Beanie level: Errand boy

Beanfriends, this week has been exhausting – mentally and emotionally – and I have to try to make a big decision in the next week and all I want to do right now is crawl under the blankets and hide from everything. Being an adult sucks sometimes.

(I’m fine, I’m just tired and spent. Making life changes is hard sometimes.)

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It’s still too soon.

(But props to Viki for going there.)

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It’s finally here!

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    Sooooooo good!!!

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      So soo goood..Honestly I’ve been missing out.

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      I’m on my third or fourth listen right now. I got three hours of sleep, but this is making me stay awake. (Well, this and coffee.)

      I love how each of their albums has its own vibe. Shoebox was very in-your-face, We’ve Done Something Wonderful was contemplative, and Sleepless In ______ feels very chill but with a good energy. Not as familiar with their older albums but they also all seem to have strong cohesive sounds too.

      tl;dr Epik High has done it again.

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    and it’s SO.FREAKING.GOOD!
    It was worth the wait!

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      It it. I wish it were longer. But I also hope this means that they have more up their sleeves and they release more frequently.

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    Lullaby for a Cat? Ok, that has to be listened to after work.

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I don’t think my heart has hurt this much for a character in a long time.

What she did was wrong, but it wasn’t a sin. The system is broken. It’s set up to ensure people like her – that women like her – fail. It’s wrong and unjust. Kang Dani needed a way around it and lying was the only avenue she saw. She lied because she needed to survive. I can’t fault her for that. But what I loved even more was that she swallowed her pride and asked them to reconsider. She was open about her reasons. That takes more strength than admitting to her fault.

But oh my goodness. The loneliness in that moment. In those moments when she knew it was over. The way the camera isolated her in the frame; up close, watching her face change as the truth came out. Then, sitting alone at her desk while her co-workers continue on, most unaware of the earthquake that just happened. When she finally lets her tears flow. When she steels herself to go back. And when she finally leaves for good. All these little moments. All these choices. They all show so much strength and they all broke my heart. Lee Na-young and the director did an amazing job here.

My heart breaks because in dramaland this will all be OK in the end. But in the real world? It won’t be. I’m terrified to ever take a break in my career. If I chose to take two years off, I’d be screwed. All those years I spent studying and working long hours wasted. Women like Kang Dani will always be the scapegoats, the ones tossed aside, the ones who are left behind. They will never get that second chance, no matter how many times they prove that they’re worth taking a chance on. It’s heartbreaking and infuriating.

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    You’re right. Very right. I have a one year gap in my career where I was working part time for various reasons, and despite my still being young etc, it’s been difficult to overcome it. People look at my resume & think I lack commitment or a sense of responsibility. I can’t imagine how much more 200 times tougher it will be for someone in Kang Danyi’s position.

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      Same. I had a bit of a spotty period on my resume, which I sort of filled in with a bit of BS but it was hard to talk around at times. It wasn’t my fault but that doesn’t make it easier. I think it’s so much worse for women who have families and take time off because people have no respect for women who do that. It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.

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        I took a one year sabbatical and getting back was a nightmare. I couldn’t even get an interview. That’s why this show breaks my heart.

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          I’m so sorry that happened to you. The world isn’t geared towards being fair to those who need to take time off, no matter the reason. I almost understand the hesitation to hire someone with seven years off, but even a year can be so harmful. At least with a seven year gap there’s the fact that there is so much change in an industry.

          But even then, this is unfair. Kang Dani has proven that she’s a hard worker, and good at her work. Her level of education should make them ashamed for putting her in such a menial position but I guess that’s point? They’re both ashamed that they did that to her but they’re not willing to examine the hypocrisy of that or change the systemic issues from which the situation arises from.

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            Sorry to hear this guys. The world really isn’t geared for those who take a break – it’s work, work , work or else.

            What I find even sadder is that despite having worked with her for months, they didn’t even think to give her chance to present her side of the story. It was a unilateral decision, taken without hesitation.

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    You write so beautifully. You said everything that’s been going on in my head since this morning. I have been borderline sad since this noon. Like you said, this real world problem has no solution. It makes me so mad.
    And boy did LNY deliver. Such nuanced acting. That scene when she comes back to her desk after knowing she was found out. When she sends that text to EunHo and walks into the conference room. All the thought that must have raced in her head.
    It broke my heart. Really. I was afraid I would cry.

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      When she broke down in the bathroom I felt that in a visceral way. It was the release of so much pain and sadness and anger that I felt like crying with her. That sense of defeat, that the world is not on her side, that she’s no longer useful — I felt it all. Heartbreaking is the only word to describe the way that made me fee.

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    *finger hearts*

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    Ugh I needed moreeeee.

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    Okay, I need to watch this now – I was hoping they’d have something going on from the posters! 😂

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    Now, I’m convinced that Lawyer Choi actually has a crush on Lawyer Dan and he’s trying to get her attention

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      I thought it as well!!!

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        I would love that in the end we see all the events transpired from his POV and sees that he has been hopelessly in love with her all these years!!

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          I went back and saw some scenes form episode one and there is definitely something. He looks at her. At least he wants her reaction.

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          I was too busy watching our main OTP so I didn’t really pay attention to Choi and Dan, but now I watch it again , yes it’s been going on for sometime. His last move was too obvious. A guy won’t go as far as coming to work on Saturday just to give ukulele if he doesn’t like you. Then he’s trying to teach you to play one by initiating skinship. Come on Lawyer Choi, we see you 😙😙

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      SAME. This scene really sold me on that, though I’ve been thinking it for a week or two now.

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      It could totally be a case of him pulling her pigtails. Like he was only being annoying and teasing her because he liked her!

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        You guys…

        WHO DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO PLAY HIS MOTHER??

        Will it be… Heirs Mother From Hell Park Joon Geum?
        https://wiki.d-addicts.com/Park_Joon_Geum

        That Really Shrill Mom from My Golden Life & Father I’ll Take Care of You?, Kim Hye Ok
        https://wiki.d-addicts.com/Kim_Hye_Ok

        Do you have any other ideas? These are the 2 actresses I think are most likely to play prickly overbearing moms briefly.

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          I think every senior actor in Korea can act as overbearing mum. I remember Cha So-yoon’s mom from Encounter was a nice person in Mother. The most annoying one in my recent memory is the one from Oh Jak-doo, he’s also playing the annoying mother in law in the last episode of Life on Mars. I

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        Yes it is.

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    As soon as Choi told Dan he had a ukulele she could have, I just about fell over. Never in a million years could I have imagined that my favorite instrument would bring these two dorks together. I cannot stop smiling.

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      I seriously debated linking to the “Ukulele Song” by Amanda Palmer in this post too. I really love it, and I kind of want to learn how to play.

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    What a ride xD

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    how convenient for him to have a ukulele to give her! XD

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    I was dying lastnight watching this! So funny, endearing, and crap, he’s good looking!

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      I literally rewound like five times when he started strumming moon river on the ukulele. I love this actor because he plays these off-kilter, over-the-top roles really well — I also loved him in Let’s Eat and he was hilarious in Divorce Lawyer in Love.

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    Deeeeaaad.

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Lawyer Kwon: A study in contradictions.

He is somehow exceedingly dull and insanely adorable and I love him for it. Watching his programming get an emotional upgrade is delightful.

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I was dreading Wednesday because I have too much work and not enough motivation, but then I remembered we get to see all these adorkable goobers again tomorrow and I think I found my motivation.

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    Ahhhh I love your screenshots!!

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      Thanks! This show is too cute to not capture all the fun little character moments. (And also all of all of our cute smitten lawyer’s adorable little smiles when he’s charmed by his lovely secretary.)

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    They help me get through the week honestly 😂

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    r u guys feeling the chemistry?
    i am watching it.. but just don’t feel it.. the only thing remotely interesting is YIN (not that anyone is acting bad.. but the sparks are missing completely)

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!!!

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For all you number loving beans, I thought these numbers were kind of nifty.

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I’m rarely this impatient, but I feel like they’re trying to kill me with this sloooow release of information. (But a Sunwoo Jung-A collab? OMG YES.)

Want NOW.

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These two kill me because they’re so clearly attracted to one another but they’re both so hung up on their respective crushes that they don’t see it. At this point it feels like they’re hanging onto those crushes out of sheer stubbornness than anything else. The way Seo-jun’s eyes softened when Hae-rin started talking about her love of books and they way she lit up over his ideas said so much more than all the love letters and cheesy gestures ever could.

I also love how they provide an contrast to the main couple. While Dan-yi and Eun-ho are slow-burn old friends to lovers, these two are sparks from the start. They too are friends, but it’s interesting how they connect so quickly over a their mutual love of books (which only makes me love them more) and how that gives them a deep connection right away.

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    Seo-Jun knows very well that’s danI doesn’t feel that way towards him.
    Even 3 months of dinner won’t change the way she feels. He knows that too.
    I need to see some emotional connect between the second leads.
    And DanI is very passive when it comes to love – which I can relate to. But I need to see her objectively reject SeoJun so he can move on.

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      Seo-jun definitely knows but he’s in denial. Hence the continuing to make big gestures. But he also probably thinks he can change her mind. Like I said, these crushes aren’t real feelings, they’re habit and here he’s holding onto it despite the lack of real emotional connection.

      I thought there was a very real emotional connection between Seo-jun and Hae-rim. First, when they talked about books in episode 9 and again in episode 10 the way they connected over their ideas for the covers. Both of them were more animated and passionate in the scenes where they discuss their love of making books than they are at any other time. If that’s not an emotional connection I don’t know what is. Also, he told her to call him when she was feeling down even though they barely knew each other, so he felt the need to be a comforting presence for her. That’s also an emotional connection.

      As for Dan-yi, yeah, she needs to express herself properly to both men. But also, seeing her personality and her way of forming connections with people, I can see why it’s hard for her to reject Seo-jun. She definitely needs to do that ASAP though.

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        Don’t get me wrong, I am totally up for the second leads to get together.
        I guess the blur between personal and professional is high in this drama.
        The love for books/book covers etc – I looked at it as two people who will make a great team at work.
        I guess I need to see them interact outside this context. I did like that he paused and asked her if she wants him to come back after leaving his dog. Clearly, he cares for her. May be I will notice more if I rewatch!!

        Dan-yi – yeah, she is still figuring out what she is feeling. But I have a strong feeling next episode she will atleast reject him. She clearly is not excited anymore. She is not even present when she is with him.
        It won’t be easy for her to resolve Eun-Ho’s confession. I hope they don’t rush into it. Am open to the idea of her accepting him or rejecting him.

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          I totally see what you mean about it being a professional connection. But I think also that one of the underlying themes of this show is having personal passion for one’s work, so that line is very blurred. I think Ji-yul’s story is the one that makes this most prominent (but don’t even get me started) but we see that all characters are personally invested in their work.

          I guess also it’s my love of books that made me see that as a personal connection between them? I think the fact that Seo-jun, upon realizing that Hae-rin loves making books for its own sake which came from a genuine place of passion, is what softened him to her. Just watch how his face changes as she answers his question — that’s the shot of him I have above. That was when I first felt more than a little spark between them. If this were another drama, they’d be the leads who coincidentally keep running into one another after a series of misunderstandings on his part.

          As for Dan-yi, I get where she’s coming from with staying in her undefined relationship with Seo-jun but I think she’ll be letting him down soon too. Or she better. Because if she strings him along that’s not cool. It was one thing when she didn’t know how she felt, but her feelings are becoming pretty clear now. That said, I do think they make amazing friends, especially considering how insightful he is to her feelings. But I never felt the chemistry.

          I loved how Eun-ho didn’t put any pressure on Dan-yi to accept him, but I also love that he seems at ease now that his feelings are in the open.

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    I forgot to look up the artist’s name to see if real or fictional.

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    To all the comments below AMEN! But can I say how much I loved them bickering over the conference table like an old couple? But what really sold me is how she backed up completely and was willing to look at, and LOVE his suggestions for artwork.
    These two clearly belong together.

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      That killed me. The passive-aggressive way they were telling Eun-ho their problems? So great. Also, I just loved that they weren’t afraid to challenge one another.

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Prosecutor Park Kyung-sung may be kind of evil (jury’s still out on that) but I may also still love her nonetheless.

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These two stupid goobers make me grin like a loon.

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    #same

    Help me, I abused my couch mercilessly at the darned pocket scene.

    And maybe every time either one of them smiled.

    Maybe.

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      My poor pillow may have to get therapy from all the abuse I inflicted on it during the last five minutes of the episode. And the bit after the police station. And when he thought her manager was her oppa.

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        Maybe my couch and your pillow can get a discount if they go in together.

        La, the oppa part. I wheezed so much, his poor face. 😂 “Nooo, you dense, adorable idiot!”

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          You gotta admit, manager oppa wasn’t doing our girl any favors in that scene. But oh my God I was basically crying with laughter. That and the opening scene with the samgyeopsal awkwardness. At least I think that poor goober lawyer has finally gotten in touch with his feelings?

          I also realized this show has almost no plot and I don’t even care a little bit.

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            Oh, he absolutely was not, and I was cackling.

            That was such a cop-out, but I didn’t mind because I was so amused!

            I think that’s becoming a pattern with this show, I forgive its’ flaws because it’s just that endearing, and doesn’t pretend to be more than it is.

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            They could probably sit around and just do macrame and I’d still somehow be charmed by them.

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    The first picture!!!
    I love this show! I don’t care if this has no plot. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a show unabashedly.

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    This show should come with a warning. Extreme levels of cuteness. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Literally the entire episode was me just going “OhmyGodthey’retoocute” over and over again.

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    And affectionate rolling your eyes, right?

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      Oh, 100%.

      It’s like watchng 12-year-olds with their first crush. It’s too cute and funny to not be endearing.
      It really helps that both of them are well suited to their roles. Every time he smiled while she tried to explain herself was ridiculously adorable.

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        Oh, yes. I could not. These little dense-warm cocoa-grinning-idiots, I love them. Protect them at all costs.

        And dang, YIN. She throws tantrums and is so petty and I don’t flinch. What is this power of likeability?

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          I don’t know how she manages to make what could be a very irritating character so damn charming, but she does.

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            I’m practically cooing when I should, logically, just be coping. I need this power.

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            She does slightly annoy me from time to time, but that’s slightly. It’s a miracle really.

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            I think it helps that when they talk the legal stuff, they are very sensible. It helps that she does her job well and is learning. She is just adorably diligent, which is what he notices and appreciates.

            It does remind me of Resee Witherspoon’s portrayal in Legally Blonde.

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            @mayhemf no joke, Elle Woods is my hero. She’s such a great female lawyer character because she’s the embodiment of being underestimated. Agreed that YIN is capturing that same spirit here.

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        I didn’t know LDW had such an infectious cute smile. I just love his character’s overall temperament.

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        Any other actor this would have been plain silly. But these 2 are selling this ridiculousness!

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          I like that we understand and appreciate it for what it is.

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    This is a perfect drama to watch after or before a hectic day. I can simply turn off my brain and squee over all the cuteness.

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      Definitely agree. I even watch this during lunch time just so I can shut off my brain for an hour. (yeah, I’m that weirdo who begs off lunch with friends to watch dramas. Thankfully, my friends get it. AHAHAHA)

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    I loved this shot!

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I love this.

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@umbrellaman it feels real now. But also they need to drop a new single ASAP or I may die of anticipation.

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    Ahhhhhhhhhhhh why don’t they have an Asian tour?! T.T

    Have fun!!!

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    Awesome!!!!! I love getting paper tickets to have as a keepsake. We are going!!!!!!!! *happy dance*

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      Right? I always try to get physical tickets. Also, if you go to the box office for tickets the fees are way less/non-existent. I’m gonna try to get Amanda Palmer tickets this week too. I may have to sit out Blackpink this time around, though.

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        Unfortunately, I don’t live close enough for me to go to the theatre so online it is. Go to as many concerts as you can!!!

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Even though Love, February is over I feel we all deserve a little treat. Here is one final gift to all of you lovely Beanfriends, because we all deserve a little chocolate today.

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    The photoshoot that the Lee Min-ki photo is from is weird as heck. I love it.

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      Is it weird that I can say it’s only my second favorite photoshoot of his? (My favorite one is the Cosmopolitan one where he’s in a warehouse/loft and he’s got blonde in his hair. There’s glitter involved.)

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        I love that one as well! I’m not sure I have a favorite, though.

        I remember stumbling upon an old DB post about that Cosmopolitan photoshoot and all the comments were “What the heck. How does this look good. Literally no one else would be able to pull this off.”

        The photoshoot with the above photo is the same one where he’s in a shopping cart, and eating a banana peel, right?

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On this final day of Love, February I’m reflecting on what this project has meant to me.

On a personal level, this has been the first time in years I’ve actually taken time out of every day to write and create. It’s also the first time I’ve felt safe enough to share my writing with…anyone. I wrote a little bit in high school but since then I’ve always been too afraid to share my writing. For that I have to thank you Beanies for creating this space where I feel safe and among friends. I’ve always said I want to take more time to write. I’m hoping that I can do that after today. I don’t know what life will bring, but just the act of putting words down has been a gratifying experience in ways I never expected.

I think examining love has been an immensely gratifying experience. It’s allowed me to slow down and examine my life and the things and people I appreciate. It also has taught me to be grateful for the good things in my life. I’m grateful that I have so much to draw upon, both good and bad, and that it’s all important to who I am today.

But I also want to thank you all for sharing your stories. You are all amazing people and the discussion over the last two weeks has been engaging and personal and raw in a way I never expected. I have learned so much from you all and been inspired by all your stories.

This space is something I cherish in a way I never would have believed when I hit play on Coffee Prince five years ago. If someone told me then that I would be going to k-pop concerts and watching Asian dramas and writing poetry about tea on a drama site, I would’ve told them to get their head checked. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. This has been an amazing journey. This is an amazing journey. Thank you all for this.

Until next time my lovely Beanfriends,
Love, February

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Today’s post is a very personal one, so it’s in the comments.

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    What you, my delightful wonderful beautiful beanfriends, don’t know is that today is the one-year anniversary of me finally getting my shit together. I was flailing for so long – years – and it was one year ago today that I started on this road to fixing myself. Not that there is anything wrong with who I am as a person, but because there was so much wrong with how I saw myself and how I presented myself to the world. I let my life stagnate.

    I was depressed. I felt like a failure. I was anxious all the time. Getting out of bed was hard. My head was foggy all the time. I was tired constantly. But I also couldn’t sleep. I had no confidence in myself at all. I hated seeing myself. I hated going outside. I hated living – not in an “I want to die” way, more in a “what’s the point of caring” way. I would have panic attacks out of nowhere. I went out only when I had to. I constantly was stuck inside my own head, a place that was not a happy place to be. I replayed every mistake I made ad nauseum until I couldn’t sleep from the anxiety. I interacted with people as minimally as possible. I had no energy to do anything beyond what I needed to do. There were no victories in my life. Or if there were, I was unable to appreciate them.

    But one year ago today that started to change.

    No. That’s wrong. One year ago today I took the steps I needed to change. I finally spoke to a doctor. I got what I needed to help me. It’s been a slow journey, but the person I am today is a much happier, healthier person than that person I was a year ago. I learned that it’s not normal to be tired constantly. Or to have a foggy head no matter how much coffee you have. Or to not go outside ever. Or to never have any energy. I started to see that I was not as much of a failure as I believed. There were good things in my life. I was able to celebrate the small victories. I made the changes I needed to and found a better job.

    I’m trying to live without regrets and without beating myself up over every little thing. I’m learning to let go and move forward. There are still days where I hate myself for wasting years of my life. Where I still get anxious and feel stupid. Where I wish I’d had the confidence to pursue other dreams. But it’s easier now for me to move forward to look to the future rather than the past.

    One of my few escapes and solaces in that time was this space. It was a community of kindred spirits, connecting over drama but sharing so much more. It was one of the few places where I could talk a little, where I could open up myself a bit. Where I felt that a little of the person I once was could come out a bit.

    One year is not a long time in the long run. But in one year I have managed to go from barely living to wanting to see what life has to offer. It’s amazing what a year can do.

    Love,
    February

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      Thank you for sharing this.
      It’s eye opening to know that I’m not the only one struggling with life and with how I see and present myself. And it’s nice to know that I can help you feel better through this community just as you and many other beanies helped me through my crisis.

      You are doing great, @snarkyjellyfish. And while there are many stumbles and uneven road in the future, the most important thing is for us to remember that we aren’t defined by our failures.

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        …the most important thing is for us to remember that we aren’t defined by our failures.

        This. This is the hardest part for me. But I’m working on it. I hope whatever you struggle with comes to pass quickly and that you can find confidence in yourself. Honestly, I don’t really know what to say without it sounding like a cheesy self-help book. But as long as you actively work against that struggle, I think you’ll find a way out.

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      You.
      Are.
      Amazing.

      Thank you for sharing something so personal, insodoing you have let us know that we are not alone.

      Fighting! on your journey! I’m so happy that you’re here, present, and on the road to more.

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      I think self-love has been the best love for Love, February.
      Thank you so much for sharing.

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      Thank you for sharing.
      Thank you for being here.
      Really, thank you for your presence, for your voice.
      Living is so very hard, leaving the house takes so much energy, and changing yourself? That takes courage.
      Thank you, for sharing your story, and making mine seem less lonely.

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        The more I realize I’m not alone, the less isolated I feel. It doesn’t necessarily make it easier, but at least I know what I thought was normal, isn’t normal. And that makes all the difference in the end.

        As for changing myself – I don’t know that I did. I think I finally let the me who was here all the time out. She was trapped under mountains of fear and behind walls of self-doubt and let the ghosts of failure scare her into never wanting to leave her little dark room. Because at least in there she knew what to expect.

        Living is hard. But not living is even harder.

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      Thank you for sharing your story. I am very glad you decided to get help and that you are now on a better road.

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      You’ve done well! In retrospect, you’ve given me and my friend advice on kbeauty in that year and I’m indebted to you! Kamsahimnida!

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        I was just remembering the other day that I was giving someone skincare advice on here and I couldn’t remember who it was. I hope it was helpful? I’m on a skincare purchasing hiatus right now because I have so many masks it’s a little ridiculous.

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          Very helpful. I’m getting too many masks too! I need to use them before I’ll allow myself to buy any more.

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            I store my sheet masks in a box in the fridge, along with under eye patches. So refreshing, especially in summer when it’s hot out. Need to work my way through my stash. It’s so hard because I work down the street from H-Mart and I’m so tempted to buy more masks whenever I go.

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      I knew there was a reason I liked you (more than one actually)! Thank you for having so much courage and for sharing your wit here. Thank you for the inspiring reminder that change takes work.

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      You are a strong person. How encouraging that you would share your struggles. Know that there are those of us who draw strength from standing up again after failures. That’s character.

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      *Hugs you so tightly* You are so strong and brave!! I also hope that you never forget that you have this Beanie community who love you and who think you’re awesome! ♥️

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      Thank you for the hopeful post. By the way, I found a lot of kindred spirits on the Island of Neutrality that you established, almost a year ago. 😎

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        I think the Island came about around the same time I started this journey. I remember it was the first time in a long time I actually felt more than a detached interest in something. I’m still so salty about the end of APAD but I will always love the Island.

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      Much love and hugs to you! And yay to the new you! Life is shit mostly but we need to find the brighter things out of it just to get going! You are not the only one ❤️

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      Psh, can’t believe you actually tried to make it seem like you weren’t a badass, Snarky. Admitting to needing help is so difficult, but actually doing something about it and getting actual help is beyond courageous. So, so, so happy you find yourself in a better place now <3 To many more years of growing and moving forward to come!
      Really, thank you so much for sharing <3 I can relate in so many ways it's a bit ridiculous ^^

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      I really need to see something like this today. Thank you

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      Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being you. You said this, “It’s amazing what a year can do” and I agree so much. May this “new” year be as full of healing, hope, and light for you. And even more full of love — in all its many ways ❤️❤️❤️ big big big hugs to you❤️❤️❤️

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      Thanks for this post Snarky. Tbh I’ve been considering it for a few years as well – and only dragged myself to see one in December last year. For all of 2 sessions because it was too expensive. It wasn’t very helpful – but she gave me a diagnosis so I knew I wasn’t imagining things, and stated clearly that I wasn’t to be blamed for the lost years. After all, “it’s hardly your fault. Isn’t that what you would tell a friend who wasn’t keeping so well?” OR something like that. Those words did make me feel much better.

      The point of that was – I’m immensely glad you went to a doctor, and the doctor helped. I’m glad you’re getting your life back together. 🙂 Wish you better and better years as time goes by!

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        My parents put me in therapy in my last year of high school. I was resentful when they told me — but then my first day of my senior year was literally the worst first day of school you could ever have, and coincidentally the first therapy session. At one point, I shit you not, I spoke with my college counselor and she told me “Oh yeah, you can’t have that schedule as a senior” as if it was my fault the school screwed up and didn’t put me in any of the classes I signed up for and had priority to be in. I think I was in three classes? I think they were Math, English, and Latin. Also, they gave me a non-existent locker. Plus about five hundred other things went wrong. Not a great day. I fixed it eventually, but it took me literally getting angry at some people and crying in my counselors office to fix it.

        But anyway. This is the long way of me saying therapy was a good experience. I kept going for until I graduated, and I think that was a huge factor in my well-being that year. However, the thing abou therapy is it’s like any long term-relationship that isn’t a personal one – you need to find someone that works for you. Not all therapists are the same. I can’t afford it right now, so I’m hoping that the medication alone keeps working. If I ever feel things backsliding, I will look for someone to talk to.

        Here in the States I only need my regular doctor to prescribe the medication. I do follow up for a year to make sure there’s no adverse effects, but my last one is this spring. I’ll stay on the medication as long as I need it, forever if that’s what it takes. I realized that my being able to function is more important that what other people think about my taking pills.

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          I really should thank you for your post – I’m getting some encouragement from your positive experiences with therapy, to give it a second try. Maybe find a doc closer to my place who may not charge as much, for one, if any such exist. I also want to thank you for this – “I realized that my being able to function is more important that what other people think about my taking pills.” You’re right – its far more important, and that’s something I need to keep in mind too. After all, I don’t judge anyone for their requiring medication, so why I should let others’ judgement of me going to therapy deter me?

          As long as you’re doing well, Snarky, I’m really glad. 🙂 That school sounds ridiculous, they know its too much and yet they put you through it? That’s completely illogical.

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            Oh, don’t get me wrong I loved my school. It was just a disaster day. I literally went back to my college counselor and said “Well, if I can’t have that schedule, fix it.” I told her that it was ridiculous that people in grades below me were in classes I signed up for and that my schedule needed to be redone. They fixed it in the end, and the only thing I had to sacrifice was advanced drawing and painting – and that was just because it conflicted with too many things. My school was really small and I had known most of my counselors for years (and the college one was actually a classmates mom too) so it was easy to get people to fix things. It was just frustrating to have people not have noticed that a senior was basically bumped from her place.

            As for therapy – in the States we have doctors that do things like sliding scale payments and who will ask less if you pay out of pocket and stuff like that. I don’t know what your system is like, but there are a lot of different options here. Some people like the option of just having the option instead of regular appointments. Others have less frequent appointments (once a month, every six weeks, etc.). I would do some calling around.

            At the end of the day our mental health is just as important as our physical health. I never realized how closely the two were related until now. I’ve learned that even though hate exercise, I enjoy being active. And being active is what has finally gotten me to start eating better and lose weight that I put on and couldn’t get off. My goal isn’t weight loss though; I’d rather be healthy and strong. And while I won’t have abs anytime soon, it’s nice to be able to do sit-ups without dying.

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      Fighting!!! And Hugs! Keep going!! You are doing great Snarky!!

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A simple song from my favorite artist.
Be More Kind.
Simple, but sweet.

Be kind to yourself.

Love,
February

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