18 signs you are in a drama slump
- You have a dozen dramas that are sitting unfinished with just one more hour left to watch, which somehow feels like five hours too many.
- You’ve forgotten your password on all your streaming site accounts and can’t be bothered to reset it.
- You’ve forgotten your username on your streaming site accounts. Going through the effort to find it is, naturally, out of the question.
- That drama you’ve been excited to watch for months is finally here. But you just… can’t… press that play button.
- I mean, it’s there, it would be the easiest thing to press a button, but committing to “play” feels insurmountable because that action would mean something, it would have Implications, of time commitments and mental energy and caring about fiction and that feels like a fate worse than death by a million paper cuts right now.
- You see that your thoughts are veering dramatic, but you can’t feel the drama in them because drama is dead. Nothing matters now or will matter ever again. We’re all just meat sacks trudging toward our sell-by dates. Lee Jong-seok holds one-tenth of the appeal he did last year.
- Maybe one-tenth is enough, you think. There is some appeal still alive. But… then you remember Suzy. Minus five appeals.
- Nothing, as in the actual concept of nothingness, feels like a concrete and burdensome presence in your life, rather than the absence of Something. You sit there doing Nothing, staring off into Nothing, thinking Nothing. You consider maybe watching a drama, but decide that it wouldn’t be worth disrupting this big pile of Nothing you’re working on right now.
- You decide that maybe a good old-fashioned favorite series would be more emotionally satisfying and less mentally taxing. You look through the shortlist, and then the longlist, and then make ten more lists, until you realize you’re just stalling life with lists. (META.)
- Fine, old favorites are out. Maybe it’s prime time to finally catch old dramas that never got watched in the first place. Then you ask yourself, “If I passed up Padam Padam ten times already, why should an eleventh time be different?” And that seems like the wisest thought you’ve had all day. You return to your state of torpor and gummy bears.
- You remember how you used to love to read. Books are what stories did before television killed our attention spans! Two pages in, you realize that your attention span wasn’t spared in the cathode-ray massacre, because what are you, special? You reach for the remote control again, even though we just did this and it was futile, remember?
- Lather, rinse, repeat.
- Oh god, am stuck in a time loop. I could literally die of boredom right now. Or in twenty loops from now. It would be the same thing.
- You figure even if you can’t commit an hour to watch a show, you can read a recap so at least you’re still following the show. Two paragraphs in, you remember that attention span thing you just realized one bullet point (and two, and three) ago. Maybe the massacre also got short-term memory.
- Determined to watch something, anything, you scroll through all the titles of all the shows that seem even the tiniest bit interesting. After spending more time trying to decide what to force yourself to watch than it would have been to just watch that damn episode in the first place, you give up. You turn off the lights and go to bed early like an old person, because oblivion seems more appealing than entertainment.
- You realize that dramas were once so important to you that you carved out all this space and time for them in your life, this emptiness which now mocks you. Clubbed in the head with your own punishment stick, you are the creator of your own misery. This is not the most depressing thought you’ve had today.
- You go out to dinner with your parents, who ask for your expert opinion on what dramas they should be watching, and find yourself saying, “I dunno, maybe you should consider watching less television?”
- But despite everything, you retain a vague, if distant, hope/feeling/inclination that you’ll find that lovin’ feelin’ again someday, and there will come along a show that will seem sparkly and shiny, and dramas will be worth it again. Because you’re in a slump, not dead.
Somebody save me from myself.