Beanie level: Errand boy

MediBeanies, if your closest medschool friends were to be on #HospitalPlaylist where would you work & what would be your group activity?

4
2

    My friends are half-internists, half surgeons. So we would probably never be ever complete.

    But everyone would want to be vocalists and drive each other crazy in karaoke. 🤣

    On a serious note, hope all MediBeanies are safe, well and with complete PPEs! 😘

    5
    1

      We’re not taking our specialty yet but our interest is so diverse. We’re also always split into two team in karaoke, the ballad team and the crazy team

      1
      0

YYS is 🥰 #HospitalPlaylist

7
0

Omg #HospitalPlaylist IDUNNO hahahahahahah

3
0

Is the latest drama trend all about Memories?
I hope you all are staying indoors and safe. 🙂
Watch all the dramas you can.

6
0

#HospitalPlaylist

5
2

    That scene with Priest Hyung #1 is ME.
    Except its NOT me because i dont have that kind of safe space drinking non-medical buddy.
    Or maybe it is me because instead of a restaurant & soju, its a laptop and you guys. 😭😭😭😭😭

    4
    0

    Medical buddies are 💜

    2
    0

Omg is Hospital Playlist going to be my jam? #promising

9
3

ITAEWON CLASS EP 6 WHOA

1
0

Happiness

25
5

This was recommended to me by youtube & i was attracted by the super clean black and white colors.

1
0

Mask

7
6

Itaewon Class is giving me so many complex feelings I *****ng love it.

4
1

    Meanwhile, RDTKS2 bored me bananas. I’ll finish you when I don’t feel too disgusted as a doctor.

    1
    0

Winter Heart
A #LoveFebruary Thought

7
13

    I love traveling alone. 
    Last week I didn’t start a #LoveFebruary post because I was traveling with family. And I came back five times as tired. 
    You see, my family is into itineraries. Like, serious, by-the-dot activities, with back-up plans and alternate routes. Sometimes I think it’s very posh and organized. 
    But sometimes I want to just do one of two things: walk aimlessly, or sit and observe. 
    The last few months have been difficult. And that week was worse. I was keeping track of news about my profession: taxes and administrative healthcare. I was keeping track of the recent travel precautions. I was keeping track of the itinerary and budget. I was keeping track of grad school. I was thinking and considering and wondering and worrying. 
    I was keeping track of my inner demons. 
    Lately I haven’t felt like being a doctor was making me happy. People depend on you to be a rock, but you’re actually turning into dust. 
    I cannot express negative feelings to my family because I’m “not supposed to think about such things”. It’s “unbecoming” of a physician. They think I should “heal myself”. 
    Or if I don’t like it, practice elsewhere. 
    My non-medical friends don’t really understand either. They like having a doctor-friend they can “rely” on. A sad doctor? How weird! 
    There’s a winter in my heart that’s colder than -13 degrees. 
    Maybe love is dead before February even thaws out.

    24
    6

      @khalessymd – it sounds like you need a break, and need someone to say “listen to your heart”.

      It sounds like you need to NOT be a doctor anywhere for awhile. Is that possible? Sending you strength – Hwaiting!!!

      5
      1

        right now im channelling broke grad student anyway haha. 🙂 thanks for the support. <3

        3
        0

      You know you can always write and vent here, right? Burnout is a real thing and you seem to be in its clutches. It does sound like you need a change though. I have a neonatologist friend who was spinning her wheels in a for-profit hospital system and although she loved her colleagues, she hated the system and was so burned out she wished she had appendicitis so she could be hospitalized for a couple days to rest. So she left. She’s happier in an academic center now and does talks on burnout to other doctors, recognizing the signs before it’s too late. There a reason our profession has the highest suicide rate of them all. No one feels they can talk about their struggles, like you’ve said. We’re all here for you! And there are lots of depressed doctors. We hide it well, but no one is immune. That’s why when one falls off the ledge no one sees it coming. Fighting, fellow female physician!!!

      5
      1

        Thank you! It’s kind of strange I don’t really do regular social media like Facebook, but I find a lot of comfort here.

        I’ve been enjoying grad school more than clinic but even tho I have a scholarship, it’s not enough to live, so I still need to work.

        The other day, a patient commented on my week of absence as: “you keep leaving us” / “you’re always out of town”, so I was so extra offended because I’ve only taken an out of town leave maybe once or twice a year. Maybe patients mean it as a joke (or not, since im the only one of my subspecialty) but it just really hurt.

        Im trying to work out a schedule with a therapist & though we haven’t figured it out yet, we will get there.

        5
        0

      It’s unfair that you’re not allowed to be tried, unsure of yourself or even just express doubts just because of your profession. I understand the need to just be. It sounds like you need a week off to sit at the beach (or at home) with no one (who knows you) around and just be. Lots of hugs to you.

      4
      1

        <3

        I do want to go away alone so badly! I hid at our condo today because I just didn't want to see anybody. I wish I had enough money to climb Mt Fuji with strangers who won't judge me. Ah that would be amazing.

        4
        1

          I think you need a break. Just to have fun. Be free. Do the things that you like. Get far, far away from your job and family and responsibilities. Even a short break can do wonders. You sound so tired.

          2
          0

      First off: sending you the biggest, tightest hugs. I’m not in the medical field, but I can’t imagine the stress and strain that must accumulate. I hope you get the space/time/rest/whatever you need. <3 <3 <3

      Second off: I *am* in the writing/reading/words field, and this is an incredibly nice phrase–such a powerful sentiment, beautifully phrased, wonderfully illustrated. "People depend on you to be a rock, but you’re actually turning into dust."

      4
      1

      I think it’s really important to express your negative feelings and to talk about being burned out, even if you love your job. I love my current work, it’s much more fulfilling than my previous position which was putting me in a very negative headspace.

      But I’ve been having health issues lately – which it looks like aren’t serious, thank God, but I was under a lot of stress trying to figure out what was wrong, and work was piling up, so my stress was through the roof. By the end of last year, when I was about 16 months into my current position,which I love, I realized that no matter how much I loved my work I was getting burned out, and it was taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I hadn’t taken a real break in a year. I hadn’t had time to myself in months. I could feel my anxiety getting worse, and my depression trying to creep up again. There was nothing more irritating than my mother just saying “be grateful you have X, Y, and Z”. I told her, that you can have X, Y, and Z and still also feel overwhelmed and tired and burned out. The two are not mutually exclusive.

      I made it a point to tell people in my life “yes, I’m grateful for my work, and I’m glad my health is OK, but it’s a lot right now. I’m tired and I need to rest up.” The life/work balance is tricky in professions where you need to support others as a part of your job. It’s OK to be burned out and take time to rest. It’s really hard to admit it because we live in a society where we’re constantly told to just be grateful for what we have, and that focusing too much on our own needs is selfish; we forget that we can’t be good at what we do if we’re not well.

      So, it’s OK to be burned out, and to question. It’s good to recognize it. But the most important thing is to know it’s OK to take care of you for a while too.

      3
      1

        🥰 what we all need from time to time: thats its OK to be not OK so we can work on being OK 😢

        1
        0

Oh! It\’s #LoveFebruary! I am loving it! 😀 I will catch up with you guys in a bit after CLOY catch up. 😉 But I do have some feelings I need to write down and thanks for the reminder of Love Feb! 🙂

11
0

OMG 125 notifs. sorry I was on a trip

10
0

KITKAT. A girl\’s bestfriend. #CLOY

3
0

Hey, insomnia. Your timing is great i don\’t have work or school today. #RDTK2

5
9

    5 mins in. Im tryinnnnggg to feel the feels of cha eun jae of helplessness, sadness due to her issues, but when she said she should have realized this during day 1 of cadaver dissection i went like DUH LMAO.

    see what happens when you don’t do the right research? the emotional setting doesn’t connect.

    FELLOW FELLOW FELLOW FELLOW FELLOW

    OMG i am never going to get over this am i

    3
    1

      💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 She is not connecting with me either. It’s all too contrived.

      2
      0

    i know she was reeling from the shock of the crime committed but the cadaver dissection just brought back her ridiculous rank. sorry gurl.

    2
    0

    ooohhh was nurse park an ex-con? i love background stories.

    4
    1

      also, ah… dating in healthcare.

      or socializing in general.

      so hard. 🙁

      as an intern, i heard that a highschool friend didn’t invite me to her party because i likely had “medstuff”

      friends are complicated in healthcare.

      2
      0

    see? see? its so nice to see a CV FELLOW work properly.

    now, when do we find out it’s placebo?? how much candy did Master Kim give her??

    2
    0

    for real; ethics class, discuss. love it.

    1
    0

    nurse park is so swoony omg

    3
    0

    WHO OPENED THE FLOODGATES TO MY EYES TT_TT

    2
    0

i laughed so hard hahahhaha memories from my ER time

2
0

Of course. The pregnancy card. UGH.

2
7

    It’s a common question back in interviews to be asked if we were single or married or with kids. i usually come up with a roundabout nonsensical answer to that. when i finished my subspecialty single, an attending bought us graduation dinner & gave us “fatherly advice” that we should get married soon. now that im taking my masters, another attending was “worried” i wouldnt get married.

    well gosh, i didnt know my uterus was a requirement in medicine. *eye roll ensues*

    4
    2

      I don’t know why they care so much about our uteruses (?). They just never give the same ‘advice’ to men to veer towards the specialty that’ll allow for more ‘family time’ like some men don’t want families and give the implications that women are supposed to practically raise said kids and her husband (because we know she has she take care of him and pamper him) on her own! 🙄🙄🙃
      I understand the generalizations that women tend to gravitate towards ‘child-care’ and family-care and all that (but there’s a lot of cultural influence on that – don’t let’s go down that road) but a woman going into a field that will not let ‘her have time for family’ has probably thought about it and has come to the conclusion that at that time in her life, her career is more important to her. Regardless, it’s none of their business and I don’t know why I should be questioned when my male counterparts aren’t.
      In our 4th year, we have to take Orthopedics as a course and the first class, this doctor legit said ‘you ladies don’t even have to show up!’ to my flatmate’s class. Like? It’s not like Ortho is that interesting to me so I wasn’t going to go if I could skip it but excuse you? Bitch! I’ll be there every class to spite you! WTH??

      3
      1

        riiiiighhht?? and i find it sad that its both men and women attending who said it to me. the second attending was disappointing because she took a masters herself so i thought she would be supportive, but i guess not coz she already had two kids.

        i have nothing against parent-doctors but people need to realize just because they studied anatomy means they have a say on mine.

        its getting more frequent now that im on my thirties so maybe one point im really going to snap at an senior attending like REAL horribly …but i am also kind of looking forward to becoming the most unbelievably “rude” junior attending they’ve ever met. its long overdue.

        0
        0

      That’s illegal to ask in the US. Screams DISCRIMINATION!

      1
      0

    looks like someone forgot their oath in medschool eh, new president. #ethicsinhealthcare

    2
    0

    omg!!!

    0
    0

    i wonder if this show would make a great ethics class discussion with all the scenarios.

    2
    0

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHH <3 <3

4
0

is she talking about me?

1
0