So, we’re three weeks into 2020 and so far this year has been…not great. It started off on a bad foot and things just seemed to get worse from there. I’m trying really hard not to let this all get to me, but it’s been difficult. I can feel and see myself getting depressed and falling into old self-destructive habits. But I know the signs now and can at least change some things even if my brain refuses to participate. A lot of it is that I’ve been under a lot of stress between work and my personal life and there’s really not a lot I can do about either. I’ve learned to just accept that this is what it will be for a while, but it doesn’t make it easier.
Thankfully the worst of the work stuff is resolved, and I can breathe again (for now). That has helped a lot this last week. But that leaves the personal stuff, which, honestly, is probably the worse issue and the work helped to distract me from it. It’s mostly health related – possibly (probably) stress related – and I still don’t really know what going on. I have appointments scheduled and am keeping off the internet because I don’t have a medical degree. I’m trying my hardest to just believe that this isn’t that bad, but I genuinely don’t know, and it is scary. I think part of it stems from the fact that I spent a decade not really taking care of myself and then it’s only after taking care of my mental and physical health consistently that this happened which frustrates me. It just makes it all seem so futile.
I’m trying to keep up with my boxing and yoga which fell by the wayside during the holidays and am making a point to put my routines back in place. I’m also trying to keep my weekends free and quiet and just for myself. I haven’t really been watching much drama lately because I can’t really focus, though I’m really enjoying Black Dog; Stove League is interesting but I can’t say I’m gripped by it, though the characters and acting are great, I find the writing and direction don’t quite match up. I also watched Eun-joo’s Room this weekend and it really resonated with me. I may write about it later when I get a chance. It’s strange to not really be watching drama for the first time in about five or six years, since it has been such a big part of my self-care/unwinding routine for so long. I’m not quitting drama or anything. I just can’t focus on much these days so it’s easier to not even try to dive into things. I am looking forward to several of the upcoming dramas though, and I hope one of them hits that sweet spot I need right now because I need to get invested in something.
i don’t even know what to say right now but just that you’re not alone!! 🙁 i too am feeling so unmotivated about life these days and been using kdramas and yt vids as my escape. Work, personal and family life are just causing me so much anxiety and discouragement! Not to mention, the state of the world is just sad rn.
let’s take it day by day SnarkyJellyfish!! This too shall pass <3
Thank you! The news is also bumming me out a lot too – I think need to limit my exposure to it too (she types as she has the impeachment trial playing in the background). I luckily have my anxiety under control right now since that was mostly work related, but I think it’s also because I’m kind of in denial about the health stuff in a way. I hope you find a good balance between work and life soon too. We got this!
Thank you for sharing this. Sorry to hear you’re not doing well. Personally, knitting has been really helping me with my mental health issues. It’s a combination of repetition with patterns, doing something at a slower pace which forces me to focus in the moment, and having something to wear or give as a gift. Is there something tactile that you can try to relieve your stress? I understand if you can’t add another hobby/ class to your day. I’m glad that you have yoga and boxing. Yoga helped my stress tremendously in college one semester.
I’ve been wanting to take up knitting again, or otherwise crochet or embroidery. I used to be able to do a lot of basic crafting, but it’s hard now – both in terms of time and relearning. I was looking into signing up for art classes but then life happened and I don’t have the time right now, though maybe once winter ends it’ll be easier. I may look and see if I have any of my old knitting stuff when I go home just to give it a shot. In summer I was spending a lot of time taking care of my plants which was a good outlet for me. Now I’ve been trying to bake and cook more but I haven’t had the time/energy lately. Mostly my issue has been getting started doing things, but I was able to go back to both yoga and boxing this week and while I’m sore, it was a good and I didn’t talk myself out of it.
Thank you. I’m trying to keep calm, and I’m probably massively in denial but I’m praying it’s just something stress related and not something else. I’m very good at denial. But it also helps keep me calm and not freak out. I’m not in pain or anything, which is the good part, but also the weird part? I’m not really sure how to explain it.
Anyway, how are you? You got all your applications done? When do you hear back? Are you back at work, or still studying?
I just wanted to thank you for all the kbeauty advice you’ve given me through the years and that I would truly miss you if you were not here. Professional life is hard, and balancing the personal with the professional is even harder. Gosh, it always seems I have a story. This morning I got word of an acquaintance who just committed suicide—a professional woman, married, well-respected in the business community in town. And then I get word of a friend and doctor (my study partner) whom I just talked to over New Years, was in the ICU for septic shock for he past 2 weeks, a heart transplant recipient who lives every day to her fullest, just now well enough to talk to me. And I think to myself how different these two women are, but both were dealing with life and death, only one was blessed enough to stay alive, no doubt because she has willed it into herself. All that to say that you are strong, your mind is strong, and you’re wicked smart, and we are behind you!!!
Thank you. You’re always one of the most comforting people here, and you always have the best stories. I imagine you’re a wonderful doctor to your patients because you really seem to care for people as people. I’m so sorry to hear bout your acquaintance – it’s always shocking to lose people that way. We never really know what’s going on inside. And I’m glad to your other friend pulled though – that has to be scary, especially if she herself is a doctor. I feel like it has to be so much harder when you know what your body is doing and you have no control over it.
Thankfully things are not as bad as when my depression was in full swing, and that I can thank modern medicine for. I think it’s just a sort of frustration with the way things are going now. I’ve lived my life relatively physically healthy – no major issues, never really been hospitalized or needed any sort of major treatments. I think I started to take my health for granted, though I have cultivated better habits the last year or two. I just feel frustrated and a little angry that this is going on, because it just feels like another distraction keeping me from moving my life forward. The work stuff I knew would pass, so I was able to get through it with minimal anxiety, and now it’s over so I can relax somewhat. Thank you for your words and I’ll definitely be sticking around, even if I’m a little quieter right now.
Good for you making the appointments. I tend to bury my head and procrastinate and it makes NOTHING better. This way you just know and it might be nothing or not as bad as your fear has you believing. I hope it all works out and that you are able to refocus and enjoy dramas again.
With dramas maybe try some variety? Running Man or something? They can sometimes be easier to digest for an overstressed mind.
Yeah – my parents really strong armed me into doing it, and I’m annoyed by it cutting into my time but I’m also glad I’m going. I really hope it’s nothing much, and even if it is something, I have a small inkling as to what it could be, but I’m staying off medical sites because I don’t need to self-diagnose. I’ll leave that to the professionals.
I’m not very into variety, but I have been watching sitcoms recently – rewatching Brooklyn 99 with my mother, and watching Schitt’s Creek which I love and can’t believe I slept on for so long.
Thank you for sharing this with us, Snarky. I won’t say I understand what you’re going through because I learned that no matter how similar my experiences are with someone else’s they’re still very different.. instead I’ll say it’s okay to feel this way, to be scared, to be overwhelmed, to feel things are not working and for everything to seem so futile. It is also okay to take a step back to figure out what is making you feel this way, you’ve already eliminated stress that’s work-related and you’ve already scheduled an appointment with your doctor so that means you already know what to do to feel better. You just need to be strong now and go through with it, maybe it’s nothing, like you said, maybe it’s just stress and anxiety-induced, and even if it is something else – God forbids- then you know and will be taking your steps to recovery.
We’ll always be here if you want to talk, about anything and everything, beanies will always be on your side!
Thank you for your words. I love this site for just being a safe space for me to get this off my chest. I’ve decided not to let myself dwell and to just focus on work and on relaxing when I’m off work. I’m not in pain or uncomfortable so at least I can live my life. That’s all I can really do for now. I decided a while ago that whatever the universe has in store for me is what it is. I can only control so much. I’ve been incredibly lucky in so many ways the last few years so a curve ball is to be expected at this point in the game. Knowing that doesn’t make it suck any less, but it does make it a bit more bearable.
(I also have to say, your Sticky-note Love Story has been one of the highlights of the last few weeks for me. Your initial response to his sticky-note was 100% what my BFF from university would have done too (and actually may have done?), which made me laugh (in a good way). I am rooting for you and wish you the best!)
You’re doing really good and that is the best attitude you could have right now, and I know it can be difficult but that is what is going to get you through it all. Also, I don’t know what it is but I really hope it’s nothing serious, and you’ll be all well.
(Thank you, really, for enjoying it. I’m glad that me sharing this has brought laughter to beanies, also it’s nice to know there are other people out there who will react as me, makes me feel a bit normal, LOL)
I actually wondered for a moment if you WERE my friend, except that I know she has a lovely and wonderful boyfriend who she’s been with for a while now. But you are definitely not alone in your reaction.
((hugs))
I don’t know what you are exactly experiencing / feeling. But I sympathize as it seems similar to what I’m going through as well (to the point where I’m worrying about my own mental health).
Please take care of yourself and just take a day/step at a time. I hope you’ll feel better soon!
And if you’re feeling anxious (no need to answer, I’m only putting it out there), try some grounding techniques. They’ve been helping me, even if the relief is just temporary.
I hope you take care of yourself too – mental health is just as important as physical health, and remember it’s never a sign of weakness to get help, whether in the form of medication or some other therapy. Thankfully the anxiety hasn’t gotten too bad, and I remind myself constantly that anxiety isn’t something I can fully control but it is something I can take care of instead of letting it grow. I’ve definitely been working on grounding myself which is one of the reasons I really make a point to go to yoga and boxing as both of those activities have done a lot to help with me get out of my head and get space from the stresses in my life. (Also, it’s really fun to hit things and not get in trouble.)
Sorry to hear you are feeling unwell and stressed by life. I have no advice to give except to tell you to hang in there and to have patience. Remember, this too shall pass! There is always light at the end of a tunnel!! Hwaiting!
SnarkyJellyfish
January 22, 2020 at 3:08 PM
Feeling a bit frustrated these days.
(More in conments)
SnarkyJellyfish
January 22, 2020 at 3:08 PM
So, we’re three weeks into 2020 and so far this year has been…not great. It started off on a bad foot and things just seemed to get worse from there. I’m trying really hard not to let this all get to me, but it’s been difficult. I can feel and see myself getting depressed and falling into old self-destructive habits. But I know the signs now and can at least change some things even if my brain refuses to participate. A lot of it is that I’ve been under a lot of stress between work and my personal life and there’s really not a lot I can do about either. I’ve learned to just accept that this is what it will be for a while, but it doesn’t make it easier.
Thankfully the worst of the work stuff is resolved, and I can breathe again (for now). That has helped a lot this last week. But that leaves the personal stuff, which, honestly, is probably the worse issue and the work helped to distract me from it. It’s mostly health related – possibly (probably) stress related – and I still don’t really know what going on. I have appointments scheduled and am keeping off the internet because I don’t have a medical degree. I’m trying my hardest to just believe that this isn’t that bad, but I genuinely don’t know, and it is scary. I think part of it stems from the fact that I spent a decade not really taking care of myself and then it’s only after taking care of my mental and physical health consistently that this happened which frustrates me. It just makes it all seem so futile.
I’m trying to keep up with my boxing and yoga which fell by the wayside during the holidays and am making a point to put my routines back in place. I’m also trying to keep my weekends free and quiet and just for myself. I haven’t really been watching much drama lately because I can’t really focus, though I’m really enjoying Black Dog; Stove League is interesting but I can’t say I’m gripped by it, though the characters and acting are great, I find the writing and direction don’t quite match up. I also watched Eun-joo’s Room this weekend and it really resonated with me. I may write about it later when I get a chance. It’s strange to not really be watching drama for the first time in about five or six years, since it has been such a big part of my self-care/unwinding routine for so long. I’m not quitting drama or anything. I just can’t focus on much these days so it’s easier to not even try to dive into things. I am looking forward to several of the upcoming dramas though, and I hope one of them hits that sweet spot I need right now because I need to get invested in something.
peach&mango
January 22, 2020 at 3:33 PM
i don’t even know what to say right now but just that you’re not alone!! 🙁 i too am feeling so unmotivated about life these days and been using kdramas and yt vids as my escape. Work, personal and family life are just causing me so much anxiety and discouragement! Not to mention, the state of the world is just sad rn.
let’s take it day by day SnarkyJellyfish!! This too shall pass <3
SnarkyJellyfish
January 22, 2020 at 5:02 PM
Thank you! The news is also bumming me out a lot too – I think need to limit my exposure to it too (she types as she has the impeachment trial playing in the background). I luckily have my anxiety under control right now since that was mostly work related, but I think it’s also because I’m kind of in denial about the health stuff in a way. I hope you find a good balance between work and life soon too. We got this!
ship-happens
January 22, 2020 at 3:55 PM
Thank you for sharing this. Sorry to hear you’re not doing well. Personally, knitting has been really helping me with my mental health issues. It’s a combination of repetition with patterns, doing something at a slower pace which forces me to focus in the moment, and having something to wear or give as a gift. Is there something tactile that you can try to relieve your stress? I understand if you can’t add another hobby/ class to your day. I’m glad that you have yoga and boxing. Yoga helped my stress tremendously in college one semester.
SnarkyJellyfish
January 22, 2020 at 5:17 PM
I’ve been wanting to take up knitting again, or otherwise crochet or embroidery. I used to be able to do a lot of basic crafting, but it’s hard now – both in terms of time and relearning. I was looking into signing up for art classes but then life happened and I don’t have the time right now, though maybe once winter ends it’ll be easier. I may look and see if I have any of my old knitting stuff when I go home just to give it a shot. In summer I was spending a lot of time taking care of my plants which was a good outlet for me. Now I’ve been trying to bake and cook more but I haven’t had the time/energy lately. Mostly my issue has been getting started doing things, but I was able to go back to both yoga and boxing this week and while I’m sore, it was a good and I didn’t talk myself out of it.
greenfields
January 22, 2020 at 4:06 PM
Sorry to hear you’re not doing well Snarky, and glad you’ve got those medical appointments scheduled. Wish you the best. I hope it passes soon.
SnarkyJellyfish
January 22, 2020 at 5:21 PM
Thank you. I’m trying to keep calm, and I’m probably massively in denial but I’m praying it’s just something stress related and not something else. I’m very good at denial. But it also helps keep me calm and not freak out. I’m not in pain or anything, which is the good part, but also the weird part? I’m not really sure how to explain it.
Anyway, how are you? You got all your applications done? When do you hear back? Are you back at work, or still studying?
Ally
January 22, 2020 at 5:33 PM
I just wanted to thank you for all the kbeauty advice you’ve given me through the years and that I would truly miss you if you were not here. Professional life is hard, and balancing the personal with the professional is even harder. Gosh, it always seems I have a story. This morning I got word of an acquaintance who just committed suicide—a professional woman, married, well-respected in the business community in town. And then I get word of a friend and doctor (my study partner) whom I just talked to over New Years, was in the ICU for septic shock for he past 2 weeks, a heart transplant recipient who lives every day to her fullest, just now well enough to talk to me. And I think to myself how different these two women are, but both were dealing with life and death, only one was blessed enough to stay alive, no doubt because she has willed it into herself. All that to say that you are strong, your mind is strong, and you’re wicked smart, and we are behind you!!!
SnarkyJellyfish
January 22, 2020 at 5:54 PM
Thank you. You’re always one of the most comforting people here, and you always have the best stories. I imagine you’re a wonderful doctor to your patients because you really seem to care for people as people. I’m so sorry to hear bout your acquaintance – it’s always shocking to lose people that way. We never really know what’s going on inside. And I’m glad to your other friend pulled though – that has to be scary, especially if she herself is a doctor. I feel like it has to be so much harder when you know what your body is doing and you have no control over it.
Thankfully things are not as bad as when my depression was in full swing, and that I can thank modern medicine for. I think it’s just a sort of frustration with the way things are going now. I’ve lived my life relatively physically healthy – no major issues, never really been hospitalized or needed any sort of major treatments. I think I started to take my health for granted, though I have cultivated better habits the last year or two. I just feel frustrated and a little angry that this is going on, because it just feels like another distraction keeping me from moving my life forward. The work stuff I knew would pass, so I was able to get through it with minimal anxiety, and now it’s over so I can relax somewhat. Thank you for your words and I’ll definitely be sticking around, even if I’m a little quieter right now.
Beverly
January 22, 2020 at 6:42 PM
Good for you making the appointments. I tend to bury my head and procrastinate and it makes NOTHING better. This way you just know and it might be nothing or not as bad as your fear has you believing. I hope it all works out and that you are able to refocus and enjoy dramas again.
With dramas maybe try some variety? Running Man or something? They can sometimes be easier to digest for an overstressed mind.
SnarkyJellyfish
January 22, 2020 at 9:21 PM
Yeah – my parents really strong armed me into doing it, and I’m annoyed by it cutting into my time but I’m also glad I’m going. I really hope it’s nothing much, and even if it is something, I have a small inkling as to what it could be, but I’m staying off medical sites because I don’t need to self-diagnose. I’ll leave that to the professionals.
I’m not very into variety, but I have been watching sitcoms recently – rewatching Brooklyn 99 with my mother, and watching Schitt’s Creek which I love and can’t believe I slept on for so long.
azzo
January 22, 2020 at 9:03 PM
Thank you for sharing this with us, Snarky. I won’t say I understand what you’re going through because I learned that no matter how similar my experiences are with someone else’s they’re still very different.. instead I’ll say it’s okay to feel this way, to be scared, to be overwhelmed, to feel things are not working and for everything to seem so futile. It is also okay to take a step back to figure out what is making you feel this way, you’ve already eliminated stress that’s work-related and you’ve already scheduled an appointment with your doctor so that means you already know what to do to feel better. You just need to be strong now and go through with it, maybe it’s nothing, like you said, maybe it’s just stress and anxiety-induced, and even if it is something else – God forbids- then you know and will be taking your steps to recovery.
We’ll always be here if you want to talk, about anything and everything, beanies will always be on your side!
SnarkyJellyfish
January 22, 2020 at 9:41 PM
Thank you for your words. I love this site for just being a safe space for me to get this off my chest. I’ve decided not to let myself dwell and to just focus on work and on relaxing when I’m off work. I’m not in pain or uncomfortable so at least I can live my life. That’s all I can really do for now. I decided a while ago that whatever the universe has in store for me is what it is. I can only control so much. I’ve been incredibly lucky in so many ways the last few years so a curve ball is to be expected at this point in the game. Knowing that doesn’t make it suck any less, but it does make it a bit more bearable.
(I also have to say, your Sticky-note Love Story has been one of the highlights of the last few weeks for me. Your initial response to his sticky-note was 100% what my BFF from university would have done too (and actually may have done?), which made me laugh (in a good way). I am rooting for you and wish you the best!)
azzo
January 23, 2020 at 1:58 AM
You’re doing really good and that is the best attitude you could have right now, and I know it can be difficult but that is what is going to get you through it all. Also, I don’t know what it is but I really hope it’s nothing serious, and you’ll be all well.
(Thank you, really, for enjoying it. I’m glad that me sharing this has brought laughter to beanies, also it’s nice to know there are other people out there who will react as me, makes me feel a bit normal, LOL)
SnarkyJellyfish
January 23, 2020 at 9:17 AM
I actually wondered for a moment if you WERE my friend, except that I know she has a lovely and wonderful boyfriend who she’s been with for a while now. But you are definitely not alone in your reaction.
halfmoon
January 22, 2020 at 11:36 PM
((hugs))
I don’t know what you are exactly experiencing / feeling. But I sympathize as it seems similar to what I’m going through as well (to the point where I’m worrying about my own mental health).
Please take care of yourself and just take a day/step at a time. I hope you’ll feel better soon!
And if you’re feeling anxious (no need to answer, I’m only putting it out there), try some grounding techniques. They’ve been helping me, even if the relief is just temporary.
SnarkyJellyfish
January 23, 2020 at 9:27 AM
Thank you (**hugs back*)
I hope you take care of yourself too – mental health is just as important as physical health, and remember it’s never a sign of weakness to get help, whether in the form of medication or some other therapy. Thankfully the anxiety hasn’t gotten too bad, and I remind myself constantly that anxiety isn’t something I can fully control but it is something I can take care of instead of letting it grow. I’ve definitely been working on grounding myself which is one of the reasons I really make a point to go to yoga and boxing as both of those activities have done a lot to help with me get out of my head and get space from the stresses in my life. (Also, it’s really fun to hit things and not get in trouble.)
RenOIshi
January 23, 2020 at 12:10 AM
Sorry to hear you are feeling unwell and stressed by life. I have no advice to give except to tell you to hang in there and to have patience. Remember, this too shall pass! There is always light at the end of a tunnel!! Hwaiting!
SnarkyJellyfish
January 23, 2020 at 9:28 AM
Thank you! I’m definitely trying to stay positive and you beanies are all the best. Been taking a lot of solace in the lovely community here.