issues. When Soo Yeon poses him a question of whether he has had an affair before, he is momentarily stumped and he asks all those around him if they think he's had an affair before, admitting to Yoon-ki that he jumped a little at the question. While Yoon-ki is clear that he is cheating on Ara, Hyun Woo's behaviour may be even worse than him because he is not even aware of his interactions with the opposite sex. He confesses to Yoon-ki and Joon Young that there have been three women that he took out for meals and drinks. He calls one of them cute, compares his relationship with the other one with Joon Young and Bo Young and he even went to a Busan film festival with the last one. All the while, he dismisses his interactions with these three women as "affairs", but imagine how Soo Yeon would have responded if she had seen him?

While both Joon Young and Bo Young dismiss Hyun Woo's examples as having an affair, it's Bo Young who provokes Hyun Woo into deep thought when she says:
But whether it’s a man or woman, an affair is about giving the body and the mind. It’s not sleeping or physical contact, but it’s the step before getting there, isn’t it? Women consider it an affair from the mid-stage. - Bo Young

This leads Hyun Woo to realise that his previous behaviour may have constituted an affair, which I personally think it did. He's no less guilty of having his heart roam from the marriage when compared to Soo Yeon. While Joon-ki's interactions with the other women are purely physical, Hyun Woo's interactions with the other women were emotional and intellectual - both of which constitute an affair. However, even when he finally apologises to Hyun Woo, there's an element of denial as he says to her, "if that's what you consider an affair, yes it means I had an affair", instead of outright apologising for the affair.

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Post 2/2

"He then goes on to ask her if she had an affair to take revenge
, but he's so far off from the truth. He even says that she's been doing well as the perfect wife and mum and everyone's been jealous of him. However, he fails to realise it's precisely that pressure of maintaining her reputation as perfect wife, mum and career woman that caused her to become stretched so thin. The affair started when Sun-Woo gave her something that Hyun Woo never did - the gift of freedom. He gives her two hours that are wholly hers, so that she can finish a book in her handbag that she's never been able to start. He also gives her the attention that she's never had from Hyun Woo by observing something about her she's never noticed.

Moving away from the show itself, I'd like to add that Soo Yeon's situation is completely convincing and very real. Parenthood is an all-absorbing endeavour that requires so much of you - you completely lose any time for yourself and just doing something as simple as reading 30 pages of a book becomes a rare luxury. This is something I've experienced and also witnessed my wife going through. As husband and wife, we need to intentionally help to protect that sense of "thaselfhood" of each other by giving each other time to continue to pursue our own interests. Having walked the path myself, I completely understood what Soo Yeon was sharing.

While Soo Yeon's story does not absolve her of any guilt, it's clear by the end of her sharing that she is immensely sorry for what she has done. She keeps apologising, telling Hyun Woo that she should have gone to him first. Hyun Woo's response to her story once again misses the mark completely, as he tells her this is what everyone goes through. However, this is evidently not the case for him as he has had the freedom to choose when he can pick up his kid and even gone on dinners and drinks with the women mentioned earlier. Sun-woo was very likely the only friend that Soo Yeon had, ever since they had kids. At the end of it, Soo Yeon says that she can no longer face Hyun Woo and she's not sure it's guilt. Yes, she's right, it's more complex than that. It's emotional estrangement and distance - she should have told him how she felt, but from what we have witnessed, he shows no interest in genuinely understanding her situation, always imposing his understanding on her. It could also be physical withdrawal, as we've not witnessed a single hint of physical intimacy between the two of them. There's also a sense of entrapment, because facing Hyun Woo again reminds her of all the roles she has to play to keep up that perfect image. There could also be betrayal, because Hyun Woo has not kept his promise made during the only sweet scene between them of the series so far, where he promised her that they will still make them to watch the stars even when the kid comes. It's so multi-layered and complex and I applaud the show for laying bare all these issues that...

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Sorry didn't mean to spam, but wanted to include my final paragraph on their relationship because it's also something that I feel the show falls short in episode 8.

"The challenge I foresee for the show is how to tie all these emotional issues together in a satisfactory manner. And this is where I once again express my desire for the show to bring both of them together because divorce would really be the easy way out for the show as well. Getting both of them to divorce would mean the show does not have to resolve all the issues it has surfaced between Hyun Woo and Soo Yeon. It would be far more satisfactory and arguably even groundbreaking if the show chose to take the more meaningful route and show us how a couple can work through such issues. It would also be disappointing if they just came back together for the sake of Joo Soon and swept all their issues under the carpet, because we all know that that’s also a recipe for disaster. The show has done well so far in revealing all the issues leading to their distancing; it now has the challenging task of exploring the reconciliation process meaningfully."

My full blog post also contains my thoughts on Yoon Ki, Joon Young and the production aspects. The full post is https://kdramaanalysis.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/my-wife-is-having-an-affair-this-week-episode-7/

Thanks for reading.

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Wow, wonderful post.

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Liked reading your analysis. Thanks for sharing!

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This is the first time I've actually felt compelled enough to write a comment on here but oh my goodness this show is getting on my nerves. I'm really tired of her repeatedly saying "It's my fault, I take responsibility" like what does that even mean????? All she does is leave the house, undermine the things that Hyun Woo wants, and threatens to take the kid. It's getting to be too much. I was really hoping for a valid reason for her to cheat - not that it would ever be acceptable but at least something that doesn't make her such a selfish person. Hyun Woo makes a really good point that his life was hard too, he felt lonely and overwhelmed too but he didn't go run to the next girl and sleep with them because of it. It's especially upsetting because you know that if he never caught her, she would STILL be cheating.

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I was really put off by her question have you ever cheated on me? Like what???? It's not tit for tat here, even if he had cheated that does not then validate you having an affair. It was just such an odd question for her to ask. Like asking the time of day, what so you've never cheated on me?? No, he hasn't. maybe he was a bit blind to her struggle but thats not entirely his fault. At any moment she could have went to him and say I'm exhausted , I'm at my limit I need a vacation or help but she didn't. She always had a choice, she made the choice to have an affair while claiming she also wanted to stay married. Only now that she's caught she can't handle the backlash and has given up. If you can't handle the consequences then don't do the action.

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Idk I feel like /had/ he cheated on her and she revenge cheated I would understand her more. It wouldn't necessarily absolve her of anything but it would 100% make me more sympathetic and w/ how he was acting it might've even pushed me to her side but it was just so unbelievably selfish. And re: her not speaking up, that's exactly what I'm saying!! Like he's not a mind reader, he's not automatically going to know that you're having a tough time esp if when he asks you you're not going to say anything!! That's what's really jarring to me, that even before he saw that text he asked her if everything was alright and if she was mad/disappointed with him but she just smiled and pretended everything was okay. Like????????

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Sometimes people get blindsided and think they know a person better than they do. This does not mean that their love isn't genuine, and a normal human being would have some understanding that even if people are a bit arrogant and self centered, it doesn't mean they are a devil. If they consider that it should follow that all their relationships should degenerate into betrayal, humiliation and lies -if that is a reasonable expectation-... well, I truly hope that the people who are making this false equivalence that they said it here first: unless you are perfect, don't bother hoping for any sliver of honesty or respect. Hope they can sing the same tune something similar happens to them in the future. Maybe the will discover that they, too, are not perfect

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Consider that some texts were all she needed to catch his attention and alert him that there was a problem. Not *that* oblivious and self centered, right? Could have been better. But he was not *that* dense. Imagine what she could have done had she explicitly told him she had an issue when she finally realized she was tired, rather than playing bs guessing games like a fucking teenager and pretend that he read her mind. The other guy was coming at it from a fresh perspective, sometimes the people we see less clearly are those closer to us (which is why it could very well happen that other people know someone has an affair before his partner does). It might be a higher emotional intelligence, a fresh perspective or chance. It doesn't say much about them morally (the fact that they would be willing to betray their spouse, humiliate them, and lie to their faces, with no case for how it would affect their partner or their children, does).

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"maybe he was a bit blind to her struggle but thats not entirely his fault. At any moment she could have went to him and say I’m exhausted , I’m at my limit I need a vacation or help but she didn’t."

If he was half of the great husband he thinks he is he should have went to her and said "I know you carry most of the load here everyday, why don't you take a day off. Go to the spa. I'll take our son for some male bonding." That is why Sun Woo caught her eye. He took notice of how hard she works at everything and realized she didn't even have time to read a book. Hyun Woo only asked to spend time with her after he saw the texts.

He came home with a half ass apology about why he didn't pick their son up then to assuage his guilt he asked he to turn around and give him a smile. Seriously?

She was wrong to have an affair but Soo Yeon shouldn't be the only one doing self reflection. Hyun Woo is self centered only worrying about his needs and basking in the glow of the other moms. He may be better than their husbands but that doesn't make him perfect.

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"Everyone is exhausted" and "everyone lives that way" are completely fair statements. That he may or may not be part of that "everyone" does in no way constitute a "problem", a claim's truth doesn't change based on who states it (besides, while an unappreciative asshole, he is not lazying on the couch all day contributing nothing). I might be a billionaire and argue that being short of money doesn't entitle anyone to rob a bank. There is no contradiction in that.

Also being an unhappreciative asshole might mean you deserve her to leave you. It doesn't mean you deserve to have your trust betrayed, and to be lied to your face. You are not owed love, but you are owed the bare minimum of honesty and respect. He was not perfect. Does this mean he deserved to be cheated on? No. Let alone deserve, is her reaction a justifiable leap from the sorvable initial problem of bad communication? No. Making him cook would make him a better husband, but it doesn't mean he would be any more or less deserving of being hurt, humiliated and deceived the way he was. There is simply no proportionality.

The post above basically concede his point. without apparently realizing that it destroys his ad-hominem argument. Working women that have to take care of the house are overworked, assholes husbands help less than they should and he was actually one of the "good ones" in that, while being an unappreciative asshole that took her for granted, he did have a job and helped a little. That's basically the claim he was making, and you will notice that it's not as if people generally respond by having affairs. That's because it's not a reasonable way to respond.

Having to deal with stresses and issues doesn't give you a free pass to hurt, humiliate and deceive people who love you and have not hurt you in any way. We understand the path from A to B, and call people that behave like that, taking their frustrations out on others, assholes. She feels that her excuse for her affair is invalid for a very good reason: because it is (for the reason explained by her husband and that you yourself confirmed).

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Let alone working women, life balance is something people in general struggle with. People need to take their minds off their concerns. They might consider better time management, exercise or meditation. There is no justifiable leap from that to betraying your husband, humiliating him and lying to his face for half a year, it's simply not one of the available options. Plus, a lover doesn't add extra hours. In the time she spent with him she could have just as easily gotten some me-time doing yoga.

Ultimately, I take issue with calling her exhaustion, or lack of communication (that they both contibuted to... he should have been more attentive, but he can't be expected to be a mind reader), or any of their issues, which could have legitimely lead to a breakup, the "reason" or "excuse" for her action. She did what she did because she chose to. Saying to life is hard is banally true. If you are hungry, you can either beat up someone and steal his food, or go to a restaurant. There are the circumstance, and there are choices to deal with them. What you do doesn't depend on the circumstance, but on the choice. Most people would have chosen differently.

If you are in an argument, you can be both in the wrong. If you escalate by throwing a punch, then you can't refer back to the discussion and say that you were both in the wrong about the previous argument. The punch is a separate thing, and only the assaulter is responsible for his own actions. He doesn't get to claim that "he started it", he is not in kindergarden. The same way I wouldn't excuse domestic violence on the grounds of stresses and misunderstanding, I wouldn't accept those as justifications for humiliating and deceiving a person for months on end. He has the right to act morally superior in this istance because on balance, while an asshole, he is.

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"He came home with a half ass apology about why he didn't pick their son up then to assuage his guilt he asked he to turn around and give him a smile. Seriously?"

Yes, seriosly. The horror. Not as if he didn't have other things on his mind, wonder what they were (wink wink). I don't know what worse he could do, maybe lie to his wife and family for the past half a year with no care how the humiliation and deception would affect their lives.

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""maybe he was a bit blind to her struggle but thats not entirely his fault. At any moment she could have went to him and say I’m exhausted , I’m at my limit I need a vacation or help but she didn’t."
If he was half of the great husband he thinks he is he should have went to her and said "I know you carry most of the load here everyday, why don't you take a day off. Go to the spa. I'll take our son for some male bonding." That is why Sun Woo caught her eye. He took notice of how hard she works at everything and realized she didn't even have time to read a book. Hyun Woo only asked to spend time with her after he saw the texts."

You didn't really address the first point, which remains perfectly valid. They did have issue communicating. You can't not talk about a problem and then complain if it is not addressed. He should have been more attentive, but he is not a mind reader. Also, the situation had been caused partially by her choices. That's okay in that it's all fixable, and she should be able to enjoy work and home life at the same time, but, again, you can't treat ignorance as a moral failure on the scale of consciously betraying a person. What we are saying is that he was stupid and inattentive, not immoral and reprehensible. What she did was. That Soo Yeon noticed it is not unthinkable, since he comes with a fresh perspective and we see our work colleagues for most of the day, it doesn't really mean that the people we love don't care abou us. And sure, the oh-so-great Sun Woo, who can compare. Well, besides the fact that between the two men, he was the one that betrayed, humiliated and lied to his wife for half a year, so I am really wondering if she would have preferred having someone like that for a husband? Still not perfect of course. Can we say something else? Better or worse? I think worse. Let's be serious.

"She was wrong to have an affair but Soo Yeon shouldn't be the only one doing self reflection. Hyun Woo is self centered only worrying about his needs and basking in the glow of the other moms. He may be better than their husbands but that doesn't make him perfect."

It's insane and demented that those two things could be mentioned in the same phrase. Cancer and a cough are both illness. Anything else they might differ on? You mention them both in the same breath, as if they were somewhat comparable. Let me be clear about the guy. He was at worst an unattentive asshole that took her wife for granted. Notice that in none of that there is any echo of him consciously betraying his wife's trust, humiliating her in the worst way possible and deceiving her for months, until she found out. As you said, he was better than the other husbands and not perfect. You might notice that the other wives were also better in that they didn't do what I just mentioned to their husband. Not being perfect does not make him a candidate for that kind of pain and betrayal. One does not deserve to be perfect in order not to...

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It's insane and demented that those two things could be mentioned in the same phrase. Cancer and a cough are both illness. Anything else they might differ on? You mention them both in the same breath, as if they were somewhat comparable. Let me be clear about the guy. He was at worst an unattentive asshole that took her wife for granted. Notice that in none of that there is any echo of him consciously betraying his wife's trust, humiliating her in the worst way possible and deceiving her for months, until she found out. As you said, he was better than the other husbands and not perfect. You might notice that the other wives were also better in that they didn't do what I just mentioned to their husband. Not being perfect does not make him a candidate for that kind of pain and betrayal. One does not deserve to be perfect in order not to be cheated, on, it should be a basic precondition in a relatioship that there is a baseline of honesty and respect. That doesn't mean that she couldn't break up with him. If he had hit her, I wouldn't dare to put it in the same breath as her being annoying. I see deceiving him for half a year as a less severe but equally deal breaking act on the same continuum (they are incidentally both valid causes for fauld divorce, while I doubt anyone could convince a judge that you were personally wronged because you were tired and didn't tell him, and he showed you more attention than the other mother's men, but not as much as your lover).

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I really get irritated to see those things discussed in the same breath, as if lying to someone's face for six months straight, betraying and humiliating him, would be somewhat comparable to . I think that we wouldn't be talking about this if it was something more openly cruel like outright domestic abuse. But in my eyes, it's a morally unacceptable behavior on the same continuum. Meaning that it's *really* fucked up, not *a little* fucked up. It's not a verbal fight or beign oblivious to someone's issues. I also have to note that Sun Woo was the *only* one that noticed (her son and her other friends were equally oblivious, which to me makes your unfairly critical assessment of her husband -coupled with a weasly, slithery minimizing of her actions- dubious at best). Also, you probably don't have teenage kids, or your assumption that you should be able to perfectly understand and introspect someone you love if you just chose to, even if they don't tell you anything, impossible to mantain without laughing.

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To complete the metaphor, I would say that the guy suffers from a variant of battered wife syndrome. He was better than the other husband, which puts things in perspective... I mean, not that we want to follow the lowest common denominator, but the charge against him from some commenters (and himself) is *literally* that he is not perfect. If this he was one of my female friends I would seriously be worried about what else she would be willing to accept from the relationship while being paralyzed by self blame and holding herself to an absurd standard (and excusing away the boyfriend's behavior). He is in no physical risk, but it's basically the same attitude and the same dynamic of unreasonable expectations and being unable to let go of a toxic situation. This refers to the him in the future, not to the relatively, if not introspective, one we see here.

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I really get irritated to see those things discussed in the same breath, as if lying to someone's face for six months straight, betraying and humiliating him, would be somewhat comparable to . I think that we wouldn't be talking about this if it was something more openly cruel like outright domestic abuse. But in my eyes, it's a morally unacceptable behavior on the same continuum. Meaning that it's *really* fucked up, not *a little* fucked up. It's not a verbal fight or beign oblivious to someone's issues. I also have to note that Sun Woo was the *only* one that noticed (her son and her other friends were equally oblivious, which to me makes your unfairly critical assessment of her husband -coupled with a weasly, slithery minimizing of her actions- dubious at best). Also, you probably don't have teenage kids, or your assumption that you should be able to perfectly understand and introspect someone you love if you just chose to, even if they don't tell you anything, impossible to mantain without laughing. ea u

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To complete the metaphor, I would say that the guy suffers from a variant of battered wife syndrome. He was better than the other husband, which puts things in perspective... I mean, not that we want to follow the lowest common denominator, but the charge against him from some commenters (and himself) is *literally* that he is not perfect. If this he was one of my female friends I would seriously be worried about what else she would be willing to accept from the relationship while being paralyzed by self blame and holding herself to an absurd standard (and excusing away the boyfriend's behavior). He is in no physical risk, but it's basically the same attitude and the same dynamic of unreasonable expectations and being unable to let go of a toxic situation. This refers to the him in the future, not to the relatively, if not introspective, one we see here.

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I really get irritated to see those things discussed in the same breath, as if lying to someone's face for six months straight, betraying and humiliating him, would be somewhat comparable to . I think that we wouldn't be talking about this if it was something more openly cruel like outright domestic abuse. But in my eyes, it's a morally unacceptable behavior on the same continuum. Meaning that it's *really* fucked up, not *a little* fucked up. It's not a verbal fight or beign oblivious to someone's issues. I also have to note that Sun Woo was the *only* one that noticed (her son and her other friends were equally oblivious, which to me makes your unfairly critical assessment of her husband -coupled with a weasly, slithery minimizing of her actions- dubious at best). Also, you probably don't have teenage kids, or your assumption that you should be able to perfectly understand and introspect someone you love if you just chose to, even if they don't tell you anything, impossible to mantain without laughing. com

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To complete the metaphor, I would say that the guy suffers from a variant of battered wife syndrome. He was better than the other husband, which puts things in perspective... I mean, not that we want to follow the lowest common denominator, but the charge against him from some commenters (and himself) is *literally* that he is not perfect. If this he was one of my female friends I would seriously be worried about what else she would be willing to accept from the relationship while being paralyzed by self blame and holding herself to an absurd standard (and excusing away the boyfriend's behavior). He is in no physical risk, but it's basically the same attitude and the same dynamic of unreasonable expectations and being unable to let go of a toxic situation.

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This refers to the him in the future, not to the relatively, if not introspective, one we see here.

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"If he was half of the great husband he thinks he is he should have went to her and said "I know you carry most of the load here everyday, why don't you take a day off. Go to the spa. I'll take our son for some male bonding."

By the same token, she could have said "could you please take care of the kid while I do this other activity". I don't know what fraction of the barely decent human being she would need to be in order to do that rather than betray her husband, humiliate him in the worst way she could and lie to his face for half a year.

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Probably a bigger fraction of a human being than the person that some of the commenters like the one I was responding to above. She was the one that made choices regarding her schedule, deciding to take on so many tasks, she can't exactly put the blame on someone else. Apparently, when she needed to find time to meet her lover it wasn't much of an issue for her to find the hours. For that matter, she apparently didn't notice herself that she was working too much. Nor did anyone else besides her lover (which I suspect might have been had an interest in her). You seem awfully smug about the fact that he didn't take note. Read again what you wrote. It's not that he knew something and didn't care, he honestly didn't realize that there was a problem.

Should he have? Yes. As you said, he wasn't perfect. I don't think you realize that this is really not the indication of the incredible moral failure it seems to be in your head. It doesn't mean that he didn't care about her and was an amoral monster. It meant that he didn't notice something that basically nobody did. Once you mature and have to deal with a teenager or two, you will quickly realize that you too are not a mind reader, and simply wanting to understand what goes on in someone's head is not enough to know it. For that matter, had he asked her, she wouldn't have been able to tell him she had an issue until she figured it out herself, so he can hardly be blamed in particular for not knowing her better than she did herself. He could have had more emotional intelligence and been a little less dense, but she could have made time for herself without betraying, hurting and humiliating him -as she did when she needed to meet her lover-, or better yet explicitly telling him about this, since he was convinced that there was no problem. Human beings have language for a reason, and that's that we can't read each other's mind.

If every time someone that loves us didn't understand us triggered a months long cycle of betrayal, humiliation and deception, we would hardly have any parent-child relatioship to speak of, and basically no one would be able to be in any relationship ever. Thankfully for us, contrary to your smug implication, that does not follow., since most people undestand that it is simply the case that people have busy life, and you can't always understand what's within a person's head, or you can have a wrong picture of what they think, and that doesn't say anything about you relationship, just that the two of you should have a talk to clear things out -which means that she should have given him an explicit indication once she figured she had a problem, you can't complain nobody heard something you didn't say-. Unless you are a crazy asshole, which people that make a big deal out of the fact that the person she so callously deceived and betrayed might have assumed he had known his wife better than he did (well, he certainly didn't see her betraying him,...

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(well, he certainly didn't see her betraying him, otherwise he wouldn't have put any trust in her in the first place) might very well be.

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