DISCLAIMER: JOB-RELATED RANT AHEAD. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!

Boss asked me today whether I’m still happy with my job.. Told her I’m getting bored and that I miss the lab. And I really do miss the lab, I miss the different colors that comes out whenever I’m mixing different chemicals, I miss the test tubes, aspirators and many more. I even miss the autoclave with its not-so-friendly smell… I miss the littlest of things that I get to do when I’m around laboratory equipment. I miss doing research.

I’ve been wanting to resign since it dawned on me that I’m not made for this job. But I’ve been trying to hold everything until after at least a year or so, so it doesn’t reflect poorly on my job record. 7 months in, I still have to endure 5 months or so I think. I’m not really sure if I can actually make it but I’m hoping. Some may find me a little ‘choosy’ (I can’t find the right term, haha), some might even think that I’m immature. But honestly, how can you do things in a better way when you’re not happy doing it in the first place? Some might think that I’m lucky to actually have a job that can feed me, while others, for the most part, are still jobless… I guess I am, but is it actually worth sacrificing my happiness for?

I’m still hopeful for that one job that won’t wear me down the way this one does…
I know it’s out there, I can feel it..

But for now I know I have to live in the present. How I wish its already Friday. Hooooo..😩 😩 😩 😩 😩

And this is my first life, I am entitled to feel this way for the first time.

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    Can I ask what kind of job you have now? I got a job working in a medical lab and it really makes me miss the traditional chemistry/research labs I used to work in, I found working in research made me feel like I was moving forward or making progress and now I’m just sort of on autopilot.
    I hope you’re able to find that fulfilling job you’re looking for!

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      My current job deals with patents and scientific journals. Sure, there are chemical reactions, but I only get to read them on paper and never saw them come to life as it does in the labs.

      And just like you, I’m mostly on autopilot. I do it because I have to and not because I enjoy doing it. I just really want to cry right now. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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    Err.. I’m currently on my fourth job and I’ve only done 7-8 months in each of my previous ones. The fact of the matter is that they were the wrong jobs and I wasn’t happy. It’s true that I’ve lost a couple of years on my resume, but they’ve lead me to where I am now – and that’s good because where I am now is good.

    I do have to say though, that while I have no regrets about leaving my previous jobs, I do regret joining them in the first place. But there is no getting those years back – and while I’m not quite where I’d have hoped to be by now, it’s a late start and that’s better than no start.

    So with some caution, I encourage you to find a lab asap and quit. ^^

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      Ooooooooh hi, I feel the same way as you do. I did not have any regrets leaving my jobs, but i keep blaming myself for staying too long and think “ah this is my comfort zone”. Sigh. I know it’s all in the past and I should move on and stop complaining, but still it’s hard to forget those regrets.

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        Hahah yeah – It really is hard to let go of regrets, isn’t it? The more mistakes I make, the more fearful I become of taking another step. But can I just quote some of my favorite lyrics in response? ^^

        “A rolling stone surely gathers no moss
        If you can’t return, go straight through your mistakes and forget them all
        Never mind, it’s not easy but engrave it on your chest”

        In other words, to @sarassi and to me, “fighting!” hahaha ^^

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      @greenfields I’m currently looking for another job, I already have a list of companies that I’ll apply to once I get my ass off here. Fighting!

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    i can say that you have all the rights to feel what you are feeling and not to pretend to be ok even if you are not ok within.
    but at same time-
    1. dont get sucked into the negativities of not having your job cause if you do that you will not be able to concentrate on other positive things which are there (and i am sure there must be few if not many) in your life.

    2. You have been there for 7 months and you only have to wait another 5 months… which will pass in blink of an eye (believe me it will.

    3. you told to not to tell you to do things better way when you are not happy.. i certainly agree. i had exact same situation 3 years back. and it lasted for whole 18 months. i was badly demotivated, hurt (how subordinates treated me), dissatisfied (as work was not as per my calibre) and lonely (my family was away from my place). i used to silently cry while working and sitting along with other useless reportees. so it was not just work but many factors that broke my confidence badly. i thought ill not be able to handle a team or work ever again in future. also a tussle with one of high manager costed me my promotion opportunity and which i got 3 years late (totally 5 yrs delayed).
    but i survived those 18 months… by just one rule to let everything go wrong at office but not letting it make me miserable at my home. i used to put all my office tensions and worries in office as soon as i came out of office door.
    i started enjoying my life, weekends even more than before. i started watching many more kdramas than what i did before, every weekend shopping or movie (yes it costed lot of money but i managed).
    and at same i fought management with all my might to not to bear anything wrong or unjust.
    finally after 18 months i got away from that torturous environment. but it effected my confidence badly and i took another 12 months to get it on same lever as it was 18 months back…. and will you believe now the place i am is the best thing i could ever get. the work, manager, team everything as if its came out of one perfect dream of mine.

    sorry for long essay but i couldn’t resist sharing my painful history just to make you feel it will all gt better… just be positive and never let yourself drown in bad situation or negativity. you are stronger than any of your problems or bad work….

    hope it will help you even just a lil ill be happy.

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      *hugs* I feel you. I went through almost the same things that you did for close to 2 years. I am still in the same job but things got a lot better for me in the middle of last year, to think that I was close to resigning at the begining of that year. I was getting bored with work, had problems with subordinates who had different values than I did, almost got bypassed for a promotion and had family issues as well. I’m happy that I endured it all. It took a heart-to-heart talk with my boss to get me to stay. (Really great to have a female boss who really understands you.) I’m still in the same job, which luckily got way more exciting and challenging, got a new batch of more competent officemates who don’t think bad of me, my boss still believes in me and issues at home got straightened out. So I definitely agree with you. Positivity and belief in yourself can go a long way. We are definitely stronger than what we think.

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    Fighting! I’m scared right now too because I only get call backs from the jobs I applied to as fallbacks, and I’m afraid of getting into a place that I hate but I can’t help it. It’s just my first life as well, and I’ve never held a job over a year since I’ve been in school this whole time, but I can’t even use my masters degree until I have experience, so I’m applying to jobs where they ask why I’m applying when I’m overqualified…
    It’s just my first life, but I’m scared.
    Sorry, I used your rant as an excuse to rant myself…

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      @hotcocoagirl you can rant all you want here, no big deal! Hahaha. What can I say is, take time to decide which company you’re going to say yes to because the regrets that would come with your decision will be something that you can’t take back but I believe you’ll always have a chance of redemption.

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        Thanks chingu! *hug* Fighting to both of us ~ and missteps are okay too, this is just the first life for both of us

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