Awwww, @ally-le! I love this so much. It’s such an important topic, and it’s fascinating to see how such seemingly “small” things can make such a huge impact. Thanks for sharing. 🤗

Oh, you made my day! Believe me even Caucasian people can be aliens between eachother. I experimented with my hairstyles as well, I looked really like a crazy person and after puberty they started to curl and that is really hard to manage. I hate someone touching my hair so I was doing allmost all of my haircut by myself. Looking like a chicken in the rain, but in late twenties I've finally found my way.

Thanks for the tag, @bammsie! I’m so glad you his piece spoke to you, DB! It’s very personal, a compilation of my past insecurities in 1000 words or less! And again, I’m grateful for good editing!

It was so much fun to read your post. My own "hair-story" is different from yours, but there are some similarities. Thank you for sharing!

Ah, those hairstyles. Whenever I saw a female characters sporting a pretty shoulder-length hair, I always experienced strong hair envy. Eventually I cut my hair in similar style once and got a harsh realization that my seemingly straight, but totally unruly hair can only be tamed in a ponytail. Which I couldn't do in shoulder-length style. After that, I never did any experimentation anymore, though it didn't abate my hair envy for one bit.
*staring intensely at Won Jin-ah and Moon So-ri's pretty and professional-looking hair in Life*

Great read @ally-le!
I've done lots of things to my hair, and finally have stopped. I had wanted to stop doing stuff like colouring for ages, but just hated the roots looking more than 50% white, and so kept covering that up. It was only an allergic reaction to colourants (and other things one applies to skin) that got me to stop just earlier this year.

So like you, I'm embracing my natural hair colour and I've stopped doing stuff to my hair. No more perms or curling or attempts to change it. The roots are growing out nicely now, so the head is half white and half dark, but that looks ok when it's up in a pony tail.

The pony tail is also getting thinner, only one third it's original thickness, so I bless the genes that gave me so much hair to begin with.

I am amused by the effect of my look. On public transport, I'm more likely to be offered seats. At work, with clients, I'm less likely to be treated 'rudely' and somehow less is required or expected of 'the senior looking' lady. I can also pass off as a hip oldie in clothes much too young for me.

Thanks for this piece. It got me thinking about my representation, and how (after years!) it's possible to just embrace looking like me and to keep enjoying how I look.

WOW @ally-le !! Thank you so much for sharing your personal hair experiences. I felt I was reading a part of your heart and I loved it.

When I was a toddler, my hair was jet black and EXTREMELY straight. Then a kid got gum in my hair so we had to cut it short (pixie cut) when I turned 8 (oh the insecurities I had when I got mixed up as a boy!). When it grew longer, it formed curls and I got even more insecure (I got called «noodle hair»). My hair is still ever changing (now its wavy) even though i'm long done puberty. I guess it'll change for the rest of my life. The secret is confidence and owning up to it (and managing it).

I do love that more and more kdrama heroins are sporting wavy hair... But why is it, when they get a makeover why is it their hair has to be straightened?

@ally-le You've wonderfully written it. It reminds me of my childhood cut and the cut I'm sporting now. I've wavy hairs and I'm always envious of straight or either curly hairs.
I never thought someone would write about hair cuts and style. Hair cuts and styles plays important role in my life as whenever my hairs are good I feel much more confident.
Thank you for this write-up.^^

I'm rewatching The Scent of a Woman and the stylists didn't like Kim Sun Ah! She looks like ajumma with her hair perm. She made her makeover in hair salon but I would pull my eyeballs out of my head if I had to pay for this. It's pitty, she's such a lovely actress.

Lovely post, Ally~💐

I don't have the same experience growing up as minority, but I can imagine it must be so tough for you. And I'm glad you able to find that sense of belonging now, even if it's about hair/ hairstyle, it's not a small thing at all.

Recently, my son sported the Hwayugi cut after my husband took him to the barber, and now he has Taek’s hair towards the end of Answer Me 1988.
Aww, this is cute~🌺

On a lighter note, kdrama hilariously is the one that makes me so self-conscious. I used to envy those sleek shiny straight hairstyle in those kdramas, I even styled myself like them, but as a curly-haired girl, it's so high-maintenance, I cursed myself for this "gift/genetic" but then I stumbled upon curly girl website on internet that promotes self-acceptance, so I'm all happy now embracing my hair✨

I enjoy reading this and can relate to most of it except the representation part. However, I'm also a child of the 70s when Western culture was what Asians look to in almost everything especially pop culture - music, movies, celebrities and of course fashion.

I remember the neighborhood salons had Farrah Fawcett photos pasted on the walls though the end results were not even close. We couldn't be blonde but those curls were every girl's dream!

Hair. Oh having hair that won't conform to the current trend is so frustrating as a teenager. I have the straightest hair in the world. It will not hold a curl whether from a curling iron or a perm, and big curly hair was the do when I was young. In defense, I either mostly shaved off my hair, or sported asymetrical bobs in a variety of colors. Even now, the bob . . . so boring . . . is my go to. And as I type this, I have a signature female second lead chin length, one side tucked behind my ear cut.

But you are so right, representation matters, and I love that your son is experimenting with different kdrama styles. And I know some didn't like Lee Seung-gi's Hwayugi hair, but I did.

Right now, my hair looks exactly the way Han Hyo-joo's did in Shining Inheritance. I've never been prouder.

Ally, i love you!!!!

Beautifully written! @ally-le

I get this completely. I went through a severe high ponytail phase in the throes of SLA. Of course it probably looked ridiculous on me, but my inner kbeauty queen was satisfied!

@ally-le Thank you for writing this post! It's so heartwarming to hear your story as an '80s Asian child in America. I feel so privileged now to have grown up in an Asian community in the US. I've always been surrounded by friends who look like me and don't judge my style. It's really interesting how Hallyu has penetrated America, and is making "Asian" on trend when "Asian" was made fun of so much in the past. Asian Americans have really come a long way.
I have an autoimmune thing that causes a lot of my hair to fall out, so I'm forced to have short hair. I've always been obsessed with the really long, straight black hair that I used to have though. But this post has inspired me to start to accept short hair, and I might even try new k-dramaesque things to it now!

Wow, @ally-le that was beautiful. Thank you so much for writing it.

When I was in high school, I went to a school that was in a refugee feeder area. That is, a good quarter of the students were refugees or first-generation children of refugees. Many were from Vietnam, including one of my best friends. She was a truly beautiful girl but I still remember her telling me how much she hated her skin colour and her hair. How she wanted my blonde hair and my white skin. And I remember telling her - in all my entitled, oblivious, glory - that my skin would wrinkle early and my hair was boring and that I'd kill for a bit of melanin. It was only later when I travelled by myself in countries where I stood out that I realised how pervasive that underlying sense of difference can be.

I wish I'd listened a bit more and been less dismissive of her anxieties. It's not as if I didn't have my own - especially around my weight. Reading this makes me realise just how common that feeling must have been around many of my friends, a lot of whom were from south-east Asia or China. It was only when I went to University and ventured out of the multicultural microcosm of that highschool that I realised how truly white my country was and how different that must have made them feel.

I'm sorry that you spent your youth wanting to change so much of yourself but am so glad that dramas have helped you find your own style. I of course couldn't pull off any of those looks. If only I had different hair and didn't look like a Scottish peasant farmer!

I'm Asian American too in a majority white country, but there were a good number of asians at my schools. My hair struggle was my mom not letting me dye my hair or get one of those trendy layered haircuts like 90% of the asians were doing or grow it past a certain point. There was one year where I did manage to give myself some layers that looked really nice, but the year after that, I sort of botched it.

Thanks for this very personal and meaningful piece.

May we all, eventually, find representation and a sense of belonging.

Ooh! Great piece @ally-le. I love that you rock any white hair that may be coming out. Keep being awesome! <3

This is a great story. Even though I never had experience being in a minority, but finding the perfect haircut is a lifetime assignment.

@ally-le I loved this so much! Your hair struggles and trying to fit are definitely relatable. I love how you're owning your style and new hair with confidence. 💖

Oh, @ally-le, I do appreciate this so much, and I've been enjoying everyone's comments as well.

When i was a kid oh how I envied everyone elses hair. I was a young black girl with incredibly thick hair and for all intents and purposes no mother and no one who knew what to do with it. Too shy to try and experimentation with my hair as I wanted to be invisible. I still remember the day when I tried to put my long hair in a sleek ponytail and used Pink Hair Lotion and I didn't rub it in good enough. I didn't know that I hadn't rubbed it in good enough and my hair was absolutely streaked in the back. The boy I had been harboring a feverish crush on for 3 years pointed at my head and laughed until tears came down his face. I stood there until he stopped. Turned, left, and didn't come back to school for 3 days (and then that was only because my science teacher walked to my house and dragged me to school). I was so envious of the hair of the Asian girls in my class! My best friend--a wonderful girl who's family was from Laos--would pull her wonderful brownish black stick straight hair into high ponytails and I would stare in absolute fascination at the way it swished from side to side as she walked. OH that hair swish! I have been envious of that hair swish since kindergarten! Every time I would get my hair relaxed or braided I would try and walk so that my hair would swish as I walked. But---thats not what my hair does.

A few months ago I chopped all the processed parts of my hair off leaving my hair completely natural and heat free. I have no idea what I'm doing but I love it. This afternoon I was grocery shopping and I saw two black women with wonderfully done hair staring at me. Since I'm naturally anxious I stared back (and avoided eye contact) and tried my best to get away from them. They bumped into me as they were passing me in the aisle and just like that---just like that--I was 11 years old and my crush of three years was pointing at my hair and laughing until he cried.
Seeing yourself represented somewhere is such an important part of self-discovery.

Thank you for this wonderful essay, @ally-le!
I love your writing and I love how you totally ROCK!

I always wanted curly hair too. *sigh* My futile attempts both looked like a poodle possession. I got through it by smiling and tyig ribvons in my hair.
I have always like salt and pepper hair the best. Sadly mine is just what the French call 'cendré' or 'ashy'. I gave up trying to change my hair and now I just enjoy it as it is.
*hugs*

Ally (@ally-le) this is simply lovely and heartwarming.

That was a great read, @ally-le! Thank you for sharing :D There is already enough awkwardness and insecurities that go along with growing up and going through school, and hopefully more and more people will realize how important it is that all kids (and adults, too) are able to see characters just like them in shows and movies. It's great you're finding some inspiration from K-dramas for you and your children and also, I love that you're rockin' they gray hair too. You're awesome, Ally 😎

@ally-le, I connect with your story so much, terrible hair cuts and all! Wonderfully written and thanks for sharing your story! :)

*Claps!* :)

Wow honey beautiful piece , I even had some tears on my eyes .
Congrats 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 even though it's late for getting published .

I have Stubborn Curly hair which got adjective of being bird nest on the day I wash my long curly hair....
but I love my curls and would never ever trade them for anything...