This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 8
by chocolatte
The rift between Hyun-woo and Soo-yeon grows wider as they each take steps away from one another. The two are still at odds as to what their future should look like — whether that means they’ll be together, apart, or somewhere in-between — undoubtedly because they’re still spectacularly bad at communicating with each other. It makes you wonder what kind of a wake-up call this couple needs in order for them to stop spinning their wheels and move their lives forward in a more productive way.
EPISODE 8 RECAP
Hyun-woo chases after Soo-yeon as she’s leaving the house with Joon-soo, furious that she’d try to take Joon-soo with her. The two literally have a tug-of-war over their son, but thankfully, Hyun-woo gives up when Joon-soo says he wants to go with his mom. Hyun-woo desperately tells them that it’s only for one day, and says to Soo-yeon that he’s not giving up Joon-soo.
Two moms from Joon-soo’s class watch the scene unfold from outside their apartment building, gossiping about Hyun-woo and Soo-yeon’s marital strife.
As the storm rages on in Okinawa, Yoon-ki’s newest mistress happily tells Yoon-ki that her prayers for them to stay in Okinawa forever are being answered. At that, Yoon-ki sends up a passionate prayer of his own, asking God to stop the typhoon and allow him to leave.
Alas, his prayer goes unheard, so Yoon-ki has no choice but to tell Ara that he won’t make it back home that day. When Ara reminds Yoon-ki how disappointed her dad will be to miss him at dinner, he awkwardly tells her that he’ll find a way to get home.
Soo-yeon visits multiple real estate offices, but finding a new place doesn’t seem to come easy. Meanwhile, Hyun-woo stews at home, angrily asking himself what he did wrong.
Back in Okinawa, Yoon-ki tells his mistress he’s stepping out to a convenience store. A moment later, she answers a knock on their hotel door — it’s the authorities, delivering a soaking wet Yoon-ki, who apparently tried to jump into the ocean wearing an inner tube. Pfft.
At work, Joon-young stops at the sight of Bo-young, recalling when she had correctly guessed that he didn’t really have a wife. Instead of admitting the truth, Joon-young had denied Bo-young’s assertion. Back in the present, he looks a bit wistful at the missed opportunity, but shakes himself out of it.
Later, Hyun-woo provides Joon-young with an update: Soo-yeon left the house and took Joon-soo with her. Joon-young wonders why Hyun-woo didn’t stop her, but Hyun-woo doesn’t have an answer.
At the end of the day, Soo-yeon heads back to a friend’s place, where Joon-soo had spent the day. The friend knows all about Soo-yeon’s situation and is divorced herself, so the two women talk freely about Soo-yeon’s next steps.
Soo-yeon’s friend asks if Soo-yeon thinks she can go through with the divorce. She tells Soo-yeon that she found herself missing her husband after her divorce, if only because it was harder for her to fulfill her duties as a working mom.
She jokes that she should have married someone who was head over heels for her, and says Soo-yeon should have done the same — although, she says, Hyun-woo seemed pretty okay, too. Smiling wistfully, Soo-yeon admits that Hyun-woo is a good person.
Back home, Hyun-woo makes a mess trying to cook some instant noodles and throws everything in the sink, sighing in frustration.
Yoon-ki makes it back home and finds Ara on the couch looking straight ahead, a suitcase next to her. She barely blinks an eye throughout his (fake) explanation as to why he was unable to come home on time. After he’s done, she looks at him and smiles, telling him she’s taken care of her father.
When Yoon-ki finally notices the suitcase, Ara says she’s headed to her parents’ house. She plans to be back around their anniversary next week and tells him, “Just you wait. I’ll surprise you.” Before she leaves though, she adds one more thing: She quit her flower arrangement classes.
Ara’s eyes are cold and oddly blank when she shares this news, but Yoon-ki could care less as he revels in his freedom for the week.
Hyun-woo’s saved from a depressing solo dinner when Joon-young stops by with takeout and alcohol. It looks like Joon-young’s not the only one worried about Hyun-woo — right behind him is Yoon-ki, who’s also come to console Hyun-woo (but he’s empty-handed, which Joon-young makes sure to point out, heh.)
Soo-yeon walks into the lobby of a building where she seems to have found a promising apartment. As she’s leaving, Bo-young strolls in from the opposite direction — Bo-young lives there, too. Bo-young recognizes Soo-yeon, but then second-guesses herself on whether or not it was really her.
When Bo-young gets home, she resigns herself to a sad dinner of plain sliced bread, as she’s unable to find her toaster oven and doesn’t even have condiments in her empty fridge.
Hyun-woo debriefs his friends on his conversation with Soo-yeon. He rants that Soo-yeon isn’t the only one who has it hard — he has it hard, too. He says that husbands are just as exhausted, lonely, and anxious as wives, but they can’t whine about it like wives can, “Because we are husbands and fathers.”
Joon-young tells Hyun-woo to move on and live as he wants to. Hyun-woo agrees — he’s going to get a divorce and do whatever he wants to do from now on. The list of things that he wants to do is hilariously mundane, and includes things like leaving his socks inside out and going right to sleep after a night of drinking without washing up. Hyun-woo says he’s going to live a wild life like Yoon-ki, then suggests his first “wild” act: going to a noraebang.
The three sing and dance their hearts out at the noraebang looking like some middle-aged K-pop group, and it’s glorious. As they stumble out afterward, tossing out ideas for where to go for round two, Hyun-woo says that he wants to do the one thing he couldn’t really do when Soo-yeon was around.
Cut to: Hyun-woo hard at work on a claw machine, while Joon-young and Yoon-ki stare forlornly at him, muttering about what a loser he is. But when Hyun-woo happily shows off a doll he won, they give him big smiles and congratulate him.
Joon-soo interrupts Soo-yeon as she’s working late at night — he’s had an accident. Soo-yeon pulls him into a hug and assures him that everything is okay, but Joon-soo tells her that he wants to go back home.
Soo-yeon washes Joon-soo’s blanket in the bathroom before taking a break, looking exhausted. She tries to start again, but she doesn’t get very far before breaking down in tears.
Hyun-woo and his crew have returned to Hyun-woo’s place, where Yoon-ki goes through Hyun-woo’s phone to see if there are any women he could contact. Yoon-ki zeros in on a woman named HAN JOON-HEE (cameo by Jung Yumi), and the three men peer at photos of her on social media.
She’s an old college girlfriend of Hyun-woo’s, and Hyun-woo says he was her first love. When Joon-young mentions that he heard she’s divorced, Yoon-ki points out that the timing couldn’t be more fortuitous. Yoon-ki encourages Hyun-woo to send her a message, citing the unforgettable nature of first loves, but Hyun-woo vehemently refuses.
It doesn’t take long for the three men to find themselves agonizing over what exactly Hyun-woo’s first message to Joon-hee should be. Ignoring both Joon-young and Yoon-ki’s suggestions, Hyun-woo types out, “It’s me, Hyun-woo. This is Joon-hee, right?” He waffles about sending the text, but it doesn’t matter — Joon-young sneakily hits the “send” button for him, ha.
The message remains unread as the men stare at the phone, waiting for a response. They freak out when the message changes from unread to read, but the reply still doesn’t come.
Joon-young returns home and surveys his sparse apartment, recalling his advice to Hyun-woo about moving on, and TUNAMAYO’s message for him not to be afraid. He makes a decision and starts pulling out his household appliances (all of which are pretty much brand new — they were probably wedding gifts), then lists the items for sale online.
The next morning, Yoon-ki discovers that Joon-hee’s responded to Hyun-woo’s message. He tells Hyun-woo that she’s still in love with him, even though all the reply says is, “How have you been?”
Soo-yeon drops Joon-soo off at school and hurriedly heads to work. The resident mom crew stands outside the school, tut-tutting about Soo-yeon and Hyun-woo’s impending divorce. But since Joon-soo hasn’t gone inside yet, he hears everything, and turns around at the word “divorce.”
Soo-yeon’s also the topic of conversation at the office, as two co-workers whisper about her marital problems. She doesn’t seem to be able to catch a break, since she soon receives a phone call from Joon-soo’s teacher that makes her head back to school in a hurry.
Joon-soo’s in trouble for hitting one of his friends, but the teacher’s not sure why he did it, since Joon-soo won’t say. Later, Soo-yeon tries to have a conversation of her own with him, but poor Joon-soo stays silent, a sad frown on his face.
TOYCRANE fans Ajumma and Grandma are discussing TOYCRANE and his divorce when another ajumma comes to visit: Grandma’s sister-in-law. Though she greets Grandma warmly, she doesn’t acknowledge Ajumma at all. Instead, she lectures Grandma for living with Ajumma, who stole Grandma’s now deceased husband away from her and kicked her out of the house. Ah, so their story is one about adultery as well.
Hyun-woo loiters outside a café awkwardly, unable to bring himself to go in. He doesn’t have to though, as his ex Joon-hee steps out of the shop herself and calls out to him, inviting him inside.
It’s been about 15 years since the two last saw each other, so they catch up briefly, and Joon-hee confirms her divorce. She pushes sugar towards him, knowing that he likes sugar in his coffee, and the two exchange smiles.
Joon-young haggles with a student online over the price of a toaster oven he’s put up for sale, but he ends up agreeing to a lower price. The student needs it quickly and asks Joon-young to make the handoff in person.
Soo-yeon takes Joon-soo shopping to pick up things for their new apartment. After they’re done, Soo-yeo gets back on her computer, and Joon-soo lounges around, bored. Soo-yeon looks at Joon-soo with guilt on her face and tells him she’s sorry.
Back to Hyun-woo and Joon-hee, who have moved onto dinner as they reminisce about their days in college. As the talk shifts to Joon-hee’s love life, she tells Hyun-woo that after she broke up with him, she didn’t date anyone at all. She then met her ex-husband and married him after six months. Hyun-woo doesn’t look surprised by this admission, and he tries to hide his smile as he asks her, “Why?”
Joon-young waits for his buyer outside a subway station, toaster oven in tow. When a high-pitched voice calls out to him, he turns around and comes face to face with Bo-young, HA. She tries to run away as soon as she realizes it’s Joon-young, but he grabs her and pulls her back, laying into her for pretending to be a student. She apologizes half-heartedly and says she still wants the oven, but this time, he makes her pay the higher price.
At Bo-young’s insistence, they test out the toaster oven at Joon-young’s place. When Bo-young wonders why Joon-young’s selling the brand new oven, Joon-young lies that he’s moving and purging all his things. Bo-young looks like she doesn’t believe him one bit, but goes along with his answer.
Yoon-ki’s saleswoman girlfriend waits outside a wedding dress shop, then lights up when she sees… a man that’s not Yoon-ki. Are we supposed to care about this development?
Bo-young takes a look at some of Joon-young’s other appliances, then asks about the one thing that’s not for sale: his PS4. She gets adorably excited about a two-player fighting game, and Joon-young hands over a control, his face lighting up to match hers.
In the middle of their game, looking straight at the screen, Joon-young tells her the truth: He’s divorced. To his surprise, Bo-young nonchalantly says that she knows — it was hard not to notice, given the amount of time they spend together. The two return their attention to the game, and their usual bickering resumes.
Soo-yeon’s still working, and Joon-soo interrupts her to ask about his father’s whereabouts. Soo-yeon says they’ll see him later, but that doesn’t satisfy Joon-soo, who says he wants to call his dad. Soo-yeon’s tone becomes sharp as she denies his request. She returns to work, but Joon-soo just stands there, staring at Soo-yeon’s back.
Joon-young drives Bo-young home, his car packed to the brim with all the appliances she ended up buying from him. When he wonders why she needs so much stuff, she says that she lived simply after she got divorced because she thought she’d get married again. But now, she’s resolved to live alone.
He tells her that there are a lot of good guys out there, but she says that doesn’t matter unless a good guy actually shows up in her life. Joon-young then says that he’s a good guy, to which Bo-young replies that she knows. But she stops there and doesn’t say any more, frustrating Joon-young.
Later that night, Soo-yeon finally gets up from her desk and tucks Joon-soo into bed before starting to unpack. She heads downstairs to throw out the trash, and that’s when Bo-young spots her, having just been dropped off by Joon-young. This time, Bo-young calls out a greeting to Soo-yeon.
Bo-young ends up at Soo-yeon’s place, where she asks Soo-yeon if she’s made up her mind about the divorce. Soo-yeon says there’s no other answer, but when Bo-young asks her for a reason, she says nothing.
The next day, Joon-young exhibits a newfound comfort with Bo-young at work, even joking to her about being left by his wife. Cute.
While Soo-yeon’s at work, her mom group starts texting back and forth about enrolling their kids in elementary school. Soo-yeon joins in briefly, telling them she hasn’t decided on a school for Joon-soo yet, and the moms chastise her for not being more on top of things. Ugh.
Then, one of the moms accidentally shares a link to TOYCRANE’s posts with the group. The other moms gush about how entertaining the posts are, so Soo-yeon decides to pull up the link. As she skims through the posts and recognizes her story, a wave of horror washes over her face.
Now incensed, Soo-yeon calls Hyun-woo and chews him out for posting their story for the world to see. He stammers that he only did it because he felt so frustrated and had no one else to talk to.
When she calls him a bad person, Hyun-woo gets defensive, telling her she has no right to blame him while insisting that he did nothing wrong. Soo-yeon tells him this is exactly the problem: They can’t have a conversation anymore without Hyun-woo yelling at her for what she did wrong.
Taking a breath, she says that Joon-soo’s having a hard time, and she doesn’t think Joon-soo should see Hyun-woo until he has more time to adjust to their new situation. Hyun-woo’s furious at this suggestion, but before he can respond, Soo-yeon hangs up.
TOYCRANE fan Ajumma tells Grandma about her nightmare, saying that before she went to sleep, she’d prayed to her (their?) dead husband for an update from TOYCRANE. But then the husband showed up in her dream and tried to take her with him. Grandma stews that even in death, her husband still only has eyes for the younger woman.
Hyun-woo stops by Joon-hee’s café again, wanting an answer as to why she didn’t date anyone after the two broke up. (Dude, seriously?) Joon-hee simply says she chose not to, then says that seeing Hyun-woo again brings back a lot of memories. With a steely look in her eyes, she tells him, “That’s why I don’t want you to come by anymore.”
She accuses Hyun-woo of seeing her as some tragic character, someone who pined over him and couldn’t forget him. Joon-hee admits that she saw Hyun-woo in all the guys she met afterward, because they were all garbage, too.
She calls Hyun-woo out for the kind of guy he is: someone who can’t make a decision, who hurts others in the name of wanting to be a “good guy.” She says she knew Hyun-woo had feelings for Soo-yeon while they were still dating, yet she was the one who broke things off, since he wouldn’t do it himself.
As Hyun-woo gapes at her, she continues that it was only because she found the right timing to break up with him that he was able to marry Soo-yeon. If she hadn’t done it, Joon-hee concludes, he would have stayed with her like a fool.
As Hyun-woo trudges home, still reeling from his conversation with Joon-hee, he admits to himself that he wanted to use Joon-hee to prove that he was a decent guy. He narrates that he’s had plenty of “timings” to make things right with Soo-yeon, but instead of taking those opportunities to listen to what she had to say, he ignored them all.
After getting an emergency work call, Soo-yeon drags Joon-soo into the office, where he proceeds to wreak havoc by drawing all over an important document. Soo-yeon loses her temper and sharply tells Joon-soo to wait outside, ignoring his pleas for his dad.
Over drinks, Bo-young tells Hyun-woo about her encounter with Soo-yeon. Bo-young is empathetic towards Soo-yeon, and likens Soo-yeon’s situation to a glass filled to the brim, commenting that it may look fine, but just one extra drop would cause an overflow. She tells Hyun-woo that Soo-yeon was probably looking for Hyun-woo to protect her from that one drop.
Hyun-woo defensively says that he helps with housework, but Bo-young’s thinking of a different kind of support, like words of encouragement acknowledging his wife’s efforts. When Hyun-woo grumbles that those things should be obvious, Bo-young says it’s selfish for him to want his wife to understand his feelings without him ever saying them aloud.
Before Hyun-woo can respond, he gets a call from Soo-yeon. His eyebrows shoot up in alarm when he hears that something’s happened to Joon-soo.
Hyun-woo and Bo-young meet up with a panicked Soo-yeon, who tells them Joon-soo went missing after she scolded him. Soo-yeon apologizes and starts to cry, but she garners no sympathy from Hyun-woo, who snaps at her.
The three split up to search the vicinity for Joon-soo. Meanwhile, Joon-soo’s wandering the streets, and just as he steps off the sidewalk, a motorcycle rounds the corner and heads towards Joon-soo at full speed.
Joon-young waits at the office for news and pounces on the phone when it rings. He then calls Hyun-woo with the news that Joon-soo’s at the hospital.
Hyun-woo meets Joon-young there, and thankfully, Joon-soo’s not too hurt — just a broken arm, it seems. Just as Hyun-woo’s about to go see Joon-soo, Soo-yeon bursts into the hospital, calling for Hyun-woo.
Hyun-woo orders her to stop and not come any closer: “You have no right to see Joon-soo. Is this how you help him adjust?” He tells Soo-yeon to leave, adding that he’s going to take Joon-soo. Soo-yeon remains frozen in her spot as the situation overwhelms her.
At Joon-soo’s bedside, Hyun-woo shakily assesses his son and tells him that he’s sorry for not being there for him. When Joon-soo speaks up, he says that he’s sorry for making things difficult for his mom.
Joon-soo says his mom has been having a hard time lately, since she’s always working and getting a lot of bloody noses. He then asks Hyun-woo what “divorce” is — his friend at school had said his parents got one, and because of that, he wouldn’t be able to live with both of them anymore. That’s why Joon-soo says he hit the kid.
As a teary Soo-yeon listens to Joon-soo’s words from just outside his privacy curtain, Joon-soo says he thinks his mom is having a hard time because she’s being teased for being divorced. He asks his dad to protect her, and Hyun-woo, on the verge of tears himself, assures his son that he’ll protect both him and Soo-yeon.
Unable to take it anymore, Soo-yeon attempts to leave the hospital, but Joon-young catches her before she can. He asks if she’s read through TOYCRANE’s posts carefully, telling her that he thinks Hyun-woo’s true feelings are in those words. He urges her to read through the posts again.
So that’s what she does. As Soo-yeon reads Hyun-woo’s words, she thinks back to all that’s happened and fills in the gaps of how Hyun-woo was feeling in each of those moments. Back at their house, Hyun-woo tucks Joon-soo into bed and does some reflecting of his own, thinking about all the harsh and angry words he’s said to Soo-yeon.
After Soo-yeon processes the entirety of Hyun-woo’s posts, she types out a response to TOYCRANE online, which reads: “I felt your sincerity in your posts, and I’m sure your wife felt them too. But it seems like your wife won’t go back to you because she now knows how you feel, and she won’t be able to forgive herself.”
Hyun-woo reads the response, and thinks to himself that just like fifteen years ago, he’s missed his timing once again.
COMMENTS
Though I’m glad that the show took some time to address the impact of Hyun-woo and Soo-yeon’s problems with Joon-soo, I hate the fact that in the end, Joon-soo’s accident mostly served to highlight Soo-yeon’s burdens, rather than those posed on her son. I feel like this storyline could have been used as a way to bring Soo-yeon and Hyun-woo together for a reasonable conversation about how best to deal with their one and only son. But instead, his needs are brushed under a rug — at least for now — so that his parents can once again focus on their own feelings.
Either way, the inherent selfishness of our two main characters was on full display throughout the episode. It was horrible to see Hyun-woo and Soo-yeon argue openly in front of their child, but what’s more frustrating was the way Joon-soo was kept in the dark about the changes occurring in their lives. It’s almost as if Hyun-woo and Soo-yeon are using Joon-soo as a pawn in their relationship game: Hyun-woo wants Joon-soo to prove that he’s in the right, while Soo-yeon wants him with her so she can prove that she’s still a “super mom.” In the end though, it’s Joon-soo who will lose out if things continue in this direction.
On the flip side, I thought the show handled the appearance of Hyun-woo’s ex, Joon-hee, really well — I always welcome Jung Yumi on my screen, and I thoroughly enjoyed how she subverted the stereotypical depictions of a pure first love. Her characterization of Hyun-woo makes total sense given what we’ve seen of him thus far — he’s wishy washy and usually reactive about most things (he couldn’t even bring himself to go into Joon-hee’s café first!), with a heightened sense of his own righteousness.
And when you think about it, her description of Hyun-woo also sheds light on why he’d continue to post online as TOYCRANE, even after he admitted the truth to his real-life friends. He claimed to Soo-yeon that he’d aired their dirty laundry online because he had nowhere else to turn, but really, I think he thrives on the validation that he receives from anonymous internet commenters who tell him that he’s not a bad guy, and that he’s done nothing wrong.
As flawed as Hyun-woo is, at least I understand his motivations as well as the reasons why he’s acting the way he is. I can’t say the same for Soo-yeon, who’s becoming more confusing and frustrating the more we learn about her. I don’t understand why she’d unilaterally decide on divorce but insist on keeping Joon-soo away from Hyun-woo when she’s just barely keeping it together at home and at work. Is it truly because she has no love left for Hyun-woo? I don’t know if that’s the case either, since she did take Joon-young’s advice and read through Hyun-woo’s posts in an attempt to figure out his true feelings. So why does she double down on divorce after coming to a better understanding of Hyun-woo, then write that she won’t return to him because she can’t forgive herself? Nothing about her reaction makes sense to me.
Thankfully, I have Joon-young and Bo-young to distract me, because I just love the two of them together. Yay for Joon-young finally admitting to Bo-young that he’s not married, and double yay for the amazing, nonchalant way she (and he, actually) dealt with the whole reveal. I’ve pretty much lost all interest in Yoon-ki and Ara’s storyline at this point, so I’m all for spending more time with our writer/PD duo as they chart a new course in their friendship as two single divorcees.
RELATED POSTS
- This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 7
- This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 6
- This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 5
- This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 4
- This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 3
- This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 2
- This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 1
Tags: BoA, Episode 8, featured, Lee Sang-yub, Lee Seon-kyun, Song Ji-hyo, This Week My Wife Will Have an Affair
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1 kdramaanalysis
November 23, 2016 at 3:56 AM
I have been a strong supporter of the show thus far and appreciate how it has explored the dynamics between Soo Yeon and Hyun woo, but this episode bothered me in several ways:
1. One thing which the series has failed to do well is explore the implications on the child. It has been largely quiet on it for the past 7 episodes and then we suddenly have so many painful things happen within the span of 1 episode. And just like chocolatte says, Joon soo's voice is largely silent and we only really hear his point of view when he's on the hospital bed. The episode seemed to be screaming out loud the message that divorce is bad for the child, when it really should have explored the impact on Joon soo right from the start when Hyun Woo started distancing himself from SY.
2. I am concerned that it seems like the episode is narrowing HW's faults to simply missing the right timing when we know the issues go much deeper than that.
3. Lastly I found it way too convenient that the forum posts were the Avenue for SY to understand Hw's thoughts. It would have been better if they had the chance to really talk it out. Also the fallout from SY finding out about HW's postings in the forum was not fully explored.
I elaborated on these points in more detail in my blog post on this episode:
https://kdramaanalysis.wordpress.com/2016/11/21/my-wife-is-having-an-affair-this-week-episode-8/
I wonder if anybody else was as disturbed by this episode as I was...
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Amira
November 24, 2016 at 1:14 PM
SJH is really feelin it in the last two episodes, I get the conflict she had with herself and as to how the whole affair "just happened." But she never mentioned if she ever felt guilty while she was at it. What really stung was she had the guys to say a few episode back that she misses her lover to her husband's face maybe in spite but that was also truth. But what adds insult to injury was the fact that she was left out in the cold to commiserate her affair. She never heard from the guy anymore, not even a text really?! To at least console her in her misery, instead he sics his wife on her. Cut! Savage.
Now I want to know her thoughts now on her lover, who started this fire that's turning her slowly to ashes (and later rise like a phoenix ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ). You're telling me that she is now so consumed by her present situation that she hadn't thought about him at all. When we all know she was in love with that guy and six months ago is very much recent.
For the lighter side of things, Yoon Ki memorized his dance moves well, but I really want Ara to just chop him into pieces and divide his body parts amongst his vision impaired mistresses.
Oh, freak, those ahjummas hv a story of their own, huh. Who cares?
I'm so looking forward to PD Ahn and Writer Kwon's budding romance. He's had a crush on her for years, I guess, so cute. Girl, I want to see you fall for him, too.
Is it just me or maybe I'm watching too many BTS videos but PD Ahn might as well be Jung Kook's older brother ㅋㅋ.
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2 satsuki92
November 23, 2016 at 4:11 AM
Thanks for the recap! :) I'm hooked on Joon Young and Bo Young, their soooo cute. JY's dramatic tendencies beside BY's cool chic is hilarious.
Admittedly I've only watched ep 1 and read the recaps for the rest but I find myself losing interest in the main characters. It's so frustrating how the miscommunication deepens the conflict further. Talk to each other damn it not at each other. Sigh, but therein lies the reality bit huh. We are all imperfect beings striving to live "perfectly".
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satsuki92
November 23, 2016 at 4:12 AM
They're*
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Happygirl92
November 23, 2016 at 5:33 AM
Thanks so much for your recaps!! I love reading your recap after watching the show, I love how you break down what we watch to something so enjoyable! Please continue to recap this drama!! Please please! Don't stop!
Thank you!
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irmar
January 7, 2017 at 9:01 AM
Basing your frustration on the recaps is unfair.
Is a drama just it's synnopsis? The recounting of what's happening and the comments of only one person?
Then we should never read books, if we can read the plot on Wikipedia, including the ending.
We should never see another painting of a tree, because we have already seen paintings with trees in them.
In this series we have here a stellar actor, one of the very best of his generation, who is a delight to watch and brings out the hero's every nuance: tender, sensitive, affectionate, but also insecure, self-centered and oblivious, impulsive and rash, a bit neurotic, and yes, wishy-washy. All of them and a hundred more. He's well worth watching.
We have the writer's choice of words. We have the director's choice of expressions, of lighting, of angle, which give added depth to the story.
Do watch it.
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irmar
January 7, 2017 at 9:01 AM
*its synopsis*
So mad that there is no edit button here...
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MapleSilver
January 8, 2017 at 9:50 PM
Wow, you said everything I wanted to but didn't. I don't think I could have a strong opinion on any drama based on recaps alone. And 100% in agreement with you on the actor playing the husband.
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3 Salva
November 23, 2016 at 4:17 AM
I am baffled at your reactions to the wife, since I feel for her the most. She hits all my empathy buttons. I understand her actions because I think mentally she might be a bit similar to me. And when a person is so guilt ridden as she is, there is no wonder she cannot forgive herself. Her husband keeps blaming her all the time so how can she even think of it? Everyone seems to be blaming her, so how can she think of forgiving herself?
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news
November 23, 2016 at 5:12 AM
I always thought Song Ji-Hyo was serviceable as an actress, but she's wowing me in this role.
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inxomnia
November 23, 2016 at 6:46 AM
There have been slight cracks in this episode, but I agree, Ji Hyo is blowing it out of the waters with her portrayal.
I really, really feel for her and I feel like a lot of women can empathise with her. Not on the cheating front, but society's expectation for her to always be perfect. She was expected to be the perfect daughter in law, wife, mother, employee, woman. And as BY said, sometimes she just needed someone to tell her that she do not need to be perfect because she is already enough.
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gala
November 23, 2016 at 8:46 AM
As a Jihyo fan, I'm happy with the acknowledgement of her hard work. I actually thought she's been steadily doing great in her portrayal, from Emergency Couple to Ex-Girlfriend Club, and now on this role. She's never really a bad actress; it seems it's her tone that bothers viewers. but for this drama, it works for her characterization.
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AsianDrama16
November 24, 2016 at 7:20 AM
@news
This is the first I've seen or heard of Song Jihyo, but I agree, she's attractive as hell. One look at her, and anyone can see why Hyunwoo is so devastated and Sunwoo was attracted. She has the kind of beauty that's visceral rather than skin-deep. Next to her, other women seem plasticky.
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inxomnia
November 23, 2016 at 6:41 AM
This - throughout the episode (and the breakdown of their marriage) Hyun Woo keeps shoving the blame onto Soo Yeon and ignoring the root of the issue. He's never (in a conversation with her) tried to understand her, but tries to reinforce that she's wronged him and she's the cause of the breakdown of the family. So in a way, his outbursts have piled on her guilt. But also, every time he has an outburst, he doesn't explain HOW he's feeling so in a way she's never been able to truly understand the impact of her actions. I think when she initially left the divorce papers, it's because she felt they couldn't go back to the way they were because she'd failed as a wife and could no longer be the perfect wife he expected. From what we've seen from her perspective, she's rarely spared a thought to how betrayed or deceived or hurt he would have felt. Whereas from what we've been privy to his perspective, we saw in the first few episodes how she lied to his face and lied to him non-verbally by smiling to cover up their problems; and how each time she did, it drove a wedge in their relationship and cast doubt in his mind. But now that SY's read the posts, she can finally understand and empathise to fully see how badly she messed up. I feel like now for her, it's no longer "It just happened, and I had no malicious intent so why are you lashing out" but it's really "I messed up and despite my intention, I've hurt those who love me".
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jaesukisourgod
November 23, 2016 at 7:33 PM
every word!
"But now that SY’s read the posts, she can finally understand and empathise to fully see how badly she messed up. I feel like now for her, it’s no longer “It just happened, and I had no malicious intent so why are you lashing out” but it’s really “I messed up and despite my intention, I’ve hurt those who love me”." EXACTLY
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Jiroholic
December 11, 2016 at 9:49 AM
Preach sistah!!! You have analyzed Soo Yeon's character well! I hope for the next episodes, SY's feelings about her affair move from "it just happened" to asking genuine forgiveness to HW.
But then, if HW will continue his self-righteous acts, even if SY decides to admit her fault and ask for forgiveness, HW must also be willing to ask for forgiveness and forgive. Hoping that would be the case especially now with his recent realization from this ep (covering each other's weaknesses and being one because THAT is exactly what MARRIAGE is all about!).
Plot-wise and acting, cant help to be proud of SJH!!! Her depth of acting the character makes SY come alive! SONG JI HYO HWAITING!!!
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PeepsLeAwesomePotato
November 23, 2016 at 7:19 AM
I can understand SooYeon too, because I WAS like her.
"The world is like that." Everyone lives like that." Everyone blames me, I'm not worthy of being forgiven." "I therefore must leave."
But I realised that this is the product of an excessively high ego rearing its head here. Who are you to know what the world is like? Who are you to know what everyone really thinks of you, especially when right now they don't even know everything about your situation? Who are you to decide for everyone else? If you look at this from an outsider's view, it can be constructed as arrogance.
Keeping everything to yourself and thinking that you have to keep to excessively high standards just because everyone expects that of you could be you bullshitting yourself. You're the one who just can't afford to lose, the one who just can't bear to be seen as weak. But realistically, everyone is weak. You just wanted to be superior to everyone else, because anything lower than that is not acceptable to you.
But that makes you a jerk.
So I understand SooYeon, but I cannot condone her actions and I can see why it's driving people nuts. And I realised all of the above only after I was so strung up... that the dam broke.
One's true strength is in being able to be strong, but it is also when one knows when to be vulnerable and is vulnerable at the right time.
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gala
November 23, 2016 at 8:48 AM
"One’s true strength is in being able to be strong, but it is also when one knows when to be vulnerable and is vulnerable at the right time."
I love this statement!
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MapleSilver
November 23, 2016 at 1:10 PM
Very well said.
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gala
November 23, 2016 at 8:44 AM
I'm not like SY at all, but for some reason I get her. And I get the insistence of divorce. Even if they reconcile, there's always this "threat" that when they argue, the ugly beast called adultery would come out of HW's mouth, and SY always carrying that burden of guilt.
I can't be with someone who's broken my trust. And if I was the one who did the damage to that trust, I know the guilt would always linger at the back of my mind. I praise couples who would be able to go through this and get back. But if I were wearing HW's shoes, I'd be giving SY the divorce she craves, move on, and concentrate on the child's well-being.
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h3lla
November 23, 2016 at 11:31 AM
I also feel for Soo Yeon. Yes, she's read the posts, but they only served to fuel her guilt. How is she supposed to find her way back to Hyun Woo when he's never once verbally communicated that he still wants to be with her? Every time they talk he's just rushing to hurt her feelings and she's working to act like she doesn't have any. Of course she can't conceive of staying together when he acts like he hates the sight of her. He might think one way, but he certainly says something completely different.
Tbh, when he told her a few episodes ago that she was only pretending to be a good mom and you saw her face fill with hurt and then just close off... those words hurt my feelings, and he wasn't even talking to me.
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mary
November 23, 2016 at 5:50 PM
+1 You described my feelings about this pair so well.
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Jules
November 24, 2016 at 4:55 PM
I also feel for Soo Yeon, but to put all the blame on Hyun Woo is unjust. I haven't seen Soo Yeon fighting to be with Hyun Woo either. She has not apologize, she has not told him why she cheated. Why is it Hyun Woo's responsibility to reach out to her when she's the one who cheated?
His words were hurtful. Just as hurtful as her actions and words. Like when she decided to stay with her lover instead of chasing after her husband at the hotel. Or, when she told Hyun Woo she's slept with her ex-lover and that she missed him.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but it doesn't make sense to put all the blame on Hyun Woo when Soo Yeon contributed to this mess.
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Belle
November 23, 2016 at 8:30 PM
I agree that Chocolatte seems to be missing empathy when it comes to SY. How could she not want a divorce when all HW does it yell at her whenever she reveals a bit of weakness? That one time where he accused of trying to impress the other mothers by being a superwife - he did not stop to think how hard it was to work, rush off to buy macarons, rush to school to pick up their son and he did not stop to wonder why did she do all those things in the first place? All because her son requested to enrol in art classes. And when he accused her of not being a good mother, it just shows how little he knows of her sufferings.
The worst point for me is when she finally confessed to him she had a hard time. It seemed like she was opening the floodgate her pent up emotions to him (finally!) but his response made me understand why she slammed it shut again. Instead of asking why was it hard, what made it hard or offering to make it less hard, he chose to be defensive and say HE had it hard too, so why can't she take it? And his lame excuse for helping is that he helps with chores too. Really? Dude, you're the one who forgot to pick up your son from school.
Even if SY was the one who made the big mistake, HW isn't doing anything to help mend the relationship by being selfish and childish and always asking what did he do wrong without trying to understand it was what he didn't do that was so wrong. When he stopped her from seeing her own son in the hospital... that was the last straw of me feeling sympathetic to him.
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h3lla
November 23, 2016 at 9:10 PM
^^^Exactly this!
That scene marked the moment I switched from righteous anger for Hyun Woo to regular anger at Hyun Woo
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Lulululu
November 24, 2016 at 12:52 AM
Exactly this. Every scene you've highlighted feels so close to real life. I think the HW character is very well written - admonishing his wife when he wanted to protect her from the other mums, talking about how hard HE has it when she even dares bring up how hard things have been for her. The writer must have given a lot of thought when fleshing him out.
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Jessica
December 14, 2016 at 7:26 AM
If she wants a divorce that's fine. But divorce him first before sleeping with another guy.
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4 samantha1
November 23, 2016 at 4:29 AM
So glad to see Jung Yumi here. Her lines were so real that I was expecting something very different when they first brought up that first love thing. I'm glad she made some reawakening to Hyun Woo.
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news
November 23, 2016 at 5:10 AM
jTBC sure knows how to use a special appearance. Jung Yumi was not wasted one bit. Her lines were powerful and gave Hyun Woo a total rude awakening (definitely no pure first love here) to how he could've contributed to Soo-yeon's infidelity. Yes, he has every right to feel that he's the victim, but I love this drama's realistic depiction of the aftermath of infidelity, the hard questions that are raised/asked, the exploration of character, awareness and the human condition, including all it's strengths and weaknesses.
I didn't expect to like My Wife's Having an Affair this Week, but it's my favorite of all currently airing dramas.
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Kviewer
November 23, 2016 at 12:44 PM
One of the best cameos ever. This is how you make a short but meaningful special appearance.
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MapleSilver
November 24, 2016 at 9:25 AM
JTBC just released a BTS video of Jung Yu-mi's cameo. Her chemistry with Lee Seon-kyun is so overwhelming, they are acting like school kids. Somebody please cast these two together again.
http://tvcast.naver.com/v/1262582
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5 jun
November 23, 2016 at 4:37 AM
Jung Yumi's appearance here seems to be a callback to her role in the movie Our Sunhi as Lee Seon Kyun's ex as well...
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MapleSilver
November 23, 2016 at 7:37 AM
Not just Our Sunhi, but Oki's Movie and Lost in the Mountains, where she also plays his girlfriend. These two are no strangers to each other for sure.
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Lord Cobol (Kdramas, like water, flow downhill)
November 23, 2016 at 11:04 AM
Silly me. I've been watching her in the wrong movies. When she said things got better after her divorce, I heard "after my husband got eaten by zombies."
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a
November 23, 2016 at 1:47 PM
??. That was a sad ending though, the zombies causing the death of ma dong sook in train to busan. It's a goooood movie, no wrong choice there!
Your name lord Cobol made me laugh. I Liked how joo young used lord ahn to post on toy crane 's forum n the grand ma replies as addressing him such. Hahaha.
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6 minni
November 23, 2016 at 4:59 AM
Watching how the kids became the first casualties of the parents conflict and how he react against it make me really anxious right now. As I am, 5-month pregnant and struggling to divorced my husband after just one year marriage that put me under so much stress, trauma, even make me having social anxieties right now. The first time I heard that I'm positive, I'm a wreck... crying, hitting myself and everything even the doctor that confirmed thought that my pregnancy is an accident, a baby out of wedlock... but she is more weirded out when my grandma said that I'm married.
What scared me the most is that he is now having another excuse to tied me down, his own child. And yes he did. Even after I'm making sure of my own decision that I can't suffered another days of marriage with him, he accused me as a selfish and horrible soon-to-be mother for robbing my own child's chance of having a normal family. That he is pitying his child right now that he/she is never going to taste the benefit of a happy family with me still trying to pursue my own happiness (or survival actually).
Is it wrong to be happy? I'm still having a hard time to accept my own pregnancy as it is remind me of that horrible night. I'm not even confidence I can love my own child if he is having a slightest pyhsical similarities with my husband. I despise him so badly I can't even stand his voice. Yet I still want to love my child. Is it really selfish to get divorced? I have not yet brace myself watching this drama because I'm afraid it will resonate to myself too much. I'm not a cheater (too traumatized by relationship), yet I'm related to Sooyeon so much.
Which one is better for a child? Having divorced parents so he is not having any chance to have normal family (I'm really sure he is not going to give up custody on him, he even make sure if I'm divorcing him I'm not going to have any chance raising the child even though it is not born yet, it is going to be a tough fight) or having a full family yet the mother lose her sanity slowly over time and be witness of it?
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thelittleworm
November 23, 2016 at 5:23 AM
Stay strong. I don't know if my words will offer any comfort at all, but I'm glad you voiced out your thoughts. Surely, as you typed your post, you already have an idea of what you what you want to do. I hope that there will be some other kind souls who offer you better advice, but don't take all of our words seriously, like what Hyun-woo have done. You have to make the best decision for yourself, your child and your family.
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pompom10
November 23, 2016 at 5:27 AM
I am really sorry for your situation. I hope everything could turn out all right for you and your child.
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alua
November 23, 2016 at 6:25 AM
There is no such thing as a "normal family". There are all kinds of families, and the most important thing is not give your child two parents bound by a document/marriage vow but to give him/her a happy upbringing.
It's not selfish to get divorced when you feel deeply unhappy in your marriage (as you seem to) – you're getting divorced because your happiness but also your child's, so you're not just doing this for yourself.
Get the support you need. If your parents/siblings/relatives cannot support you, reach out to friends, if your friends cannot support you, reach out to support groups.
Your child has a much better chance of happiness if you're happy, always remember that.
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PeepsLeAwesomePotato
November 23, 2016 at 6:25 AM
Uhm, not an expert here, but your husband's argument has some flaws: robbing my own child’s chance of having a normal family A wife hating her own husband, aka, a mother who cant stand one's father is already not normal.
And, still trying to pursue my own happiness (or survival actually) and I can’t even stand his voice. makes my eyebrows go up because what did he do to you that your reaction is so extreme and worrying???
There needs to be a healthy, deep conversation soon, between you and your husband, with a marriage counselor in presence FAST.
But most of all, stay strong!
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0live13ranch
November 23, 2016 at 6:30 AM
I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this while pregnant with your first child. As a fellow mother, I can tell you that yes, you will love your child and your love for your kid will not be tainted by the trauma that your (soon-to-be) ex-husband caused you.
Please don't think that divorce is a bad thing for your kid. I would argue that you do so in order to create a better life for the baby. You can move on and raise your child in a much more healthy environment than suffering to have a "normal" family. I hope you have your support system in order and be strong! My best wish to you and your baby!
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inxomnia
November 23, 2016 at 7:04 AM
I'm sorry to hear of your situation but please stay strong. I think one thing we learn from this drama is that there are so many sides to a marriage and divorce. It's really hard to say what is right or wrong because everyone is different and our thoughts/values/experiences are all different. However, everyone deserves to be happy and make the choices that will lead to happiness. I believe you know deep down what is right for you. You just need to have faith in your choice.
Divorce is not an inherently bad thing. It should never be the end of the world or a life sentence of unhappiness. It's just the end of a chapter in your life. I don't believe that having divorced parents mean that your child cannot be happy and grow up in a "normal family". The whole concept of a normal/nuclear family itself seems a little archaic now. A child doesn't need to grow up in a nuclear family to be happy, as long as that child is raised with love and care. Also, as far-fetched as it may sound now, perhaps one day you will meet someone else who can be an amazing step-father to your child and support you. This isn't to say you need a man, but to re-frame divorce as just a temporary. Life goes on and your child can experience a 'normal' family without you having to be miserable. As someone's daughter, I would never wish to see my parents sacrifice that much for me, especially at the expense of their own freedom, sanity and happiness.
I feel like another amazing side-effect of this drama is that it's bringing to the surface the taboo topic of divorce.So many dramas talk about the affair and in a way, glamourise it. Here, the affair is the catalyst for us to see the marriage unravel and witness the aftermath. The emotional turmoil that most dramas gloss over. Like in your situation, there is a lot of uncertainty, there is a lot of doubt, there is a lot of change and adjustments. It's scary and it's real. But like in the drama, there are a lot of silent supporters who are going through the same thing, or who can empathise and hope for you to find your own happiness. Stay strong :)
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Caseyy
November 23, 2016 at 8:30 AM
I'm sorry to hear about your situation and hope everything goes well for you and your baby.
If you want what is best for you and your child, follow your gut instinct. Please don't stay in the marriage because you want your child to have a normal family. It is more important to have a happy family.
Before my parents divorce, they were miserable and unhappy together and that eventually turned into hatred and hostility. As a child living through this turbulent marriage, it affected me a lot and has shaped my negative views towards marriage. At the same time, I also didn't want a "broken" family with divorced parents as a kid. But I had come to the realisation that their divorce was the decision they made after their miserable marriage because everyone in my family is so much happier now. My parents are good people, but their marriage bought the worst in each other and it affected my silblings a lot. They also stayed together for the sake of their children, but I don't think understood how severely it impacts children when you live in an unhappy marriage. My parents were caught up in their failing marriage, that they failed to see what was best for their kids. My siblings were also like Joon Soo being used like a tug of war.
You also have to be happy and healthy youself, so you can look after your child.
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rentenmann
November 23, 2016 at 9:27 AM
I don't know about you, but my parents being together and constantly arguing and yelling at each other or dead silence between them made me think about all the things I would and would not tolerate in a husband. So one of the few good things was that I learned what I required of anyone who wanted to stay in my life.
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transient
November 23, 2016 at 7:17 PM
My parents never got to the point of yelling or being hostile to each other but like rentenmann, based on their interaction, I made my list of qualities that I would not tolerate in a husband.
Despite my parents still being married (and my dad is not an orge, despite his flaws), I somehow becomes very reluctant to enter into marriage after I saw what my mother had gone through. I don't know whether this qualifies as trauma, but it made me feel rather scared of getting married.
Not to mention the society that I live in still demand the women to fill up the traditional role in marriage even if she has career of her own. Honestly, there were times when I wondered how my mother or other women endured such marriage. I felt really sorry for her. I had tried to put myself in her shoes and realized that I will not be happy nor I will be a good wife and mother if I have to live in such life.
What I am trying to say is that, even if there is no divorce, it does not guarantee that your children will not be affected by it. The children will observe their surrounding and that what will shape their view. I am sure your child do not want to see his or her mother feeling sad and trapped everyday.
Your husband was behaving lowly when he guilt-trap you to stay in the relationship because of the child. You are not the only one responsible for the child happiness, he does too. Apparently he failed on his end when he made the mother of his child to feel unhappy with the marriage/family. Moreover, the fact that he had it in him to threaten you spoke volumes about the person that he is and how he will relate to you in the future if you continue to be with him. He is just using the child as an excuse to win his argument.
A divorce is normal. You have the right to be happy. Do not be a martyr, because life is too long to suffer everyday.
I would advise you to take a moment to imagine what would happen if you stay married with him. Imagine what would happen in 10, 20 and 30 years. Ask yourself, can you endure that life for the next 20 or 30 years?
If you decide to get a divorce, plan ahead on how to secure yourself, i.e. getting a job and place to stay. As for the right to raise the child, prepare your proof and documents for the court. You must be prepared for a rough ride.
All in all, I wish for the best for you. I hope you can make the best the decision for yourself.
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Nina Chikovani
November 23, 2016 at 8:32 AM
As a child of divorced parents I would say that I had good childhood, I never thought my family was not normal, I love my mom greatly and still think about her as my best friend. I would also add that the times when my parents tried to reconcile was hardest for me, they would often fight and I would hope they would simply stop. Having your parents divorced is Okey, but looking at them being stressed/tired/mad nearly all the time? Well, that's awful.
So don't worry about divorcing too much, you aren't a sacrificing limb for your child and depressed, unhappy person is never a good parent
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rentenmann
November 23, 2016 at 9:14 AM
My mother stayed with my dad "for the kids". As a child of parents who stayed together until I got married, I knew from when I was 10 years old that they shouldn't be together. I let my mom know, but she said she needed to stay for the financial security. Being the oldest of four kids, I could sort of see what my mom meant. I also offered to work to help bring in money (which brought some laughs from my mom), so we could leave. I knew my parents weren't happy, but was powerless to do much about it. Later, after I was married, I asked my dad about why he didn't opt for a divorce. He stated that he didn't believe in it. He was planning on wearing my mom down into complying with what he expected of his wife. Just a few months later, she served him with the divorce papers. As some may know from previous posts here, my dad is no longer alive. But my mom is, and she is doing so much better without my dad wearing her thin. She worked, had us four kids, and the lot (no cheating, though), which reminds me of our leading lady here. It's a pretty realistic portrayal.
As for your situation, Minni, it's different for everyone. You will know what to do. From a child's perspective of parents that did not get along, though, I can tell you that I wished my parents had gone their separate ways. You do what is right for you. Hugs to you, and I wish you the best of luck!
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Yktm
November 23, 2016 at 10:19 AM
I've grown up in a very broken family. My parents cannot stand each other but they have never divorced. Ever since I had a memory as a kid, they've been arguing and threatening divorce. By the age of 10, I wanted and hoped my parents would get a divorce. Needless to say, I had a very horrible childhood. These events caused a lot of pain and mental issues in me and I often questioned if my parents would have been happier without my birth.
I am now about to get married myself. Despite all the arguments, I have never lost hope in marriage and even wanted to get married earlier to escape the constant anger in the family. To this day, my parents are still married but constantly arguing and still threatening divorce. As I grew older, I understood that they had many reasons for not getting divorced (financial, 'face', loneliness). I've also found out that they chose to have me as a way to 'save their marriage'. This lack of divorce has also caused much physical issues in my parents (my dad had triple bypass surgery, and my mom had some thyroid cancer scares, both sicknesses are affected by emotions).
My advice to you is that by being a 'full' family with a mom and dad does not mean that the family is normal or happy. Witnessing your parent's constant arguments will cause a lot of pain in your child and even mental illnesses. You can shape your child into what you believe is best for them. Im a believer that people are nurtured into a way based on their experiences and surroundings. Just because your child's father is this man, does not mean your child will turn out to be like him. Your child is your child. Divorce may be a hard way out but it will be best for both you and your child.
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lunatic4kd
November 23, 2016 at 12:45 PM
@Minni - I meant comment 22 to go here with the others. I didn't enter it correctly. Please know we support you!
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Yix
November 23, 2016 at 9:41 PM
Minni,
Hugs and love to you. You're in such a difficult situation but still trying to hold it together... I pray that you will get clarity in the days ahead . No matter what you choose, it's going to be a tough road - so choose for yourself, not for anyone else. This is your (and your baby's) life... Deep down in your heart you know what to do. Quell the raging emotions and the voices of others, and peer into your heart. Then boldly step forward to do what you must.
I came to such a crossroad myself a few months ago, and had to make a choice. It can be tough, but if it's any consolation, there's peace knowing that you did what you needed to. No regrets.
Sending love and sunshine your way. Do take care.
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Ammy
December 17, 2016 at 7:05 AM
I'm from a society where divorce is a taboo. I've witnessed my parents fighting innumerable times but I don't remember either of them bringing up divorce even a single time. No family is normal as each one has its own shares of both hard and happy times.
I would suggest you to think hard about your and your child's future before taking any decision. Secure yourself with proper help and mainly de-stress right now as your happiness quotient would directly reflect on your child.
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irmar
January 7, 2017 at 9:09 AM
A family where the two parents hate each other, barely holding it in and smiling to hide their misery is NOT a normal family, dear.
Allow me to say, as someone who could be your mother in age, and has been through this: children understand EVERYTHING. They have those little antennae. It's incredible!
The only reproach my own kids had to make when they became adults was "why on earth didn't you leave him sooner and you put all of us through more years of misery?"
Be strong, honey and don't listen to those who want to trick you into staying into a terrible situation. Do what you have to do. Not only for yourself but also for this unborn child, because an unhappy mother cannot be a good mother.
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7 amapola
November 23, 2016 at 5:13 AM
I think that ex girlfriend delivered one of the best speeches I have heard in K-drama. It was great to have someone finally be direct with our male lead.
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8 a
November 23, 2016 at 5:16 AM
I don't get this. It's in the last episode 7 that boa finds out that hyung woo is toycrane. She says she came to know as joon young rattled on thinking she is tuna mayo. But in previous episode 6 , at the bar when hyung woo hands over the credit card asking her to pay using that for the team dinner and heads off updating his toycrane post that he's going to talk to his wife, boa reads it and says go for it director Do. That means she knew before hand that toycrane is hyung woo. She may or may not be tunamayo but I was surprised at this, inconsistency? Boa might well have another online chat account name tunamayo. But she knew before hand who toycrane is, how did she know this?
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MapleSilver
November 23, 2016 at 7:45 AM
She did not know he was posting as ToyCrane but she did know from watching all the signs that he was having a hard time. At the bar when she saw that he took off his wedding ring she asked him directly if his wife was having an affair, to which he confirmed.
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a
November 23, 2016 at 12:37 PM
The subs when she speaks came across as fighting / go for it director Do as toy cranes post came up onscreen. She knew Do was toycrane. Man, what is this. ??!!
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MapleSilver
November 23, 2016 at 1:01 PM
Yes, but she did not necessarily make the connection then.
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a
November 23, 2016 at 1:54 PM
Oh. is it. That was confusing me so much.
9 jinhee
November 23, 2016 at 6:18 AM
I agree with you that the both of them are becoming selfish. They're forgetting their son. I hated that they kept him out of the loop and that they didn't bother giving him a simple explanation. It never does children well.
A few years back, my parents did the same thing and kept silent about their problems regarding my father's affair. No one explained things to me so after a while it led me to believe that maybe I too was at fault. That maybe my father cheated because his child was a disappointment. So I really hope that they explain the situation properly to Joon Soo to lessen the child's suffering regardless of how their relationship end up
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samantha1
November 23, 2016 at 11:28 AM
That's so true.
Even if both of them knew that their son is still small, they should never forget that he isn't just some one-month old baby who wouldn't have his own thoughts affected by their own decisions.
However young their child is, he can still have his own little view about that matter and both the parents being mum will never make things better for him. If only even one of them talked to the child and explain to him in a way he can understand in his age, at least some things may be a bit clearer to him than not having a clue at all.
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10 Lynn
November 23, 2016 at 6:23 AM
I don't think soo yeon was selfishly keeping her child by her side to prove that she's a supermom per se. Rather, she is sooo used to being occupied to the brim that it didn't occur to her to share her burdens with anyone - certainly not her husband who is an added stress. So she held in, being the consummate juggler that she is, holding onto a semblance of normalcy that things will be alright even without her husband.
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thatstp
November 23, 2016 at 7:15 AM
I agree. Also, I think another thing that added to that was when she tried to leave. Hyun Woo called her a bad mother for trying to leave her son. Of course he later contradicts himself and wants to keep their son with him.
They are both lashing out by this point and the only loser is that adorable son.
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NigeriansHaveTv
November 23, 2016 at 8:06 AM
We also have to acknowlege the fact that hyun woo can't take care of his son alone, he could even make himself instant noodle or mix his takeout.
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h3lla
November 23, 2016 at 11:41 AM
Ha! You've got a point there.
I was honestly so frustrated watching him trying to make simple ramen. How can he honestly say he 'helped out' around the house and their burden was the same? Seems unlikely, buddy, because a stranger would do as well in your kitchen as you.
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Changemysoul
November 23, 2016 at 4:15 PM
I dont know, I saw that seen differently. In college I'm sure there were plenty of times he made himself ramen. I think that he was just frustrated and absent minded. While it may not be the best time for Hyunwoo to be with him you can't say the he wouldn't be able to take care of his child at all.
It seemed to me he just felt like nothing is going right and so nothing did go right. I've had plenty of times I was upset whole doing something simple because of my mind set at the time I messed up.
I feel like people assume that he hasn't done anything because they don't do flash backs to it but Hyunwoo whIle he maybe a bit of an airhead is a capable father without the wife being around. There could have been plenty of times while Sooyeon was having the affair he took care of the cooking and cleaning for his son.
irmar
January 7, 2017 at 9:21 AM
These things can be learned. If you haven't already, go watch Kramer versus Kramer, an amazing 1979 American drama film with Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep.
(The film tells the story of a married couple's divorce and its impact on everyone involved, including the couple's young son. It received five Academy Awards at the 52nd Academy Awards in 1980, in the categories of Best Picture, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actor, and Best Supporting Actress.)
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11 pineappletart
November 23, 2016 at 6:35 AM
Being a working mother myself, I totally understand where's jun soo omma is coming from. Of course communication breakdown between them is the main issue here. Even for me as viewers it's very much frustrating. I'm really curious of the ending. Did anyone watched the japanese version?
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12 gem28
November 23, 2016 at 6:45 AM
Fangs and nails came out that we all thought Soo Yeon didn't have. Her superwoman image is still her priority. Hyun Woo as messed up as he is, slowly is realizing his own part in his marriage failing. I wish I could say the same for Soo Yeon. She seems to regressing further. Its frustrating watching them for me right now. Everything she has done post the revelation of her indiscretion points to one fact, she really is not sorry. She says is on your face but really isn't. The two should get the divorce but possibly after figuring out the best way to not let that affect their child.
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13 sky
November 23, 2016 at 6:49 AM
I don’t understand why she’d unilaterally decide on divorce but insist on keeping Joon-soo away from Hyun-woo when she’s just barely keeping it together at home and at work. Is it truly because she has no love left for Hyun-woo? I don’t know if that’s the case either, since she did take Joon-young’s advice and read through Hyun-woo’s posts in an attempt to figure out his true feelings. So why does she double down on divorce after coming to a better understanding of Hyun-woo, then write that she won’t return to him because she can’t forgive herself? Nothing about her reaction makes sense to me.
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I share the same impression yeah. At times before this episode I've wondered what's going on in her mind, since she never admitted her mistakes,never said sorry to her husband [consciously, not just for the sake of saying it], and the ending of ep 8 really hit home when joon young said soo yeon all that about hyun woo. Yeah I would agree that it's not right for him to act so hysterically all the time, but he had a reason, and above all he was sincere, towards soo yeon and his love was there existing, that's the reason even after finding out that his wife is cheating on him, he still stayed there till the last minute, stayed there in their apartment, ate dinner and had chats with his wife, knowing inside that she's cheating on him. That's something we have to acknowledge to the least, I guess.
So the fact is week after week I thought it was unfair that she can't see it, at all. She's so engrossed in her own mind, struggling between job and home, juggling multiple works at hands, so she never probably even thought hyun woo was capable to be her support system. In the outside, she even looks like quite a reserved person, who doesn't connect to average people may be, don't know, I'm making an assumption. But still, she needed to hear that from joon young about how important she was to hyun woo.
At times I have thought she doesn't love him anymore and can't stand staying with him under one roof. But after some thoughts it appears that may be, her patience has worn thin because of all the pressure she has been dealing with for all this time. And it would be wrong to plain right judge her too from the exterior. And lol this is some kind of situation feel everyone has been in, so it's complicated. But at the end, the blame games, the he said, she said are stressful and tiresome, but at least it seems there are still some kind of feeling involved, for both of them, so it's not the end yet. I love the complexity of this drama and the level of realism and emotional struggles that we get to experience. Have to say this might be one of the best drama of the year. All credit to sun gyun and the team.
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inxomnia
November 23, 2016 at 7:10 AM
I feel like she's gotten so used to internalising all her problems and stresses and having these internal dialogues that she's just come to justify her actions with herself. It seems that she realised she was under so much pressure but that she couldn't turn to her husband so in a way, she justified her actions by saying that in the times that her husband could not understand and support her, someone else did and that's what led to her infidelity. It was made worse once the affair was out in the open because he didn't want to hear what she had to say at all and she used it as a way to say that it could never go back to the way it was. If after everything that happened and the fact that the lack of communication in their marriage led to an affair and yet nothing has changed, it does seem futile and hopeless that anything will change for the better.
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MapleSilver
November 23, 2016 at 1:08 PM
Yes to what you and sky said above. She has reached a point where she feels everything is messed up for good and it's just easier to throw in the towel because she can see no good could come out of it even if she tried. I, too, love the many different ways people can look at the characters' situation and come to different conclusions. This drama at least succeeds at getting people to evaluate and talk if not commercially.
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14 Kasumi
November 23, 2016 at 6:56 AM
I loved this episode. I liked how we got to see soo-yeon's struggle and point of view by having Bo-young and his ex-girlfriend explain soo-yeon's struggle and Hyun-woo's thoughtlessness. I don't find so-yeon's character frustrating-she is consistent. Just like during the marriage she couldn't was introverted, took on too much and had troubles communicating her thoughts and emotions, during this struggle she is doing the same. Her post explaining her reason for not coming back to the marriage appears sincere to me and is consistent with how guilt ridden she has been. She probably now thinks that she should take on more responsibility and do everything she did before and more just to atone for her affair.
I agree that Joon-Soo's struggles are being only touched upon rather than explored more in detail. However, since soo-yeon and hyun-woo are still figuring out their marriage it would be premature to tell him too much. Even here we can see both their fundamentals flaws, soo-yeon doesn't communicate and hyun-woo is only thinking of his struggles. The scene where they were both trying to pull joon-soo was painful to watch.
I liked the twist of Hyun-woo's ex completely shattering his self-serving view of their relationship and her life right now. It also shows that trying to be the nice person is not always selfless. There were indications of hyun-woo's meanness or rather thoughtlessness earlier on when he forced sun-woo to tell his wife. Though he claimed it was to hurt sun-woo, he failed to see how it would hurt sun-woo's wife and possibly kids.
I'm not sure about the role Yun-ki and Ara play in this story. I have the same suspicion as some of the other folks here that Ara is TUNAMAYO. It would be interesting to see.
Bo-young and joon-young's scenes were very cute. While I want them to be together, I'm not always sure that the show will give us that. While he's definitely interested in her, it's hard to say if she is.
On the whole a very interesting show. The first show that has made me want to post my thoughts.
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15 Al
November 23, 2016 at 7:32 AM
Ummm... I know that we can't discuss about spoiler here..
But I am really curious with ep 9 from the preview.
Do you guys think that Ara will commit suicide or the preview wants the viewers to think that way??
I really wish Ara would make Joon-ki pays for his multiple-affairs. Make him suffer for God's sake!!! Yes, maybe she loves him so much but he obviously do not respect her.. Ara should just leave Joon-ki after he pays for his adulteries. I would be so sad if Ara choose to die than divorse...
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MapleSilver
November 23, 2016 at 7:58 AM
No, let's not discuss this here. We'll just have to wait and see in a few days.
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irmar
January 7, 2017 at 9:16 AM
If the person posting has not seen the next episode, and is only voicing his/her guesses, hopes and questions, how can it be a spoiler? And why shouldn't it be discussed?
Everyone here who saw the current episode also saw the preview, so where's the problem?
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16 wapz
November 23, 2016 at 8:00 AM
What's the song that played in the cafe with Hyun Woo and his ex?
I doubted that Soo yeon will be Tuna Mayo but now I think that she is Ara.
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samantha1
November 23, 2016 at 11:40 AM
I don't know the song during the first time they met. But the second time Hyun Woo and his ex talked, the song is What Can I Do - The Corrs .
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17 Nina Chikovani
November 23, 2016 at 8:45 AM
I really wonder how all this would end. It's funny how I am symphatetic toward Soo-yeon at the start of every episode and hate her in the end.
Bacause really? Soo Yeon had Joon Soo for like what? A week? 5 days? How did she manage to lost her child in so little time?
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18 MapleSilver
November 23, 2016 at 10:21 AM
Much as I tried I just can't bring myself to hate Hyun Woo. He cracks me up. Maybe it is the Lee Seon-kyun factor, who is doing such a good job playing this man-child. The whole sequence starting with his taking off his socks without turning them out and tossing them wherever, then claiming that he would now be free to go to bed without washing, followed by a "wild" night of singing and dancing, and topped off with hours at the claw machine had me in stitches. Yup, he is wanting exactly what my pre-teen boys would do when I am not around to nag them. Ha..ha.. I love that humor is still plenty to be found in this show.
Yoon-ki being just one of the guys reminds me of why I loved his character in the earlier episodes. I hope to see no more of his adventures with his mistresses.
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19 Lord Cobol (Kdramas, like water, flow downhill)
November 23, 2016 at 11:17 AM
Totally unlike any of us, of course :)
Meanwhile the highly predictable
truckmotorcycle of almost-doom made me lose respect for the writer. Is nobody in Korea capable of finding another way to raise tension?? Even if there MUST be an injury involving some kind of vehicle, why not have the kid trip over a toy truck ?Required fields are marked *
samantha1
November 23, 2016 at 11:43 AM
Huhuhu... motorcycle of doom..Poor kid :(
Maybe less injury= less impact to viewers so the bigger the vehicle, the better?...Lol
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transient
November 23, 2016 at 7:33 PM
why not have the kid trip over a toy truck ?
That'll be Toy Truck of Doom, the promising apprentice of Truck of Doom
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20 h3lla
November 23, 2016 at 12:01 PM
I was honestly so upset with Soo Yeon and Hyun Woo during this episode. Mostly Soo Yeon. I know that runs counter to my other comments above, so I'll explain myself.
1. Taking Joon Soo out of the house in the first place. We've already established that Joon Soo is a sensitive child. You've said it yourself. Why are you bouncing him around from house to house? Is it really necessary to leave the house, or is it a matter of pride/ showing that you can do it all yourself? I mean girl, you probably make the most in terms of salary so you could probably upkeep that apartment on your own. Let Hyun Woo leave like he offered, JS doesn't need to be up in a oneroomtel with you. Get it together.
2. Telling HW not to see his son so he can get 'settled'. Now, I know that divorce is only recently a part of Korean society, so there isn't that social understanding of divorce and how it affects children. What seems like common sense to me and other people from societies in which divorce is a natural part of the social conversation might not be for her. So I won't fault her too much for going with her instincts. But I will fault her a little, because what is she thinking? Do you really want your child to associate 'divorce' with 'my dad no longer loves me and doesn't call me and I never see him anymore'? If you want your kid to acclimate, you should at least attempt to give him as smooth a transition as possible. Show him that divorce doesn't mean that his parents love him less.
3. She lost her temper with him. Now, someone up there belittled her for losing her kid in like, 5 days. I disagree with that because man, little kids love being lost. All you have to do is blink 5 times and a child will wander off. It doesn't matter how long or short you have him for. That being said, SY, why would you send him outside and why did you yell at him in the first place? You had him in a strange place while you were running around doing work. You gave him nothing to distract himself or play with and you paid him no mind while he was destroying your presentation. That was your fault, not his. You should have given him something to do. To yell at him like it was his fault was just so unfair. It made me feel like I was a little kid again.
Joon Soo wet the bed, which is a clear, textbook sign of childhood regression. He's getting into fights, which he's never gotten into before. Even if you know nothing about child psychology, these are clear signs that something is terribly wrong.
I was really happy that HW and SY got to meet at the hospital. I figured if the show had maneuvered them into meeting in a dire situation, clearly they could put their differences aside and see how their petty fights were affecting their baby. Nope. HW had to go and f*ck it all up by forcing her to stay outside and hurting her feelings AGAIN. Like, when will you do something right? Hmm?
This couple is so bad at communicating that I wonder how they got together in...
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h3lla
November 23, 2016 at 12:03 PM
...the first place smh.
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mary
November 23, 2016 at 6:04 PM
Yes to everything you said.
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21 Nana
November 23, 2016 at 12:41 PM
I seriously look forward to this show every week. I like the overall vibe the show pulls off, the topic is serious but there's really funny moment too. Our main guy is someone l'm rooting for no matter the outcome, he is growing with each episode. The hospital scene was pretty sad, because l felt for her too.
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22 lunatic4kd
November 23, 2016 at 12:43 PM
Dearest @Minni - my heart aches for you. Please know that divorce was the best thing I ever did after I couldn't resolve the differences in my marriage. We had a young daughter who begged me to leave her dad. All of that was 20 years ago and - yes - we went through hell for two years but then the light shone in and we all survived - and thrived. My friends surrounded me - as his friends and family supported him. We all made it and we are good friends now and our daughter a successful costume designer in Hollywood. I'm here with her for Thanksgiving. She is very close to her dad and we are all happy. YOU CANNOT LIVE your life unhappily for all the years ahead. Children need one loving parent far more than they need two miserable, fighting ones. You will go through some darkness but please trust that your heart is already telling you the truth!!
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23 xyr enc
November 23, 2016 at 1:57 PM
I must say that the scene where the Hyun Woo, Seo Yoon and Bo Young are looking for Joon Soo, until the hospital scene, was thoroughly well-acted, that I would give all of them an acting award! :D
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24 a
November 23, 2016 at 1:57 PM
Who is tunamayo?? Ep 9 make this reveal please.
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MapleSilver
November 23, 2016 at 2:03 PM
My bet is it's his boss. There is foreshadowing that TunaMayo may not be a woman like everyone thinks. In Episode 7 when Joon Young keeps going on about TunaMayo that it finally irritates Hyun Woo, he shouts who ever says that TM is a girl, it could be a man for all they know.
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xyr enc
November 23, 2016 at 2:09 PM
I guess, it doesn't matter whether we figure out who Tuna Mayo is or not. I think, what the drama points out is that there is a time in our lives when those people whom we don't know, are the once that we can rely on whenever life turns upside down.
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samantha1
November 23, 2016 at 3:08 PM
“. . .sometimes one feels freer speaking to a stranger than to people one knows. Why is that?"
“Probably because a stranger sees us the way we are, not as he wishes to think we are.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón
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25 a
November 23, 2016 at 3:27 PM
Tuna mayo doesn't seem so random that the show ll let it pass... hmmm..
Hyun woo has ppl online n offline to turn to, who keep giving him advices n make him see his flaws, heck even his ex was brought in as a cameo to give a kick n rupture his victim mentality.
But the show has made his wife alone. She simply has no one to confide with , no help from anyone about to show her where she is off track as well. It's his story fine, but one cannot keep the spouse in the dark if we are talking about adultery. The writing is so unbalanced. Can't see this couple working out their issues. Neither do they have the maturity n insight into the other n the wifes simply doing what she does. Before during n in the after math of the affair.
And aside, I loved boa leaving joo young on the roadside. What a subversion. She is one cool woman.
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26 wooo
November 23, 2016 at 3:40 PM
cheaters rejoice everything and anything can be justified yaaaaahhhhh
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samantha1
November 23, 2016 at 6:02 PM
Some translated comments from kkuljaem :
[+6,929, -418] I feel for Soo Yeon but turning to cheating is an extreme choice. Her husband is in a state of shock as a result of her decision and it's greedy of her to expect him to understand how she feels. If she is tired of her husband and didn't want to be with him anymore, then she could have talked to him first. In marriage, you communicate, have conflicts and make compromises. It's true that Hyun Woo isn't desirable as a husband but she refused to open up to him. It's a shame that she concentrated only on her own feelings, cheated and broke her family in the process
[+4,625, -259] I don't get the husband right now. If anything, the way he responds is giving her more pain. But think about it. If that's how he talks to a person who's at her wit's end, how is that a proper conversation? Now, if they were to switch places. Say it's the husband who was cheating and he tells the wife, I've been having a hard time so I cheated with that woman who appreciates me, so please understand. But will the wife understand? Although the husband is problematic for not realizing how tough it's been for the wife the whole time, she cheated instead of resolving their issues by communicating with him first
[+4,899, -359] Her having an affair aside.. She's putting so much effort in juggling work and parenting and not wanting to give up on either of those. She has to keep going forward and couldn't show that she's having a hard time... I seriously can relate
[+3,550, -133] It's only justifiable because it's a drama but in reality, cheating is cheating. It's not romance
[+423, -9] Seems like the criticisms are from non-viewers but just to clear it up, this drama isn't glorifying affairs. I say it's more of a cautionary example of what happens when one resorts to cheating. The lines and situations are realistic especially the scenes that show her as a working mom, the story is relatable and interesting
[+326, -7] I like that this drama doesn't glorify affair, it stays realistic while managing to weave a good story... Great episode. I understand both Hyun Woo and Soo Yeon and the rest of the characters. Cheating is wrong but I hope people see the deeper meaning the drama is trying to show
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woooo
November 24, 2016 at 5:27 AM
having a hard time is no excuse everyone goes through hard times perhaps if everyone knows there is no 2nd chance there will be no play unless he/she is a doormat
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27 candiceraine
November 23, 2016 at 3:49 PM
I have to say, the "freedom night" with the three stooges cracked me up, but it also made me think. There he was, declaring that he will now live the way he wanted to with no responsibilities or wife to think of. And surprise, he did all the things he's already been doing. Why? Because he IS already living the way he wanted to.
Made me take a second look at Soo Yeon. Like really observe her. And I agree with @Kasumi here that actually, however frustrating their situation is, Soo Yeon is consistent. She's an introvert. She's quiet and enduring. But in my opinion, she's the one constant that's been holding the family together for years. But her dam broke and now she's drowning.
I love how this drama shows how easy it is to give advice or provide solutions to marital problems - just communicate. But it's not that easy isn't it? It is never easy. And that's the reality of life.
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Yamayo88
November 23, 2016 at 5:45 PM
I fully agree with you.
HW enjoying the freedom of doing what he likes and SY stretching herself thin with work and housework just like before. It's kind of sad to notice how they have been living "separate lives" together.
I chuckled when HW placed his new 'throphy' at the shelf like a happy child. Then another thought came to mind - how much time have he spent at the toy crane machine to collect all these plush toys? Compare this
SY who didn't even time to read a book.
If only they can balance out the load a little with her asking for his help and him giving her a little more support... but it is easier said than done.
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irmar
January 7, 2017 at 9:34 AM
Once someone told me: "People can be divided into people who communicate and people who don't communicate. Usually the former can be trusted more than the latter".
But communicating for some is easy and for some it is hard. It depends on one's character and of course life experiences.
I am a person who communicates. I hate secrets and mysteries, I even hate surprises. And most of all I hate misunderstandings. No k-drama situation would drag for 8 weeks for me, because I would grab the other person by the coat lapels, sit him down and force him to explain himself and listen to my explanation.
I acknowledge that sometimes words are not enough to convey one's thoughts and feelings perfectly accurately, but they are the tool we have, so let's try our best to use it (together with actions, of course, and also facial expressions, voice etc) to try to convey as much as possible. It's still better than silence!
So in all situations, be it with a client at work or within the family or in internet comments, I try my very best to find the most suitable way of communicating. It's not hard for me at all, because I think it is essential, it is my duty and it will make life easier, so I do it with enthusiasm.
For some people, though, it's not easy. My husband was like that. He was the silent type. He was a keen observator and judge of people, he caught things by instinct - in fact, much better than me. But he was a very bad communicator, so having a conversation with him and getting answers to important questions was the hardest thing in the world.
(in case you wonder, he's my ex husband now).
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28 hellocam
November 23, 2016 at 5:01 PM
This was such a heartbreaking episode for me, especially those scenes with Joon-Soo. This child has to mature earlier than his peers because of such disappointing parents. He is a victim of his parent's selfishness and not once did theye even consider Joon-Soo's feelings. I want to hug him!
Soo-Yeon on this episode is the most frustrating I've seen her. I just want to slap her in the face hard and say "Hey, wake up! Stop proving to us that you can do EVERYTHING because you can't! You're a mess!" The reason why she even survived before is because she has Hyun-Woo helping her. She might not notice it but her husband's little helps here and there (sending Joon-Soo to school, throwing the trash, washing the dishes, playing with Joon-Soo, picking up after Joon Soo's toys) helped her to survive her busy lifestyle, which she signed up for. Hell, she even had a time sustaining a 6-month affair! Now, she does not want to get back together after learning her husband's feelings? Frustration to power of x100,000,000,000.
I'm glad Hyun-Woo met with her ex-girlfriend (thanks Jung Yu-Mi for the cameo, I love you!). Hyun Woo has to hear it from her - calling him out for being indecisive and self-righteous so he can be the nice guy. When she said that, I liked watching Hyun-Woo's reaction. It's like he was being poured cold water over his head to snap out of his delusions. Reality hit him hard. I do hope he realizes soon what he did and did not do that contributed to his problematic marriage and stop using the "victim card" to get a nice guy stamp.
Yes, yes, yes to Joon-Young and Bo-Young! It's finally happening, beanies!!! <3 I also love love love the noraebang scene - was laughing really hard in the middle of my commute. People might have thought I'm crazy. LOL.
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29 AsianDrama16
November 23, 2016 at 5:43 PM
Some have been wondering why Sooyeon doesn't just leave Hyunwoo and vice-versa. Why all this prolonged pain for both parties?
The answer is simple. They love each other. Still, even after all that's happened. If they didn't, they wouldn't be going through so much personal turmoil. They'd cut the knot and move on.
The fact that Sooyeon is hurting so much is from guilt and regret, yes, but moreso it's because she loves Hyunwoo. By the same token, Hyunwoo is going nuts because he loves Sooyeon. These are two people who have never stopped loving one another.
The obvious question is, then why did Sooyeon cheat?
The answer may sound weird, but it's because she wanted to save the marriage. It was one way, albeit not the smartest, to sustain the image that she feels Hyunwoo loves: the image of a competent wife, mother, and career woman. She was on the brink of a breakdown when Sunwoo came along and offered a means to keep up the facade.
So she's caught in a double whammy. She's damned if she doesn't cheat, and she's damned if she does.
The problem is compounded by the fact that she's not conscious of her motivation for cheating and believes there's something wrong with her. Thus, she can't explain herself to her husband -- and the reason she can't is that she herself doesn't know the answer.
In the coming episodes, I'm guessing that Hyunwoo will slowly come to sympathize with Sooyeon and realize that she, too, is a victim. Instead of being the cause of their divorce, the affair will be the catalyst for a stronger marriage. At least, that's what I'm hoping.
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MapleSilver
November 23, 2016 at 6:25 PM
I see what you are trying to say. Unfortunately as much as they love each other and want to make the marriage work again, the affair will always come in between them. We will find out in the next two episodes for sure as they try to reconcile whether they could go back to their better days. For example, can they still be physically intimate with each other? Can he trust her?
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AsianDrama16
November 23, 2016 at 7:20 PM
@MapleSilver
"can they still be physically intimate with each other? Can he trust her?"
Tough questions. I don't know the answers. But I hope they can. I think love is stronger than all other emotions. And part of love is forgiveness. Love has a way of crowding out a lot of negative feelings. In my mind, I can see these two being happier together -- more than they've ever been before.
The sad truth in life is that we all end up hurting others, especially the ones we love most. It's unavoidable. To think otherwise is unrealistic. But the good thing about life is love wins out if we give it half a chance and forgive because we love them.
The problem with hate and anger is that they don't feed our soul. Very little nutrition. They leave us perpetually hungry. And the more hate we consume, the emptier we feel. I think we all know this, but for some reason we can't resist it.
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hellocam
November 23, 2016 at 7:24 PM
This was a nice point of view. I also believe that they still love each other. I guess it's a good thing that Hyun-Woo discovered the divorce so both of them will reflect on their relationship.
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hellocam
November 23, 2016 at 7:25 PM
*affair - I meant affair instead of divorce :) Hoping the two won't end up there.
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AsianDrama16
November 24, 2016 at 6:22 AM
@hellocam
"it’s a good thing that Hyun-Woo discovered the affair"
Your comment got me thinking about how easy it was for Hyunwoo to discover Sooyeon's affair through her cellphone. It almost makes me wonder if Sooyeon subconsciously wanted him to find the text messages so that he could stop her and save their marriage.
Your comment also makes me think that Yoonki is meant as a foil for Sooyeon. From this perspective, the Yoonki-Ara subplot begins to make sense. In other words, a real cheater would behave like Yoonki, cunning and deceitful. Sooyeon is the opposite. She leaves the text message on her phone and doesn't lie when caught.
Ara is a foil for Hyunwoo. They respond to their suspicions in vastly different ways. Ara is the typical sly housewife who suspects cheating, and Hyunwoo is the atypical cuckold who is bewildered and unorthodox in his attempts to deal with the affair.
In an odd twist, Yoonki and Ara seem to actually enjoy their gamesmanship in a weird kind of normalcy while Hyunwoo and Sooyeon are completely devastated by their predicament.
If this is the case, then I take back my earlier criticism of the Yoonki-Ara subplot. The writers are actually very creative.
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Jackpapa376
January 7, 2022 at 5:07 PM
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Jackpapa376
January 7, 2022 at 5:19 PM
I watched this drama quite late in 2021 and had a chance to read your comment here. It was a good comment to understand more about SY. Her character was quite complicated. She was a kind and quite person and kept things in herself. It was hard to understand her and made me confused if I should be or should not be sympathetically to her. I understand her 1st affair that it might be unintentionally because she felt lonely and had no more energy left to deal with all overwork-loads. If she felt guilty for her 1st affair in the past six months, the planned 2nd affair should not happen. She did choose to repeat the same affair mistake again intentionally.
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30 lili
November 23, 2016 at 7:06 PM
I agree with SY when she decide to commenting online instead of talking directly to HW because that is the best channel to communicate to HW without him being emotional, scolding and shouting every single time SY tried to talk to him.
SY decision sometimes confused me. When JS wants to go to art school, she do all out to make sure JS got into the school. However when JS miss his father, SY try to make HW stay away from him. Even decide to divorce. I dont really get it. She gives what JS want (art school) but not what he NEED (father)
HW character disappoint me every single episode because he never listen. Every time SY tried to talk to him, he will diss her which make SY stop talking.
HW and SY storyline is too slow compared to JY and BY eventhough JY and BY have less screentime..
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AsianDrama16
November 24, 2016 at 7:00 AM
@lili
"when JS miss his father, SY try to make HW stay away from him. Even decide to divorce. I dont really get it."
It could be that Sooyeon is trying to help Hyunwoo by not interfering with his life and work. She believes that she and Joonsoo are burdens on Hyunwoo and that the best thing they can do for him is to stay away.
"HW and SY storyline is too slow compared to JY and BY even though JY and BY have less screentime.."
Joonyoung-Boyoung are a foil to Hyunwoo-Sooyeon. Hyunwoo and Joonyoung are in denial while Sooyeon and Boyoung are realists. This means that the men -- not the women -- are the problem.
But this foil has a further twist. Joonyoung is forthcoming while Hyunwoo is inhibited. Also, Boyoung is fully aware of her motives while Sooyeon is still confused.
Thus the main Hyunwoo-Sooyeon plot is slower because they have a lot more to overcome. IRL, they are the norm, and Joonyoung-Boyoung are the exception.
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MapleSilver
November 24, 2016 at 9:19 AM
I just want to tell you that I am really enjoying your analyses of our three couples, whether I fully agree with them or not. Keep them coming.
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AsianDrama16
November 24, 2016 at 11:13 PM
@MapleSilver
Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I became interested in K-drama discussions while watching "The K2." The two forums that I joined were filled with so much hate for one of the actors that I was turned off. One of the participants suggested Dramabeans as a more rational and positive alternative. I took his/her suggestion and couldn't be happier that I did.
I've read and enjoyed your posts as well as those of others. For me, much of the enjoyment of dramas and movies is the discussions that follow. I learn so much from others like yourself and the OPs such as chocolatte.
Like you, I may not always agree with posters, but I relish the different points of view and chance to suggest alternative views that may or may not be correct. But most of all I appreciate the respect and good will of posters in Dramabeans even when they disagree.
Having said that, I also realize that there may be trolls as well as haters from time to time, but hopefully they'll be few and far between.
Can't wait for the next episode!
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31 wo
November 24, 2016 at 5:32 AM
shy introvert hardworking people are such easy prey hurrrrr
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32 Seri
November 25, 2016 at 10:56 AM
Gosh, this is the comments section I should have been reading all along.
The disturbing, baby-like comments elsewhere really made me lose faith in humanity.
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MapleSilver
November 25, 2016 at 10:59 AM
Where have you been reading comments about this drama? This forum as well as the one at Soompi have been chock-full of thoughtful analyses. Hope you visit there as well as keep posting here. But, really, I am curious where you've been reading comments.
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Seri
November 25, 2016 at 6:47 PM
kissdrama
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33 JeAnn
November 27, 2016 at 8:42 PM
I actually think the main couple missing the opportunity to work together when their son was missing was a good direction for the story. I thought that it would've served as a wake up call, especially after he met with his ex, but it's too easy and obvious for the story to take that direction. Changing you habits don't come overnight.
I have to admit though, I'm typing this after watching episode 9....and the wake up call he got in that episode was just right.
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34 hellounicorns
November 29, 2016 at 11:09 PM
Where's episode 9 recap??
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35 reellife
December 6, 2016 at 5:40 AM
HW & SY are beginning to see the impact on JS. Even SY will not be spared.
If news of her divorce is not bad enough, wait till news that SY is an adulterer make headlines!
SY must have been so desperate to find comfort and respite in her affair with SW. On the contrary, she and her family will experience greater stress.
Just for laughs, HW propositioned SY to "don't just read this book; go look at the stars with me". SW asked her to read her book then go seep with him. That's why SY found her dates with HW a little boring. In sharp contrast, both she and SW had lots of fun. Lol.
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36 reellife
January 5, 2017 at 11:36 AM
The drama has cast HW as a naive, slow, lame, and pathetic husband who gets cheated on and deceived by his wife SY.
This was perhaps one reason why he turned to the wisdom of the crowd of strangers on the net for counsel when he learned of SY's impending affair.
Actually, this perception of HW is further reinforced by the way he handled SY's passive-aggressive response to disclosure of her affair with SW.
First, I think he wisely "threatened" SW with a visit to his workplace and this culminated in distancing himself from SY. Second, he informed SW's wife of his affair and this deterred SW from continuing unless he wanted to divorce her.
Third, HW appeared cowed when SY threatened to tell his mother about the affair. I was struck by how poor he was in negotiations and powerplays to prevent SY from disclosing this matter that would hurt his mum. HW should have countered SY's threat by warning that since SY was bent on disclosure then they should inform her father, everyone in SW and SY's company. That way, who do you think has more to lose? Now don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting that he goes all the way - but he can use it for more effective negotiation.
Fourth, how did SY end up divorcing him? He should be divorcing her. Even though adultery was decriminalised, he could have won alimony and custody easily. Even if SY claim to be the main care provider, disclosure of her adultery may cause her to lose her job, thereby weakening her custody claims.
Poor HW, always wanting to be the slow, lame, but nice guy!
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Jackpapa376
December 7, 2021 at 5:47 PM
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37 matrice
October 15, 2018 at 1:37 PM
I don't really like the sense of entitlement on the wife's part. The simple fact is that while both had contributed to the tension, not both of them did them in unforgivable ways, deliberately. I don't know what was meant with not being able to understand how he feels. It shouldn't be hard, in fact it's rather obvious given what she did to him, anyone with theory of mind could muster that basic empathy. It's unclear to me why, from her position, she simply assumes that he *should* be interested in her side of the story, rather than, for example, never talking with her again save for the few instances when they have to collaborate for the sake of the kid.
I found the chat with the old girlfriend illuminating. I think that the fact that he didn't cheat and would stay with her had she not broken things up says two things. Morally, it reinforces the concept that he is in a fundamentally separate camp from his wife. It also says something less flattering, which foreshadows the finale, about his ability to rationalize and emotional conservatism, for lack of a better word. He would rather stay put than take a risk and try a genuine relationship. I get that that's not what it is meant to convey, but that's how I see the situation, I simply can't buy it. He gives off mixed feelings, I will give you that.
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38 Jackpapa376
November 21, 2021 at 3:59 AM
One thing that I did not understand SY was that when she talked with her friend, she accepted that HW was a good guy. In the last EP, she said that she had not dared to face him about her mistake. So, after talking with her friend, why she did not try to go and beg for HW’s forgiveness of her mistake? Or did she expect that they could not come back as a family again and she did not need to proceed anything …. Just waited for her husband’s go or no-go decision? A big question was how HW gained her trust if she did not show or do anything?
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39 Jackpapa376
December 5, 2021 at 8:40 PM
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40 Jackpapa376
December 7, 2021 at 8:10 AM
When SY read HW’s posts and realized on how much HW loved her, she did not ever express her sadness and cry out. She typed with a calm thoughtful manner … Although she said that she could not forgive herself for her mistake, I would think that she did not regret on what she had done - She could not forget her enjoy moment of her affair (as she posted in the final EP that she forgot guilty, family, etc. when she was with SW).
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41 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 5:06 AM
"Now incensed, Soo-yeon calls Hyun-woo and chews him out for posting their story for the world to see. He stammers that he only did it because he felt so frustrated and had no one else to talk to."
"Now incensed, Soo-yeon calls Hyun-woo and chews him out for posting their story for the world to see. He stammers that he only did it because he felt so frustrated and had no one else to talk to."
This is completely indefensible. His decision is stupid in and of itself (asking anonymous randos on the internet for opinions on his private matters), but in terms of the ethics of it, it's his story to tell. She has no right to complain about this, he did not reveal informations to identify her, and in any case she does not have the right to ask him not to talk to it to other people because she is embarassed. If she is embarassed by what she did, she should not have done it. Hypocritically, she was the one that wanted to spill the beans to his mother back in episode 5. I feel that, as the perpetrator, rather than the victim, of this whole debacle, her exposing her husband's humiliation at the hands of her and her lover would have been inappropriate. But he was the victim here, it's his story to tell, and doing it anonymously when he couldn't open up with people he knew because of fear of shame makes sense -plenty of people asking online about what to do in such cases, in hotlines-help forums-etc-. All of it is stupid, but she *has no right to complain*. Just more of the same drivel from chapter 5: first she steals, then complains about people knowing/calling her a thief. She has no right to ask him to keep this under wraps regradless of the effect on his mental health of bottling this up, simply because she feels uncomfortable with the disgusting nature of her own actions.
When she calls him a bad person, Hyun-woo gets defensive, telling her she has no right to blame him while insisting that he did nothing wrong. Soo-yeon tells him this is exactly the problem: They can’t have a conversation anymore without Hyun-woo yelling at her for what she did wrong.
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42 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 5:07 AM
"When she calls him a bad person, Hyun-woo gets defensive, telling her she has no right to blame him while insisting that he did nothing wrong. Soo-yeon tells him this is exactly the problem: They can’t have a conversation anymore without Hyun-woo yelling at her for what she did wrong."
After deceiving him for half a year until caught, she has skin as thick as the Great Wall to put the blame on him. His reaction here is perfectly reasonable, and she is hypocritically accuses him of what she is doing herself in the very same breath: she is telling him that the issue is him calling her a bad person while she calls him a bad person. Pot, this is kettle. For that matter, it is impossible to understand how think her skin has to be to actually state that the issue they are having is *him blaming her for her half a year long betrayal* rather than, say, *her year long betrayal*. This is the same as saying that we can't progress as a society because we keep prosecuting Bernie Madoff, while if we let it rest people would forget about it. No. She has done something unforgivable, he has every right to hold it over her head, she has no right to complain (particularly while doing the very same thing). The problem here is not him pointing out her deception, it's the fact that she did deceive him and does not want to deal with that fact and its consequences -she did not want to in chapter 5, where she thought they should continue to deceive her lover's wife, she did not want today, where she does not want other people to know the circumstances-.
The problem here is not him pointing out a true fact. It's her spinning the blame on him, and pointing fingers to everyone and everything in sight but herself, continuing to make excuses and rationalizations for her behavior. THis is not something she can fix with an "I am sorry", and it's irritating to see her actually have the gall to be *impatient* with the person she hurt and she should ask for forgiveness from. You can't claim you regret your actions and ask to be forgiven, then pressure the other person because they are not giving you what you want fast enough: talk about being perfunctor and insincere. She did this, and now she has to deal with her partner holding this over her head. Irritation at the fact that after the trauma she inflicted he did not yet get over it is unbecoming: the victim, here as in any case, has every right to take as much time as they need to process what was done to them, and he is under no obligation to forgive her and not bring up her horrific betrayal again simply because she feels uncomfortable with the disgusting nature of her own actions.
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matrice
April 2, 2022 at 5:21 AM
The problem here is not that he blames her when they have a conversation. That's completely correct in this case, and might I point out that *she was accusing him first* for something completely reasonable with respect to her rights in the matter (sharing his own story anonymously, as a victim of deception)... it might be stupid in general (asking anonymous randos for opinions), but it's not a slight towards her, if she feels ashamed and self conscious because of the disgusting nature of her own actions it's her problem, not his.
What is making conversations impossible is her betrayal, not the fact that he brings it up. The conversations should have happened *before* she betrayed/hurt/humiliated him. The problem when he wanted to reconnect the day after their anniversary was that she lied to him and went to sleep with her lover, the philandering husband. The hurt and lack of trust that makes communication difficult now is caused by her own actions and well earned. Her irritation is just projection and evasion: she does not want to hear what she did because she feels it is shameful, which is the same reason she does not want to see it discussed really by anyone (she wouldn't even have told her lover's wife, who had every right to know).
It's not the victim's fault if the perpetrator feels ashamed of their actions, and if she accuses him of being a bad person, pointing out that she does not have any leg to stand on and her revolting months long betrayal that would have gone on indefinitely is much worse than anything he could have done -note that he didn't sleep with other women even now that he knows of the betrayal, also note that she is not *owed* a chance to explain or forgiveness, she should kiss the ground that he even wants to be in her presence and talk to her, it's outrageous that she would pressure the victim of her month long deception because he is taking too long to process his trauma-. In other words, she should remember the simple fact that she is the one to blame in this affair debacle, the one that took the situation from "we have some issues that could be solved by better communication" to "I purposefully deceived you for the last half a year".
On the repercussions on the child, it's again her fault, and ultimately it's about what makes his parents happy. The claim that they should stay together for the kid is insulting to the kid and puts an unfair burden on him. He should not be made responsible for being the a chain holding his parents down, demanding a sacrifice from his father.
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43 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 8:24 AM
I must say that her attitude a-la "I have already asked for forgiveness once, what are you waiting for getting over the *small* detail that I lied to your face for half a year and would continue to even now, had you not caught me red handed" does not exactly add credence/sincerity to her pseudo-apology.
In this specific case, it came off as particularly ironic because she was actually the one accusing *him* of wronging here for doing something that is 100% within his rights, namely to talk about her pain and experience as the victim of her deception with whoever he wants. This most definitely does not make him a "bad" person, if she is shocked and appalled at being put face to face with her betrayal, then she might have wanted to put a though or two into whether it was worth deceiving someone she knew for years for months (and being ready to do it indefinitely).
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44 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 8:25 AM
I mean, we were only missing a "hurry up" at the end of her tirade. Such a sense of entitlement, such a lack of empathy or understanding of the trauma she caused. No, he is not over it yet, if he will ever be. You lied to him for months and were prepared to do it indefinitely, so if you ask for how long he is going to hold it over your head, I would say "at least that long, or indefinitely".
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45 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 8:30 AM
"When she calls him a bad person, Hyun-woo gets defensive, telling her she has no right to blame him while insisting that he did nothing wrong. Soo-yeon tells him this is exactly the problem: They can’t have a conversation anymore without Hyun-woo yelling at her for what she did wrong."
No, that's swapping the *cause* and the *consequence* of the sequence of events. The *cause* was that she deceived him for half a year (and was ready to do so indefinitely). The *consequence* is that he is rightfully angry and distrustful and ill disposed towards her. In short, the reason they can't have a conversation anymore is that she deceived him for half a year, and certainly this self entitled, whiny, toxic mix of self righteousness and self pity, when she was the one that purposefully lied to his face for months on end (and did not come clean, but was discovered by him with her lover), does not exactly make it obvious that she feels an adequate, or really any, regret or shame for her actions.
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46 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 8:37 AM
"When she calls him a bad person, Hyun-woo gets defensive, telling her she has no right to blame him while insisting that he did nothing wrong. Soo-yeon tells him this is exactly the problem: They can’t have a conversation anymore without Hyun-woo yelling at her for what she did wrong."
On the contrary, she is the one constantly acting as if the fact that she deceived him for the past six years is something to sweep under the rug, when it is in fact the elephant in the room, and central to the very conversations they are having.
In this specific case ever more so, since the point of contention is exactly his right as the victim of her deception to speak about it with whoever he pleases. If she feels upset or ashamed at being faced with her actions and their consequences, it's not the fault of the person she was lying to. That would be like Berine Maddoff being upset at the people he fooled for making him feel bad about himself due to a guilty conscience and regret. She is simply not entitled to having the victim of her deception shut up about it because she does not like to hear what she did. Being curt with him and snapping at him also do not exactly convey regret or a desire for atonement. Apologizing with impatience seems rather perfunctory.
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47 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 8:43 AM
"When she calls him a bad person, Hyun-woo gets defensive, telling her she has no right to blame him while insisting that he did nothing wrong. Soo-yeon tells him this is exactly the problem: They can’t have a conversation anymore without Hyun-woo yelling at her for what she did wrong."
It's not up to her how long the victim of her deception should take to heal from the trauma she caused. Would she tell this to her child, had he complained why she chose to ruin her family? Would she tell this to her lover's wife and children, were they to rub her face in her shameful actions and hold them against her? The reason he keeps reminding her that she is the perpetrator of the deception and him the victim, is that she seems to constantly forget (as in chapter 5). I mean, it's pretty evident that when she speaks in such a self entitled manner (the only missing thing was an extra sociopathically callous "get over it already" at the end, as if she was apologizing for missing his birthday), she could use such a reminder that, wait a minute, the reason they are arguing in the first place is that she abused his unconditional trust for her for the past six months, was then caught in the act, and he was left to deal with the emotional mess. Her sanctimonious attitude is not really suitable for the situation, and the reminder that they were in this mess because she did not have the dignity and even a shred of respect for him, or at least the years spend, and the child they had, together, to talk to him and even leave him, preferring instead to abuse his good faith.
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48 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 8:54 AM
"When she calls him a bad person, Hyun-woo gets defensive, telling her she has no right to blame him while insisting that he did nothing wrong. Soo-yeon tells him this is exactly the problem: They can’t have a conversation anymore without Hyun-woo yelling at her for what she did wrong."
On the contrary. Telling her that she has no right to blame him, the victim of her deception, for telling his story however and to whomever he pleases, is 100% correct. These are thing she did *to him*, personally. He was the victim here, not her. This fact, which seems to continue to escape her, very conveniently, when it comes time to be made to face her own actions, is central to her point that he is "bad" for reaching out to someone he could tell a redacted/anonimized version of his story. The idea itself might be good or bad (I think it was effing stupid). But she has no right to complain, here: her victim is under no obligation to keep his mouth shut about the deception and emotional trauma he was subjected to in order to spare the feelings of the perpetrator, namely her. It's hard to understand why he would ever thing that she would have a right to that. If you don't want people to publicly complain about your habit of borrowing things and not giving them back, don't borrow things and don't give them back. As simple as that. Or, as the case might be, if you don't want it to be s*, don't start s*. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She want to *do* something shameful, and also to silence the victims of her acts because she doesn't like to be made to face what she did. He is putting up a mirror in front of her, and she doesn't like the person she sees reflected in it. But the reason she doesn't like it is because of her own faults and actions (real talk, if he had talked about some sweet moment they shared together she would hardly have complained, the reason she does not like it is because she is ashamed of what she did... that's *her* problem, not *his*).
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matrice
April 2, 2022 at 9:05 AM
I mean, she has to decide: either she believes that what she did was unforgivable, as she (verbally) claimed, or she believes that since she apologized (perfunctorily, given the curt/short way she snaps at him in self entitlement) he should get over it in short order: "what, I said sorry two minutes ago, you are still not over it?". No. This is not instant coffee.
Again, she deceived him for months, left him in an emotional wreckage, and now expects him to graciously avoid raising the topic of her disgraceful lies and betrayal in order to avoid upsetting her feelings? Maybe the conversation would be smoother... for her. But I would say that her actions are kind of the elephant in the room, and not talking about them makes about as much sense as not addressing the giant iceberg if you are standing on the Titanic's deck. Since she is accusing him of being a bad person, pointing out who is the one that purposefully abused the other's trust here is highly relevant.
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matrice
April 2, 2022 at 9:09 AM
I would say that given her tendency to victim blame and turn the tables on him (the victim) and gaslight him (as in chapter 5, as in this chapter), it is highly relevant to for him to point out that in this scenario she was the perpetrator and his the victim, and morally speaking she does really not have any leg to stand on (she coldly, calculatingly, purposefully lied to him for six months, and now she micro-analizes his behaviors to understand whether he is anger driven -likely, and rightfully so- or whether he is not exactly the perfect human -if he is "bad" for sharing his story, as a victim, then what is she, as the perpetrator of the deception? In that context, pointing out that he was sharing wounds that *she inflicted on him* is highly relevant to determine whether or not she has the right to tell him what to do or say on the matter).
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matrice
April 2, 2022 at 9:20 AM
Yes, he did nothing wrong in sharing *his own personal story (real names redacted)* when he was in pain and didn't know who to talk to. She has no right to ask him to bottle this all up inside, with no regards for his mental health, having already left him emotionally shattered. The decision to share it on the internet might be stupid (I certainly think so), but it is not a slight towards her (it started when he still didn't know whether she had done anything wrong, and he did it because he didn't know who else to turn to).
It is also correct that she has no right to blame him, and should have no input on his decision to share or not his own personal story, as the victim of her deception. Obviously giving the guilty party editing control on the victim's narrative would be an exercise in futility, given that they would have every incentive to suppress that unflattering information. The fact that she does not like him sharing his story does not mean that she is entitled to stop him from doing it. The fact that she would selfishly want to hurt him and have him shut up about it does not mean that him trying to unburden himself is an eff you towards her, and even if it upsets her, it does not mean she has any right to blame him. He can process his emotional pain and trauma any way he likes, she has no right to blame or cast judgment on his emotions and motives -as if she was the perfect human, only motivated by positive emotions, ah-.
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matrice
April 2, 2022 at 9:28 AM
I mean, some times it looks like she is mistakenly under the impression that he is angry at her for forgetting their wedding anniversary (which she did, though in complete fairness so did he until he was reminded of it), rather than going to sleep with her lover the day after (despite him trying to persuade her to spend the day with him and reconnect), and, caught red handed, having to confess that she had been deceiving him for the last six months.
No, I disagree with her assessment: before continuing with any other line of conversation, it is imperative, as a prerequisite, that he drills into her head that he is the victim of her deception and she is the one that purposefully abused his unconditional trust, and that as such, he has every right to be angry, revengeful, spiteful, full of hatred, and any other negative emotion you can name and think of, because he has been given every reason to. She has no right to judge him, expecting him to act like a gracious, self sacrificial saint with a savior complex and, more importantly (as she is essentially asking him to act as he did a short while ago when he was still under the impression that she was the perfect woman and the only light in his grey day, rather than the machiavellian, deceptive person that would cheat on him with a married philanderer of a man who had his own wife and children at home -about which she cared about as much as she did about her own husband and children, namely not at all, certainly not enough compared to satisfying her whim-), a massive memory problem.
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49 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 2:36 PM
The most ironic thing is that, for all her complaining, she will end up using the board herself to ask whether he will be able to forgive/forget her sleeping with another man, and to explain her actions (this latter thing I did not like, because she was the victim, not the perpetrator: it's true that he already amply discussed his humiliation, but as the victim I think that after shattering him emotionally she might have wanted to make sure that discussing this in public wouldn't upset him... the reverse, namely the victim having to clear with the perpetrator of the deception whether they have the right to talk about their own psychological trauma and circumstances, is an entirely different set of circumstances).
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50 matrice
April 2, 2022 at 2:48 PM
I mean, isn't it awfully convenient that *now*, after her betrayal was discovered and he had to practically force the truth about it lasting six months and her sleeping with her lover out of her mouth, navigating an ocean of casuistry, sophistry and self serving excuses/rationalizations, she discovers she wants to have conversations? How about taking her husband up on his offer to spend time together to talk and rekindle their relationship, the day after their anniversary, rather than spurning him to go sleep with her lover? *Now*, after what she did and having been discovered and practically cornered into admitting the truth (she still hid the fact that she and her lover were working on the same project, with him as the client, telling her husband she wouldn't meet him again -a lie, since they met the very next day, and he was the one that chose to take her off the project, very conveniently removing her instead of himself from the equation, might I add (irony alert!)-).
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