I wrote this at 1am last night when I was sleep deprived and slightly delirious and emotional. I was too embarrassed to post it but I feel so bad for not writing anything so here you go, I’m embarrassed by myself and I’m sorry in advance:

So I wasn’t going to make a post because I have gone 10 days without mentioning him to anyone anywhere and this hiatus is shaping up pretty well and I practically don’t know what he looks like or sounds like anymore at this point which is good and healthy and I want to keep it up until his next project is announced.

But.

But.

But.

The guilt is eating me alive.

I can’t just let the day pass by like this.

I don’t care if this is 10 giant steps back in my addiction management.

So.

HAPPY 34TH BIRTHDAY, LEE MIN-KI!!!

Oh my god you’re practically an ajusshi now.

Our fake virtual wedding both mortified me and made me happier than I’d care to admit and I hope you never ever find out that some weird girl in Chicago now has friends who jokingly refer to you as her “husband”.

Cringe. Cringe. Cringe.

We may have had a rocky year in 2018 due to a certain drama that I’d like to forget ever happened (and I’ve actually been quite successful at erasing it from my memory), but I’m glad that the drama was a success in terms of popularity and that you clearly enjoyed the company you kept, and I loved seeing you and Seo Hyun-jin get along so well. I can see why she called you gentle, quiet, thoughtful, and easygoing and why you called her a reliable pillar of strength. Your interactions (thanks for the abundant footage, JTBC!) often got me through my weeks, and for that I’m grateful. Maybe the drama wasn’t a complete waste of space.

And thank you and Jung So-min for being the best thing about the mediocre and kind of icky What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim with your lovely cameo, and for being the shining light of my weeks this autumn on Mondays and Tuesdays during our Because This Life is Our First rewatches. I’ll never forget that show and will likely never tire of it, much to the chagrin of my fellow Beanies, I think. Se-hee will stay in my heart and the hearts of many others forever, and thank you thank you thank you for blessing all of our screens with such a sweet, gentle, understated, yet stirring (and swoony Swoon-hee!) character and performance. 16 hours and not a wrist grab in sight. How many romantic kdramas can boast that?

You’re one of the most versatile actors of your generation, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for 2019. A movie? A drama? Both? I’m not demanding another BTLIOF or another Se-hee—I already have those, I want something different! But something that could make me feel even just half as happy… If I may, could I just send you my thoughts on exactly the types of things I like and would want to see you do so we don’t get another 2018 disappointment? Trying to let you know, signeul bonae signal bonae, I must let you know, signeul bonae signal bonae!

And Seo Hyun-jin spilled the beans about you losing weight from stress while filming so you better eat and rest and relax!! Take your time choosing your next project!! Wait for something great!!!!!!

Why did I write this like a letter when he won’t even read it? I’m so dumb.

I like him so much.