The first drama I finished this year is none other than Search: WWW. I always try to go back and watch the good, highly regarded dramas that I missed while live watching others, so it’s a little bit sad that I didn’t get to gush along with everyone else. Still, I’m glad I watched it as I really enjoyed it!

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    To be honest, at first, the story didn’t sound appealing to me. I don’t know why, but I don’t think I understood what the plot was really about. Then everyone started raving about it, but the long episodes scared me off a little bit. What if I started it and it didn’t end well? I even read the recaps and was still a little hesitant. However, everyone talked a lot about it and rated it highly in their end of year reviews, so I thought about picking it up. As I had nothing to watch for a while, I decided to just give the first episode a try. One episode turned into going all in and watching it all. I loved it, of course. A million things have been said about this drama, and my words always fail to describe why I like things well, so I can’t really add much to the conversation, but I can say that somehow I found myself looking at the similarities I had with the three ladies that ran this show.

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    I will start off by saying that I’m not a chaebol, I do not have a high position or a long career under my belt, and I live a single, hopeless romantic lifestyle. How can I relate to these women though? I was surprised myself to find connections with these women, which is why I want to document it, if only to learn more about who I am. I’ll start with Ga-kyung. She had the most horrible parents and even worse mother-in-law, which thankfully I cannot relate at all. Her life was so suffocating that I sometimes wanted to scream for her. I don’t know what I would do in her case, I would’ve gone crazy to live in that lifestyle. However, in my own life, I sometimes feel like I’m only doing what other people want. I’m being such a drama queen, I know, but it totally feels that way when you are stuck in the same scenarios over and over again. I live with my parents and my siblings, and I work from home. It sometimes gets a little too much being at home all the time. There are some days I just want to leave, but I can’t. I’m financially unstable, plus I feel that if I go, my family will fall apart, not kidding. I’m the eldest sibling so I’ve always been my parents’ right hand, maybe even the left too. I’m responsible for a lot of things in the household. I’m the one managing doctors appointments. I’m the one everyone comes to when they need something. I’m the problem solver. After a while, its burdening. I “run” the house, but it’s not my house to run. My parents just dumped it all on me and it’s hard to just hand it back. I’ve tried, but things don’t change overnight. I’ve had my share of embarrassing moments where I talk back and it just leads to me crying. Ga-kyung though, only talked back when she was truly done with them. Oh, how I wanted her to do it sooner! My parents, my family, isn’t horrible. I really love them, I do. And I know that the reason I want to scream out loud at random times has to do with inner conflicts more than them. But how I wish they could listen to me, like really understood and helped me instead of always coming to me to fix their problems. Who helps me then? Doesn’t distance make the heart grow fonder? Does it work on families?

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    Cha Hyeon is on the opposite spectrum of Ga-kyung, at least in my head she is. She is girly, and brave and stands up for others. She can be cute and giggly, but also a total force to be reckoned with. I think the major scenes that stuck out for me was when she would come out to help her friends when they needed her. She was there to back them up, no questions asked. I am a very nervous person, a huge scaredy cat. My life is the way it is right now because I don’t stand up for myself. I don’t take risks. I have anxiety problems that I’m dealing with, but you know sometimes that anxiety hits when you least expect it, so I’m not spontaneous either. However, when my family and friends need something somehow I get the courage to do it. When my father fell ill, I was surprised at how calm and composed I was while figuring things out and talking to his doctors. I took charge when my family couldn’t. They all looked towards me, so I could explain what was happening and what that meant for our future. When my siblings needed help figuring out this or that, they took me along knowing that I wouldn’t hold back and ask all the hard questions for them. I faced my fear of crowded places to be with the people I love during their most important times. I can do this and more for them, but when it’s for myself, I get timid and shy. Cha Hyeon is confident in herself and stands up for what she believes in. I already have it in me to help others, maybe it’s time for me to be confident in myself. I want to stand up for myself now. I want to make a decision and not back down

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    Tami, to me, was the most frustrating out of the three. Whereas Cha Hyeon and Ga-gyung are on the opposite sides of the spectrum, Tami is in the middle: she has the ability to care for the greater good, but if she does something that might look shady, she still isn’t totally wrong also. Her decisions career wise weren’t frustrating though, well at least to me. She was a smart lady and knew what she was doing. Her coworkers got along with her and respected her judgment. If I ever get to jump start my career, then I would totally would want to be like her. Her love life was what was frustrating. Cha Hyeon got the romantic, cute love line. Ga-kyung got the mature love line. Tami got the I’m doubting all my decisions love line. The only reason I found it frustrating was because, even though I am single as can be, I could see myself in Tami, doubting myself over every little thing. I’m like a ping pong that bounces back and forth in my thoughts all the time, but as for right now, I do wish to be married someday. However, there are a lot of things that would totally put me off in dating someone because like Tami said, one will have to yield to the other and it might make that person regret it in the future. I think that it is what I would hate the most, have someone regret the decision we made. So I really don’t get why they got together again. Like yeah, the hopeless romantic in me wants them to just love each other while they can, but my realistic side thinks that if there is a foreseeable end to it, then why start. I guess this all sounds silly because I am not in a position to say anything since I’ve never been in love, but I’m a frustrating person and Tami is too which is how I related to her, hehe.
    I rambled for way too long and it probably doesn’t make sense, but I think that this was the best way I could show my love for this drama by relating these impressive women to myself. I do not measure up to them in the least, but it’s hard sometimes to connect with one character in a drama, so to think I connected at least very briefly in small tangent way over there to three characters, I think it means that this drama really was something else!

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      I didn’t see her as doubting at all (about her love life). She knew she didn’t want marriage and children. Her career was what she found fulfilling and what she wanted to spend her time doing without the other distractions. She didn’t want to deprive him of what he wanted and found fulfilling and was afraid he’d miss out if he continued to be with her.

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      Did you watch Be Melodramatic yet? Three more interesting women.

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        I totally see what you said about Tami! It’s something I saw as well, but couldn’t properly say.

        I loved Be Melodramatic! We got some good women centered dramas last year:)

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      Thanks for sharing all this. Dramas can be therapeutic, can’t they?
      About Ta-mi, it’s true that her love story could not have a future; my past self didn’t like stories like that, but now I am rather satisfied with the ending. We are living here and now, so to me it’s ok to live the moment (and even two people with the same mind and projects could break up in the future for lots of reasons).
      Wish you all the best. Fighting!

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        I will probably change my mind regarding Tami in a couple of weeks and go back and forth for a while since that is my true nature, hehe.
        Thanks for reading:)

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