This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 5
by CandidClown
Is it harder to forgive, or to ask for forgiveness? With his perfect world turned upside down, Hyun-woo struggles to deal with the aftermath of discovering his wife’s affair. But for as difficult a time as he’s having, there’s someone else who might be hurting more. Hyun-woo may find it difficult to forgive, but he’ll have to be careful not to hurt others in his quest to avenge his own pain.
EPISODE 5 RECAP
We rewind to the start of the day, and Soo-yeon is at her in-law’s house, making breakfast and getting Joon-soo ready for school. As she helps her son get dressed, she thinks back to when Hyun-woo had confronted her and Sun-woo in the hotel room. After Hyun-woo left, Sun-woo had received a phone call and departed as well, leaving Soo-yeon alone in the room.
In the present, little Joon-soo brings his mother back to reality when he gets his head stuck in his turtle neck. He asks Soo-yeon if he can go to an art class that one of his friends attends, and she promises to sign him up for it, earning a big smile from her son.
Picking up where we left off last week, Hyun-woo charges into the office where his wife’s lover works. Directed to a conference room, he stands nervously when Sun-woo arrives.
Hyun-woo starts to demand answers from the other man, but he’s interrupted when the lights suddenly cut off, and in trots a long line of employees with party hats and a cake. Heh, apparently it’s Sun-woo’s birthday, and Hyun-woo finds himself surrounded by a crowd of workers all singing to their boss.
Sun-woo uneasily blows out his candles and smiles, while Hyun-woo is relegated to the side of the well-wishers. Stunned and with no other option, Hyun-woo joins in the clapping. To make it even more ridiculous, Hyun-woo is pushed to the front for the most awkward birthday photo ever. (Say “kimchi!”)
Later, Hyun-woo relates the events to Yoon-ki and Joon-young, and both are gobsmacked to hear that he not only stood aside as his wife’s lover had a birthday party, but that he actually took a picture with the man.
Yoon-ki and Joon-young call Hyun-woo crazy, and instruct him to confront Sun-woo again with a fist to the face. Joon-young illustrates the advice with a punch, only for Yoon-ki to correct his form, demonstrating with a punch of his own. Soon, the two are in a full-on pantomime fight, and Hyun-woo, shaking his head at their antics, walks away. Neither notice.
At her work, Soo-yeon tries to get Joon-soo signed up for the art classes he requested. She has to nearly beg one of the other mothers, especially when the woman says that she’d be more inclined to help if Soo-yeon took the time to hang out with the other mothers more often.
Soon after, Soo-yeon receives some more bad news: She’s being taken off a big project that she’s been leading at the request of the client. Oh, it looks like the client is none other than Sun-woo’s company, and he’s the one who requested she be taken off the project.
To make matters worse, during the meeting with her boss, Soo-yeon misses a call from one of the mothers she was trying to contact. Afterward, she stares at the missed call, clearly overwhelmed with everything.
Hyun-woo’s team has found a new couple to interview, and everyone watches a filmed interview with the cuckolded husband. Bo-young suggests opening their program with interviews of the wives who were unfaithful.
When Hyun-woo points out it’d be difficult to find one of those women — let alone to get them to agree to being interviewed — one of the staff members says that there are a number of “infidelity matching apps” that have become available for cheating spouses looking for other adulterers to meet with.
They decide to sign up one of the men to the app service so that they can arrange a meeting with one of the women looking for an affair. When they wonder which of the men looks the most like someone who would use the app, everyone turns to Hyun-woo. Heh. Bo-young snaps his picture and gets to work creating Hyun-woo’s infidelity profile.
Yoon-ki’s secretary/mole ambushes him as soon as he steps out of this office, grinning as she informs him that his wife has signed up for flower arranging classes right here in the neighborhood. Yoon-ki grimaces a smile and grits out how great it will be that his wife can visit his office so easily. Retreating back to his office, he whines that he feels caged in, complaining that he has no joy anymore.
Just then, Yoon-ki sees a woman standing in the corner of his office, her back turned to him. Assuming she’s a client, he jumps up and immediately starts flirting, until he notices that not only is her skin very cold, but the woman is actually floating. He leaps back in horror as the ghost’s pretty face morphs into a grisly mask, eventually screaming himself awake at the desk where he’d dozed off.
Moaning that he hasn’t met with a woman in so long that he’s suffering withdrawal hallucinations, Yoon-ki slowly turns his head, only to realize that he’s surrounded by female ghosts. He huddles on his desk, whimpering. (That was random.)
A thoroughly disgruntled Hyun-woo gets ready for his “affair” with a woman the infidelity app matched him with. He grumbles that he’s the team leader, so why should he have to do this? Joon-young cheerfully replies that he’s too young, though he shuts up at the look his hyung sends him.
The team gives Hyun-woo special glasses with a recorder in the lenses and sends him on his way, promising that the woman they paired him with is young and pretty.
Hyun-woo heads to the café to meet his date, only to find that the woman is definitely a few years older than her profile picture. Hyun-woo nervously sits down, and the enthusiastic philandering woman eagerly sits right next to him, getting very handsy in the process.
Hyun-woo tries to subtly ask a few interview questions, but journalism ethics go out the window when the woman makes a grab for his derrière, exclaiming over how nicely toned it is. Pfft.
Hyun-woo leaps up and desperately whisper/yells into his hidden mic for his team to come to his rescue while his date coos, asking if he wants to head straight to a hotel.
Yoon-ki visits his wife at her flower arranging class, fibbing that he recently developed a pollen allergy to try and dissuade her from taking the classes. Coughing from his “allergies,” Yoon-ki makes for the exit, but he stops on a dime when the stunning instructor walks into the room.
The film crew sniggers as they watch the footage that Hyun-woo got of his “date.” Joon-young earns himself another glare when he argues that if Hyun-woo had just let that woman touch his butt, then they could have gotten more information out of her.
His part done, Hyun-woo gets up to leave, but stops to address the team. Annoyed that the husbands they’ve selected were all cowering and victimized, he tells them to make sure that it doesn’t seem like it’s always the husband’s fault. “These women aren’t cheating because of their husbands. They just like any man besides their husband. Let’s not turn the innocent husbands into sinners.” So much for objectivity.
After Hyun-woo departs, Joon-young proposes the team use the infidelity app one more time to interview someone else, offering himself as the “interviewer.” Bo-young asks if his wife won’t mind him going on a date with another woman, but Joon-young brushes it off, saying that his wife will understand because this is work.
At the flower arranging school, Yoon-ki sneaks in to find the instructor by herself. He introduces himself as Ara’s husband, and asks if he can take a class as well, claiming that he wants to make an arrangement for his wife as a birthday present. The teacher agrees, though Yoon-ki reminds her that it will have to be kept a secret.
Yoon-ki sneaks in the observation that the woman is working so late that it seems like she doesn’t have a husband waiting for her at home. She admits that she’s divorced, and Yoon-ki cheerfully announces that he’ll see her in class.
That night, the teacher heads to her car and finds a registration violation sticker on her car. Before she even has the chance to worry, Yoon-ki arrives around the corner. Being the sweet and helpful man that he is (cough cough), Yoon-ki helps remove the sticker and promises to register the car for her. The woman stares after him, already a little star-struck.
Hyun-woo returns to an empty house that night. As he wanders around the darkened (and messy) apartment, he sees visions of his wife making the bed or cooking his favorite foods, always with a smile for him. The memories fade, and Hyun-woo is left alone again.
Soo-yeon and Joon-soo are still staying with Hyun-woo’s mother. Joon-soo asks his mom about the art classes, and Soo-yeon says she’s trying to enroll him. The observant boy assures her that if it’s too hard, then he doesn’t have to go. He says that Dad told him not to give his mom a hard time, and that it was their job to protect her. His words bring tears to Soo-yeon’s eyes.
Unable to sleep, Hyun-woo searches for a movie to watch, but instead finds a small gift box. He stares at the leather wallet inside and remembers the birthday party that he unintentionally attended for Sun-woo. Coming to the conclusion that his wife must have bought the gift as a birthday present for her lover, Hyun-woo throws the wallet and screams in frustration.
At the office, the team wires Joon-young in preparation for his meeting with a new cheating wife. Bo-young puts the video glasses on for him, and Joon-young leans down right in her face and jokes, “I’m a good-looking man up close, right?” Bo-young agrees, saying that he looks just like one of the guys these adulterous women meet. Well, he was asking for that.
Yoon-ki has yet another planned/serendipitous meeting with the flower arrangement teacher, conveniently arriving just in time to help her with the broken lock on her door.
Newly enraged at finding his wife’s gift for her lover, Hyun-woo waits in the lobby of Sun-woo’s building, his nervous pacing drawing the attention of a security guard. Sun-woo enters the building and immediately spots Hyun-woo waiting for him. Hyun-woo angrily walks towards the other man, fist closed, but the security guard also marches forward. Scared, Hyun-woo settles for bumping against Sun-woo’s shoulder before awkwardly running out of the building.
Soo-yeon receives a text from one of the moms that they made space for Joon-soo in the art class. She happily texts back her thanks to the group thread, but immediately the other women send messages hinting that it’s so hard to pick up their kids every day. Sufficiently guilt-tripped, Soo-yeon reluctantly volunteers to pick up the other children.
Yoon-ki has his first flower arranging class, and the teacher looks completely smitten as Yoon-ki gushes about how his wife means everything to him. His plan plays out beautifully as the teacher asks him, “Do you know what kind of men women are most attracted to? It’s men they want to steal.”
Still playing the faithful husband, Yoon-ki turn away, but silently counts to three and smiles as the teacher pulls him around towards her. The two kiss, and Yoon-ki can add yet another notch to his player’s belt.
Joon-young attends his own interview/date, but sits frozen with nerves and staring at the pretty woman he’s meeting. Bo-young snaps into his earpiece to question the woman and not fall for her, so Joon-young shakes off his shock. The clandestine interview goes well until the woman notes that this must be Joon-young’s first time given all the questions.
When she asks about his own situation, Joon-young freezes again, and Bo-young urges him to make something up. Slowly, Joon-young tells the woman that his wife ran away three days after their honeymoon. The rest of the team moans that the story is too fantastical to believe, but Bo-young seems to wonder if it’s the truth.
Yoon-ki is busy reminiscing about his new conquest when Ara visits his office. She notes the rose smell, and Yoon-ki anxiously hides his lips, which she notices. Ara immediately heads to the arranging class and signs up for additional classes. But when the teacher steps outside, she grins to see Yoon-ki by the door. The two start going at it, just feet away from Ara.
Soo-yeon meets with Sun-woo at his office, both looking miserable and guilty. Soo-yeon gently says that it would have been better if he’d warned her before taking her off the project, but Sun-woo answers that he thought it best if they avoided contact with each other.
Sun-woo tells Soo-yeon that Hyun-woo came to see him, which shocks her. He smiles slightly as he says that Soo-yeon’s husband seems like a good man. He apologizes again for taking her off the project, regretful that things turned out this way.
Hyun-woo thinks about his second failed attempt to confront Sun-woo, sighing heavily as he fails to notice the sideways glances from Bo-young and Joon-young. The two return to watching the footage of Joon-young’s “date,” and Joon-young gloats over how well he did until Bo-young says the story of the runaway wife was too far-fetched.
Looking uncomfortable, Joon-young asks if it couldn’t happen then, to which Bo-young responds that for the wife to run away after three days of marriage, he’d have to have been an idiot, or too in love to see the signs. Ouch.
They’re interrupted when Hyun-woo randomly yells at the ceiling and storms out. Watching his departure, Bo-young guesses that his wife is having an affair. Joon-young chokes and tries to deny it, but Bo-young can tell he’s lying. He asks her to keep it to herself, since Hyun-woo would be uncomfortable if she knew.
Hyun-woo calls Soo-yeon and tells her that he confronted Sun-woo today. When she says she heard, he assumes she’s still meeting with the man. She tries to tell him that she broke it off and asks if they can’t fix the problems between them, but Hyun-woo snaps that she’s the one who cheated, so how can she act like she did nothing wrong? He rages that it isn’t fair that his whole world was turned upside down while both Soo-yeon and Sun-woo can walk around like nothing happened.
Hyun-woo hangs up angrily and then sees that Sun-woo confirmed his facebook friend request. (Why on earth would you confirm your lover’s husband’s friend request?) He starts looking through the man’s pictures and sees all the family shots he posted of his wife and children. Hyun-woo scoffs that a man who loves his family so much would cheat.
Hyun-woo stalks Sun-woo’s house and watches as he arrives home, his loving wife greeting him at the gate. Unable to take it anymore, Hyun-woo calls Sun-woo out to meet him in a nearby park. Finally confronting him alone, Hyun-woo demands to know if the affair really started six months ago. Sun-woo gloomily confirms it. Hyun-woo asks how far they went, and Sun-woo answers that they only slept together once, earning a punch from Hyun-woo.
Sun-woo apologizes again and again, but his calm demeanor angers Hyun-woo further. He yells at the unfairness that though Sun-woo and Soo-yeon are the ones at fault, he’s the only one getting hurt. Sun-woo tries to say that this was all his fault and that Soo-yeon had nothing to do with it, but his familiar use of Hyun-woo’s wife’s name earns him another punch, knocking him to the ground.
Hyun-woo thrusts his phone in Sun-woo’s face. He tells him to call his wife and tell her the truth, or Hyun-woo threatens to run to his house where Sun-woo’s children are sleeping and reveal everything himself.
With no other option, Sun-woo reluctantly calls his wife. As soon as she answers, Hyun-woo grabs the phone and nearly shouts at her, “Your husband is having an affair with my wife. I’ll let you hear the rest from him.” He shoves the phone back at Sun-woo, and the man sadly confirms that it’s true, apologizing to her.
Hyun-woo grabs his phone back and walks away. As he leaves, we hear his new post on the forum: “Everyone, I’ve finally gotten my revenge. I beat up the guy who cheated and let his wife know everything.” All the users immediately comment that he did a good job and cheer him on.
Hyun-woo’s number one fans, Grandma and Ajumma, are sitting outside the closed post office (where they’ve been using the computer). Grandma calls out to a passing young man, beckoning him closer.
They ask to borrow his phone and immediately look up Hyun-woo’s new post, and both are happy to see that he took his revenge. The young man snatches his phone back, and as he hustles off, Ajumma wonders if they should get one of those smartphones so they don’t have to keep traveling to the post office to use the internet.
Hyun-woo trudges home and collapses on his couch, only to find one of his son’s toys shoved between the cushions. He calls Joon-soo, smiling when his son affirms that he misses him, though he doesn’t answer when Joon-soo asks if he misses mom.
The next day, Yoon-ki cleverly dispatches his secretary by hinting that the handsome team member in Hyun-woo’s office is probably in the office alone. She dashes off, and Yoon-ki texts the flower teacher to come over. The teacher leaves the class to go see him, and Ara’s spidey senses lead her to follow, but she fails to catch them in the act since the clever Yoon-ki hid his new mistress under his desk.
The film team goes for a new approach this time, bringing both the husband and cheating wife in to interview together. As Joon-young directs the cameras, Bo-young and Hyun-woo watch the interview.
As husband and wife argue over whether or not the woman really did have an affair, Bo-young notes that there doesn’t seem to be a right answer. “Thinking about it, there seems to be no definite perpetrator or victim. You know, there’s a thing called willful negligence. Even knowing that their marriage will be in danger going on like this, there are many couples that don’t put in effort.” Her words reach Hyun-woo, but he doesn’t seem to agree.
In yet another strange Yoon-ki scene, his new lover showers him in flowers, literally. With a flower clenched between his teeth and smothered in kisses, the man looks like he could die happy.
Soo-yeon’s team member reports the progress on the project with Sun-woo’s company. Afterwards, Soo-yeon overhears the woman telling a coworker that it looked like Sun-woo had gotten into a fight recently.
That night, Hyun-woo walks home, Bo-young’s words echoing in his head. To his surprise, he finds Soo-yeon waiting for him. Still not ready to talk, Hyun-woo ignores his wife, until she asks if he got in a fight with Sun-woo.
Assuming once again that she’s meeting with the man, Hyun-woo mocks her, asking if she rushed to her injured lover’s side. Getting worked up, Hyun-woo reveals that he also told Sun-woo’s wife the truth about her husband, shocking Soo-yeon. She tries to say that this was their problem to solve, but Hyun-woo isn’t having it, yelling that he’s mad at everyone, including the man’s wife for not knowing the truth. So why, he asks, should he consider their feelings?
Holding back her own anger, Soo-yeon asks if he feels better now, and Hyun-woo unrepentantly yells back that he does. Hyun-woo grabs the wallet he found and tosses it at her, saying to give it to Sun-woo if she feels so bad for him, going so far as to taunt her to run away with the man.
Soo-yeon quietly says that the wallet was a present for Hyun-woo, but Hyun-woo just laughs in her face, yelling at her for her meekness. He rants, “How much more are you going to deceive me? Please, both of you stop acting like victims! I’m the one who got destroyed, and I’m the one in pain! I’m the victim, and you guys are the perpetrators!”
Nearly crying, Soo-yeon agrees that she’s the perpetrator. She says she’ll move out of the house, and promises to tell Hyun-woo’s mother the truth. Hyun-woo yells at her for wanting to reveal everything to his mom, who’s had such a hard life, clearly seeing her promise as a threat.
He paces back into the living room, thinking to himself that his wife is now retaliating. His eye catches on the wallet as he thinks, “This week, my wife is fighting back.” Taking a closer look at the wallet, he sees initials printed on it: DHW. Looks like Soo-yeon bought the wallet for Hyun-woo after all.
COMMENTS
I’m so glad we got to see Soo-yeon’s perspective this week, because it really painted the affair and its aftermath in a new light. I’m not saying that she was right to cheat, but I can finally understand how it could have happened. I admit that when we saw everything from purely Hyun-woo’s point of view, I was having a hard time being sympathetic to Soo-yeon. I hadn’t realized how thin she was spreading herself, or how overworked she was between her husband, son, and job. Hyun-woo had called her the perfect wife that made his own life so easy, but he’d never considered how much she’d sacrificed of her own life to be perfect for him.
Though, to be fair, while Hyun-woo never asked, it doesn’t look like Soo-yeon ever tried to share her burden. Clearly, Hyun-woo can be overbearing when it comes to his own opinion, but if Soo-yeon doesn’t feel comfortable confiding to her own husband, then there’s something deeply wrong with their relationship. Soo-yeon silently took all the work onto her own shoulders, hiding her growing stress with a smile. It makes sense then that she would be tempted by someone who gave her the attention, affection, and sympathy that she probably didn’t even know she was craving. Again, I’m not saying that she did the right thing, but I can understand.
I don’t mind saying that I was disappointed in Hyun-woo during this episode. I know that his whole world has been flipped around, and I get that he’s in pain and doesn’t know how to deal with it, but he really acted like a big child, only concerned with what he saw as “fair,” and trying to make everyone else hurt like he was hurting. We can see it when he told his staff that these cheating wives had affairs simply because they wanted to, and that their husbands were victimized innocents. Then again in the last scene when Hyun-woo yelled at his wife that she was the perpetrator and thus didn’t deserve to act like a victim. He’s taking such an infantile view of the world, always yelling that he’s right and refusing to see things from another’s perspective.
I can’t say if Hyun-woo’s actions were wrong or right – I’m not sure anyone can – but I found myself shaking my head when he called Sun-woo’s wife to reveal the truth about her husband. Telling the wife may have been the right thing to do, but he did it out of anger. He hurt her because he wanted someone other than himself to be in pain, not because he felt she deserved to know. He was lashing out, and this poor woman had to learn of her husband’s infidelity while she was right next to her sleeping children. Hyun-woo was so busy blaming everyone else and asserting himself as the victim, that he didn’t realize he was becoming the aggressor.
Not only was Hyun-woo blind to his wife’s stress, but apparently he’s missed that his best friend’s wife ran away. Shouldn’t he find it suspicious that he never met with Joon-young’s wife once during the years they were married? Granted, we haven’t gotten the confirmation that Joon-young’s wife really did split after their honeymoon, but given his pained and honest expression, I don’t think it’s too big a leap to conclude that he was telling the truth. I’m both relieved and saddened to find out that Joon-young isn’t truly married, because while it no longer makes him sleazy for being interested in Bo-young, having your wife run out on you less than a week after your marriage isn’t a fate I’d wish on anyone. Hopefully Hyun-woo can put a halt on his personal pity party long enough to see that his friend is hurting too.
The late introduction of Soo-yeon’s perspective was a rather brilliant stroke on the show’s part. We’ve been so busy putting Hyun-woo in the victim’s seat and making Soo-yeon the aggressor, and now it’s apparent that there isn’t a clear cut victim or perpetrator. No black and white, or right and wrong. We’re all just human, doing the best we can with our own flaws. At this point, Hyun-woo has to open his eyes to his own flaws and see the pain he’s causing others on his search to forgive before he does something he’ll need forgiveness for.
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Tags: BoA, Episode 5, featured, Lee Sang-yub, Lee Seon-kyun, Song Ji-hyo, This Week My Wife Will Have an Affair
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1 Melona
November 14, 2016 at 3:43 AM
Just dropping by to say that I love Joon-young! Lee Sang-yeob is doing such a good job here that I totally buy his character. I also wonder if he himself realised that he has a crush on Bo-young, because it seems like he's still in denial. It's obvious to us that he likes her more than a co-worker, what with the extra attention he pays to her, his tendency to tease her and the occasional jealousy (especially during her blind date). I hope this ship will sail because they're so cute together.
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Melona
November 14, 2016 at 3:49 AM
Also, I am glad that they're slowly showing us the other side of the coin of Hyun-woo and Soo-yeon's marriage. I look forward to seeing more revelations. Yoon-ki is a waste of space on this surface of the earth and has zero redeeming quality. Ara deserves better and she should kick him to the curb sooner than later.
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Charlie
October 4, 2017 at 4:59 AM
Bo-young at this stage of the game needs to get her act together and except Joon-Young into her life. It's time for her to open her eyes and her heart so she can see that J.Y care a lot for her. He has shown his feeling through out the episodes. Doing little things here and there. He has gone alone with all the things she has done and said to him. If B.Y really have know interest in J.Y she should get serious and ask him to exit. To be truthful I think she has feeling for him but I think her past (divorce ) is causing her to have doubts about starting up another relationship. There is a baby on the way time to get serious.
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2 niranjana
November 14, 2016 at 3:49 AM
I was eagerly waiting for the Recap. I love this show. Thank you CandidClown for the recap.
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3 April
November 14, 2016 at 4:31 AM
Thanks for the recap! I agree that Hyunwoo's actions were childish in this episode but as someone who has been cheated on before you definitely lose your mind for a bit until you snap out of it and realize the damage you've done. I'm excited to see things from Sooyeon perspective.
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Keightie
November 14, 2016 at 5:58 AM
I totally agree. You cant help it. He's incredibly broken. His wife didnt even try to say sorry or hold on to him when he first confronted her. To think they've been together for years, 14 years i think. I could truly understand his pain. I'll be surprised if he just let it go. He'll eventually snap out of it.
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nomad
November 14, 2016 at 9:37 AM
Totally agree with you! I'd probably be MUCH more childish if I were in his position, to all be honest.
Thank you for your recap! Also, I like that this drama dares to go to ALL the dark and uncomfortable places yet injects light heartedness into the issue, cause otherwise I'd be depressed all over. What's with the world issue and kdrama world, I need my lightheartedness where I can get 'em!
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4 Kath
November 14, 2016 at 4:42 AM
The show is doing a good job at peeling back their layers each episode, I keep coming back because I want to know more of Sooyeon's story and we're getting there bit by bit.
I'm fine with Hyunwoo being angry and mad at everything that has unfolded but at the same time I'm getting fed up with his antics, I just wonder what it'll be that will finally make him snap out of it and start looking at his marriage from a non-objective view.
Somebody explain to me in detail why we have to see Yoon-ki get it on ?. Enough already with his philandering ways and playing Ah Ra for a fool, I swear his scenes are becoming more and more unnecessary.
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YUMICUTE
November 15, 2016 at 2:25 AM
Well,how about this:maybe hyunwoo is still acting childish because his wife haven't apologize?
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Kath
November 15, 2016 at 2:07 PM
Hyunwoo can be angry all he wants but don't put Joon-soo's needs on the back-burner just because of his own feelings nor do I believe it justifies him telling the other guys wife about the affair due to spite as opposed to genuine concern that she should know the truth.
As for the apology, we're all waiting for that sincere conversation between the two but until that time where Hyunwoo isn't running on just emotions and everything ends with either one cutting the other off or yelling, we won't be seeing it.
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KiCha
November 19, 2016 at 9:22 PM
I think it's good that he told the guy's wife about him cheating. She deserved to know the truth!!
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Chuck
October 6, 2017 at 3:02 PM
We agree that Hyum-Woo should have told this guy's wife. While he's out cheating his wife is home with their kids.What lies was he tell her when he was out there with his mistress. Sun-Woo's wife met with H.W later on and in the conversation thanked him for telling her. Thanking him sounds like he has her approval.
Charlie
October 4, 2017 at 5:27 AM
I am so happy there is someone other than myself that feels this character is useless. I fell to see any significant for this to even be in these episodes. This guy is a nothing a nobody. He's like a dog chasing his tail. He's got a beautiful wife that take care of him preparing all those delicious meals always there for him. He think he is so smart but she was smarter in the end he proved to be the fool and lost it all good.
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5 Milk
November 14, 2016 at 5:02 AM
I like how realistic everything was so far. I can never condone cheating, but as viewers we get to see the flaws and how everyone got to where they are. I agree that Soo-Yeon should have spoken of her burdens more, but maybe there's a cultural aspect of it that I'm missing. He can't understand her perspective because maybe as a man he's been brought up differently.
That aside, she should have really tried to talk to him about their marriage earlier on. I don't get either what she expects from a 6 month affair (enjoy it indefinitely or...yeah, break up with the husband eventually).
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6 pattsue
November 14, 2016 at 5:16 AM
hello,come on, dont try to defend soyeon, she is clearly in the wrong here... she is THE CHEATER for fuck sake........ i support hyunwoo action for informing the wife of the other guy..it was the right way....
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Mina
November 14, 2016 at 7:28 AM
You know I always felt that cheating was one of the worst things someone could do but I think sometimes people go a little overboard. I'm not saying what she did was right but it's not like she murdered someone she doesn't need to be burned at the stake like a witch.
And that is something this show is trying to show that things aren't so black and white. Did Hyun Woo deserve to be cheated on? No.
Does Soo Yeon deserve to be yelled at and ridiculed? Maybe a little but not for weeks on end.
As for informing the wife there were millions of other ways he could have done it. I agree the wife should know that her Husband was cheating but I disagree that the way she learned was the "right way".
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Islander north
November 14, 2016 at 10:15 AM
She murdered her family. That's what adultery does. She had many ways to address issues that didn't involve bringing another man into the bed. Now she's upset because the guy's wife also knows? She was fine when everyone was in the dark. Her conscience seems compromised.
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Jen
November 14, 2016 at 12:32 PM
Murdering her family sounds extreme. I'd say if anyone murdered her family it was that lady from the previous episodes who didn't feel guilty at all and even admitted to hating her kid cause she reminded her or her husband. Now that was cold hearted.
Anyway it just seems messed up that lots of people are saying Sooyeon is the worst person ever but with the Lawyer guy it's supposed to be comedic. He may not have kids but its disgusting.
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Kicha
November 19, 2016 at 9:25 PM
THANK YOU! Omg finally someone who I can totes agree with. The wife is getting on my nerves cos it's her fault for everything that Hyun woo is doing. ARGHH??
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Jane Eyre
November 15, 2016 at 2:05 PM
Hmm interesting you say that it's not like she murdered someone but what if she did contract AIDS from sleeping around and then gave it to her unsuspecting husband so would it then make it really horrible? The truth is that when you cheat on your spouse you are exposing yourself and your spouse to deadly STD's which makes it no different then attempted murder in my book. Also thank you for the response below since adultery is the murder of relationships and the family. How any parent can choose their sexual desires over the mental health and welfare of their child is beyond me.
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Kicha
November 19, 2016 at 9:28 PM
Exactly! She did try to murder her family through her infidelity. Just because she wasn't getting enough sex from Hyun woo she went and bedded another man. How disgusting! She is as horrible as the fleebag lawyer. ???
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matrice
October 15, 2018 at 12:21 PM
That's stretching it. We don't really have to contemplate this as if there were a criminal dimension to make the point that what they did was reprehensible. This is not something they could make even by using a condom (which they might as well have done).
While the humiliation they inflicted on their partners was a part of it. The most salient point is that they broke their partners' trust. That could happen between friends, and in principle could have nothing to do with sex (polyamorous individuals sleep with other people, for example, but there is no betrayal or breach of trust involved).
I can agree with the metaphor, that cheating is among the most humiliating, callous and hurtful thing you can do. And being the person said individual trusts and loves most, you doing that is the most hurtful. It basically tells your partner that your are so egotistical and self involved that your own issues and problems matter more than giving her or him some basic human respect. Actions speak louder than words, and this action says "I don't care about you". In relative terms, not compared to my own problems and stresses or desires.
That does not mean you have to stay in a loveless relationship. Your partner is not entitled to your love, but it is entitled to some basic dignity and respect.
I agree tangentially to the child part, in that if there is no love I think that divorce would be preferable, and mature adults can agree to break up amicable without disrespecting each other. That's different from breaking someone's trust.
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matrice
October 15, 2018 at 11:53 AM
I think that's a straw man. In terms of setting boundaries, I don't think that the threshold should be that of saying "okay, but she was not genocidal". Of course she wasn't. But it's not as if what is unacceptable to do to another person stops at not killing him, or his dog, or committing a crime. Had she done that, she should be punished by the law, I don't think that the show conveyed that's what she deserves in any way. The punishment of being an asshole is not jail, it's the social consequences of people realizing you are an asshole and reacting accordingly.
I also disagree with things not being "black and white". Lack of attention and humiliating your partner, breaking her or his heart, are both issues. The same way a caugh and cancer are issues. Doesn't mean they are comparable issues, or in any way on the same plane morally. I don't think that there is any ambiguity, it's not really a moral dilemma whether what she did was good or bad, reprehensible or not.
If you are fighting with someone and you throw the first punch, that's a distinction that matters, morally. It's an escalation, a 1000 to a 10. That's not really the right analogy. More like deliberately insulting vs being rude without meaning to. There is lack of communication for which both are culpable for. Not deliberate. There is breaking someone's trust. Deliberate.
Stress and feeling ignored are *a* reason for what she did. Not *a good* reason. If he cheated on her? Fair game. Though she should leave him. If he was physically abusive? Fair game, though she should leave him and go to the police. In other cases, a human being deserves the basic level of respect of you not lying to him for half a year. That's not a mistake, that's a deliberate action repeated across time. If you are simply feeling shitty, that doesn't give you the right, and more importantly it's not a valid reason, to take it out on someone else. Though we understand he path from A to B here, we also understand what it makes you, morally. namely an asshole. That's what it makes her, and to him to the extent to which he wanted to intentionally harm the guy's wife, who had done nothing to hurt him (though that's not a case of doing something wrong, as she should have been informed, but simply of not having entirely pure motivations).
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Miranda
November 14, 2016 at 10:50 AM
Telling the guy's wife was vindictive, especially the way he did it - grabbing her husband's phone and screaming into it. Hyun Woo wasn't doing it for her sake, he was doing it because he was hurting and he wanted Sun Woo to be in as much pain as possible. The wife was only a tool to hurt Sun Woo with.
He did something with evil intent and selfish motivations. That is never the "right way".
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YUMICUTE
November 15, 2016 at 2:36 AM
Sunwoo should have told his wife right away when they've been found out by the husband.nothing remains a secret.
They should of thought that one day someone will know what they're doing and will tell their spouses.
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Miranda
November 15, 2016 at 9:12 PM
I agree Sun Woo should tell his wife - I just think Hyun Woo was completely out of line and hurt a completely blameless person by doing what he did in the way he did it.
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Kicha
November 19, 2016 at 9:30 PM
I beg to differ. The wife deserved to know and its better she got to know sooner than later. You can't say she wouldn't have been any less hurt if her husband told her what hyun woo told her. You make no sense. ??
matrice
October 15, 2018 at 11:21 AM
While I agree that intent matters, I think that this is being overstated. He didn't do anything wrong, he did something correct for the wrong reasons.
In my opinion, it's not all that clear that he wanted a "fellow sufferer" to hurt the same as him. Even if that was the case, I think that it would be only one of the reasons , on top of wanting to hurt him -totally legitimate and undestandable-, and wanting to inform her of something that she should be unanbiguously informed of -she has the right to not be deceived and make her own choices, they *do not* have the right to keep her in the dark for their own convenience, or pretend that *it's best for her*, or that they have a right to choose when to face the consequences of their actions-. I see the presence or absence of their children irrelevant -the time and location wouldn't really have made the situation any better or worse in my opinion-.
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matrice
October 15, 2018 at 12:11 PM
I don't agree. Wanting to hurt the guy would be perfectly normal and natural, it's not a huge moral failure of any kind, it would be strange if he didn't feel that way. Acting on it is different, he shouldn't have punched him. Telling his wife is another story, that's unambiguously the moral thing to do.
They don't have any right to continue to deceive her as long as they like. They don't have the right to arbitrarily decide what's best for her, that's not their decision to make, she has to decide for herself. It's also not "their issue", as long as there are other people involved that are being deceived. They are not entitled to any privacy on this matter (it's not a stranger's business, but it's certainly their partner's business).
Hurting his wife to share his misery, to the extent that it was what he was doing, would be reprehensible, as she didn't do anything to him. But it's not a case of *doing* something wrong, merely of his motives being varied, and not completely pure. Hating those who have hurt you is natural, hating someone who did nothing to you is unfair, she doesn't deserve it as she is a victim, like him.
That said, I don't think he should focus so much on the guy, as he is almost a non entity in this issue. The operative component here is his wife. The same way he didn't *cause* her to cheat because of his lack of attention, he didn't *cause* her to cheat because of his advances or availability. She is not a car that gets turned on and off by a key, she is a human being that has to be held accountable for her own decisions. If she was willing to cheat, as she was, if it was not him it would have been another guy. If she wasn't, the other guy could have done anything and nothing would have happened. He didn't force her to do anything.
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Joanne
November 14, 2016 at 11:00 AM
So coming from the other side. I am a woman who had an affair a year ago. I, like Soon Yeon, had no intention of ruining my family or leaving my husband for the other man. When my husband found out though, I always knew how wrong I was, and apologized with utter remorse. My husband did not respond with grace and concern for what he may have done to cause me to have an affair as that is just ridiculous. He was hurt and I knowingly caused that. He was angry and I deserved it. I could have tried to fix my marriage before the affair, but I chose not to.
Hyun woo reacted with such realism.
In the end we are still married, because what scared him most was losing me and the effect it might have on our child. I see that in Hyun woo too and he might respond differently if Soon Yeon made any attempt to show remorse and a desire to rebuild.
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lunatic4kd
November 14, 2016 at 11:22 AM
Thanks for your story, Joanne. I'm with you on this one. I had a philandering husband who hurt me terribly but I loved him so much that I stayed with him. I eventually fell in love with a kind friend but my husband couldn't forgive that at all. There was a definite double standard at play. We stayed married for 15 years. My daughter was 12 at the time and urged me to leave her dad. Everything worked out in time and there's love all around now.
A note to all: believe it or not, affairs DO NOT have to end a marriage. Sometimes truth helps a relationship grow, heal and become stronger than ever before. You actually will never know how you truly feel until you separate and take some time apart. That action tends to bring people back together or complete the break-up.
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YUMICUTE
November 15, 2016 at 2:38 AM
I think apology is the first step of healing.
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Charlie
October 6, 2017 at 2:35 PM
Yes to apologizes is the start of the healing process but you need the opportunity to do so without the person you are apologizing to yelling at you and loosing control in the conversation. If you have notice Soo-Yeon when being dressed down ( yelled at in a loud voice) shuts down and become quiet and child like. I think her husband could have accomplished a lot more by keeping the conversation on an even and low key. Yes her respond or like of respond was nerve wrecking to say the least. Under the circumstances I under stand her husband being upset. There is a saying you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. Be nice even though it may hurt to do so.
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Jackpapa376
May 26, 2022 at 6:39 PM
Sincere apologies and remorse are the key. But it depends on the one whom is hurt if he/she is able to forgive and forget the other person’s mistake.
I did not understand why the cheating wife SY did not knee down and beg for her husband’s forgiveness. This was what he wanted to show her sincere apologies as in K-culture and she knew it - firstly during their three confrontation in a hotel room and secondly when she read the TOYCRANE Forum after her son’s injury. But she did not do this begging forgiveness before or after their divorce. The question was why she did not do it, though she knew deeply in her mind that she was wrong and hurt her husband so much.
Did the K-writer not to include this scene for any purpose or want to send any hidden message to Viewers?
Kicha
November 19, 2016 at 9:32 PM
Exactly! His wife didnt even bother apologising and really regretting her affair. Its disgusting. I despise HW's wife so much. Her character is pathetic imo.
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matrice
October 15, 2018 at 12:40 PM
While I still stand behind my opinion of cheating and people who would be willing to do that, and people who wouldn't, and I notice that your husband had to discover it (meaning that you didn't confess it to him, giving him the option of making of it what he will, potentially leaving you), I can at least respect the self awareness shown here. It's one thing for a self centered narcissist to hurt you, it's another thing for him to a complete lack of awareness of what she did to you. She is self centeredly focused more on her reasons, which he should immediately jump to understand, even if they are not good reasons (that's what it is: if one has a bad day and takes it out on someone else, we get the path from A to B... we also get that she or he is an asshole: she or he had *a reason*, not *a good reason*). "But what about my problems", etc., he should shower her with understanding and equanimity after basically catching them red handed? Let's not forget that she has been deceiving him for half a year -now suddenly the priority is on hearing her point of view-.
I can't say I would have reacted like him in this case. For starters, the fact that your partner cheated on you should tell you that the map was not aligned with the territory, to us a phrase from cognitive science, in that you love a person with certain characteristics, someone who would never cheat on you, and then you discover he or she did. This means that that person was not who you thought she or he were, at least in that respect, and thus who you love and who you are married to are not the same person, or to put it better, that person doesn't exist in the real world, but only in your mind. You were simply deluded, and should update your judgment according to the new information. If I trusted someone with my secrets and he spilled it to someone else, I would update my judgment of him with this consideration and probably not confine anything important to him anymore. This is simply starting from a position of scarcity, and fearing that your current position is as good as it's gonna get, while in reality it could easily be better (you could be with someone who loves you and wouldn't cheat on you, for starters, which seems like a pretty low bar, personality wise).
I don't think the child should enter the equation one way or the other. In other answers I have said that while cheating with a kid might seem like somewhat worse, neither the sex nor the kid ar the main point, but rather the breach of trust, which could also happen between friends. I don't think that one should stay in a marriage with someone one doesn't love for the sake of keeping the family together. And if one was perfectly honest with her or himself, one would realize the basic point of the person one has feelings for not being the person who you found cheating. The love was for the former, who didn't exist, the latter might as well be a twin: externally like the former, but differing in fundamental...
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CatoCat
November 14, 2016 at 11:15 AM
Question is about Hyun Woo's intentions. Wife deserved to know about it. But Hyun Woo was clearly malicious at that time.
He was mildly like "my family is burned and yours doing fine?" Let's make it a fair trade
Why Hyun Woo never told Ae Ra anything about Yoon Ki disgusuting acts?
Funny thing is Adultery different vibes in 'On the way to the Airport' and 'here.'
Seo Yoon is clearly at fault. And show is trying force the audience to sympathise with her.
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MapleSilver
November 14, 2016 at 11:25 AM
I have not watched On the Way to the Airport and not planning to. I have heard that it is shot beautifully and the whole story is beautifully told. But no one has done a direct comparison between the two. Could you perhaps elaborate on the different vibes between these two shows? Very interested to see how each approaches the difficult subject. And do you like one way over the other?
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CatoCat
November 14, 2016 at 11:43 AM
I also haven't watch OTWTTA. Just short youtube videos - Recap threads discussion and numerous comments on various streaming sites. Here Seo Yeon has enraged most of the viewers but in OTWTTA audiences response is more neutral. Most easily noticeable is the way Characters perspective is shown and the way spouses are presented.
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Miranda
November 14, 2016 at 1:10 PM
OTWTTA is told from the POV of the cheaters, basically. I love the show and think it did a fantastic job of showing how unintentional an affair can be, especially when it's framed as finding someone who just wholly understands you at your most essential rather than someone you lust after.
In the case of OTWTTA the protagonists are very aware and careful - not careful "not to get caught", but careful with each other and being considerate. We view each of them in their lives and realize what's missing and why this connection is so unbreakable.
That actually struck me when his wife spoke about Sun Woo - she's not completely drawing a line. It's possible that she has also reached a point where her internal compass has changed so completely that she will divorce Hyun Woo no matter what, because she knows he's wrong for her altogether. And there's every chance she's tried to salvage things with him and he steamrolled her. She would have had to mention divorce to actually get him to listen.
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Kicha
November 19, 2016 at 9:35 PM
Yeah the show is trying to make people have sympathy with her. I bet its created by someone who cheated on her husband. I hate seo yoo or whatever her name is. Her character is the worst! I hope hyun woo never forgives her and leaves her.??
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Charlie
October 4, 2017 at 7:18 AM
With Soo-Yeon Not forgetting she got caught cheating in real time (you play you pay). it's like a love hate situation. on one hand you sympathize with what she was dealing with daily. On the other hand she chose to solve her problems by having an affair. Now how she came to this conclusion baffles me to no end. So she starts an affair but the problems are still there now she's adds another problem bigger (affair) than all the problems before. I fail to see the logic in this. We can take it a step further. Soo -Yeon the wife don't forget did a lot of planning for the six mos. affair on her on. making hotel reservations going out and buying new outfits colorful undies new shoes the works but none of this for her husband but for her lover. Just saying, before getting too soft this innocent looking wife she's not so innocent. If this is not enough lets go back to where she said of her lover. I want to see him I want to be with him. when we are together I don't think of my husband, my child, my home nor my job. I think if the cheating husband wanted the cheating wife she would have left her husband. But it turned out she was just a thing to be used and move on leaving her to go back to second best her husband crying alligator tears and her innocent looking face. Love her are hate her which do you choose.
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Jackpapa376
January 17, 2022 at 2:28 AM
I had the same thought as yours. There were so many unclear message that SY did not give it to HW. For example, when she said to her husband that she would stop seeing her ex-lover “for now” rather than “from now on”. Her words were not true at all because they both were still working in the same project, so she hoped that they could re-start their relationship again. However, it did not run out to be as she had thought. Her ex-lover dumped her by requesting her boss to take her out from the project to end their relationship. One point that I really did not understand her was why she did not feel upset or angry to her ex-lover in treating her that way because SW had early said durning the confrontation with her husband in the hotel room that he LOVED her. Did she love SW so much such that she did not feel sad, sorry, or angry to a man whom she had slept with and later dumped her?
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7 greyyy
November 14, 2016 at 5:49 AM
I don't usually comment or feel compelled to comment but this drama seems to bring me to want to share my thoughts about it, and the discussion on my usual drama-watching site further fueled this. The first few episodes of TWMWWHAA were hilarious and completely sucked me in, but the the recent episodes and this episode in particular has made me rather uncomfortable.
Before I start, let me just say I do not condone cheating. Ever. That being said, while I feel very deeply for Hyun-woo for being cheated on, I have to say that some of his actions - the one where he exposed the affair to Sun-woo's wife and the way he did it - made me very uncomfortable. Hyun-woo is the victim of Soo-yeon's affair. That is undeniable. But his actions of revealing the truth to the wife and the way he did it - his actions don't exactly give him much of a moral high ground to stand upon as well. Just because he is feeling angry and hurt and the victim in this narrative does not give him the license to 'repay' the hurt to Sun-woo's wife as well (he claims she should know you can argue that Sun-woo's wife should know, yes, but not from him.). That scene made me very uncomfortable because the previous episodes have shown that there were cracks in the relationship and a reason for Soo-yeon's actions (again, not excusable) but Hyun-woo's always kept his moral high ground and 'victim' label.
But this episode has overturned that by showing us what lies behind Soo-yeon's constantly smiling facade, and also shown us that Hyun-woo really is too emotionally-charged at this point of time (which is understandable) and too consumed by his idea of 'fairness' that he can resort to hurting an innocent party just to inflict his version of justice (which honestly, while understandable, is very difficult for me to side with).
The slow revealing of Soo-yeon's thoughts has been very interesting to watch. It was and is so easy to blame her for everything that has happen thus far but I really like that as the episodes progress, another layer is removed from Soo-yeon's motivations and thoughts, and we get to peek into her perfect life as wife, mother and worker only to find that it isn't so picture perfect at all. I do hope that we'll get to see even more of this in upcoming episodes. From what I've seen so far, it's beginning to become clearer why she would give in to the temptation of having an affair, especially since her relationship with Hyun-woo seems to have stalled.
The both of them really need to communicate more, and it's definitely a failure on both their parts that led to this breakdown. While I do think Soo-yeon is ultimately at fault for the affair, Hyun-woo needs to calm down and have a long talk with his wife about the relationship before deciding whether it's worth salvaging rather than continue with his tantrum before his rage-fueled, thoughtless actions lead to something worse.
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gem28
November 14, 2016 at 6:26 AM
How many of us would be able to keep calm in a situation like this. Very few of us. It was an affair for whole of 6 months. Try imagining how you'd feel if you were in his shoes and see if you'd be rational, calm and all. If you can, that's good but really few of us can do that.
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Kicha
November 19, 2016 at 9:37 PM
I am totally rooting for Hyun woo. I sympathise with him and i think his actions are what anyone would do if they were in his shoes. He did nothing wrong by telling the bastards wife her husband cheated on her.
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Chuck
October 11, 2017 at 7:48 AM
Your point is well taken. It was very very heart breaking for Hyun-Woo to catch his wife cheating on him not thinking all the years they have been married his wife would cheat. But after saying all that I think if he had stayed
calm he could have accomplished a lot more. When H.W started raising his voice and yelling he lost the advantage of having control of the conversation. Oddly enough when he started yelling that worked more to the advantage of the cheaters. Had he shown he was in control by being calm he would put them on the defense. They expected him to respond in the manner he did (angry).To have stayed low key would have increased the guilt they already felt. If you notice the two cheaters stayed low key for most of the conversation. Being calm and asking the right question and commenting in a way that convicted the cheaters his wife would have begged him for forgiveness and followed him out of the room when he walked out. But by him yelling she knew once alone it would continue.
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yamayo88
November 14, 2016 at 7:27 AM
I agree with you greyy. The part when Hyun Woo told Sunwoo's wife about the affair is uncomfortable to watch. I am baffled by how people think it is ok or understandable just because he is hurt by his wife. Yes, he is a victim but that doesn't mean we have to accept all his actions do we? Being hurt doesn't give you the right to hurt others. Furthermore, he didn't do it out of concern for Sunwoo's wife. He did it with the intention of hurting Sunwoo and the wife. In the last part during the conversation with Soo Yeon, you can tell that he even blamed Sunwoo's wife for the affair, for not keep a close watch on her husband.
I also notice the hypocrisy in Hyun Woo's action towards extramarital affair. When the husband were the ones who got cheated, he got upset and see them as absolute victims, not wanting to find out if the husbands play a part in the failed marriage. When the wife got cheated, it became their fault for not keeping a close watch on their husband. If he really feels so strongly about affair, why didn't he inform Ara about Yoon Ki? Not only that, he even helped Yoon Ki to cover up.
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Dundundun
November 14, 2016 at 11:25 AM
I can agree with your points that the revealing of the extramarital affair was uncomfortable. That he didn't reveal the affair to Sun Woo's wife because he cared about their relationship, he did it because he wanted them to hurt as much as he does. And that Hyun Woo is a hypocrite for covering up his friend's affairs but wanting justification for his own situation.
However, I don't see the justification as to why it's acceptable for Soo Yeon to fall into temptation just because her marriage has stalled. If you can see as to why she had the affair then why not see why he's throwing tantrums and making thoughtless actions?
Soo Yeon has already made things worse. She didn't reach out to her husband to explain why she had the affair. She doesn't have to wait for him to calm down or talk about it face to face. An email, voicemail, even a text would suffice. Apologize through those means. Don't stay quiet. Why should Hyun Woo have to be the rational one to sit her down and talk about it when she hasn't even reached out to apologize? She's staying at her in-laws and the next time she sees her husband is when she hears that he fought with her ex-lover. To me, that is childish. If you've done wrong, you admit it, apologize and face the consequences. You don't hide and wait for things to blow over.
I won't try to justify Ara's affairs. But if one can feel sympathy for Soo Yeon in being in a broken marriage then why couldn't you feel sympathy for Ara's affairs? Clearly, something is wrong in his marriage too. We just haven't seen his side of the story, and may never will. The way that Ara has his affairs are disgusting but you can't forget that Soo Yeon met up with her lover, at a hotel, in broad daylight. Maybe not necessarily 'sneaking' around but she was sly about it.
Should Hyun Woo tell his friend's wife about the affairs? Of course! That's the moral thing to do. But in reality, we cover up for our friends even when they've done wrong. And yes, it hypocrisy at its best.
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greyyy
November 14, 2016 at 6:11 PM
No, as you've said, there isn't any justification for Soo-yeon falling into an affair. I can understand though, why she would want to do it. Doesn't make it right at all. For Hyun-woo, I can see where he's coming from and why is thoughtlessly acting on his anger. That said, that doesn't make it right as well. I do think Sun-woo's wife needed to be told but the intent matters, and the intent behind Hyun-woo's actions were wrong.
Regarding Soo-yeon, there are no excuses that can be made for her, but the show has shown how difficult it is for her to hold a calm conversation with Hyun-woo. Maybe she should be more persistent to make herself heard, but with Hyun-woo's behaviour right now, it'd be difficult since he's currently not concerned about listening to her and instead focused on his narrative of how things are.
It's been very insightful to read your comments about the drama. (:
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Jazz
November 14, 2016 at 4:45 PM
Maybe you are a saint, but when I was deeply hurt by a friend, I was very angry and wanted them to hurt badly as well. I didn't act on those feelings, but Hyun Woo's pain is also deeper than mine.
Hyun Woo actions are understandable. I also think that the other wife deserved to know. Telling the wife in that manner may not be a generous action, or even a considerate one, but it is not necessarily wrong. I think that punching the guy was more wrong than telling the guy's wife about the affair.
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Charlie
October 6, 2017 at 1:35 PM
I think punching the guy was a bit much. Then he go and tell his friends he beat the guy up. He failed to mention it was all one sided and that the guy never tried to defended himself. Why didn't he punch him at the hotel? That seem to have been the appropriate time at the scene of the affair if he was going to get physical. Now about telling Sun-Woo's wife about the affair. I think he was right on other wise she would not have known. I can just see Sun-Woo going home and saying honey I just left from having an affair that I've been involved in for six mos and we had sex give me a break please. The reason for telling his wife dose it matter? Maybe the next fish he encounter he want be so eager to reel her in.
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karin
November 14, 2016 at 10:07 PM
I have to disagree on some part of your opinion. I think the show has never showed that Hyun Woo actually blame the wife when the husband is cheating, instead I actually remembered him scolding Yoon Ki for cheating on Ara. Honestly, if a friend of mine is cheating, I would never tell on her/his partner despite my objection on adultery, firstly because my loyalty lies with my friends not their partner and also, it's their personal businesses. I'd rather nag on my friend for cheating on their partner rather than telling on them.
If I am in Hyun Woo's shoes, I might have called Sun Woo's wife right away on the second I knew that Sun Woo is married. I am indeed a little disappointed on Hyun Woo for telling Sun Woo's wife in order to break Sun Woo's family as a revenge eventhough I understand the anger. What irritates me more is Soo Yeon's reaction on knowing it. It's as if she cares more about Sun Woo rather than her own husband, It actually seems like she staying away from Sun Woo just to protect him from Hyun Woo's anger. Now that Hyun Woo actually snapping and went to Sun Woo, she also won't stand him anymore.
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YUMICUTE
November 15, 2016 at 2:20 AM
Mte. Every person reacts in different ways.this is how
Hyun woo dealt with his feelings.if only the wife apologize.apology can really heal a broken heart.but instead,she was angry that hyunwoo revealed the affair to sunwoo's wife.if only they told the wife about the affair and then apologize.
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JeAnn
November 15, 2016 at 11:33 AM
I have to agree with another commenter below that if my friend cheats, I wouldn't tell the partner. Why? Because I am loyal to my friend. I was actually recently in such a situation, where my friend was cheating on her boyfriend. I had absolutely no intention of telling him, because that is their relationship and I am an outsider....it's just not my place. But I did encourage her to break up with him. It was what she wanted anyway....she just wanted him to do the breaking up/get her subtle hints that the relationship was over. Anyway, two weeks later, she texted me to say that she properly broke up with him and I was proud of her. To me, that is what I can do as a friend, but to tell the other partner is stepping out of line.
Hyun Woo reprimanded the lawyer about his cheating and it's obvious he doesn't think it's okay. I think as a friend of the cheater who doesn't condone cheating, you are in an awkward position and that's how Hyun Woo (and I) dealt with being in that position.
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JeAnn
November 15, 2016 at 11:42 AM
Actually, I just remembered that within those two weeks, I was a bit distant with her. I don't think I was going to break off the friendship, at least not at that point....the situation was just disturbing and shocking and I remember thinking to myself that I needed some time to think about what to do (even though it wasn't my relationship) since it goes against my principles. But maybe that's what pushed her to make the move in the end, since we both value each other's friendship.
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8 Keightie
November 14, 2016 at 5:50 AM
I certainly feel for Hyun-woo here. Sometimes when you learned that the person who means the whole world to you suddenly cheated, you cant help but be illogical because the whole world just crashed on you. Its like your heart suddenly exploded by a bomb. You cant help but be angry. And when you love a person you do crazy things, same thing when if this person betrayed you. I disagree about the comment that Hyun-woo is being childish. Because in love you use your heart and not your mind. I just felt his actions felt real. Give the guy a break, he's broken. Do you expect him to be so logical about it.
Also I agree that the wife deserves to know that his husbnd cheated. I feel that when learning the truth there is no right or wrong timing. The sooner the better. Unless the person is incredibly sick and learning the truth might risk his life, the sooner the better.
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9 hana
November 14, 2016 at 6:01 AM
This show so far imo is wonderful. Yes, it has its flaws *looking at you Yoon ki. But I think as relationships go the one Hyunwoo and Sooyeon has is not totally unrealistic.they both seem like good people who over the course time got too caught up in their own lives and work that they lost touch with each other. I think if they could find their way back they could have a happy marriage again. Hyunwoo is a good guy from what we have seen but he obviously knows very little about his wife and what goes on in her life. He simply took her for granted and no, that is not an excuse to cheat but after a long time being constantly pushed aside and not made to be a priority could cause someone to latch on to attention from another source. I also understand Hyunwoo is hurting and he's in pain but he really needs to think about how he is reacting to this information. If he wants to reconcile constantly lashing out at her is not the right way to act. I also think he keeps lashing out at her because everytime she talks to him the first thing she asks is about Sunwoo. Unintentionally she is making it seem like he's her concern. They both are at fault for causing a misunderstanding. She obviously wants to keep her marriage but he's in no place emotionally to try and fix it.
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Islander north
November 14, 2016 at 10:20 AM
Yoon-ki is so extreme that he provides comic relief from the heartbreak of main couple's marital debacle.
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10 gem28
November 14, 2016 at 6:21 AM
I still can't agree to infidelity. Not on the level of Soo Yeon. Yes, there are times when we might be at the verge of breaking the vows we make to our better halves but that is the true test of loyalty and trust. Soo Yeon has failed, the mess will be something that her husband, her own child have to face. Also, she has helped possibly ruin another marriage. Of course blame lies to the other person as well but she is a woman, woman aren't supposed to do that to another woman. Its easy from a perspective of outsider to try to understand her but any one of us would hate to be on a situation like this, I ask what we'd feel. It won't be so easy to try to see her view of the world.
Also, its hard for her is a poor excuse. Its always hard on a lot of us in a lot of different ways. That's no excuse to cheat on your spouse. Its disgusting, it makes me sick to my stomach, I think I'll drop this show. I can't root for her but that call is her husband's to make but still I feel sick about it for some weird reason.
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Jinjia
November 14, 2016 at 7:17 AM
Relaxed, this just a drama, I though this drama is brilliant, about the issue, which almost happen in "real" situation.. So, I though you can continue watching this drama, because in next episode, will show, what will happen toward their marriage, how they will handle of the situation, how they will save their marriage/or just divorced, their son will save their marriage?why Soo Yeon cheating on Hyun Woo, maybe because of his mistake in past?Cheating is kind of disgusting thing, not even for someone who called wife but someone who called husband too..I just dont want give spoiler about I know in Japanese version, about her husband big mistake on past, maybe Korean version make little bit different from Japanese version, so keep watching and enjoy..Sometime we will blame someone who we saw in our eyes they do mistake, but behind the mistake maybe had something that make someone acting/reacted like that..But cheating is cheating, its kinda not forgiving..
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boshey
November 14, 2016 at 9:07 AM
"Also, she has helped possibly ruin another marriage. Of course blame lies to the other person as well but she is a woman, woman aren’t supposed to do that to another woman."
Truly understand how you feel about the cheating, but putting more weight on women seems a little wrong to me. Cheating is an act committed by two, too often I see women will be the one receiving more damage than men.
I don't know what is your gender, but if you condemn cheating you should condemn each involved party equally. Rather than saying, "she is a woman so she should not do this to another women", we should tweak our mindset to believe, anyone, men or women should never do this and whoever did this is equally responsible. Nobody should ruin the happiness of anybody.
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gem28
November 14, 2016 at 11:52 AM
I am a woman and I've seen from a my perspective in reality woman often doing the worst damage to each other and hence that sentiment, I am not going easy on the guy though. He did as much damage as Soo Yeon. They are both ruining their own family with their own hands and for what, love?? I doubt that?? I just can't connect to Soo Yeon, her reasons don't feel compelling enough to me.
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YUMICUTE
November 15, 2016 at 3:18 AM
Is why i didn't watch on the way to the airport.
As for this show,i stop at ep.1 i just pop up here to see if the wifey really have an affair.
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11 Nursejackie
November 14, 2016 at 7:29 AM
I have to wonder how many of the people who insist that hyunwoo should have let the other man spill the beans are married. The generally accepted wisdom from most infidelity communities is that you tell the other betrayed spouse immediately, before the cheaters have the opportunity to get rid of evidence and formulate a cover story. Thus far he actually seems pretty tame. I know one woman who sent her husband's sexually graphic hookup site account to his mother and the other woman's account to her husband and parents. I've watched people straight up destroy the cheater's career. Hyunwoo's revenge feels almost impotent in comparison.
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Islander north
November 14, 2016 at 10:23 AM
Yes, his actions are well within the basic expectations of when a man learns his wife is intimate with another man. Anyone ever heard of a Crime of Passion? She's lucky he is mild.
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CatoCat
November 14, 2016 at 11:29 AM
He is too either too nice of a guy or too incompetent. celebrating sun woo's birthday?
In real life people chew out the cheaters. This kind of makes him less of a man. He loses manly points there. His actions were understandable.
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12 seni
November 14, 2016 at 7:41 AM
i just dont understand something, why is cheating condemned like this, i mean, whether you are married or not with time the strong feelings you felt for someone are bound to disapear, it usually just becomes a comfortable relationship to which you hold tightly because it has become a part of your daily life.
And wether it is a married person or just someone in a relationship, they are still people, they can find someone else with whom they will find a new love, why is it considered as a crime when it boils down to love ?
Are married people obliged to not feel anything for anyone since they are married?
Does getting married suddenly cut us apart from the world and our pastself who could freely have crushes and flirt with peope ? Marriage is just a wish; its about two people who wish to spend the rest of their lives together and the moment one of them does not think about it, it breaks.
People meeting, dating, fighthing, hating, separating, it just happens, the issue is not being married, among all the cheaters in the drama yoonki is the most concerning because he is actually using Ara and making openly fun of her since he is well aware of her knowing his bad deeds. Their relationship is concerning. They are kind of representing a traditionnal couple where the husband is a cheater.
But as for sooyeon and hyunwoo, they are quite modern, both of them are working and taking care of their child together. They had to find some kind of balance between their life as a couple, their child, their professional life but it seems that they still did not manage to find it and as a viewer we arz bound to wonder how they could have done things so that it did not turn out like this.
Actually watching the first two episodes i was more shocked by the relationship between the couple rather than the cheating issue.
i hope i made sense lol, i was just feeling bad that soo yeon got all that hate when both her and her husband are struggling, maybe by the end of the drama people will see it differently
have a good day everyon (runs back to watch three meals a day with a pot of ramen x') )
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PeepsLeAwesomePotato
November 14, 2016 at 9:29 AM
Er... cheating is not a crime but it's understandable why it's condemned. Because it's the breaking of trust between two people who had promised and were supposed to be the closest to each other.
Love coming in or suddenly finding your heart straying is not a problem until you act on it. Yes, it's hard to control what your heart wants but you definitely CAN control what you DO. And by choosing to sleep with the other guy, SooYeon has evidently betrayed her husband.
It's not even that the husband and wife cleaned everything between them up and officially and legally washed their hands off each other. To HyunWoo, for the past six months, SooYeon was obligated and supposed to be his wife and no other man's lady. For the past six months, he thought she still believed in and had trusted her to keep to their vows to each other. It's a different thing if they broke up and he knows that their vows mean nothing any more.
I mean, if you can't trust in your partner, the one person you're supposed to trust the best in the entire world, and in the promise of a marriage and all it's obligations, then... what else are you supposed to trust?
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Elle
November 14, 2016 at 9:32 AM
Because cheating is deception, and deception is always wrong.
People can and do engage in open marriages and polyamorous relationships, but it is something that must be done with the consent of all parties involved. Anything less than honesty on this front is a betrayal of trust.
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nomad
November 14, 2016 at 9:43 AM
Really? Boils down to love? Puh..lease...it boils down to sex if it comes down to it. Love has a variable of trust in it. People fail and do mistakes, sure...but to say that there is no mistake is just wrong in a whole different measure.
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Islander north
November 14, 2016 at 10:25 AM
You're kidding, right?
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bigmomma12345
November 14, 2016 at 11:56 AM
I think the biggest mistake people make when they enter a marriage (or any committed long-term relationship, really) is the belief that love is a feeling/emotion. Because feelings/emotions are natural and instinctive, often a result of circumstances or even hormones, and not something we really can control. Thanks to novels, kdramas, and basic biology, we tend to equate "love" (or romantic love) with attraction - that exciting little fluttery feeling we get in our stomachs when we first meet someone we are interested in. Thank you pheromones and our species' biological drive to procreate!
But love is a choice we make - to be devoted to and care about another person deeply, regardless of circumstances. I wake up every day and make a choice to love my husband. Some days (thankfully still most days) I feel those happy butterflies of romantic love. But in my 20+ years of marriage, there have been many days when we've considered it a success to go to sleep still liking each other. Because life happens. But because we chose every day to love each other, here we are, still happily married and looking forward to a future together.
To answer your question, this doesn't mean you can't/won't still have a physical attraction to other people. Most people will, more than once, even in healthy, long-term relationships. You just have to choose to be faithful or to betray the trust of your partner. Circumstances can help push you one way or another but it is ultimately a choice. And it is condemned by most because a loving romantic relationship usually means an exclusive relationship, which implies trust. And if you don't have trust, it is hard to chose to love.
This is where I will have an issue with the drama. I can understand circumstances that might lead a spouse to chose to cheat (such as in On the Way to the Airport). And I can understand circumstances that will lead the betrayed spouse to forgive. But I really don't understand how someone who has been cheated on can ever really trust the unfaithful spouse enough to continue in the relationship ever again. It happens, I know. They are just a better person than I am.
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twinkles
November 14, 2016 at 3:06 PM
About 4 years into our relationship, before I married my husband, he did cheat on me and I decided to stay and am now married to him and we've been together for over 20 years. The reason why I forgave him and continued on with our relationship is because of our circumstance. He told me what happened right away, and was very, very remorseful. I also did recently move to another state, and we were trying a long distance relationship after years of being together, which was harder on him than me. And honestly, even though it may sound weird, because of what happened, I trust my husband 100% and know he would never cheat on me again because if he does, he knows what the consequences would be. I think I just want people to know that it is possible to have a happy loving relationship even after an affair - but both people have to put in their 100% and work for the relationship.
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bigmomma12345
November 14, 2016 at 5:57 PM
Thank you for sharing your experience Twinkles. I am very happy that everything worked out in a positive way for you both and that you were able to rebuild that trust.
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kdramaanalysis
November 15, 2016 at 1:23 AM
Hi dramamama, love your comment and everything you said about marriage. Thanks so much for that!
kdramaanalysis
November 15, 2016 at 1:25 AM
Thanks twinkles for your uplifting sharing. That's what I would like to believe too that it is possible but only through a lot of hard work... 100% and even more!
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yukie
November 15, 2016 at 8:34 AM
I see many great answer here about why cheating is condemned.
A few other thing I want to point out is this. Someone who cheats in marriage normally gets worse treatment compare to someone who cheats in dating/boyfriend-Girlfriend relationship.
Why? Because the level of commitment, trust and vulnerability as well as dependency in a marriage is much much deeper than a dating relationship. Which is why cheating in a marriage is such destructive effect towards the marriage and the other party and therefore are condemned according to the level of pain and hurt it is inflicting to the marriage and the other party.
Also there is a long and calculated effort someone needs to do in order to cheat - I this case to have sexual affairs.
Don't confuse attraction - lust - admiration and love.
Yes, we are normal ppl that can still feel attracted and or admire other ppl. Yes we can even feel just towards other ppl. But there are many small actions you need to do to develop it into love or sexual affairs.
The secret coffee meeting
The many texts messages
The many phone calls
The planning you do to meet
You can have all the above and still haven't had sexual affairs! At any given point you can choose to either realise that your marriage has problem and deal with it or you can continue deceive your partner and have an affairs.
So affairs doesn't start with love.
It starts w "innocent" conversation that makes you happier.
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Jane Eyre
November 15, 2016 at 2:11 PM
Uggh seriously! You defend adultery by saying it's just love???? NO it is not love it is just lust which is completely different. Cheating does not require communication over children, home repairs, bills to be paid but rather just where do you want to get it on next. I have not done a study but I can guarantee that if the person cheats on their current spouse then they will most definitely cheat on you later on down the road. If it is true love then get a divorce first and then pursue your sexual desires.
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13 NigeriansHaveTv
November 14, 2016 at 8:19 AM
I love this drama, I feel like every episode bring a piece to the puzzle. This camera work, editing, plot, ....everything is just awesome. It's also rare for a drama to make you thing about life
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14 dreamy
November 14, 2016 at 9:59 AM
i ve looked at comments here and there and would like to know some beanies opinion
if the main couple had not been married ( and therefore with no child) and they were in a relatioship for 14 years as he says in the next ep
would it still make most of you mad that she cheated on him with someone else ?
if not could you explain why it makes a difference ?
(for instance you can think about coffee prince where the second leads had that kind of pb ( actually i dont remember if they were separated because of that, if i am wrong sorry ))
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jaesukisourgod
November 14, 2016 at 11:16 AM
for me, it's the same thing. you broke a pact of trust you decided to have with someone.
of course each case has different context. but, for me, having a child or being together for more years make the cheating worse. probably hurts more and will demand more to whatever is the next step (reconciliton or divorce). the cheating itself, imo, is as wrong for them as for a couple together for few months, for example.
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jaesukisourgod
November 14, 2016 at 11:05 PM
*but, for me, having a child or being together for more years DOESN'T make the cheating worse
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bigmomma12345
November 14, 2016 at 11:28 AM
IMO, the key here is the phrase "in a relationship", and how that relationship is defined.
Is it friendship only as they raise their child? Then no, not cheating, not a problem.
Is it a mutually agreed upon open relationship where dating others is allowed? No, not cheating, not a problem.
Is it an exclusive (i.e. monogamous) relationship where each partner is expected to be faithful and not date anyone? Then yes, it is cheating, and yes it is a problem.
Marriage, for most folks, is understood to be monogamous. My hubby and I believe this way. But we also had a very honest and clear discussion about our expectations before we got married, so that there was no misunderstanding. We not only discussed our expectations for faithfulness, we discussed what the consequences would be if this was broken.
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amg01
November 14, 2016 at 9:24 PM
In a lot of states in the US if you spend more than 7 years living together, is consider a "common law marriage", meaning that if you separate from your partner, the division of assets will be comparable in court, as if they have been legitimately married for that many years....So IMHO whether married or not cheating still cheating!!!
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15 Lord Cobol (Kdramas, like water, flow downhill)
November 14, 2016 at 10:10 AM
I'm only luke-warm about this show, but it helps a little to imagine it as a sequel. Just pick any rom-com or other romance show and fast-forward about a decade. I nominate Miss Korea because it had the same male lead.
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MapleSilver
November 14, 2016 at 4:42 PM
Unfortunately I have to agree with you. Korean dramas in general focus so much on the beginning of a romance and all the excitements and flutters that come with it. But once in a while a drama such as this comes along to bring home the reality that heady romances do not last forever without a lot of hard work. I have lived in Asia and America. In the west I still see married couples (older and younger) holding hands, greeting each other with a kiss, and saying I love you at the end of phone calls. I don't think I witnessed much of that in Asia. Part of it is culture for sure, but I am also sure married people get too comfortable and think it no longer necessary to try too hard.
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16 Lord Cobol (Kdramas, like water, flow downhill)
November 14, 2016 at 10:43 AM
The guy she's having a affair with works for J Motors. Are they the manufacturer of the Truck of Doom??
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17 loveblossom🌸
November 14, 2016 at 10:54 AM
The ghost part was very random, but it provided a short comedic moment. I guess the drama wanted to show more of Yoon Ki's story/perspective, but watching him cheat over and over again was just not cool. His wife was so close by! It was terrible. I wanted her to find out the truth so bad. I hope it happens soon, but I hope it doesn't break her.
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CatoCat
November 14, 2016 at 11:21 AM
That part was right from 18+ content. I googled and found exponentiation results.
Yoon Ki is demonstrating live "Dummies guide to cheat". Gold digger girl was 1 thing but divorced teacher too? waaah
Ae Ra need to beat this guy to pulp and then throw on streets.
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mary
November 15, 2016 at 9:09 AM
I hope it happens soon, but I hope it doesn’t break her.
I bet it's gonna break him. Or she. She's gonna break him. >:D
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hellothere
November 17, 2016 at 12:17 AM
LOL..I was scared sh*tless since I wasn't really expecting that in this drama....
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MapleSilver
November 17, 2016 at 8:35 AM
Me, too. And that would affect my rewatch of this episode in the future. I hope they don't do this again to us.
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Chuck
October 11, 2017 at 6:40 AM
It's hard to believe they showed this dumb stupid character through out most of the episodes. The guy acted like he had a loose screw that needed some serious adjusting. Whenever I came to a scene he was in I just fast forward. The beautiful wife deserved a better roll with someone else other than the nut she was with. What were you trying to say about this character I don;t get it.
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18 lunatic4kd
November 14, 2016 at 11:13 AM
There really is no black and white when it comes to affairs of the heart. Rarely is the distress in a relationship 100% due to just one spouse. It takes two to tango and something big derailed in the marriage to allow one person to entertain attraction to an outside person. It could be as simple as one spouse communicating honestly, "I need you to help me with the housework" or "I feel hurt by your tone of voice" or "It's hard for me to remain attracted to you in you gain 100 pounds". It's important to remember that we fall in love with someone based on the experience we have of them at the beginning, whether a 20 year friendship has turned to love or a 5-minute interaction is love at first sight. Everything builds from there - all the information and communication (or lack thereof) ensues from that point. It is never (or rarely) one-sided.
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Mina
November 14, 2016 at 12:44 PM
Agreed. A lot of people think relationships involve meeting each other half way and giving it 50/50 each. But it's not that way, for a successful marriage both parties need to be willing to give 100% forward.
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Charlie
October 6, 2017 at 3:45 AM
Marriage is not 50/50 never was never will be. one partner will give a 100% the other partner less but that dose not mean you want have a successful marriage. If you love each other and work hard on building up your marriage each and every day you can have a very successful marriage. What you put in is what you get out whether one partner gives 1% more or the other partner gives 1% less it's the two of you working together.
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19 Pudge
November 14, 2016 at 5:30 PM
I love this show. I've been married for 12 years and my husband cheated on me twice. The first time was a few years ago and I decided to forgive him and try to work things out. But a few months ago, he cheated on me again. The pain of being cheated on and being taken for a fool was unbearable. Like physically stabbing your chest with a knife. I feel for Hyun woo. I totally understand him and how he acted. I was like that. I acted like a complete lunatic and acted with so much hate. And I was broken. It has been almost 9 months and we have been living separately since then. We have kids. And it's been hard. Forgiving is easier said than done. Trust is not something which you can piece back together and then it'll be as good as new . But as for now, life goes on. Me and my kids just have to keep breathing, eating, living as we know how. And pray for the best.
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gala
November 14, 2016 at 8:14 PM
If me, not married, got cheated on by a bf of barely two years, felt like my world crashed, I could just imagine that pain was multiplied by god-knows-how-much for you. I thought about doing it Carrie Underwood-style; I tried to come up ways just to get my revenge. Some might call me too weak, but I just let it go and decided to move on. And it's hard. Even till now, a couple of years later, I feel like I'm partly to blame. I always try to tell myself that it's never the "victim's" fault; it's the cheater who's always wrong. but... I did some self-evaluation, and I do realize I've some misgivings. my ex apologized, and it was sincere I could tell, and I forgive him. but once that trust had been broken, like you said, it'd be hard to piece it back.
anyway, sorry for riding on your comment with my own sob-story. Just wanted to say, you'll get through it. It'd be a tough road to find love again, but I do hope you will when you're ready and/or when you meet the RIGHT one!
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20 Madridista
November 14, 2016 at 6:59 PM
What angers me about Hyun Woo's behavior is his double standard in this "righteousness" he is exerting. Telling the wife about the affair in itself was the right thing to do but the manner in which he did it was cruel and extremely selfish. He sees his actions as fair and just as you said it, but if he really attached so much importance to right and wrong, why would he cover and actually HELP his cheating friend ? I've seen a comment higher saying that JK could have a story that would explain why he's cheating on his wife repeatedly and that it would somehow excuse him, while at the same time completely rejecting any explanation as to why Soo Yeon could give in to temptation. Don't tell me this doesn't have anything to do with how people perceive genders and their perceived roles in relationship especially when it pertains to cheating. It's kind of a shame that you don't delve deeper into the comments on the forum in the recap because they highlight exactly this. There's a clear divide between the male and female commenters and you actually see that double standard playing out.
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21 kdramaanalysis
November 14, 2016 at 10:28 PM
I'd like to thank all those who have been courageous enough to share their own painful experiences with cheating in this comment thread. It's one of the most deeply personal set of responses I've ever read in any comment thread, which also shows how good the show is in sparking off thoughts and reflection especially for married couples. After finishing the episode, I also had a honest discussion with my wife on how we will handle it if an affair happens.
It was certainly a difficult episode to watch, and a difficult episode to write about.. but here are my thoughts on this episode:
https://kdramaanalysis.wordpress.com/2016/11/15/my-wifes-having-an-affair-this-week-episode-5/
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22 Zuben
November 15, 2016 at 1:49 AM
I'm on Soo-Yeon's side. Yes she did cheat. Yes it was wrong but even from the start, you can see Hyun-woo did not appreciate her existence in his life more than basic. She was his awesome accessory - no maintenance required. He got himself a house girl in the package of a god-wife on a pedestal. So I don't blame her for cheating on him, if it was to feel like she was not just a mother, wife and a convinient housekeeper. I've watched a woman close to me be hurt by her husband, hurt by his family and she comes to work and explodes. She lets her hurts and feelings out to people who would listen. Does Soo-Yeon have someone who would listen to her frustrations? Her stresses at work or with the other mothers? So if she needed to let off steam by having an affair, then so it is. My only upset is she went with someone who was married but then it keeps both sides from attaching strings. I'm not saying that Hyun-woo has no right to be angry, he does. The life he thought he had is what it is in reality but he is at fault for not looking beyond what he wanted to see, not taking care of his wife more, not seeing her as a person with needs as well. And Soo-Yeon is also at fault for perpetutaing the prefect wife illusion and not knocking some sense into her husband's head.
Yoon-ki totally deserves Ara serving him for half and then some. But it seems like a cat and mouse game between them.
Poor Bo-Young, if that is the tale; that sucks. I would be surprised if he doesn't have trust/abandoment/self-esteem issues from that event.
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gem28
November 15, 2016 at 2:18 AM
I understand she felt suffocated by the burden of being perfect but we don't yet know if she ever let her thoughts out or tried to open up. She reminds me of Bree from Desperate Housewife but atleast she didn't cheat. So that excuse doesn't work. If she had talked, failed at making a point and instead wanted out, I could agree. She instead went ahead, slept and had a 6 month's long affair with a guy who has a family of his own. How do you overlook that level of betrayal of trust and that sort of mistake. She is an adult, she and that other slimy husband both knew they were betraying their vows, sense of decency and work ethics. I fail to understand how all of that is okay. That said, this show is about unfaithful spouse and how to deal with it so ball is for now in Hyun Wood court. It's his call. And no I do not agree to him outing the guy to his wife but atleast I can understand where he is coming from.
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MapleSilver
November 15, 2016 at 9:03 AM
Yes to this. Some others have pointed out the same thing, that how do you expect a man to second guess it when he asks if his wife is okay and she answers with a sweet smile that yes, she is okay? Men do not usually want to prod and prod. Besides I can picture her getting annoying at being doubted at if she has resolved to hide all feelings and maintain that perfect wife image.
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23 YUMICUTE
November 15, 2016 at 3:45 AM
The wife is busy with her carreer and family.she clearly have a lot on her plate but not busy enough for her to add an affair.how did she have the time for that when she barely have time to pick her son at school?smh
I get that she might be overwhelmed with all the responsibilities of having a family and carreer at the same time but she should have told her husband that she's struggling and share the burden with him.have a schedule for house chores shared between them.
If he still wouldn't help,threaten him with divorce.
The husband probably thought that she's okay because she's smiling all the time and acted fine.
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dina
November 16, 2016 at 1:45 PM
Exactly. She has a 6 month affair that was going be to even longer because she had NO intention of telling her husband or ending it with a guy. She's oddly protective of him and seems like she cares more about him than her husband. I would be livid and he is also. No one reacts text book like, it blinded sided him!
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Chuck
October 11, 2017 at 6:09 AM
I feel a six month affair can be considered serious for both of them. but I believe it was mostly her and this would have continued had she not been caught. It was clear at times she tried coming to his defense for what ever reason. Could it have been she really fell in love with her cheating partner? She had no intention of telling her husband about this affair unless the guy had in some way assured her he would leave his wife and kids. I think this is what she was waiting to hear from him. I don't think the cheater had any plans to leave his family unlike her he loved his family. To him Soo-Yeon was available to be used and he obliged her.
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Bob
April 18, 2019 at 7:12 PM
My take on the affair was they succumbed to temptation 6 months ago (the guy said just once), then they backed off the sex for awhile, probably limited themselves to an 'emotional affair'. But she missed him so they planned to meet-up and reignite the flame. And got caught.
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Jackpapa376
January 27, 2022 at 4:12 PM
I was trying to be sympathetic to SY but hardly to do it. I understood her overworks as career woman and housewife. Although I felt sorry for her 1st affair mistake which she might not intentionally do it (as saying that I tried to be on her side), the 2nd affair could not be forgiven. SY was not an innocent girl as one thought. She decided and chose to have the 2nd affair. If she felt guilty for her 1st affair, she should not repeat the same mistake. Her mind was with her lover SW already and she betrayed her husband. She kept her affair secret under her smiling and intentionally planned and lied to her husband about her office meeting timing which ended earlier such that she could have a spare time to have an affair with her lover before she was going to pick up her son.
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Chuck
October 11, 2017 at 5:35 AM
I agree Soo-Yeon was so busy with job taking care of home, husband and kid, but how could she add an affair to the over whelming situation she was already in? Being in an affair must have been very tense and demanding of her time all on it's own. She should have approached her husband (hind sight of course) and told him about all the stress she was facing. I don't really think he knew or thought about what she was facing day in and day out. My opinion he took his wife for granted doing all the things she did. I don't think it was intentionally but it still comes out she was being taking for granted. I think when she was with this guy she was able to block out everything else and enjoy the moment. A six month affair also sex I think she must have enjoyed it. There were no signs of this affair ending until she was caught.
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Jackpapa376
May 26, 2022 at 7:04 PM
I was so confused about the cheating wife’s statement when SY said “she forgot her husband, son, family, etc. and guilt was not in her mind”, what was the “period” that she meant on that?
Was her mind was always with her lover in past six months while she stayed with her husband? This was obviously a true betrayal.
Or did she have this happiness feeling (ignoring her burdens) while she was in bed with her lover?
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aung thein
November 25, 2023 at 2:24 AM
when she was with her lover she forgot her husband son and family b/c SW was expert in how to handle woman and good in using seducing technique to lure woman for sex.For this she made up her body for SW by way of buying sexy outfit shoes make up etc.She said she missed her lover always even she was with her husband at home and sleep on the same bed.When reading her lover msg for about his hotel room reservation she blissfully smile and happy for the planning of another sex occasion with him.
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24 Oppa*sFirstLove
November 15, 2016 at 6:18 AM
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25 pinkfluff99
November 15, 2016 at 8:04 AM
To answer your question at the top: "Is it harder to forgive, or to ask for forgiveness?"
I think it's harder to ask for forgiveness. Forgiving someone, you can do on your own will. Asking for forgiveness depends on someone else. Especially if you did something to lose that person's trust.
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MapleSilver
November 15, 2016 at 8:59 AM
Right. Hyun Woo has said so many times he would have forgiven her had his wife come clean and ask for forgiveness. For reasons we don't know she has not done that. Maybe she is too proud, maybe she feels he won't forgive her, but I tend to think she has no affection left for her husband and is staying in the marriage only for her son.
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Charlie Willis
October 3, 2017 at 6:25 PM
It's kind of a weird situation between this couple. they don't seem to be able to express their love are affection for each other. You don't see them hugging are kissing.There doesn't seem to be a sexual affair going on in their marriage. I to wonder about her affection towards her husband and it appears that she is there because of their kid. They don't go places together and don't do things together. I think she showed more affection toward the guy she was cheating with than to her husband. Thinking back her remarks after she was caught cheating was I wanted to be with him I wanted to see him again. She also made the reservation for them at the hotel. She also said that when she was with him she didn't think about her husband didn't think about her son didn't think about home and didn't think about her job. The guy she was cheating with dropped her like a bad habit and showed very little emotions about it. It wasn't till he did that I saw some what of a change in her feelings for him. I feel she saw the affair was over between them. She was a freebie to him and he used her. I believe if this guy was really serious about her she would have left her husband.
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mary
November 15, 2016 at 9:18 AM
I think it's harder to forgive...
When one commits a mistake, you only need to ask for forgiveness to "pass" the ball to the other court. When you ask for forgiveness/do actions toward being forgiven, you're atoning for your sins, you're already clearing out your feelings. Example, you can keep saying sorry, send flowers, do chores, make grand gestures... all in asking for forgiveness.
But the person who has to forgive cannot do anything else except forgive or accept the effort. And it's not that simple if you can't get over the pain. Meanwhile, as the sinner keeps doing things for you, there's an increasing burden to forgive them because they already apologized in so many ways.
Or maybe you're right. In general, it IS easy to forgive. You just, y'know, forgive them. Haha it's such a simple concept but I find it harder in practice so personally, I think it's harder to forgive.
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Ammy
December 17, 2016 at 4:02 AM
For me, its much easier to ask for forgiveness as I would be relieved of my guilt irrespective of whether I'm really forgiven or not but its really hard to forgive as we keep getting reminded of that pain we went through whenever we face that person or a similar situation of even lesser impact
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26 JeAnn
November 15, 2016 at 9:20 AM
This episode made me feel less sympathetic towards Soo Yeon. This isn't just an issue with her marriage.....she has a bad habit of holding in her thoughts and feelings. She does it at work, with her husband (duh, as we all know), with her son, her lover and the mothers she has to interact with. She should've told her boss that she has worked hard on the project, that it is almost over and it would be unfair to have someone else get the credit for it. She should've told her lover not to sabotage her hard work because the relationship that developed between them....yes, it was inappropriate and if her boss found out, she would've been kicked off anyway. But if she got this project fair and square, and spent time and energy getting it to near completion, she deserves the credit. Convince lover boy that you can keep things professional for the sake of getting the credit you earned. She should talk to her husband about what she wants. She shouldn't have felt like she needed to bend over backwards for the other mothers just to get her son into an art academy. I think if she practiced standing up for herself even once in a while, she might not feel overwhelmed by everything else. Example, if she fought for the project, the whole art academy situation would probably feel less burdensome. But she keeps on giving to others, and now her world is falling apart because she used the strength that she had to pursue the wrong thing. How her husband reacted was understandable, and I don't blame him. Soo Yeon needs to address this head on and stop dillydallying. She gives up way too easily. I honestly don't feel that she loves her husband....I see absolutely no indication, even in the wedding video. Maybe she forced herself into marriage with Hyun Woo in the first place, the way this girl is moving I wouldn't be too surprised to hear. But whether she does love him or not, and whether or not she wants a divorce, she needs to open her mouth and say her part. Stand up for yourself, because what you think counts and trust me, you have many MANY persons wanting to hear your part (ie, us viewers lol).
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27 gladys
November 15, 2016 at 10:53 AM
you know i love that the show is making people think about somany things
We all know more or less women like the main lead, they do not share theur hardship with anyone, they keep everything to themselves and have decided that no matter what they should be able to do everything, including being a perfect mother.
Most of you are frustrated at her for not speking up but i can understand her behavior, i am usually very shy and afraid of people judgement so i do not even darz posting messages on internet ( this might be my second post here in dramabeans althought i have been regularly coming to the websitz for 5 years )
As i think a lot before doing anything, i am also unable to react in a " proper"way and somtimes gets misunderstood for instance you are saying she should have asked for forgiveness but isnt it shamefull to do that after making an obvious mistake ? She knew her husband would feel betrayed but she still did it so she has to endure his anger until he deems it enough of a punishment. That is what i would think and do in her stead even if she might be acting like this becaise of some other reason.
Sge is kind of cut from the world, she does not seem close to her coworkers, her fling with the other man felt quite superficial as he did not even try to comfort her after she was found out by her husband, her mother in law seems to be another source of stress... If this is all there is to her life its quite depressing, she has no one to rely on, how did she end uo this way, was it her choice? was it because of her demanding family ? was she this way from the beginning ? howewer shy and reserved you are you ought to at least have a friend to talk to but some people seem to lack even that
it makes me feel sad
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JeAnn
November 15, 2016 at 11:47 AM
That's so true. I felt the relationship with the man was a bit one-sided because, even though he said he loved her, he cut her from the project without letting her know and suddenly became distant.
Now that you mention it, you're right, she doesn't seem to have anybody to turn to which is quite sad. I can't wait to find out more about her side of the story.
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Charlie
October 4, 2017 at 6:41 PM
The cheating husband said he love Soo-Yeon and she in this affair for six mos must have fallen for his lie and it was a lie. If he loved S.J so much why was all his time and devotion given to his wife and children which it should have been and not to Soo-Yeon. S.J just happen to be there and available even tho she was married she was there for the taking and he took. How can you call sneaking around and going to hotels seeing someone at your leisure love? You are proud to be with the one you love and proudly show her off not using the cover of darkness or out of way places so not to be seen by others. Dropping her from the projects they were working on without telling her and to top that dropped her cold turkey is this love? I think this was one of the terms of the agreement he made with his wife to cut all involvement with S.J for cheating on her. The question in my mind about Soo-Yeon in this affair is what prompt her to make the ultimate call and give her body to this cheating married man not to forget she is also married. You can have an affair without sex but once sex comes into the affair it goes to a whole new level. You are married and in an affair with a married man gives him your body sexual from this point on what else do you have to give? In the end got caught now all that you had is destroyed. Was it worth it? Maybe only you know.
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Jackpapa376
January 27, 2022 at 9:25 AM
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Jackpapa376
May 10, 2022 at 4:55 AM
It was disappointed that this drama did not know tell us much about her ex-lover SW. In my opinion, her ex-lover took advantage on the cheating wife SY because he was smart and noticed her weakness.
Her ex-lover SW had taken her out from the project before the husband HW went to see him at the office and later punched him in the next following day during their encounter nearby her ex-lover’s house when her ex-lover told HW that he had slept with SY before. If HW did not seriously ask her ex-lover to call his cheated wife to tell her about the affair, I did not think that the ex-lover would tell his wife about his affair with SY.
This reminded me to another K-drama “My Mister”. The cheating wife’s lover told Ji-An (the female lead) that having an affair with a married woman was safest because she could not disclose and say anything. This was the same that the ex-lover SW was doing with SY in “this week” K-drama.
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28 purplesheesh
November 15, 2016 at 5:08 PM
The commenters in this recap have such great wisdom! I watched this episode already and I'm only coming back for the comments.
One question though, Why is it harder to forgive women who cheat than men?
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MapleSilver
November 15, 2016 at 9:25 PM
The typical answer, of course, is because we get used to the idea that men cheat more than women, at least among married men anyway. So in a way it is more acceptable, thus more forgivable. I can name a few men in my extended family alone who have been unfaithful to their wives, but I can't name a single woman. Many married men cheat, but they don't necessarily have extended affairs, because they cheat with prostitutes, etc.. Some do keep mistresses, but usually they are not married women. So when we hear of an otherwise upstanding woman of society has an affair we are shocked and less quick to forgive.
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matrice
October 15, 2018 at 11:12 AM
I don't really view gender as a relevant characteristic here, meaning that a betrayal is a betrayal. This transcends sex and romance, even, it could be even between friends. The key point is the breaking of the trust placed in you. Maybe there is an additional aspect of humiliation. But I view the issue, morally, as fundamentally disconnected from sex (in both the reproductive and male/female sense). I don't think that having self respect and clear boundaries about what you are willing or unwilling to tolerate should be tied to your gender. For example, I don't see what the guy did as fundamentally any different from what the MC's wife did (or from what the other character did, for that matter). Actually, if anything I notice the opposite trend -the other cheater in this series is treated with significantly less empathy than the wife... personally, I don't really see having too much stuff to do, or the opposite, boredom, as morally superior places to stand compared to boredom/lust, and think both that the harsh judgment of the guy is correct, and that he is not fundamentally different from the MC's wife, meaning that he is different in his reasons and behavior, but that doesn't really change what is fundamentally wrong with what they did-.
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Chuck
October 6, 2017 at 3:16 AM
When a man cheats many times it's just for the sex nothing serious like getting attached. He's not thinking about leaving his wife or his girl friend . On the other hand when a woman cheat's it's not always for sex she's in the affair from an emotional stand point and can become attached very easily. As with Soo Yeon in her affair. This affair was on going for six mos and probably would have gone longer had they not been caught. She had establish an emotional attachment with this guy not only that gave her body to him. To further prove my point she said when I'm with him I don't think of my kid, don't think of my husband,don't think of my job. I think she would have left her husband had this guy in some way assured her he would leave his family to be with her. I'm trying to point out two different affairs. The man in it for sex. The woman with a husband and a kid emotions should have been for her husband but she was emotional attached this guy which looks very bad. Now I must say cheating is cheating whether it's a man or a woman they are equally wrong. cheating is wrong.
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29 Dina
November 16, 2016 at 1:38 PM
She does act like a victim, all meek and quiet, feeling sorry for herself. She got caught up in being the perfect wife and thus destroyed her marriage in the process. I don't feel sorry for the cheater. If she was unhappy, then divorce and seek you the happiness you think you need. Ugh her character is getting on my nerves.
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Charlie Willis
October 3, 2017 at 5:10 PM
You are right on point in all that you have said. This relationship went on for six months and had Soo Yeon not been found out who knows how much longer it would have gone on. So one can not get around the fact she knew exactly what she was doing in this affair. She even stated that when she was with this guy she didn't think about home, her husband, her child nor her job. We are talking about someone who seems to be heartless and never gave a thought to the pain hurt and suffering she would cause to others . She went about doing things at home smiling taking care of her child and husband at the same time thinking deep down inside about her next meeting with her lover and feeling good about it. all these things she did you could easily throw her under the bus (figuratively speaking ). She dose not get off for the terrible thing she did. But like anyone who makes a mistake and want to be forgiven she should be forgiven . Hyun Woo was not the cheater but he did some dumb things that didn't help the situation. Maybe if H.W spent a little more time helping out around the house and taking some of the load off S.Y it could have made the different in their marriage. He mention there were times when he saw her standing there staring out. That was another opportunity he missed to find out what his wife was going through. Recapping she was caught in real time cheating that's a fact and there is no getting around it. Her action caused a ripple effect of pain suffering and hurt to others but in my humble thinking there is room to forgive her.
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Chuck
October 9, 2017 at 12:13 AM
There are times when I would like to give Soo-Yeon the benefit of the doubt unfortunately at times that's a little hard to do. First of all she got caught cheating hands down (a fact). Her remarks are somewhat at times a little off, for instance on the elevator when locking eyes with her husband. Her question to him what are you doing here? are you serious? Who's the cheater? Not her husband.I think the question really meant, I was just about to have a perfect evening with my lover cheating and now you have ruined it. Another time she remarked I wanted to see him, I wanted to be with him. another time she remarked when I'm with him I don't think about my kid, I don't think about my job, I don't think about my husband. On another occasion she was asked by her husband did you have sex with him. after the husband's persistence she looked at him in anger and said yes I had sex with him. sounded like that was a so what. Then the husband told her he beat her lover up and told his wife about the affair. Once again the cheating wife seem to defend her cheating lover by words or expressions. Sometimes there are things best not said and the drama goes on.
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Jackpapa376
May 26, 2022 at 7:33 PM
I had the same thought. Her husband was a good person and loved his wife/family. It was hard for me to sympathize SY. She later disclosed herself that her mind was with her lover in the past six months and did not plan to stop the affair relationship without divorcing in mind. If her husband did not unintentionally find out her affair secret, he would be cheated forever.
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matrice
April 3, 2022 at 3:15 AM
I mean, the list of people she should ask for forgiveness is not so limited. She not only cheated, but cheated with a man who had a wife and kids. She was willing to hurt/humiliate/deceive those as well (who never did anything wrong to her) to satisfy a senseless, superficial whim (it would have been better had she actually hated them, than this causal indifference saying basically that they were not important enough for her to care -or care enough not to do what she did-). Any rationalization and excuse cannot for obvious reasons involve her lover's wife and family, who she does not know and couldn't have done anything to deserve her deceiving them in such a manner.
We have to distinguish being unhappy from cheating, as one does not imply the other. Case in point, her husband and her lover's wife have all the reasons in the world to be much more unhappy than the adulterous couple, and they would never cheat (unfortunately, that's a case where some revenge sex would be more than warranted, given that their partners have broken their wow first).
Frankly, besides being perfunctory in her apology, reluctant to answer his questions (sophistry and evasion instead of clear answers, lying by omission by not telling him she is working with her lover as a client, something he had every right to know and she knows he would have wanted to know, and breaking her words the won't come in contact with him the very next day), she also displays a toxic mix of self righteousness and self pithy, to the point that he has to remind her that he is the one that was purposefully deceived for months on end.
I found appalling that she would try to enlist him into a scheme to cover up their actions in order to avoid dealing with the fallout, basically wanting to make him complicit in the deception of her lover's wife. Had he been in her place, he would have wanted to know -as shown by the fact that he tried to find out, rather than burying his head in the sand-. The bully pulpit preachy tone when she does not have any leg to stand on is irritating and, more generally, one does not understand where she gets the idea that she has any right to dictate the terms of how the fallout of her actions is going to be when, clearly, it should be up to their victims to decide and her lover's wife has every right to make an informed decision -telling her is a moral imperative-.
More generally, excluding revenge sex go pay cheaters with their own coin or the wife beating drunk, if we are talking about someone occasionally indifferent or an unintentional slight, there is simply no proportionality, it would be like casually connecting stealing a loaf of bread and having your hand cut off. And her lover's family didn't do anything to deserve this at all.
She did not come clean, she would have deceived him indefinitely, she is not particularly apologetic (compare with My Mister's scene where she goes on her knees begging for forgiveness), she uses her affair to hurt...
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matrice
April 3, 2022 at 3:16 AM
... hurt him (being curt and throwing in his face that she slept with her lover and was the one reaching out after their first encounter), she is not particularly open even now (not disclosing the fact that he is her project's client). She has not done anything to atone (not that anything she does could fix this, but she did not even try), and actually wants to enlist her husband in covering this up, making him complicit in their deception. She would keep the other person they were duping in the dark forever so they could *avoid* facing the consequences of their own actions. No, she does not deserve to be forgiven, not from her husband and certainly not from her lover's family (ad that's irrespective of the previous points, on the betrayal and deception alone)
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matrice
April 3, 2022 at 3:29 AM
Tldr, she not only deceived her husband, but her lover's wife as well, who, whatever complaints she might have about her husband, certainly couldn't have done anything to her, as she did not even know her. Same goes for her lover. Neither came clean, and on the contrary she wanted to enlist her husband in their ploy to continue deceiving her lover's wife, under the self serving assumption that they could avoid the consequences of their own actions, basically treating the latter as cattle being fed to be slaughtered, or a child believing in Santa, rather than a human being with dignity and intelligence that deserves to make her decisions with full knowledge of the facts. Her lover would have continued to dupe her indefinitely, and the cheating wife tried to make her husband complicit in the deception (also shamelessly asking their victim to protect them from having to deal with the consequences of their own actions), which he thankfully refused to be. No, neither deserve to be forgiven, either by their partner or by their lover's partner (and that was the case on the deception alone, but counting also everything else this is not something they can atone for, not that they are even trying, on the contrary they shamelessly would have liked him to sacrifice and cover up for them, becoming complicit in the continued deception of the other victim they were duping -it's not as if once he discovered it they chose to have the decency to come clean and let her make an informed decision, they self servingly chose to continue to deceive her to avoid having to face the consequences of their own actions-).
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matrice
April 3, 2022 at 3:45 AM
Not to mention other things, like the fact that her husband asked how things were going and she lied, asked her to spend the day after the wedding anniversary (which, like him, she forgot about, yet curiously only he is made out to be the "heel") to reconnect, and she spurned him in order to go sleep with her lover -as she said, she was the one that missed him to the point of reaching out after their first encounter-. At no point she took any of those open handed offers, lying to his face without remorse or hesitating about the offer to reconnect vs spending the day after her anniversary with her lover.
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matrice
April 3, 2022 at 3:53 AM
I don't think that she self entitled nature of her pseud apology is very believable, particularly when she becomes impatient and does not really seem to understand the extent of the psychological and emotional damage she inflicted him and even dares to treat him in a preachy manner. She seems almost sociopathically unempathetic towards the truly disgusting nature of her actions and the gravity of the damage and suffering her deception caused him, compounding this impression with her daring to involve him in a plan to cover up their actions, becoming complicit in the continued deception of her lover's wife, the poor woman. Nothing about that deserves forgiveness.
And if with him, not being a cheater or wife beating drunk, we could say that there is about as much distance between his unintentional slight and their deception (the metaphor would be having your hands cut off for stealing bread), with her lover's wife and family she does not even have anything to reproach them, as she does not know them. Yet she would deprive them of the ability to choose, turning them into the moral equivalent of Matrix's battery-humans, cattle living a lie, treating her as an unintelligent child that cannot handle the truth about Santa. She wants to escape the consequences of her actions and pretends to dictate how things should go down, yet does not even give the other person they duped the ability to make an informed choice in the matter, even wanting to enlist her other victim's help in deceiving the poor woman. Not deserving of any forgiveness either by her husband or her lover's wife, and the same in reverse applies to her lover.
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matrice
April 3, 2022 at 4:08 AM
Let's ignore the self serving hypocrisy, the lies (even by omission, like not telling the husband that her lover was her project's client) and reticence to reveal the truth about the affair (evasions when he asked about the length, etc., sophistry and hogwash, excuses and rationalizations), the attempt to enlist him into covering up their actions and becoming an accomplice in the deception of the other spouse they were duping, the fact that they did not come clean and would have lied indefinitely -the philandering husband would even now-, the curt way she threw the affair in his face, almost impatient with the perfectly understandable anger he feels, the judgy and preachy attitude, lecturing from the pulpit, when she has no leg to stand on and no right to judge him given what she did. Spurning her husband's offer to reconnect to be with her lover the day after their marriage anniversary. Not coming clean fully about the length of the affair, that she slept with her lover, being reluctant to offer direct answers to clear cut questions, hiding the fact that he was her client, telling her husband she won't come in contact with him again when she met him the very next day (curious to know what she would have done about the project that saw them interacting on a daily basis had he not taken her off -ironically, he removes her rather than leaving himself, so much for her lover being in love with her-).
Even setting that and much more aside, unhappyness does not equal cheating. The cheating wife's husband and her lover's wife would never cheat on their partners, even after their deception (not that that's a good thing, that's one case where some revenge sex would have been perfectly warranted).
That's the level of commitment (on top of her husband being the one that tried to reach out and reconnect, only to be spurned, while she is not doing anything to atone, but on the contrary wants to bury what she did and not have to face the consequences of her actions, enlisting him in the deception... not that anything she does would be enough to atone, but neither her nor her lover are even trying, and they both would continue to deceive the latter's wife indefinitely, making the cheating wife's husband, the protagonist, their accomplice and asking him, their victim, to dupe their other victim and shield them the consequences of their own actions... why would he agree? When in the her lover's wife's position he would want to be informed instead, as clearly shown by the fact that he did not bury his head in the sand but tried to discover the whole truth? The lack of course correction and coming clean is ever more damning, and the enlisting of their victim in the deception of their other victim is simply a level of delusion and self entitlement completely divorced from anything resembling reality). This is all to say that no, they don't deserve their spouse or their lover's spouse's forgiveness.
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matrice
April 3, 2022 at 4:17 AM
The "unhappyness does not entail cheating" part is key. She could have divorced him (she tell she didn't cheat because she wanted to divorce, but that's a moral inversion: what she should have done, if she didn't want to take his extended hand and reconnect, or try to address her issues, would be to leave him... these should have *all* happened *before* the cheating, of course). Her husband and her lover's wife never would have cheated, and they did not even after discovering their betrayal, so we know that such people exist. As exists people that would seek a married partner with children as a lover, rather than someone unattached, the though of hurting/humiliating/deceiving someone that never did anything wrong to them ranking below the satisfaction of a superficial whim. This casual dismissal of their suffering as of secondary importance is worse than if they hated them or hurt them for a reason, good or bad. Hurting them because of hatred would have been preferrable. In that sense, the lovers deserve each other, as do the cheated spouse: they are both the same kind of people, just paired with the wrong person -the two faithful ones should be with someone equally committed and deserving, the two cheaters can betray each other on a whim with other married couple, and at least there would be proportionality and equilibrium in the couple dynamics-. No, they don't deserve forgiveness, the cheated spouse should be with someone that deserves them and is worthy of their trust (and would never abuse it), like each other, for example -but they are not the only ones that would never cheat-.
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Jackpapa376
January 27, 2022 at 8:57 AM
Both SY and her lover SW loved each other (probably as much as or more than what they loved their own husband/wife and family) but they could not stay together because they did not want to leave their family. So, they would continue to have an affair (if it was not found out by HW) without any thinking to leave their own family. They created their own “excusing imagination” that without divorce thinking was the way to protect their own family. It sounded ridiculous and silly excuse. When the cheaters had an affair, they enjoyed their happiness moment WITHOUT any caring that they were hurting their partners’ feelings. Both SY and SW were cruel and selfish. It seemed like if SW decided to leave his family, SY would follow him to divorce her husband and stay with SW.
Between SY and her lover SW, she loved SW more than what he loved her. After they were caught up, SY did not regret much for her affair mistake as she acted so CALMLY when she said to her husband that she was sorry for what she had done. During that time, her mind was still with SW and hoped that their relationship would not yet end and could be refreshed (as they were still working on a project) until he dumped her and ended their relationship by taking her out form the project. SY felt “hurt”, sad, and regret about her adultery and did not dare to go back to her husband. Now she just realized how was her husband’s hurt feeling.
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30 Backroads23
November 29, 2016 at 12:26 AM
This show IMO plays on all the stereotypes of a man vs a woman cheating and I think it's really sad and it angers me. When Soo Yeon is the one cheating, there is supposed depth to it and the writers spend a great deal of time to reason it from her perspective, even going as far as to make her character somewhat sympathetic. When the man is the one cheating (i.e. lawyer friend), he's shown to basically only be doing it for the physical attraction and the audience is left to hate that character with no other feelings or emotion. This is so wrong on so many levels.
I see a lot of people on this comment board asking for Hyun Woo to act reasonable as if he's supposed to be rationale in a situation like this. For you women out there that believe that, please, give me a break. Cheating should never ever be justified, and it's not a matter of depth into the reasons why one may cheat. Hyun Woo should have told the other husbands wife, whether it was malice intent or not. His reaction is not "childish" as the reviewer wants to point out so elegantly; it's a man that has lost everything he cared about and his actions are done from a feeling of betrayal and anger as any other human being would be. If the situations were reversed, I don't believe the women on this board would be so rationale towards Hyun Woo. I don't think the reviewer would be so quick to point out that Soo Yeon is being childish. It would be pitchforks out and whatever Soo Yeon did would be justified. We as a society talk about double standards from a women's perspective all the time whether it be for pay, or for certain rights, and I for one am all for that. However, for those women fighting for these justified causes, you can not then be a hypocrite and turn around and try to find excuses for Soo Yeon's behavior. Cause equality should be that. For both sides. She is clearly wrong and I think the drama trying to portray the marriage with his flaws and so in turn, giving her some sort of sympathy for her actions is pathetic. Marriage is deep; it has layers. It's complicated and hard. But cheating is not a solution, it's not something that has merit. You wanna leave the guy because you no longer feel for him. Fine do that. But cheating and trying to make excuses for it. Save that nonsense for court
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31 reellife
December 5, 2016 at 2:32 AM
If any wisdom can be learned about extramarital affairs in real life from reel life (Valid Love, A Word from War Heart, and other dramas), they are:
1. Married couples are vulnerable to the lures of having an affair today;
2. Affairs usually "just happen" and is symptomatic of a dysfunctional marriage not it's cure;
3. Affairs usually start out as caring and empathic relationships between colleagues, friends, and business associates.
4. Although affairs can be emotional or sexual, they tend to incorporate sex over time;
5. Affairs may start out in secret, but they rarely stay secret for long;
6. Once exposed, the fallout from the affair can destructively affect many innocent people (children and social groups), careers, and even organisations;
7. It is easier to forgive than forget unless the early onset of dementia;
8. Beware the lures of an affair. If you cannot resist it, get divorced before it becomes serious!
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32 reellife
December 6, 2016 at 3:44 AM
Contrary to some comments I think that HW's reaction to SW affair with his wife was reasonable and measured. I would have dismembered him.
Firstly, HW did not create a public ruckus in the elevator.
Secondly, he did not create a ruckus at SW's workplace the two times he was there.
Thirdly, HW could have gone to SW's home to take it out on his children.
Fourthly, he could destroy SW's public reputation.
SY also seemed more concerned and protective of SW rather than HW.
Fifthly, SW and SY were the ones who first put themselves and their families at risk. I cannot imagine that how they thought their secret affair can stay secret.
Lastly, if HW did not go to such lengths as to inform SW's wife, I doubt if SW and SY would cease their affair so effectively. Alas, HW and JS will be hurt and scarred for life.
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Jackpapa376
December 5, 2021 at 8:04 AM
By somehow, I quite agreed with you if HW had not informed SW’s wife, SY and SW might continue their affair relationship although HW and SY would divorce later. The writer did not give any confidence to audiences to look at SY positively. For example, how could SY say to HW that she would stop seeing her ex-lover SW “for now” … not clearly “from now on”? It sounded like she might have a hope in her mind that SW was in love with her … until she just realized that SW did not care her much and wanted to shut down their relationship by taking her out from the project.
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33 Charlie Willis
October 3, 2017 at 3:16 PM
To find out that your wife is having an affair with another man and on top of that had sex with him can turn a man's whole world upside down. So some of Hyun Woo's reaction were understandable but those times when he started yelling and acting all unreasonable not listening didn't help his situation especially when talking to Soo Yeon his wife. She tried to have a civil conversation with him but most of the time she ended up shutting down are leaving. My thoughts about Soo Yeon there were times I was in her corner and other times I was not. I really liked her. I saw a beautiful woman with all the ingredients of a good wife and mother hard working never complaining but maybe these things weighed too heavy on the scale and caused it to tilt in the wrong direction that ended in her having an affair with another man. It's possible had she gone to her husband and told him what she was going through things may have turned out differently of course that's hind sight. Did they have that type of relationship where she felt comfortable to approach him? There were many times I thought if he had held her in his arms and told her how much he loved her, appreciated her, thanked her for the wife and mother she has been and thank her for all the great meals she prepared. I think this might have tilted the scales back to level. In his rage, hurt and pain he could only see revenge it was all about his hurt. Not to make small of what she did It was a very very bad thing but she was also paying a price for her action.
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Jackpapa376
January 29, 2022 at 8:33 PM
SY was a kind woman who tried her best to be a good mom and housewife. Her character was to keep things in herself and to please or not upset anyone although she was exhausted. Her bad character, as written, was her unclear communication and expression. This made her husband think differently and incorrectly … and she did not try to clarify what she meant to her husband.
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34 matrice
October 15, 2018 at 10:51 AM
Like last episode, I agree in the sense that I see both her willing, intentional betrayal, and his unintentional lack of a sufficient level of love and attention that involuntarily led to the problem festering (though, as you said, he is no mind reader and shouldn't be expected to be) as problems. But there is a difference between intentionally insulting someone and offending someone by mistake. Intent matters, morally, I think. And even gravity. one is a 10, the other is a 1000.
Lack of communication is definitely an issue. Even on that, I have to point out that it's also a two way street, in that while one could always strive to do better in not taking the other for granted and trying to understand her or his point of view, one can't expect her or his partner to be a mind reader, either. An if we want to be perfectly honest, however grave a slight, that's a 2 while what she did was more like a 200. In some way, his was an issue of incompetence, but chiefly lack of awareness, while what she did was deliberate and active. In a sense, he lacked awareness and hurt her by mistake. She choose to cheat, intentionally, she didn't do it by mistake. In terms of empathy, I can say that I could see myself hurting someone, a friend or lover, but lack of awareness or anger. I could not see myself intentionally cheating or betraying a friend or lover's trust.
That's why on an emotional level I find the former forgivable and not the latter, while intellectually I can undrestand that it's a situation that could realistically happen, emotionally I can't empathize and ultimately I think that that comes down to the kind of person each of us is. I find her a worse person because of it, on a fundamental level: there are people who would do what she did, and people who would not, and that fundamental difference means that while in the husband's shoes I would maybe try to understand what part I played in it so that I could learn from my mistakes, I would find it a wrong conclusion that he should be victim blamed and flagellate himself as somehow having been the "cause" of her actions, as gravity causes an apple to fall -that completely takes away any agency from her-
He should of course recognize the mistakes he made and try to do better next time, but he shouldn't consider himself the one that caused his wife to cheat -she is a person that makes her own decisions and choices, not a car or a computer-. It's both a matter of proportionality (what he did was not equal, both in terms of hurt, humiliation and betrayal of trust, raw "damage" caused, as well as in terms of its moral dimension, his being a mistake and hers a deliberate act) and of simple respect for her agency. In some sense, while it's not outside the realm of possibility that someone could react as she did, that does not make her actions a reasonable reaction. In fact, basic human decency and respect would entitle him to think it a reasonable assumption that she wouldn't do...
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35 matrice
October 15, 2018 at 11:03 AM
I basically agree with the point that he informed his wife in anger. I don't agree with the fact that he wanted her to suffer. Maybe him. And he had every right to -they were the ones that decided to betray her trust, they are not entitled to pick and choose when they want to deal with the consequences of their actions.-. I don't see the act of revealing the truth as morally ambiguous: she has a right to know the truth, because she has a right to see the person besides her for who he really is and in principle deserves to make the choice to be with someone else, someone better (i.e. someone that wouldn't cheat on her, for a start, which is a pretty low bar). They don't have the right to deceive her while deciding what is better for her or her family, she has the right to make her own decisions with full knowledge of the facts. Would it have been better had he explicitly prioritized this latter reason? Yes. But I don't find his satisfaction in this circumstance a terrible moral fault, just a human reaction that I guess would be shared by almost everyone (or by a percentage of the population much higher than the percentage that would cheat). I think of anger after something like this as something akin to grief after a loss. He is entitled to venting, within reason (meaning that he shouldn't have punched him, or even confronted him, in my opinion... he really shouldn't be the target he is focusing on that he is, the reality of the situation is that, scum or not, it's his wife that decided to cheat, he didn't coerce her, anymore than his lack of attention did... he might have put the moves on her, but he couldn't really make her cheat had she said no).
Lack of communication is definitely an issue. Even on that, I have to point out that it's also a two way street, in that while one could always strive to do better in not taking the other for granted and trying to understand her or his point of view, one can't expect her or his partner to be a mind reader, either. An if we want to be perfectly honest, however grave a slight, that's a 2 while what she did was more like a 200. In some way, his was an issue of incompetence, but chiefly lack of awareness, while what she did was deliberate and active. In a sense, he lacked awareness and hurt her by mistake. She choose to cheat, intentionally, she didn't do it by mistake. In terms of empathy, I can say that I could see myself hurting someone, a friend or lover, but lack of awareness or anger. I could not see myself intentionally cheating or betraying a friend or lover's trust.
That's why on an emotional level I find the former forgivable and not the latter, while intellectually I can undrestand that it's a situation that could realistically happen, emotionally I can't empathize and ultimately I think that that comes down to the kind of person each of us is. I find her a worse person because of it, on a fundamental level: there are people who would do what she did, and people who...
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36 matrice
October 15, 2018 at 5:15 PM
"“These women aren’t cheating because of their husbands. They just like any man besides their husband. Let’s not turn the innocent husbands into sinners.” So much for objectivity."
I largely agree with the first part. They are humans, not computers, so they have to own their own decisions. Circumstances might change, life might be hard, but that's the same for everyone, you don't get to make excuses. Now, there could be some shared responsibility in terms of not listening, not paying enough attention.
Here is the branching part. If they said that because of that they are ready to leave, to consider a divorce, I would find that perfectly okay. That's honest, and demonstrates a shred of respect for the other person. What is inexcusable is deceiving them for months on end, humiliating and betraying them, all behind their backs.
Of course, if the other partner (I don't get why it should be a man, the husband, since this is really gender neutral, and could even apply to same sex couples) had cheated first, or was a violent asshole, or emotionally abusive, then we would have moral equivalence, and I would suggest a trip to the divorce lawyer and possibly the police.
Like you, I don't particularly like the show format -a reality interviewing cheaters about their personal lives-. Basically, it's private business, this seems too much like a mob (I disapproved of the girl slapping the cheater, but also found her energy and decisiveness somewhat satisfying).
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37 matrice
October 15, 2018 at 6:12 PM
"Hyun-woo hangs up angrily and then sees that Sun-woo confirmed his facebook friend request. (Why on earth would you confirm your lover’s husband’s friend request?) He starts looking through the man’s pictures and sees all the family shots he posted of his wife and children. Hyun-woo scoffs that a man who loves his family so much would cheat."
Have to agree.
As for the present, MC would have probably appreciated more having his wife there for their anniversary, and not fucking someone else behind his back.
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38 matrice
October 15, 2018 at 6:27 PM
Didn't really like her smug sense of entitlement. They have the right to deceive the woman for half a year, and she puts it as if she has the moral high ground. It's truly a wonder how she thinks that she is entitles to ask him if he feels better -she has destroyed a person, but seems to be completely untouched by that fact-.
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39 matrice
October 19, 2018 at 5:40 AM
"As husband and wife argue over whether or not the woman really did have an affair, Bo-young notes that there doesn’t seem to be a right answer. “Thinking about it, there seems to be no definite perpetrator or victim. You know, there’s a thing called willful negligence. Even knowing that their marriage will be in danger going on like this, there are many couples that don’t put in effort.” Her words reach Hyun-woo, but he doesn’t seem to agree."
He is right not to agree, and it's disappointing that he doesn't correct her, since the claim is pretty easy to dismantle. It's just fake profundity, generalizations and muddling the waters, and while the one uttering it might think that he is oh-so-wise, it's really just lack of clear thinking: the claim doesn't stand up to the slightest scrutiny. I kinda liked how indignant she was when she put her foot down and threw her slap, but she also seems to have some sort of guilt around not confronting her husband about cheating. That doesn't mean that she is right to feel that way. Her guilt is completely misplaced. They might have both contributed to the relationship being unhappy, but he alone was responsible for the cheating, it's something he chose to do, she didn't make him do it.
First of all, I don't really like how the term "willful negligence" is used here. It's like they are talking about something that just happens, spontaneously, like an apple thrown in the air falls to the ground, deterministically, following the law of gravity, instead of a deliberate choice by one of the two parties. If you don't clean you room, it will get dirty. The room doesn't choose to get dirty. People choose to betray each others' trust. We shouldn't conflate a breakup and a betrayal. I might very well accept this reasoning if the "danger" here refers to a breakup, but not if it refers to a betrayal. It's about basic, reasonable expectations. Just as you should be able to take for granted that your partner won't physically or emotionally abuse you, you should be able to trust that he won't lie to you.
One has to be able to assume a basic level of trust and respect in a relationship. If the assumption is that if you don't get this right the other person will betray you, then what relationship are we talking about? One where you are assuming the person you want to keep around won't show you the slightest trust and respect. Then it is a matter of why would you want to keep him around in the first place. You would already be operating on the assumption that your partner is a person unworthy of your trust. You can't live in a context where you a hostage, under constant threat, thinking that if you do the wrong thing you might expect the other person to betray you. That means that you already don't have the minimum trust in the other person.
Morally, there is the question if people *do* know that there is an issue. It would be better if they did, but they are not mind readers. You might...
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matrice
October 19, 2018 at 5:41 AM
thinking that if you do the wrong thing you might expect the other person to betray you. That means that you already don't have the minimum trust in the other person.
Morally, there is the question if people *do* know that there is an issue. It would be better if they did, but they are not mind readers. You might say that it would be better if they knew, but ignorance in principle is not a moral failure. Even if they do know, or should have reasonably been expected to, they would at most have been similarly responsible for the end of the relationship, at least before the betrayal. The betrayal itself is something only one person decides to consciously do, and as such he alone is responsible for it. And if they split up after the betrayal, then the responsibilities wouldn't be equal in any way -the one who escalated would have been responsible for taking a solvable situation past the point of no return-.
By analogy, two people might be arguing, and they both might be at fault, but if one escalates things and punches the other, he and him alone is responsible for that, he can't blame it on the fact that they were having a fight, or say that they were both at fault in the previous argument. The argument is the argument, and they might both be at fault, but the assault is a separate matter entirely, and only the perpetrator is responsible for it. He is an adult, responsible for his own actions, he can't very well claim that the other person made him do it, or that it was caused by argument in which the other person was also at fault. That "he started it" stuff is kindergarden level. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't, but you were the one who decided to escalate.
On individual responsibility and moral expectations, my general point is you are responsible for your actions. We might say that with children, adults are responsible for raising them well, thus indirectly, in part, for their behavior, but, while the words might be similar, a partner is not a parent. Sure, you might consider how people would react to your behavior. If you are obnoxious, they might respond negatively, and then you can only change your own behavior, which is the only thing under your direct control. But we are talking about what is reasonable to expect here. In my opinion, this includes a breakup, but not a betrayal. One *has* to be able to assume basic honesty and respect in a relationship, otherwise it means you already don't have the slightest trust in the other person. The relationship has already ended.
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40 Bob
April 18, 2019 at 7:27 PM
Writing this 3 years late.
That tiny scene in the office where the girls were commenting on how handsome the client was. One of them glanced over to Soo-yeon, noticed she looked crushed sitting at her disk, and just smirked. Soo-yeon's stunned silent reaction on getting caught, I think, is her immediately knowing the scale of the hole she had dug herself. She had ruined EVERYTHING and she immediately knew it. How is one supposed to respond or reply to catastrophe?
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Jackpapa376
January 29, 2022 at 5:09 PM
I also liked this short scene. Any affair secret could not be hidden and now SY was paying for what she had done. Her colleagues knew that she had worked hard on a project which was going very well. And as human being, they talked behind her back about their doubt of why she was suddenly taken out from the project. SY could not defend herself or ever explain to her colleagues and felt reluctant.
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41 Jackpapa376
December 5, 2021 at 8:38 AM
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42 Jackpapa376
December 5, 2021 at 8:54 AM
I thought that in the beginning of this EP, when SY thought back to the day when she and SW got caught red-handed, she thought a bit that although SW said he was sorry in the hotel room, he did not comfort and might not care her as he left her alone after picked up a call.
The writer did not give a clear message to audiences to look at SY positively. For example, how could SY early say to HW that she would stop seeing her ex-lover SW “for now” … not clearly “from now on”? So, it could lead to a thought that SY might imagine that she would still hope to continue a relationship with SW. Now SY came to realize that her ex-lover did not love and care her (as he had early said) because he ended their relationship by taking her out from the project.
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Jackpapa376
January 12, 2022 at 6:20 AM
SY seemed to be a doormat-type person and accepted whatever one did to her and kept things in herself. She felt sad that she was cut out from the project but she did NOT feel angry to her ex-lover that he was the one who had requested to take her out. She did not feel sad or hated herself that she had slept with this selfish ex-lover while he dumped her.
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matrice
April 3, 2022 at 5:23 AM
I don't see much self hatred, to be honest, compared to the amount of hubris and self entitlement that would be required to ask her husband, their victim, to cover up their actions and become an accomplice in the continue deception of her lover's wife, just because she does not want to face the consequences of her own actions.
I see her preaching from the bully pulpit when she has no right to, no leg to stand on. As he correctly pointed out, she is not exactly on her knees begging, nor did she do anything to atone for what she did (not that she ever could, but she did not even attempt it), on the contrary both adulterers want to escape the consequences of their actions and continue living their lives as if they had done nothing, while continuing to deceived the one remaining victim they are duping indefinitely and make the other victim an accomplice in the deception to boot. No thought about coming clean and owning up to their actions, facing their consequences, ever comes to their self serving minds. That, and the general curtness/being short and impatient with their victim, plus the lack of empathy or understanding of the gravity of what they have done (the calmness with which they talk about it all, the self entitlement of feeling they have the right to choose what the lover's wife knows, instead of letting her make her own decisions)... If they feel any self hatred, remorse or shame it is self evidently not enough to get them to come clean and atone, given that they want to continue to deceive and cover up. And anyway remorse was not enough to keep them from the deception in the first place.
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matrice
April 3, 2022 at 6:25 AM
Actually, we agree that she does *not* feel self hatred or shame for having slept with the scum. Apologies, I had read wrongly. I mean, if she had had such an epiphany, it would have come quite late: the guy was the kind of scum that would cheat on his wife with a married woman when they both had kids, and even after being discovered was not willing to come clean to his wife and let her make her own decisions: he did not even have that shred of regard for her. But the adulterous wife is not any better in that regard: she did the same and would have even made her husband an accomplice in the deception, without any shame or remorse, on the contrary, with inexplicable self righteousness, as if she was entitled to keep things under wraps to avoid having to deal with the consequences of her own actions. She did not want to be any more upfront with her lover's wife than he was with her in this matter (and at least he simply cut her off the loop, and while similarly not letting her make a choice, he didn't deceive her, like they both wanted to do with his wife).
On one hand, I wonder about what she would have done had he not taken her off. The previous episode she told her husband she would not come in contact with her lover again, but she did not tell him that he was the client for her project, so it's not clear to me what she would have done there (actually, she breaks her promise in this very episode and meets the guy). The idea of not working together and seeing each other has merit (thinking of recent CNN bigshot that was in hot waters for not disclosing a relationship), it's pretty ironic that the guy would throw her under the bus instead of being the one to walk away from the project, without even a discussion at that. I mean, if he was trying to continue deceiving his wife maybe he thought it would be easier having one less thing to explain, or, more probably, he is just the self entitled scum that would cheat on his wife with another married woman, when they both had kids. No surprises there. Not that the show remarked much on how lowly a scum of a human being the guy was. He said he loved her last chapter, but now that he was discovered he plans to go back to his second "safe" choice and deprive her of a choice by letting her live a lie. He does not respect her enough even to let her make her own informed decisions. But for that matter, neither of the two adulterers do.
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43 Jackpapa376
December 5, 2021 at 8:04 PM
Add-on above
The writer wrote a short smart script to SW when he met her saying that HW came to see him and added that “HW seemed to be a good husband”.
* He wanted to completely end their relationship and indirectly pushed SY to go back to her husband.
* This sentence led the audiences to think that HW was a good husband and truly loved her … So, why did SY betray her husband and did she deserve forgiveness later?
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44 matrice
March 31, 2022 at 11:50 PM
100% on board with him telling the other guy's wife the truth. Elaboration (everything I say towards FL goes for her lover and his family as well):
- Wife had a right to know and make an informed decision, telling her was the *correct* choice to make. Husband should have told her, but if they were the kind of person to do this they would not have deceived their partners for half a year, and with someone with a family to boot, a family they did not care enough to risk wrecking, compraed to satisfying their selfish desire.
- This is not "their problem to solve", they have both families that are implicated in their decisions. Their spouses have a right to know, and not if/when they feel ready to tell them. They don't have a right to continue deceiving them indefinitely.
- Did not appreciate the gaslighting of her husband. She chose to sleep with someone who had a wife and kid, who did not do anything to her, for her own selfish whim. She did not care about hurting, humiliating or deceiving them, nor about potentially wrecking their family. The lies make it worse, not better, adding deception to the list. She is no more morally entitled to hide the truth from them than a crook is entitled to lie to his victim. Her husband is not any more responsible for the hurt she caused than than the police (or in this case BM's family) is for the pain Bernie Madoff caused when they brought his crimes to light.
- The police vs Madoff example clearly highlights the moral hypocrisy here. And also the double standard. Excuses/rationalizations to justify/minimize his wife lying to his face for half a year on accouns of him not being a perfect human and taking for granted/making assumptions/not being a mind reader, and her being stressed. But after discovering the horrifying deception and being told she does not even intend to break things off or apologize immediatel (later yes... too little too late, thank you very much!), and him essentially living in a PTSD-induced self hatred he project on the other victim and the world around him (perfectly understandable anger, particularly when the wife acts self righteous and entitled to deceive everyone for her own convenience). The latter being an unrealistic standard no one in such a circumstance would or should be asked to live up to.
- Making a big deal about the present bit is ridiculous, after the year long deception. Sure, you lied to my face for half a year (this was not a one time thing, she had half a year to reconsider and did not come clean, she was caught red handed). Now I am the bad guy for not trusting you? No thanks, that's perfectly reasonable. And Bernie Madoff not lying about a parking ticket does not make him trustworthy. He might not have "stolen" the minuscule amount of money from society from the ticket, but it matters little compared to the hughe societal damage he caused.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 1:25 AM
Wife has really no right to gaslight him on the matter. Where was this concern when she was sleeping with another woman's wife, a father? It's not as if if he didn't care it's okay. She was willing to callously hurt and deceive someone that was completely innocent and did nothing to deserve this. His children certainly did not. If she had to choose a lover, she should have had the good courtesy not to pick a married man, but then again if she had such decency and respect for others she would have not betrayed her husband, but would have divorced him instead.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 1:31 AM
I think that they should have spent more time hammering in the point that no, this is not something that is only their own personal problem, there are other people involved that deserve to be treated like thinking persons and know the truth, and that no, their feelings as the ones doing the deception/hurt/humiliation are *not* important with respect to their victims, furthermore it would have been good to call out that if they waited for them to take their sweet time to sort things out and choose to come clean, they would still be waiting for a long time... she is acting as if she told the truth herself, while she would have calmly (and sociopathically) continued to deceive someone she knew for years and slept with under the same roof (as well as someone she didn't, namely her lover's family... it's not as if the fact she does not know them personally exculpates her of any responsibility there, they are people, human beings deserving of basic respect), had she not been caught.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 2:35 AM
I mean, she acts as if the would have actually told her at some point, had he not intervened. They would not have, as he would too have been unaware had he not caught them red handed, which is something he should have (but didn't) remind them of in this discussion.
Not to mention that whatever the motive, etc. she objectively had a right to know. It's not as if their partners and childrens are *not* affected by their decisions, and I don't like the "normalization" of this behavior (or putting on the same level anyone that ever fantasized, not to mention that plenty of people -polyamorous people, open marriages- desire/have sex with other people without this being cheating... the issue is that she lied to him for six months and would still be lying to him).
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 2:47 AM
Two points that were stressed but not enough:
- She not only cheated on him, but cheated on him with someone married to another woman that had a kid, without caring about that until it came to light, and now only as far as it concerned their -the perpetrators'- feelings.
- They don't have the right to tell them at their own pace (which given they were caught and did not come clean would mean never), she has the right to know the truth and make her own decisions, full stop.
In the same episode, she unironically unilaterally decided to tell of his shame and humiliation to his mother, and to break things up (which she would have done in the first place if she was unhappy with him).
The gift scene was insulting. If Bernie Maddoff gave me a Christmas present after robbing me of half my money it would not exactly mean much. I find it genuinely insulting, treating the viewer as if they are stupid (and maybe in the sheeples' case they are). And of course he does not trust her... does she really believe that, after abusing his unconditional trust for half a year -until caught-, she deserves it? And what does it mean that he is wrong about the gift? The same thing as it would mean to discover that the portrait Bernie Maddoff gifted you after ripping you off was not a fake: nothing much. Frankly, it's insulting that she would even think of giving him a gift as if things were normal and she had the right to claim to care about him. After sleeping around around or at the time of his birthday, might I add.
A disgusting individual, self centered to the extreme, focused on her whims. The worst thing is that this gives the message that if you pursue a career and/or are stressed "this is what you do". This is not what you do: plenty of people are in such situations and don't behave like this... for that matter, I get that it's not the easiest life, but I must point out that there are soldiers, medics in war torn zones, etc. that live without betraying their partners. The fact that *his* life is not as tough does not mean anything. Plenty of lives were tougher, the point stands. Not sure how cheating on her husband eases her calendar. Doing a sport might have been a better option. If a high power executive through his own life choices accumulated stress, we would hardly justify his philandering ways, and would be right in calling bs -this is the case of the stresses underwent by the cheater in Crazy Rich Asians, who correctly gets told that he is a coward that gave up on the relationship and their partner is not their mother/therapist-.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 1:35 AM
The aspect of the situation where she (and her lover) are not just betrayers/deceivers, but homewreckers that did not care about sleeping with someone with a partner and children of their own would have deserved more attention. I think that I can't hope to see a meeting between the protagonist's wife and her lover's children (would have been interesting had they been her son's classmates), not that you should need to see the people you callously hurt for a whim to avoid doing so.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 2:23 AM
I think that this drama makes a series of eyebrow raising claims/implications that go without comment (and are certainly accepted passively by the sheeple). Unfortunately the protagonist is getting from a reasonable place to somewhere that is really reminiscent of Stockholm syndrome:
- Let's be honest and try to be a bit self conscious about how we would react if we learned about someone we knew for years having lied to our face for the past six months.
- Let's not bs about what is a reasonable, unintended slight, and what is something that is beyond the pale and frankly unacceptable by any reasonable standard. Being a bit inattentive and not noticing our partner's stress is not good, but it is not intentional, and frankly lack of communication is a two side thing, if we are being generous... if we are not being generous, frankly speaking, then if you make choices and get overstressed that's certainly a prerogative and not a moral failure, but treating the people around you like trash (and certainly deceiving them for half a year counts as such like or more so than other potential behavior, such as being curt with them or ignoring them) is not. If you need help or are stressed, you ask for help or choose your priorities, you don't take it out on those around you (and even here, there are forgivable form, like snapping at them in the spur of the moment, and unforgivable one, like consciously and calculatingly deceiving them for six months -until discovered-). Roles reversed, this would be apparent. Cue Crazy Rich Asian cheated wife's tirade.
- I don't get in what world the traumatized person is held to unreachable levels of moral self sacrifice (basically asking him to be Jesus on the Cross) while the perpetrator can act with a toxic mix of self righteousness and self pity and still get sympathy points. All this while contadicting herself vis a vis her own actions (who is the one showing contempt and disregard towards her lover's family? How about we ask the wife if she blames the only one that told her the truth, or the people that consciously chose to hurt/humiliate/deceive her and rick wrecking her family for their selfish whims? Let's not forget that the protagonist had a reason -he is hurt and projecting, and her knowing is objectively the right thing, while they were never going to tell her, if we are being honest: they were discovered, they did not come clean spontaneously... not that I didn't find the whole 'revenge' thing bs, not in the sentiment but in the convinciton that he managed to get his comeuppance when he did not-, while the wife had no reason to want to hurt her lover's wife -she simply didn't care about the possibility and actuality of wrecking her life vis a vis satisfying her selfish whim-).
- Wife wanting to leave is cherry on top... she could have done this *previously* to cheating on the guy. He would still be his convenient fallback had he not discovered her.
- Gift bit was bs... is the implication...
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 2:23 AM
- Gift bit was bs... is the implication that she "cares"? And that he is a a-hole for not "believing her"? After lying to his face for half a year -until discovered-?
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 2:31 AM
Basically, the story of him going from "I might have done something wrong, that's something to talk about but it's besides the point because willingly (not unintentionally) deceiving someone for six months -until caught- is such a massive breach of any standard of behavior, demostrating lack of the minimum decency ore even lack of the slightest respect for your partner and father of your child", the *correct* position, to "the fact that I was unintentionally slightly innatentive and through her own decisions my wife is stressed out and didn't talk about her problems means that she can consciously deceive me and lead me around by the nose for half a year or more if she could get away with it... and do so with someone else who has a wife and family of his own, completely uncaring about the possibility of wrecking that family as well-... and we will euphemize/excuse/rationalize this as "something everyone would have done" while holding myself to an unrealistic and unreachable standard of goodness and self guilt ("it's my fault she cheated", as if she had no moral agency, when you did not intend to miss her distress, and she intended to risk wrecking you, and certainly humiliated/hurt/deceived you, looking at you in the face for the last half year without remorse, or at least not enough to stop, as by her own admission she would have continued indefinitely -guilt towards the wife/kids of her lover does not exist, except for the fact that she might be personally inconvenienced-.
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matrice
April 2, 2022 at 6:49 PM
Asking him to be complicit in the deception of her lover's wife was utterly repulsive.
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45 matrice
March 31, 2022 at 11:51 PM
I found the concern ("lying to her for her own good"?) an insulting and self serving rationalization:
- Insulting because her lover's wife is a person, with a mind and the right to decide for her own life knowing all the elements, not a cow that is being fed without being informed she will be slaughtered to be eaten.
- Self serving because she had no compunction about sleeping with her lover, the woman's husband, despite knowing of her and her children, so now she has no right to act as if she cares whether she is hurting or not, nor of gaslighting her husband for finally telling her the truth. This is a complete moral inversion. She and her lover are the one responsible, the same way Bernie Madoff was the one responsible for the hurt he caused, not the police that unveiled his deception.
- Rationalization because this is solipsistic, and reality is reality: it's not as if she does not know it did not happen. If a fraud stole some of your money, it would not be ok until he could get away with it: you are still being robbed. On the contrary: on top of the humiliation, there is the breach of trust and deception. The fact they did not come clean makes this worse, not better.
- The implication that she should be entitled to continue deceiving the woman whose family she wrecked for her own selfish whim as long as he wished (and telling her the truth on her own terms when it was most convenient for the, which would be never) is indicative of a deep rooted self centeredness that masquerades as concern. Not surprising, considering that she was willing to sleep with a married man with kids in the first place. He is the one most responsible for deceiving his own wife and not caring about his children (as is she for her own family), which is why I found it irritating that the husband would focus on him (and his wife would focus on the protagonist's wife): neither the protagonist's wife nor her lover were coerced. On the other hard, hurting someone you don't know because of a selfish whim is sociopathic behavior.
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46 matrice
March 31, 2022 at 11:52 PM
- Telling her was the objectively *correct* decision to make. The poor woman *needs* to know this. She *deserves* to know the truth and make an informed decision. The adulterers should have told their partners themselves, but if they had that shred of decency and basic respect for them they wouldn't have lied to and humiliated them for half a year, with someone with their own family to boot.
- I found irritating they did not explore further the fact that they cheated with someone with a partner and children. That's significant. They might rationalize betraying their partners, but their lover's partner never did anything to them, they certainly did not deserve this. The fact that they did not know them personally is not an excuse: hurting, humiliating and deceiving an innocent person, wrecking their family, for their selfish whim is sociopathic. If them not knowing was in any way exculpatory, by the same reason Bernie Madoff should be off the hook had he not been caught.
- This is most definitely *not* "their problem to solve". Actions have consequences, they impact other people. They and their partners have spouses and children. Their spouses have a right to know and make an informed decision. Instead, she acts as if she is entitled to deceive them until when and if she choose not to. No. They can choose to hide it, but morally they are in the same position as a Bernie Madoff lying to someone to take their money. The do not have an inborn rigth to avoid the consequences of their own actions by forcing other people to live a lie.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 12:32 AM
Notice that we went from "their problem to solve" to "I will tell your mother" in the same conversation. Not that I expect the sheeple to be able to acknowledge or even notice this fact, busy as they are pretending to be morally superior beings that would be as classy as can be if they were ever horrifyingly deceived by their partner. How dare he have a doubt about the gift after catching her red handed lying to his face for the last six months. Unforgivable.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 12:43 AM
Speaking about moral inversion, the show is telling us
deceiving your partner for half a year < him doubting your words after you did *not* come clean and he caught you red handed (and you were completely unrepentant at the time, only slowly "conceding" you won't see your lover for the time being after all -thank you very much! I mean did she expect thanks?-)
deceiving your partner half a year < him having thoughts/fantasies (really? Anyone having had positively homicidal thoughts in traffic/with an asshole boss is the same as Charles Manson? No difference between fantasy and reality? Video game players the same as butchers? Talk about unrealistic standards... The main problem here is not even really about her sleeping with someone else: in polyamory for example people sleep with other partners but it's not cheating.... the problem is her doing that -an action in the physical world- and lying to his face for half a year and counting -it would have continued had he not caught her-)
her lying to his face/sleeping with someone else's husband and father/unilaterally deciding to tell his mom < him telling the truth to someone that needed to know
....
Too other to count... him being held to an unrealistic standard, being taken to task for not being a mind reader and being fallible (occasionally taking for granted/being inattentive, though generally kind/caring, certainly not neglectful), vs every excuse being made for her, and her trying to gaslighting him for though crime (having fantasies) and for what he thinks/how he feels (as opposed to what he does), as in this chapter. Good thing he was unashamed about his feelings, as he should, since the anger he feels is perfectly justified by her actions, and any wounds, etc. are not self inflicted. He hates himself, those in his position, the world. Why? Whose fault is that? Give him a sec to heal up, please. In the mean time, he did the absolutely correct thing in this situation.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 1:13 AM
The "revenge" bit was pretty pathetic. Not because I don't think that he deserves to see the people that deceived him (and his wife's lover's wife) face the consequences of their own actions (exceedingly irritating how self serving the two adulterers are... they wreck their own and their other's families without a care, and "pretend" they will "eventually" end the deception -a lie, they were caught red handed-... sure, no hurry, take the time you need).
I find it pathetic not because I think that he does not deserve to feel that way (the anger is well deserved), but because he thinks he got it... but no. He did not sleep with his wife's lover's wife. And even if he did, it would hardly be a "betrayal" or a "breach of trust". That trust had already been broken, that pact shattered, by his wife and her lover, so nothing more is owed. It would not be the moral equivalent of them deceiving him for half a year. Neither in terms of broken trust nor of humiliation. Unfortunately he does not really have a way to "pay them back with their own coin", their own ruined lives and wrecked families are the consequences of their own actions, this is no more revenge than Bernie Maddoff's family ratting him out to the police and bringing his crimes to light are revenge. There is no setting back the scale here. Which does not mean that he shouldn't try to make them face the consequences of their own actions or bring them to task for their appalling behavior: it just means that beating him up is a stupid display of impotence and incidentally, he might want to consider that the guy did not exactly force himself on his own wife, she has agency, is a mature woman, he is scum for sleeping with a woman with a husband and kids, people that did nothing to him and that don't deserve him casually hurting/deceiving him and wrecking their lives just to satisfy a selfish whim, but he did not "seduce her" or any such patronizing garbage. And everything that is said on him vis a vis the protagonist's family can be said of the protagonist's wife vis a vis her lover's family.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 1:22 AM
I must say that at least My Mister's cheating wife did not callously sleep with someone with a wife and kids (though she slept with someone that did not care about her having a husband and kids, not about his husband being his subordinate, and would have fired him for his convenience... unfortunately he lied to her about camping and that was a bit too far).
I Misty the young female reporter did, and never showed any particular shame or remorse (similar to this case), which I found sociopathic. She did not know her, but the pregnant woman did nothing to her, and she was okay with hurting her, deceiving her, and as far as she knew risking wrecking their family, hurting someone that never did anything to her for her selfish whim.
The protagonist's wife is the worst of both worlds, not only cheating, but cheating with someone who had a wife and small children. I would like her to face her actions not only towards the wife, but towards the lover's children, and maybe reflect on the potential impact on her own. But I don't expect to see that (at most she will meet the wife). Not that seeing the people whose lives you destroyed should be a prerequisite to avoid hurting them for a whim.
Her self righteous attitude, pretending to care about her lover's family when for half a year (and would have been more had she not been caught) she slept with her husband is just as irksome as would be seeing Bernie Maddoff accusing the family that ratted him out and the police of causing pain by revealing his crimes to the public. Repugnantly self serving, particularly when in the same episode she unilaterally decides to spill the beans to her husband's mother (since he is the victim of such shame and humiliation, it's a decision that should rest on his shoulders... also, where have those "it's between us" and "lies for their own good" excuses/rationalizations gone? Are they only for him, but not for her?).
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47 matrice
March 31, 2022 at 11:53 PM
- We can act sanctimoniously and pretend ML is a monster unless his intentions are 100% pure. That's hogwash. He is entitled to feel hurt. He hates the other guy's wife's blindness as a reflection of his self hatred at having let himself be deceived. He is undergoing PTSD-like trauma, he is not a cold machine. His anger and hurt are natural, understandable, justified. He has a right to be.
- We have two different bars her: we justify her because she is stressed and held him to a completely unrealistic bar no real person would actually meet, and essentially blame him for his wife betraying and deceiving him, knowingly, for half a year, without a care for the impact her actions would have on him and their child, simply because he was kind but not completely aware of her feelings (in other words, like a normal human, not 100% attentive all the time and not a mind reader).
- The show making a big deal of the present *really* being for him and him being "unfair" for doubting, as if it was a big deal, is frankly insulting to the viewer's intelligence. That would be the equivalent of making a big deal of Bernie Madoff not lying about the parking ticket, while deceiving tons of people out of their money. Okay, he did not "steal" the minuscule amount of revenue from society from the ticket he didn't pay, it matters littele when placed besides the monstrous deception he was otherwise engaged in.
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48 matrice
April 1, 2022 at 12:01 AM
I think that the comments in this chapter were frankly crazy:
- There is a gaslighting of the husband (partially even from the wife, but the sheeple in the public got on board), where she was the one that slept with someone with a wife and kid, without a care about lying, hurting and humiliating an innocent person that did nothing to her, all for her own selfish whim, and the blame gets shifted from the one that committed the act to the one that revealed the truth. This is the equivalent of blaming Bernie Madoff's family and the police for the hurt that was caused when his crimes were brought to light and people discovered he was robbing them all along. A complete moral inversion. Do you feel better now? Yes, and I am entitled to.
- The husband is being held to a completely unrealistic standard that nobody would live up to in his circumstances. He is hurt and angry. He hates himself for being a sucker, and hates the same thing he sees reflected in his wife. Him wanting the people that made him suffer not to get away scott free with their actions is perfectly justified, and factually speaking they *should not* get away with deceiving the poor woman. She has a right to know the kind of snake she is married to. One thing I will say is that they both should be angry more about their partners than about their lovers, since after all they were the ones they made a wow with and that callously broke their unconditional trust. The lovers that did not know them are not off the hook, of course: they still deceived and hurt someone that they did not know, but that never did anything to them, and did not deserve it, for their own selfish whim. Hurting an innocent person you don't know personally to satisfy a whim is sociopathic behavior.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 12:03 AM
Did not particularly appreciate the wife first trying to gaslight him (playing the victim, acting as if her feelings were more important than her lover's wife's ability to make an informed decision about her life -let's be honest: she did not come clean, she was caught: if she had not bee discovered, she would still be deceiving anyone, and if it was left to them, her lover's wife would continue to be played for a fool-), only acknowledging the truth when she was called out.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 12:15 AM
Pretty insulting false equivalences:
- They were the one deceiving/hurting/humiliating their spouses with someone that had their own family, and not caring. For six months, I might add (plenty of times to reconsider). They were caught, no inkling they were going to come clean, so no leg to stand on pretending they were going to "tell her lover's wife the truth eventually".
- The attempt to gaslight him is the moral equivalent of blaming the police and Bernie Madoff's family that ratted him out to the authorities for the pain caused by Madoff's deception. No, the pain Maddoff caused is Maddoff's fault, not the fault of those revealing the truth to his victim, that had a right to know.
- For that matter, the husband's motives are perfectly understandable. He was emotionally broken by the event. He should not hate himself (and by reflection the wife of his wife's lover) for being clueless, but that's part of the psychological wound his wife caused which he needs to work on with a therapist, and the instinct to tell the truth was correct. To reiterate, he is not responsible for his wife and her lover's actions. Those actions have hurt their partners. He, like the police in the Maddoff case, just revealed a truth she deserved to know. His wife's lover deserves to deal with the consequences of his own actions, the protagonist is under no obligation to be complicit in continuing to deceive someone that has as much right to know the truth as he did, and of all the bad reasons to make the wrong decision -continue to deceive the other cheated spouse-, not upsetting the feeling of someone that had no qualms about humiliating/deceiving him and his own wife for half a year and did not care about wrecking his and their own family to satisfy a selfish whim is the worst reason of all. As he correctly says, they had no problem hurting/humiliating/deceiving them (and would be continuing to do so). They have no right to pretend the truth be kept from their victims to spare their, the perpetrator's, feeling, when they did not respect or care about hurting the people they deceived and humiliated.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 12:28 AM
I find it funny and frankly exemplifying of the wife's self serving nature that she would first gaslight him for telling someone that had the right to know (her lover's wife) the truth, and then going ahead and saying that she would tell his mother, who does *not* have the right to know (on the contrary, however, I believe that the children *do* have the right to know about this, if I was in their situation I would like to be made aware of the circumstances and understand that it's not that my father is away for no reason at all). What about all that gibberish about this "being only their problem" and "lying for their own good"? What about her gaslighting about hurting someone unnecessarily?
I am not saying "has no right to know" as in "they must not tell her", but rather "she might be told or not". But I think that at best they should decide it together, and really, frankly, he should be the one to choose or not, as he is the victim here (which is why I think that him talking about his business on the internet is his right, despite also thinking that it is a stupid decision). He is the victim, the "dumbass" being lied to. He is the one that has the right to talk about his experiences, that was humiliated. Common decency would instead dictate that the perpetrator discusses with him whether he wants other people to know about his humiliation. Same reasoning with any other victim/abuser dynamic. Basically the same reason why I find the Yazidi's biographies inspiring and OJ Simpson's book reprehensible. It does not take a genius.
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matrice
April 1, 2022 at 12:30 AM
Can't really say I expected much from the wife, but notice that in the span of the same conversation she goes from gaslighting him, the victim, for telling someone that absolutely needed to know (her lover's wife) the truth, to unilaterally deciding to spill the beans to his mother, as the perpetrator, uncaring about the hurt she would cause or her own husband's humiliation.
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matrice
April 2, 2022 at 7:16 PM
I found the notion that he should have helped the two adulterer cover up their deception and keep his "counterpart" in her lover's family in the dark atrocious. If the latter was the one that discovered the truth, would he want her to tell him, or to become complicit in his deception? Easy answer, given that he didn't bury his head in the sand, but investigate the issue until discovering the truth.
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matrice
April 2, 2022 at 7:19 PM
I didn't like the characterization very much (but am indulgent given I empathize with his suffering). I did like the end result. If his wife's lover's wife had been the one to discover the truth, it's a given that he would have wanted her to inform him, and in this we see him divulging the truth to her. He hates that ignorance, hates himself for being ignorant and by projection hates the ignorant version of his wife's lover's wife.
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49 matrice
April 1, 2022 at 7:09 AM
I mean, it should be pointed out that while the lover is scum that betrayed his wife and the mother of his small children, the one that stayed by his side for years and lied to his face is his wife. Though of course he shouldn't get away scott free with deceiving his own wife. Beating him up was basically a declaration of impotence, not a revenge.
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50 matrice
April 1, 2022 at 7:16 AM
I mean, talk about being hypocrites. Like
"Sun-woo jumps in and says that they didn’t start meeting with the intention of ruining their families."
I would say that this is wholly besides the point. What does it mean? If it meant meeting casually, then okay. If it means sleeping together, then this is like claiming that they didn't shoot someone in the head with the intention of killing them. Nobody forced them. If this meant "all is fine as long as they don't know", then this is like Bernie Maddoff saying that all is fine as long as he does not get caught. Maybe for the perpetrator, certainly not for the victim. Same old excuse we hear every time, say, an agency spies on private citizens or something else bad happens. As if there deceiving someone innocent that did not deserve it for your own selfish whims could ever have a justification.
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