Beanie level: Rooftop room dweller

i…don’t know what to say. i haven’t been through this much pain because of grief in forever. before he died, he looked just like my grandfather. as crazy as my family makes/made me, my grandpa was the one who didn’t have to say anything and got me. even if he, too, drove me nuts sometimes. when he died, my bulimia went into a tailspin but i wasn’t able to process this at 21. i had returned from a 6 month study abroad in paris, absolutely loathed it, and previously i had gone insane at home and i had to go basically and when i came back….my grandpa waited to see me then died the next day.

my uncle….there’s no words to describe. he was a really prolific photographer, like a very famous one, but he was just this dude. who got a lot of us young kids, who was a gen x-er as opposed to a boomer, who was an artist. who was deeply insecure and had to prove himself and he always did. because i’m 29, because i saw him deteriorate, because because because it’s too much. i don’t want to grieve like this anymore.

i have been helping my aunt with his studio and orders of his products (his prints, sk8board decks with his photos, post-cards, etc) and getting things in order. before he died….my bro, me, and my cousin saw him in his studio in the beginning of may. he said: you can come here, you can shoot (film) here, you should do youtube, you can do anything.

i’m so mad at myself and him and the world because he should have stayed. he’s so fucking loved. why did this happen? thank you for all your condolences and i’m so sorry to people that have had this happen, too. thankfully my (maternal) aunt can get help hopefully. her diagnosis was terminal but she’s still here; we thought my uncle would go into the hospital, get surgery, come out. things are getting better but also worse. too much.

0
8

    May your uncle RIP amara and you feel better soon.

    1
    1

    I’m really sorry for your loss.
    Life is unfair sometimes, some people go before their time and the ones who are left behind have to learn how to deal with it. I can’t say it will be easier, only that you will learn to live with that void in your soul. I firmly believe that as long as you remember him, talk about him, share the stories about him and laugh when you think he would have laughed, he will always be by your side, living in your heart and taking care of you.

    1
    2

      hi eazal thank you so much for this comment. i am saving it. it’s really hard to remember but this is helpful. thank you. he is here.

      1
      0

      You’ve written it so nicely. Thank you for those words!

      1
      0

    I am sorry for your loss.

    1
    0

    🕯️I hope you can make a nice farewell to your uncle. Life is a like a fish – when you finally think you got it in your hands it slips away and disappears. Not for everybody so I hope you catch your fish and hold onto it.

    0
    0

    I’m sorry for your loss amara. Hoping you feel better soon and find the answers you are looking for.

    0
    0

so my uncle died. we were all close to him. he was 54. he has two kids (11, 14) and a wife. 4 siblings, one my dad, and my grandmother. it progressed so fast we saw him two weeks ago and now he’s dead. my mom’s sister has breast cancer and we’re getting her to come here so we can get her on clinical trials. this has been the worst year of my life.

1
10

everyday i wake up and miss kurt cobain and everyday he is still dead that’s unfair sir

2
0

the only bad thing about ha ni running away is literally because if she runs into the people she’s not supposed to she’s going to find out THE most devestating thing ever so every time she does esp with her sister i get so worried. it’s a miracle that nothing has slipped, although i am sure she probably has an inkling something is off. but that’s literally the only reason like bitch run away for the 50th time and you’re gonna learn what’s really going on lmao but then again i guess that’s also the point. impulse and decisions. it would be silly to say that her running wasn’t a catalyst but it’s too simple to say it’s her fault and those are emotions she must process but goddamn she’s really laying her own traps. such is life as a teen i spose

4
0

i am so happy lmao






2
0

even if this stupid bitch tanks her extremely cool brother\’s company they\’ll still be happy you dumb stupid bitch i I HATE YOU can u tell im having a good time yes yes i am lmao

2
0

she was on IVF? OH MY GOD IM SO HAPPY FOR HER OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD AND A GREAT HUSBAND

omg her worry is so cute im sooooooooooo happy for her oh my god poor jieun but she gets to be a mom and wont leave someone lonely. i cried lmao this was one of the best things! i wasnt surprised but i think the fibroid ivf thing and having her rest was really great i now for people that is just a fucking miracle and the actress did a great great job

2
0

\”yes i am 37 yes i have a man i regularly have sex with and am married to but what is this mysterious stomach issue i have?\” (lmao i am mostly kidding ive never been pregnant but fo rall those that have i know it\’s tough and weird!!!!!!!)

2
0

bahn! han! ni!
2
0

lmao idc for the grandma so when she kicks the bucket i\’ll be just fine

1
0

HE SAID DICKS OUT FOR HIS WIFE why cant they show us talking after that tho? i know she is sttrong (and also pregnant) but ! idk i woulda liked to see it
1
0

is she giving her an eating disorder or telling her not to eat poor people food either way do yun\’s mom needs to die. simply pass away.

1
0

LIKE IM HAPPY BUT IM ALSO VERY SAD EVEN THOUGH IT WILL ALL BE FINE WHY EVEN DID THEY LET US INTO THIS WORLD

1
0





2
0

honestly wtf are we gonna do when she leaves. im so sad i know itll be okay but still.
2
0

I WAS RIGHT COS MR. GO COMES AND THEYRE FRIENDS SMH WOW i can….read the cues the writers laid down for us lmao

1
0

so hye being a superhero twist of the century

1
0














2
0

BAHN HA NI GOT A PHONE LIEK A REAL TEENAGER

2
0

i know it would be weird for her to be her mother even though she\’s slowly morphing into that figure by nature—being able to love herself more so treating her younger self like a protector since she\’s older. but they have great chemistry as both the same girl and mother and daughter. their relationship is really similar to how many single parents might have to live so like their children also taking care of them. except it\’s….herself? but also not? ykwim? anyway it\’s a great dynamic. complicated though so lmao

2
0