Beanie level: Errand boy

me: i-
my parents: what do you know you live with your parents and are in debt by the way it’s your fault and also get a job but dont get a service job but when r u makin money?
in a kdrama rn

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    o-<-<

    must lay down…what drama is best for me…without all the shit men and romance probably another oh hae young. i'm sad, lonely, live with my parents. confused upset. also the guy was a sound designer. then probs like be melodramatic as chun woo hee's char. tryna get a headstart. the diff is my friends arent near me and i have to drag anyone to help me a bit with my films. siiiiigh whennnnn will this drought end. i just want someone to tell me it'll be ok, that i tried really hard, i'm doing my best, that they can compliment one thing i do. i can't find it in myself…it's hard to not get the reception you want with something you work hard on. idk how to believe in my art! but one day maybe someone will take a chance on meeeee take a chance take a chance take a chance

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      i know the flaws of my garbage art. u no can some1 say “hey, this may be choppy but i like the direction it’s going it feels like [x]” instead of “yea doesnt look good but wanna see the finished product” lmao like….serious blows 2 ze ego

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i hate 2 have 2 fight 4 rights and then be like “ok guys but let’s be healthy about our choices” the answer to access is not excess!

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If adults are in the presence of another adult, but younger, the younger adult has things to say and knows how to say them and it’s condescending to pretend otherwise. men esp have this issue

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    my dad is fucjing mansplaining to a whole table of women and my mom refuses to listen to what i say but ull let a man talk about bullshit fucking conspiracy theories and say it’s about fucking satan and spread conspiracy bullshit but meanwhile i know shit and u cant even fuckin listwn to me???? Like ur the pedant actually. It’s liberating kinda knowing that but like if u want me to eat dinner with u then ur gonna hear me talk sorry

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this year is testing me u no but it helps 2 know p much all new filmmakers are miserable :–) luv being a millenial!!!!

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    i’m so frickin sad. it’s the same story for art. it’s so hard and it’s hard to not give up. i literally have nothing else going for me. it’s scary cos it’s who i am and yet…i’m just UGHHHH

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      i’ll be fine! i know i will…i always get what i want bc i am me and annoying and terrible

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wow i was pretty irritated at that new oh yeon seo’s show’s premise…i still am. there’s no prejudice that has an equal power balance there’s just no way…sigh

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in the past week i cannot express how much time i have wasted lmao luckily my horoscope is letting me shirk all my responsibility!

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sigh…why does my brother do the things he does u__u

im gonna try and start tunnel tongight :O but like where ar emy glasses

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lim kim ep is out! if any beanies are into uhhh alt/rap/rock/indie idk lmao esp if ur an asian woman i think u should give it a chance!!!

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    Lim Kim who? Do you mind linking on YT or Spotify?

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        Thanks. That’s an interesting EP 👍🏻

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          what did u think!!

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            Overall I liked it better than her last single. The entrance song was a banger. Yellow is good. She’s found her weird emotive but straightforward space.

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            yes! tbh i adore sal-ki. it’s clear she’s done the work. her third wave interest is cool so i’m really looking forward to seeing what she has done with connecting with other people esp black feminists…

            i hope she grows as an artist! her lyrics are super simple rn but it works and it’s never been done before in SK, which i think is great

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pretty cool. real journalism. i may not always agree, may not always be radical enough, but the world is changing. i’m so sad that this is happening but thank you for helping to change the world

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    it’s really hard. i don’t particularly like farrow’s politics, but his breaking story LITERALLY facilitated this major wave where women have been ignored, where a black woman started this movement but couldn’t get it as propelled so a white man does (amazing) journalist work…

    we have to remember that there’s been language and people fighting for existence forever. nothing is new and most likely it stems from the black community. but what comes with that is that people in power who say they care about the world, population, humans, our country (US for me) have a duty to use their power to expose and illuminate. so then we can learn and give praise to these pioneers and look at their work and see how we can continue. power is only good if you use it well.

    i wouldn’t really expect this from hayes because truly that’s his employer and i would understand it. i hope he gets to keep his job. you cannot silence people, we need to stand in solidarity with people in HK in my opinion and if someone from an organization expresses something that may not be favorable to “you”, a corporation relying on ‘x’ group even if it’s not right, that’s a limiting of speech and thought. i thought we didn’t want that?

    i really commend him. i don’t think i’d ever work for any major orgs because i dont want to be in this position. it’s painful. and doubly so if you dedicate your life to bringing change and the company that employs you literally kept a conspiracy from the public to protect one man and their fiscal/social legacy. a man who preys on women. men who prey on women. men with power constantly strangling the energy and happiness out of us if we work with them. this is solidarity imo and it’s real work. it’s putting yourself on the line to help others gain power while giving up a little yourself. because we must!!!!

    wanna tie it back to why we are all on this site: this is why writers are important like we look at kdramas and i’m like the things people try to get said…there’s really intelligent women out there writing trying their hardest i think we need to challenge the notion that it’s all so simple (cough that new show with oh yeon seo) we can do this

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so tired…..
my robot body is shutting down
must sleep more….goodnight

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i dont know what day running mates comes on but i wait for it every week lmao i should look it up. i guess i like it!

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    no i have not noticed the pattern ok!

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    Dramabeans has the schedule listed on the side for currently airing shows, friend ☺️☺️ Running Mates (listed as Running Investigators on the side) airs ever Wednesday & Thursday in South Korea, which means episodes with subs (if they’re quick) should be released any time between the same night the drama airs or up to 1-2 days (48 hours) later

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      omg! i totally forgot about that! thank you!!!! hahahah the subs have a quick-ish turnaround. do u watch?

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        I’m currently not watching Running Mates ☺️☺️ I’m following recaps and watching bits and pieces of “My Country: The New Age”, watching “The Lies Within”, and rewatching “Tunnel”

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          what do u think!!! i might give tunnel a go, im a bit scared bc of the subject matter but i need some distractioooon!

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            I liked it a lot during my first watch and I’m liking it the same during this rewatch (only my first rewatch) ☺️ The writing is very tight and it doesn’t drag, so you’ll always be entertained

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            ty! i’ll start it tonight…i still have to finish nokdu flower but i think that’s just gonna take me a literal year hahaha

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            Hahaha

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        I’m also thinking of starting a new C-Drama—like, REALLY new, it just started airing today— titled “The Gravity Of A Rainbow”, as the male lead is one of my favourite Canadian-Taiwanese actors named Godfrey Gao and the second male lead is also a Taiwanese actor that I really like, Lin You Wei

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          oooooohhh OMGGGGGGGG HES SO BEAUTIFUL! IM SO GLAD HE IS IN SOMETHING NEW! lin you wei is rly cute! that reminds me this taiwanese bl drama (lol..i know) started!!! do tell us how it is

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            Yaaaaaaaaas finally a kindred soul who also knows to appreciate Godfrey Gao in all his beautiful-ness and is able to see past that and see that he is actually talented as well 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
            Lin You Wei IS really cute and sweet, he also has a really warm and relatable vibe/aura about him as well ☺️☺️
            So these 2 together in a drama is 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

            I’ll probably spam the wall with Godfrey Gao related stuff, and when that happens, you’ll definitely know how it is hehehe

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            i REALLY like him. when he adopted those cats! i hope he can get cast in more eng-speaking stuff too, so it’s a bit more accessible. he’s not a bad actor at all! there are a lot of tw/cn actors i’d really like to do more eng-speaking stuff ;-;

            tell us how the show is!!!!

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im watching the debates but please do not ever conflate advancement based on capitalism with advancement based on opening up labor options. WHY WHY AM I DOING THIS. any beanies watchin\’? god bless

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    if tech was based on equity it would be going differntly. it isn’t. idk the answer but fuck up silicon valley. automation can open up options if we arent basing OUTPUT ON $

    FIRING, LOSING JOBS, IT’S NOT CLEARLY ABOUT AUTOMATION. IT’S CAPITALISM. GO AWAY

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      DO
      MORE
      FOR
      WORKERS
      DO
      MORE
      FOR
      PEOPLE
      FIGHT THE STRUCTURE THANKS. WOMEN SHOULD HAVE TIME TO RAISE CHILDREN, SUPPORT THEIR FAMILIES, AND SLEEP. DONT RICH PPL LIKE THAT???

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      booker: more unions more unions

      dazzling, i will accept u from my state and town for tonight

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        I honestly love him.

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        I’ve had my eye on him for years.

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          he’s definitely on a different ideological scale than me and obviously (for now) he won’t be a frontrunner BUT i think that what he brings up and seeing a black guy from newark NJ (my hometown too! and he’s a vegan omg) is pretty cool. i staunchly disagree with almost everything about kamala (her dad is a marxist tho lol) but i think she’s important too. it’s good to see imo even their agenda isn’t for me

          genuinely he is nice tho he would come to my school church in nwk way back. him and sharpe james (who is…terrible)

          im hoping he will endorse the B. Man

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      u can’t keep your power and help oppressed or disadvantaged without giving a piece of it up and i am so sorry you’re 1million out 5000gabillion will go away. anyway, pay my loans

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    I’d rather read a transcript than watch. It’s too painful.

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      it’s pretty bad. they didn’t give any time to bernie (obvs my personal fav) either and kept going back to frickin klobuchar or something which makes no sense. also mayor pete is becoming more and more center

      couple good things: brought up repro justice (booker) and juan castro brought up atatiana which is imperative. i really wish they asked about the black community and brutality tho bc the only time it was brought up was w/ police death and castro had some good talking points. i am def way more to the left but i am happy to see the young people being progressive like even beto who def doesnt have a shot…as long as we keep on talking and bringing this stuff up young people will listen!!!

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BREAK DOMES OF MALE DOMINANCE

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    she talked about wanting to be strong and represent asian women as their own and i’m really happy for her. and breaking away from the bullshit patriarchy. she’s a queen in the east and the west…

    i am really happy for her and that at least one girl with an already established fanbase, even though she changed as we all do, is being truthful about her feminism and fight.

    really hope she’s not a terf/swerf/supports black women…but this is important to young asian girls/women. ty gorl

    “WE DO IT LIKE NO OTHER MAN, I’M JUST BEING ME”

    i’m a queen in the west and west atlantic ocean SOLIDARITY, BITCH

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    LIM KIM???? SHE HAS ARISEN FROM THE DEAD?????

    I can’t WAIT to listen when I’m off work

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      YES! omg did u not hear her last song? it’s called SAL-KI she became like a radical feminist lmaoooo she apparently read a lot of post-colonial work to prepare for the album. the lyrics are kinda simple, but she’s definitely the first of her kind in an actual legitimate thought-out critique and rejection of structure. she left her company and everything

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      it’s REALLY different. u can tell she’s a fan of fka twigs, grimes, probably some other more out there black/western artists but i love it a lot…

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there’s a direct correlation between my motivation/mental stability v. how much i watch kdramas which is kinda sad bc kdramas inspire me like all other art but it is just HUGE escapism for me. sigh

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me: so uh what are the metaphysical realities of like existence what are my feelings um am i actually evil father god i-
also me: i…really want to eat a tide pod

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    my answer to my philisophical questions that bog my brain down is now “i jsut feel like it”

    why do i care so much? i just feel like it

    i think it’s definitely bc i’m so full of myself i need to be a savior or some shit cos i hated my childhood. who knows. why do we need to care about others? is life real? whatever, i just feel like it!!!!!!!!!!!

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yall i went crazy and im sorry u had to see that. life is so painful but it\’s becoming clearer. peasant uprising nokdu flower…NOW! NOOOOW!

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lads we have a mystery to solve

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    also he mentioned STALIN like u fucking assholes…u cant even tell the goddamn difference u IDIOT

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on a lighter note, i changed some meds around and i think my questions are a little less. i\’m trying really hard to keep myself down on earth. i\’m a capricorn it\’s the goat we love the earth!! grass!!

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the only good thing about this year ending is how much i feel like i\’ve changed. i need to keep this energy tho and continue to live on earth. like one step at a time. in my lifetime, we will do sth

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    at least a little. i want community and love while we build. i want everyone to watch my films and love it or hate it but at least know. i want my parent’s money to be able to be regenerated, i want their taxes raised, i want to get out of debt, i want the ability to know i can, i want to do it. i want to. i have to. i’m bogged down by fear, i hate routine i really do, and i’m always tired. but i have to fight myself. if i don’t value myself, but value others, then i am telling myself i’m what non-black people think i am which is valueless. and i’m too fucking haughty and egoistic to accept that. in fact, i’m the most delusional person on the planet, i can do no wrong, so i’ll let the world know and i’ll take everyone with me. life is so strange. it is sublime…it will be sublime…we’ll make it that way

    that fucking kanye line “we wasn’t supposed to make it past 25 but joke’s on you we still alive” fuck this shit rn. so if you see me wanna start swinging on a man that grabs a girl’s hand in a kdrama….it’s cos that shit doesn’t fucking fly. get your hands off her, get your hands off them, get your hands off us, so they can say get your hands off of our sisters, too, fighting to live.

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more rage–something that continues to keep happening. why we cannot support our current structures as is: a 28 year old black woman murdered in her own home by a cop. im 27. are we getting it now?

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    capitalism fucking kills. and i mean capitalism as an overarching structure. i mean our bodies used as literal devices for money. i’m talking productivity fallacies enabling misosgyny and racism. i’m talking about what this shit looks like you can exploit kids at a young age for gaze and money. i’m talking about why the hell my people can be used and drained of energy, create some of the most genius shit that we need to literally live and identify ourselves as with because arts, culture, sciences, etc are everything but you get to come to my motherfucking home and kill me? because i’m black bitch?

    you wanna do that to my fucking life? my friends? my goddamn family? and you wanna know why the fuck we won’t let you step on us? get your fucking foot off my goddamn motherfucking neck. i will do everything i can to help. i will continue this path and find my purpose and i hope that i can support real leaders, organizers, communities that will do this work. all i have are my thoughts and art. i can only give that and my love. and this will not continue. it won’t. it cannot. it CANNOT. i am vowing here and now that i will be kinder to myself and the days i can’t get out of bed, or when i think i failed, i’ll think that i owe it to myself and my people and people who can’t even live in a home with a bed but i do. i will succeed, i will be happy, and you will be too.

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    I still can not believe it. Through the damn window!! The saddest thing, besides her senselessly losing her life, is that he will not serve enough time if any at all.

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      it’s a fundamental thing that has to be changed. i don’t know much about the prison system and even though i am pro-abolition i need to know more about what changes we want and how to achiever restorative justice. guyger is in jail for 10 years and it’s like…i don’t think retributive justice can sustain us. not only for infrastructure in general, and that our people are put inside at such disgustingly high rates rattling off of chattel slavery, but that it just keeps. happening. this ugly bitch just killed someone in his home and his neighbor died after the trial. and now we gotta deal with this shit? black women gotta have more on their plate today?

      i’m trying to be positive right now and use my rage into being able to live my life and be happy and help others idk what to do anymore. it’s like in 2014 when we all had to face the reality at first and we were constantly aware of our mortality in the worst ways but right now it just feels like they’re doing whatever the fuck they please and going unchecked. it’s warfare tbh. but i’m not letting it stand without a fight.

      anyway sorry for the rant. take care of yourself today. i hope it’s sunny outside, it always helps when the sun is out

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      i keep circling back to: why? why? and what is a life worth living if we can be executed for existence? and yall want us to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps? bitch what boots?????? you could be the most pristine black bitch on the planet and it wouldn’t matter like no amount of respectability or anything rn. but it’s okay, we’ll fight back and let ’em know.

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