To my lost love,
To my dear love of reading,

It took me some time to write this entry for Love, February.
It’s a sad love story but I’m not crying, I’m just having a heartache while pitying myself ^^’.
Long post in comment below

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    To my lost love,
    To my dear love of reading,

    I remember my younger self spending hours and hours reading.
    I’ve spent so many hours at the school library, I still remember the faces of the 2 librarians from middle and high schools. Those few times when they kept that book that I reserved on their desk and greeted me with something like “Hello, look what was returned today and was waiting for you” .
    So many emotions, so many stories I’ve come to know through books.

    Being able to read in the car was my one of my biggest pride. All that time reading during long drives when our family paid visits to other family members.
    I stopped having ideas for gifts I really wanted for birthday or Christmas since I was a child. I would give a hard time to my parents and aunts asking me what I wanted to have. I started reading Harry Potter, catching up with the releases and I was relieved to have a gift idea for several Christmas.
    Then I started my manga collection (my handle comes from that serie), using my pocket money for the first time, I had something I wanted to own.

    Last year during high school, national exam was at the corner, homework and preparations were fine. I was at the school library, wandering around, taking a book and reading its synopsis… what to choose to read next. Someone laughed at me, he was amused “are you serious , don’t you know national exams are coming” . Caught red-handed by my head teacher, I could only smile back “I’m only looking”. I don’t remember if I read that very book, but I read a few more books before national exam period started.

    “Err excuse us, that’s fine you can stop talking about it” how embarrassed I was when I snapped out of it during my very first interview (it was for an university). I didn’t realize my introvert self was talking with such passion about The Three Laws of Robotics by Asimov after they asked me what my hobbies were.

    To keep it simple, let’s say the university I attended was a tough one, I was working and working and working. I had to say goodbye to my love of reading. I thought that when those years will have passed, I’ll have my free time back, will open a book and will dive into it like I did before.

    But things change, love change. When studies got easier, I spent my free time watching dramas and variety shows.
    I started to work and spent (and still is) my free time in dramaland, but I registered at the local library too. I hoped to bring back my love. So I would spent time choosing books, borrowing them but most of the time I would return them without reading them. I still do that.
    However sometimes magic worked, I dived into Austen’s books , then years later The Count of Monte Cristo (but the end irked me a bit). It was drops of hope for my dry heart.

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      Earlier this week a colleague told me “I’ve never understand people who read”. I answered him that I loved reading, that diving into a book was magic and that I miss that so much, so much. Reading Beanies’ post about books made me a bit jealous.
      But do I have the right to be jealous, when I was the one growing apart from my love, when I’m the one watching dramas.

      So like a fool looking for love, once per month I walk to the library, spend time choosing books, bringing them back with me, foolishly hoping that my love will come back and make me open those books. I keep buying the latest volume of that collection I started as a child, without reading them. As I write, I stare at this beautiful and colorful manga collection, I know someday I’ll read them again.

      To my love of reading that I’ve lost but hope to find again,
      To my lost love without which I always feel empty,

      let me dedicate a song for you, Empty by Nell :
      “Then feel free
      to come back
      and say hi
      cause I’ll be empty till the day you
      come back and fill me up
      my Love”

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        I went through a similar pattern. It took retirement, but back to reading I am, although at my age, the list still grows rather than shrinking!

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          glad that you’re back to reading, hoping I won”t have to wait till retirement though, it’s so far away ^^’

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        I’m right now there.
        It must have been 9 years since “I don’t read”.
        By that I mean that I can read two or three books a year.
        I spend a lot of time reading at work. I have to read large juridic and technical texts.
        When I arrive home, I’m not in the mood os reading.
        But then, sometimes, it works.
        Last summer for me it was Jane Austen (who can resist her) and Andrea Camilleri.
        But I find it harder and harder to read.
        I hope I will go back to reading.
        Maybe when I’m less tired.

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          I don’t have to read that much at work, but I understand that after reading the whole day you’re not in the mood for more reading

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        I was an avid reader up to the end of high school. I was one of the students who borrowed (and read) the most books from the school library.
        Then my life changed, I moved to another country, and I could no longer find books in my native language. Reading in English (in which I wasn’t fluent at the time) was difficult; I found it discouraging.
        Then I got busy with studies, work, life problems…

        Someday, I hope to go back reading again.

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          I tried to read in English when I was still an avid reader but I couldn’t dive into a book like I did in my mother tongue.
          “Someday, I hope to go back reading again.” hwaiting , it’ll come, don’t lose faith

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        wow what an apt and beautiful quote to end off this lovely post

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        I’m somewhat there now. Listening to audiobooks is nice when knitting (or reading ebooks in general).

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          I never tried audiobooks , maybe I should give it a try, who knows ? 🙂

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        Wow I can’t tell you how much this post resonated with me. I developed my love of reading as a child and I would read every book that I could possibly come across. By the time I was in Grade 6 I had finished by dads entire English Literature Masters Degree syllabi’s.

        I have 500 books in my bookshelf and I have read just a few. It really breaks my heart that we have grown apart like this. I totally get you.

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          hoping that love will come back to us like a boomerang (but without hitting my face please hehe)

          wow 500 books O_o I’m impressed !

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        I feel you. I also experienced what you described in my last year of high school, and uni (I’m in my last year… and I’m slowly getting back into reading).

        I used to read like 50 per year, but then I started getting really busy with uni and life, and I just couldn’t enjoy reading anymore. It broke my heart.
        But slowly, I started getting back into it by reading things I knew I’d find enjoyable and that were short ( like small essay collections). I focused on not the amount of books I wanted to read, but simply that I was getting some reading done, and enjoying it.

        I still don’t read as much, but I always have something I’m reading and even if I only read 10 books per year, that’s fine. I’m getting there, and I’m sure you’ll get there too!

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          thank you YuYuu , I know with work I don’t have much free time as I had as a kid, and my tastes change with time, I’ll get back into reading, will try no matter how long it takes 🙂

          glad to have yours and Beanies feedback about their own reading slump , it gives me hope ^^

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      Books are always there just waiting for you to come back. They are patient like that.

      I’m glad you found the magic again.

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        well I’ve found it but I’ve lost it right after , it’s been so long I haven’t opened a book , let alone diving into one 🙁

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          It’s okay, Kudo. You didn’t lose that love. It’s always going to be there.

          One day, maybe when you experience power outage like I did, you’ll pick up those books and start to read, you’ll feel that love all over again. 🙂

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            we had a power outage once but long walk was the one benefited from it ^^’

            ‘You didn’t lose that love. It’s always going to be there.’ <3 thank you 🙂

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      I think k-dramas and internet was the cause of death for my reading habits, it must have been around my-mid 20s when it happened. Then a few years later I went to a book store, browsed around the young adult section wanting to pick something up but nothing caught my interest. That’s when it hit me, I’ve outgrown the YA section 😭
      I rarely read now, and have stopped buying books cos I still have quite a few that’s not been finished..

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        I feel you 🙁

        that’s why I registered to the local library, I can borrow books without buying them, even if I don’t read them ^^’ , that’s my cheap way to keep trying

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    I can empathise. I bought books of similar genre I used to read, but I just can’t find the same joy anymore.
    I can’t even seem to find books that interest me, maybe I’m looking in all the wrong places.

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      I tried to read some short novels, it worked a while before the love dying off again 🙁

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    Yeah. My story is similar. I read a lot as a kid. I made full use of our local library, and stayed up late reading my books. During my teens as I began to spend more and more time on the internet, I didn’t read quite as much, but I still read (and listened to audiobooks) and loved what I read dearly. But then I discovered dramas, and they took over my life. I haven’t read much of anything since. Like you I hope to someday return to being captivated by the stories printed on paper.

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      may we fall in love again, may we dive into books again *cheers* 😀

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    Books have always been a big part of my life, no one reads around me, not my sisters, not my friends, but because they know how much I love reading, they’re always getting me books. Like @coffeprince4eva I have a collection a bit more than that, I want to have my own little library someday.

    There are times in which I go 6 months or even a year without touching a book, but my love never dies, when I’m in a mood I finish 4 books in a week, I get that indulged!

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      “There are times in which I go 6 months or even a year without touching a book, but my love never dies” this gives me hope , since I’ve lived it, since others went through it too, thanks Azzo 🙂

      gosh I can’t imagine your collection O_o

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        Never lose hope, Kudo. It’s like drama-slumps, you get the book blues, too!

        I’m very proud of my collection 😂

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