The first time I really saw her, I cringed. She wasn’t too pretty, she was awkward and a bit of an obnoxious know-it-all. Easy going and the procrastinator I was, I accepted her without thinking too much about it.

But as I grew more self aware of my surroundings, I bullied her relentlessly, to the point of her crying every night. And it made me feel good. Except it didn’t.

And when she received love from my close friends and family, it pissed me off. Why? She’s a try hard with no personality and she’s ugly. I didn’t get it.

She was always there, but I never really got to know her. I do know she tries hard to make me happy. She gets me gifts, she talks me up to everybody. Her intention was genuine, but deep in my heart it annoyed me. Who is she to help me like that? Who do you think you are? You’re nothing.

Although I have known her 23 years, I have yet to have told her “I love you” or “You’re pretty”. Yet she still sticks to m3. And I’m working on it. I’m learning to get to know her, her quirks, and all the amazing stuff I’m told about her.

Loving and being aware of yourself is indeed a challenge, and every day Im working on believing that I’m worth it.

Working on love,
February

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