Quick survey out of curiosity: If a male co-worker initiates a conversation with a female colleague at least half his age by saying “I like your shirt”, how would you rate that on the Creepometer? 1 being totally harmless and 10 being avoid at all costs.
It was mostly just the complement. He went on some other tangent about it but I was walking behind him so I didn’t really catch it. The thing is the guy is basically a stranger to me. I know nothing about him but his name and department, only recently met him, and have never asked him anything about himself. In fact, I’ve never even initiated a conversation with him before, yet every time he sees me he either asks a personal question (where are you from?) or makes a personal comment (I like your shirt). In general, I’ve always had the impression that older aged men should not strike up conversation with much younger women unnecessarily. It’s one thing to make small talk about work or the weather (which he doesn’t), but I don’t see why he would feel the need to make a comment about my clothing instead of something more reasonable like, “Busy day today, huh?” That seems red flaggy to me. It doesn’t help that I am above averagely busty.
In my experience here in India, even acknowledging creeps by REJECTING them gives them the wrong idea, and they come on stronger. If what larelle says doesn’t work, or if you’d rather not be blunt because workplace etc, maybe just give curt one word replies to things he asks, don’t make eye contact, basically pretend he doesn’t exist.
Agree with the above ~ I deal with power dynamics at work, so when an older man (or someone similar) says something like that I usually reply “what? Yeah, I like my shirt too, thanks” and either walk away or keep doing what I’m doing. Don’t betray interest if they try to start a conversation, just keep doing what your doing, and hopefully the message gets across.
I’m currently having an inner debate with myself if these types of older men touching my shoulder is enough to report them to my boss…
Depends on many factors. My bosses who are a bit older than I have complimented my shirts without any kind of creep factor. Now if the guy was like staring at her chest saying it or doing a Joey “how you doin’?” kind of attitude then high creep factor.
I would beg to differ that age does matter. Maybe not so much when you’re older, but if it’s an age difference like a high school graduate and a middle-aged guy in his fifties the I think age definitely has a significant impact on the ick/creep factor.
A simple thanks and quick change of topic will do.
If he continues the conversation at a personal level raise creepometer value.
Many times its harmless. I have complimented my male colleagues if I like their shirt (only if I have worked with them long enough and have a comfortable relationship).
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Hobakky
April 25, 2019 at 3:59 PM
Quick survey out of curiosity: If a male co-worker initiates a conversation with a female colleague at least half his age by saying “I like your shirt”, how would you rate that on the Creepometer? 1 being totally harmless and 10 being avoid at all costs.
larelle79
April 25, 2019 at 4:02 PM
What happened after that?
Was it just the complement?
Hobakky
April 25, 2019 at 5:41 PM
It was mostly just the complement. He went on some other tangent about it but I was walking behind him so I didn’t really catch it. The thing is the guy is basically a stranger to me. I know nothing about him but his name and department, only recently met him, and have never asked him anything about himself. In fact, I’ve never even initiated a conversation with him before, yet every time he sees me he either asks a personal question (where are you from?) or makes a personal comment (I like your shirt). In general, I’ve always had the impression that older aged men should not strike up conversation with much younger women unnecessarily. It’s one thing to make small talk about work or the weather (which he doesn’t), but I don’t see why he would feel the need to make a comment about my clothing instead of something more reasonable like, “Busy day today, huh?” That seems red flaggy to me. It doesn’t help that I am above averagely busty.
larelle79
April 25, 2019 at 5:46 PM
Okay. Since this is not a one and done thing, yeah, totally understand you being on guard.
The questions don’t cross any lines per companies but you are uncomfortable when he speaks to you.
If this continues, you damn right to tell him to knock it off.
greenfields
April 25, 2019 at 6:10 PM
Agreed with larelle.
In my experience here in India, even acknowledging creeps by REJECTING them gives them the wrong idea, and they come on stronger. If what larelle says doesn’t work, or if you’d rather not be blunt because workplace etc, maybe just give curt one word replies to things he asks, don’t make eye contact, basically pretend he doesn’t exist.
Cocoa, The Fake Poet of February
April 26, 2019 at 1:13 PM
Agree with the above ~ I deal with power dynamics at work, so when an older man (or someone similar) says something like that I usually reply “what? Yeah, I like my shirt too, thanks” and either walk away or keep doing what I’m doing. Don’t betray interest if they try to start a conversation, just keep doing what your doing, and hopefully the message gets across.
I’m currently having an inner debate with myself if these types of older men touching my shoulder is enough to report them to my boss…
larelle79
April 26, 2019 at 1:18 PM
Absolutely report it. It is always the microaggressions that lead to the worst.
Because the first thing that is always said is, ‘Well, did you talk to them about it first?’.
No asshole in HR, if I was comfortable doing that, I would not come to you.
greenfields
April 26, 2019 at 5:17 PM
Ugh. Why are men like this.
Jig
April 25, 2019 at 4:15 PM
Depends on many factors. My bosses who are a bit older than I have complimented my shirts without any kind of creep factor. Now if the guy was like staring at her chest saying it or doing a Joey “how you doin’?” kind of attitude then high creep factor.
egads aka Dame Maggie
April 25, 2019 at 4:18 PM
Yep, tone, circumstances, and eye placement are major factors in determining the creeper scale.
Warning: Absolutely no physical contact should be made during this exchange.
Jig
April 25, 2019 at 4:39 PM
Oh also age is the least of these factors. A young guy can sound as innocent or as creepy depending on all the above factors.
Hobakky
April 25, 2019 at 6:00 PM
I would beg to differ that age does matter. Maybe not so much when you’re older, but if it’s an age difference like a high school graduate and a middle-aged guy in his fifties the I think age definitely has a significant impact on the ick/creep factor.
Blue (@mayhemf)
April 25, 2019 at 4:19 PM
A simple thanks and quick change of topic will do.
If he continues the conversation at a personal level raise creepometer value.
Many times its harmless. I have complimented my male colleagues if I like their shirt (only if I have worked with them long enough and have a comfortable relationship).