Week 31~

I’ve been finding more and more that oftentimes, I have an issue with perspective.

Not just when I’m trying to draw that pesky leg of that cat, and it ends up pointing in the opposite direction that t was supposed to..

But with what I think is important, what I prioritize. I freak out about exams and the exact phrasing of the words that come out of my mouth, because of course the world will end tomorrow if I say that thing wrong or get (heaven forbid) lower than a 95 on an assignment. My worth is tied directly to these things, right? (The seasons are changing; who will stay when the wind strips away these things that are obviously the pieces that define me?)

And on the other side of it, I give no consequence to the things that maybe, are where my eyes should be focused. The waking, the breathing, the determination to start again each day. The being myself, without (much) quavering or hesitance. The ‘acknowledging what I’ve done well’ thing.

(Since when did school, jobs, responsibilities take precedence over good mental health?)

I know I need new glasses. I’m working on it.

Today, I had the best kind of affirmation.

‘Speak yourself’ is a phrase I’ve held close to me for a little while, a reminder to myself that I can be kind while standing firm in expressing my views, and boldly asking for what I need and want.

(Today, I got a great big hug from the professor who intimidated me.)
(Today, I got a demand to keep in contact from a gal who I thought was too cool to associate with the likes of me outside of class.)
(Today, I wasn’t fully prepared for an exam, and I probably didn’t do as well as I could. And that’s okay.)
(Today, I was able to affirm to myself that my worth isn’t found extrinsically.)
(Today, I found that loosening my grip on the reins and removing my hands from where they were covering my eyes allowed me to see the people who stayed. And not only that, but that the people who stayed stayed for me.)

Don’t let anybody (and not you, especially) stop you from pursuing what you love, from pursuing a state of peace, of contentment with yourself.

(Did any of this make sense? I don’t know, I’m very sleepy.)

Respectfully yours,
Little things that take up a big space in my heart

Have a good week, you opalescent tree sharks.