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[Best Friends Forever] Because this is my best friendship

By meera

As I grow older, friends become harder to find and harder to hold onto. With the internet, connection feels simple, yet our physical time together is short. I am easily drawn to plots with longtime friends or longtime best friends who become lovers, the ultimate fantasy. While neatly fitting into the realm of possibility, close friends from childhood is something I don’t have. On a lonesome night, rather than fretting over weekend plans or moping over the lack of having anyone to call over immediately, I’d rather cozy up to and somewhat vicariously live through drama relationships.

Because This Life Is Our First develops the three women’s friendship extremely well. From their backstory, we see that Su-ji joined the group at the end of high school. Through an amusing sequence of events, Su-ji and Ho-rang lose their grudges and get along. After a decade of friendship, each one has a close bond with the other two. As I’ve grown older, I’ve struggled to hang out with my friends as a group. We opt for smaller meetings whenever one or two of our schedules align. Similarly, there are moments when Su-ji and Ho-rang sometimes walked together to Ji-ho’s workplace at the coffee shop. Or Ji-ho and Ho-rang drank together at Ho-rang’s place while Su-ji was still at work late at night.

Their respect for one another shines in various moments of the show. When Ji-ho suddenly announces her wedding to Se-hee, instead of guilting her for not keeping them posted about every detail in her relationship, they were supportive and anxious about her sudden decision. At one point, Su-ji becomes aware of the contract, but rather than feeling betrayed and angry that Ji-ho hid something from her, she discusses the situation with Ji-ho and respects her choices.

In high school, they share their dream in life. Though all three have different goals, they can accept their friend’s different view on life rather than forcing each other to conform. Often we seek out people who reaffirm our beliefs and follow similar paths to us. The characters, often with Ji-ho’s narration, are given moments to talk about their desires and intentions. After a nauseating hangout with some married friends, Ho-rang tells Ji-ho why she wants to get married so badly. As Ji-ho sees Su-ji fervently answering a client’s call late at night, she recalls Su-ji’s desire to work for herself.

Even with their differences, at their core each of them wanted to make a small difference in the world in a way meaningful to them.

Thankfully the writer didn’t put their friendship in a bubble. Ji-ho, Ho-rang, and Su-ji visit their married college friends at different points of the show. In Episode 2, they attend a schoolmate’s wedding during which the topic of work comes up. While they fawn over Su-ji for her fancy job, Ji-ho and Ho-rang are overlooked and step out to comfort each other.

When they meet up with those friends again later in the show, the ladies fawn over Ji-ho since she is now married and automatically considered one of them. But she spends the aftermath comforting Ho-rang and contemplating why she suddenly felt accepted by the women who scorned her before. I connected with those scenes, because at times my friends and I have felt detached from others at large gatherings. We find ourselves clustering together in a corner or stunned over the abrasiveness of an interaction.

The male characters also had their own group of friends. They sought each other out for relationship and career advice, which added to the vulnerability that the show tried to capture. I was happy to see male characters who weren’t intentionally jerks and weren’t intentionally haughty and standoffish. Sang-gu’s sometimes deep, sometimes wildly inaccurate dating advice for Won-seok and Se-hee cracked me up, while depicting how friends try their best to help but may not always have the right answers. While the bond between the Dating, Not Marriage team was not as strong as the trios, they brought a sweet workplace vibe to the show.

Often Korean shows focus so much on the events leading up to the union of the main couple that friends, while warm and meaningful side characters, are left as just that, side characters. Sometimes they become just comedic filler or the reliable shoulder for the main character to cry on. Because This Life Is Our First goes beyond and develops the family, work, and personal lives of Ji-ho, Su-ji, and Ho-rang. Most importantly, their friendship, regardless of their uncertainties, secrets, and clashes, continued to grow. Through them I got to experience multiple friendships and the warm communion of diverse human beings.

 
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"We opt for smaller meetings whenever one or two of our schedules align."
Can I say how much I relate to this one.....?
Its been years since ALL of my friends have gathered in one place. We are pretty sure we'll see each others' face when one of us gets married.....Until then just 'internet communication' it is....

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DB Articles should have a ❤ option! The friendships in BTIOFL was one of its strong points. A compelling thrust that pushed friends towards the right direction. Whether it be discussing flaws, pointing out mistakes or backing each other during tough times. Sang-gu's advice and banter towards Se-hee was adorable (it made him open up, often prodding him to realisations about his feelings/actions) but his misguided attempts at solving Won-Seok's problems were hilarious.

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A good argument can be made that Because This Life is Our First may be the greatest comedy drama of all time- in any language. It not only was a great depiction of the nature of friendships but also offered tremendous insight into the true nature of romantic relationships, workplace issues and family relationships as well. Even the musical score was spot on. It is the first television show which could be compared favorably with the best of Shakespeare.

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The sound department for this show honestly deserves all the awards. They made all the moments even cuter and funnier than they already were. The little comedic beats were love and made the show that much more charming!

I loved the tone of this show because while it could be just as serious as it was silly, it didn’t feel too extreme at either end and it didn’t feel jarring. It was all balanced very well. K-dramas in general are very good at that, but it takes a good director to make it really work.

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I agree that the show was very well balanced. I have to give great credit for that to both the writers and the director. And the acting was great- the actors did full justice to the material that they were given.

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I loved this drama sooooo much, so much I was even able to watch it raw first. But that is the reason why the disappointment was huge when they blown it up at the end and destroy all coherence possible. So in my imaginary world, Ho rang would not have married Won-seok. I would have believed it more because they didn't fit for a stable long lasting relationship. Su ji and Sang go were ok, and of course Jiho and See he wouldn't have lied, sold the house, go for a unexpected and absurd separation and then reconcile ten minutes before the show ends, but we have already vented in different posts our frustrations with this show... it makes no sense to do it again, because I get upset!!!😂
That being said, I must acknowledge the friendship was great and funny. I am more "20th Century Boy and Girl" style, or the girls in "fight my way", but they did a nice job on the friendship in BTLIOF as well. I enjoy their scenes together, and sometimes they made me think deeper about some stuffs in my own life.

Thank you very much for your post.

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I've seen your rants and I agree with you. HR and WS shouldn't have gotten together. Their views regarding their life in general and relationship in particular was different. They were at different places till the penultimate episode so it doesn't make sense that they'll be on the same page just before end credits with a kid no less! How can WS suddenly become ok with everything that he had been struggling with for the past few years? I know maybe seeing the love of his life getting together with someone else would be a jolt but this just didn't make sense to me.
As far as JH is concerned, I wrote my first comment here b cos I could not understand for the life of me why would she do something like that. I guess it's supposed to make sense in some higher up plane of thinking maybe but well I'm not such an intellectual so I couldn't understand her. The last two episodes were definitely difficult to watch and I was kinda putoff by their reunion too.

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Yeah.... so frustrating, really. Even the way she came back to him, with a cake to celebrate their first day of dating or whatever (I cannot remember)... It was like I truly wanted to kill her😡. So cunning and insensitive! If you really love someone you don't do something like that.
Also if you a poor part-timer, where on earth would you get the money to buy fancy clothes, a very awesome mountain back pack and supposedly head up to Mongolia??? Did the writer and producers really think we viewers are stupid to believe that??
I should stop. It really makes me angry. I studied literature and had the dream to become a writer. I have written my pieces as well (although I have never published), and I know it is hard to write, but those two last episodes were just more than bad writing, they were an offense to us. 😠

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Her wardrobe defied logic definitely. She had such an exquisite range of coats and bags and shoes and she brought all of them in that one red suitcase? Not to mention there would obviously be other things too? Unless she got hermione to perform an undetectable extension charm on her suitcase. .I don't know how's that possible. Sorry for going slightly off topic here.

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You are simply right. I also criticised that in whatever recap of this show at least once. But many Korean dramas have done the same, by the way. Lots of so called poor characters and they dress like they are in a fashion designer contest. 😂😂😂😂

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I have concluded that Korean suitcases are actually descendants of the Tardis. Bigger on the inside and capable of providing an unlimited wardrobe.

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I nodded yes to each and every sentence you have written here! I remember in one of the scenes she had a checked coat on and I thought ‘oh good I saw her wearing this same coat a few scenes ago’ but it turned out to be a different shade! I have 2 coats that I bought 6 years ago and I can afford some new ones but why when I have 2 already? Only in k dramas!

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I think the writer was very deliberate in the getting-together of HR and WS. They were purposely subverting the many 'happy endings' in romcoms where the woman ends up giving up her dreams of whatever to end up 'happily married' with babies instead. Here they make WS make that same choice.

I didn't like it personally, I would have preferred that neither WS nor HR gave up their dream (and ended up married to different people but remain close friends) but this is what I feel the writer was getting at with that ending for them.

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For me, I could kind of understand why Ji ho left....its like her character to do that, based on how I understand her right from episode 1

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But it still defied logic, like @superwhopotterlock said. The reason why she lived with him was because she didn't have money for even a single room anywhere else, unless you count those places where there were no windows, sun light or cleaness...
She was working part-time. She didn't have where to go. Let alone that reason. Her actions at the end were out of character... She lied to him, and she had always been honest before.

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I am not defending her but its more like she lied cos she wants to hurt him. Remember the episode when she realised he was not into her but abiding the contract. she got angry by not offering food to him, which was mean.
so, as I said earlier, she lied on purpose to hurt him so that he could feel what she felt....its her characters nature to do that, thats the way she is...
sorry if it doesn't make sense..thats just how I feel....

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I too, felt like HR's and WS's relationship was toxic at times. Not because of any hatred or animosity between them but because they had different end goals and aspirations that did not coincide with each other along with a lack of understanding. In fact their end goals were polar opposites creating rifts between them (they kept breaking up). So the fact that they miraculously ended up together married with a kid (when Won-Seok wanted a career and his own app development) was unexpected. They should have taken a breather and prioritised their wants and then get back together,probably marry after settling down properly, instead of just winging it in the last 2 eps. Horang was honestly selfish (tho understandably so - 7 years is commitment!), she kept lashing out at Won-seok when they never had a proper discussion about marriage, kids and their career endgoals!

And Jiho's sudden arrival with a cake and carefree attitude towards breakfast was insensitive. Se-hee was hurting, he thought she was a dream!

The ending too was kinda lack lustre in that it put a pretty bow on everything. I felt like it sacrificed some of it's organic, raw, soul touching aspects for a too-neat ending.

But the show was absolutely brilliant whenever it chose too. With the character arcs, precise acting, emotions, dialogue and realistic rawness.

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I think the ending could have been perfectly satisfactory is they changed two things: kept Ho-rang and Won-seok apart, and either made Ji-ho realize her mistake when her mom told her she wasn’t making sense, OR had her feel genuinely apologetic when she saw how she hurt Se-hee. That could’ve provided a great route for character growth and realization for her.

But, like with most dramas, I chalk the ending’s flaws up to the drama industry’s stupid live-shoot system. It seemed to me that the writer was under pressure while writing the ending. There are other things I would have liked fleshed out more, but the show took on so many issues and themes (and handled them so deftly) that I think the possibilities were limitless and I think they could’ve actually benefited from an extension, had the writer been given enough time to do it justice. But with a 16-episode limit in mind with a hectic filming system, those two things I mentioned above being changed would have made everything perfect for me.

The sheer brilliance of 90% of the show definitely outweighs its flaws. There’s no drama I’ve felt was 100% perfect and whenever I think about this show, it’s all butterflies.

But the friendships, I think, WERE 100% perfect. 💖

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Her mom was definitely a gem on her own. She wasn't overly dramatic like most kdrama moms, nor was she a secondary character. Every time she appeared on screen she commanded my attention with her tiredness, yet emotionally gold commentary/advice on life. Yay for moms who dish out bs free advice!🙌

Yeah and maybe the time/shooting constraints were a problem for the script. One more episode would have probably fleshed everything out better without it being a stretch.

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@fencejumper I LOVED Mom! She was yet another part of the show that I wanted more of. But honestly, I wanted more of a lot of the show. There was so much to love and not enough time to give everything the screentime it deserved. While it was airing a lot of people said that this is the type of slice-of-life show that could actually do well with more episodes or even multiple seasons and I agree. I would’ve loved to see more of Mom with Ji-ho—and Se-hee!

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Thank you for your nice thoughts, mindy. You are right. I have been so upset with the ending, that sometimes i forget that other than that, many, many things were right. I laughed like crazy with Kimchi making, and i swooned crazily with making out... I loved mom.
Thank you again for reminding me that.

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@javinne Haha, no problem! I had my issues with the ending, too, which I outlined in the recap, but my general thoughts and feelings about a show after it ends are based off more of an overall, all-encompassing impression. And for BTLIOF, I was definitely overflowing with love. 😉 This was definitely reaffirmed after I rewatched the show with my best friend! It made me feel just as giddy the second time around.

The kimchi-making and the entirety of episode 11 (and 12!) will go down as one of my favorite drama moments ever!

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Ugh I agree about WS and HR. They deserve to be apart. I do not think they will last long and would be better served with other partners that better compliment them. But that is just me.

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Thanks for this write-up @meera. I didn't love the ending of this drama, I didn't love how most of the couples ended up but I love love love the two sets of friends. Those friendships were really what got me hooked on this drama from the beginning.

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You had me here "because at times my friends and I have felt detached from others at large gatherings. We find ourselves clustering together in a corner or stunned over the abrasiveness of an interaction." I can understand that very well but in my situation I am the only one left out, thats why I never attend gatherings at all .....Thanks for the write up. On a side note, their frendship was the main draw for me to the drama aside the romance and how the three of them became friends was so touching....

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This was definitely one of my favorite friendship dramas of last year. This and 20th century made me appreciate my girlfriends to the nth degree. I also liked how there was no competition between the friends here— for boys, jobs, attention. They just supported each other. I loved that they were genuinely happy with Ji-Ho when she got married, although they were still recovering from how fast it happened. Sometimes no jusdgement is what we need from our friends, and pretty wedding pictures to remember that moment. That was my favorite scene with all of the just laughing a smiling with each other.

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later in life, after many years of "life happens" (being busy with our own lives and families) we seek routines that provide a reason to connect... like lunch ladies on a certain day of the week, and signing up for an evening tai chi class...

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I loved this! You perfectly articulated everything I loved about the friendships in this drama. The way all of the characters were able to shine while still keeping the focus on Ji-ho and Se-hee has meant that the show really raised the bar for a drama’s treatment of its secondary characters for me. You’re totally right that in so many shows, especially rom-coms, the friends seem so one-dimensional. That was definitely not the case here!

The scene with the girls taking photos at the wedding will always make me smile. I also remember one scene with Ji-ho and Su-ji, I can’t remember which episode, where one of them is picking up chip crumbs off the other’s lap. It was hardly noticeable, but it felt so real and intimate to me. I loved it. Another highlight was definitely their conversation after Su-ji found out about the contract, and the “red coat” conversation between Ji-ho and Ho-rang.

I knew from the first episode that the friendship between the girls would be something special, but Se-hee and Sang-gu snuck up on me. It consisted mostly of little yet profound moments and lines. Se-hee’s eyes staying fixed on Sang-gu when he was worried, the way he bought everyone cake to give him and Su-ji privacy, Sang-gu’s “Do you really think that Se-hee doesn’t know that Ji-ho likes him?” in his conversation with Su-ji. “Bromance” is common in dramaland, but I felt that the subtle way the show demonstrated how well they knew each other and cared about each other was something special. That’s much of the show in a nutshell, I guess. Subtle and understated but effective.

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I love the friendships in this show. The ladies definitely and the men as well. SangGu and SeHee's friendship seem superficial at first but then as you get to know them and their history together. You'd understand why they work and withstood the test of time.

SuJi is my fave among the ladies. I rooted for her as she broke out of that terrible situation she was it. Cheered for her as she finally stood up for herself. She is def lucky to have a supportive bf by her side.

I understand that large gathering can seem overwhelming. But its always those dearest friends you had for such a long time make it all worthwhile. They are def precious.

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Su Ji became one of my most favourite characters from Kdrama. I rooted for he throughout the drama and that elevator punch was just so satisfying and perfect.
I also really loved her and Sang Gu's relationship. Both of them always built up and supported the other.

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Yes. That punch was well deserved. Too bad thats the only one he got.

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Meera,

Thank you for such a perfectly written and heartfelt piece.
👏😊

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Oh yes, everything you mentioned really resonated with my thoughts on this show. It just brings a sense of realism to their friendship. Particularly agreed with this, "When Ji-ho suddenly announces her wedding to Se-hee, instead of guilting her for not keeping them posted about every detail in her relationship, they were supportive and anxious about her sudden decision."

Have to say that when you're with your close friends, you respect each other's decision and don't find the need to probe into every single detail. Sometimes I get suffocated and feel cornered when my friends feel the need to know everything that is going on in my life, or express their great disappointment in my delay of relaying the details. While my really close friends give me the space that I need and respect the decisions I make, not probing further into what I do not wish to say. Sometimes we simply do not want to share.

That's why Because This Life Is Our First's reference to Room 19 resonated with me and this drama will forever hold a special place in my heart.

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It was really comforting to re-visit this friend group through this post, thank you!

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Great write up @meera17817. This drama was 98% brilliant expect for the way they chose to end it (not an unpopular opinion as I can see on the comments below)! You have very nicely worded the friendship between the girls and the awkward friendship between the 3 main guys! My one ‘little’ peeve was when Ji Ho announced she was getting married to her landlord, none of the girls pressed her for the truth. I mean it is great that they were supportive but it was clear as day that Ji Ho was cornered for making such a drastic decision. And her friends being so close to her didn’t read it correctly? I found that odd. If any of my friends were struggling to find a place and announces suddenly that she is marrying the landlord for ‘love’ i’d be ‘we need to talk’!

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sorry I think you got the wrong meera🤗

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Sorry :(

:D :D

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This drama is one of my forever faves and the friendships shown helped make it that for me.

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Little late on this post, but omg yes, friendships in kdramas are such #goals! I don't have childhood friends either so I live vicariously through their friendships too hahah. I always lowkey wanted one tho. After a certain age, it seems like most people already have their own best friend(s). I'm not sure I even believe that the kdrama kinds of friends exist in real life anymore, but it's nice to see it on screen anyway.

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