Beanie level: Candy

Think I’m going to start a new thing for myself. Let’s see how consistent these stream of consciousness reflections will be!

K-Quote of the Day:

“When the day breaks…
I hear the clip-clop…of people’s footsteps.
Hearing that sound from underneath my covers…makes me feel so lonely.
You couldn’t even imagine.
The feeling that I’m the only one not rolling forward.
So, sometimes… I sit outside near the door, early in the morning.

Because I want to feel as if I’m rolling forward with them, too.”

-Jung Hee, My Ajusshi

Am I the only one here?

I don’t know if it’s a byproduct of the rat’s race global society we live in, but I’ve developed a fear of getting stuck. Perhaps it has to do with one of the darkest times of my life, where depression told me that laziness was no longer a choice, it was an enforced state of being. When that happens, when you’re direction-less, listless, without purpose—but with a deep want for purpose, it’s like a battle within yourself. You feel dead, but you feel uncomfortable. That discomfort is the light. It’s the sign that you’re not okay with the depths you’ve fallen into, that as bleak as things may seem on the surface of your own heart, the candle of hope is still burning deep inside you. It just needs to be tended to.

And although we can make much social commentary on the ills of a hyper productive society that expects too much [ironically, or maybe fittingly, coupled with a global epidemic of procrastination], the fact remains that more often than not, we will all arrive at a time when we ask, “Am I the only one here?”

And I think the answer is, yes, you are for the moment, because you own this journey, and this journey is yours for the making and also no, you’re not the only one here because others have been here in the past, and others are here now, and still others will pass by here in the future and that brings a sense of togetherness that is unparalleled.

Yes, people are rolling forward, Jung Hee. But if you turned around and saw that there are people who’re stuck just like you are, perhaps your wait won’t feel so lonely anymore. And then one day, we’ll clip-clop our way forward too.


    Aw, I wish I could format this post so that all my italics and line breaks would stay.