I should probably go to sleep, but I’m and insomniac, so whatever, I’m gonna post some more thoughts on Dinner Mate.

I loved this moment so much.

There are so many things going on here to unpack, but my favorite part is the physical contact and use of space and light.

Last week I mentioned that part of my issue with Jae-hyuk is his utter lack of respect for Do-hee’s space, both literally and metaphorically. He forces himself into her space and as she has started to draw away from him he has begun to get violent, physically harming her. He also always does this in the dark or spaces with walls – in the conference room with the blinds drawn, in front of her house at night, in the shade of a bus stop.

Contrast that to this, where Hae-kyung and Do-hee are in the space that represents everything they’ve shared so far – the kitchen. The lights are bright, the counters clean, the space wide open. He even makes sure to keep space between them when he sits.

But when Hae-kyung reaches out to wipe her tears it’s just the lightest of touches, and it’s in such a way that Do-hee can move away if she chooses. Every single movement from him is so delicate when he’s in physical contact with her – the polar opposite of Jae-hyuk possessiveness. He’s letting himself into her space, but he’s making it clear that he will leave if that’s what she wants. In fact, he does leave, as we see earlier in the scene when he tries to dry her hair and she refuses to let him. He steps away without argument and respects her space.

I love that this scene so perfectly mirrors what Hae-kyung said to Do-hee at the start of the episode over dinner. He says that he’s not giving up on Do-hee, but he sees that she’s not ready for a relationship with him either. I think if she had drawn the same line she did with Jae-hyuk he would have stepped back, but she didn’t and so he lets her know that he’s keeping that door open. He gives her the chance to say “No, not ever”. But I also appreciate that since he realized his feelings Hae-kyung has been up front and honest with Do-hee, which is again the opposite of Jae-hyuk, who we learned today lied to Do-hee about himself throughout their relationship.

And again, you can use metaphors of dark and light here to contrast the way the way they treat Do-hee, with Jae-hyuk constantly hiding the truth, while Hae-kyung constantly is completely honest with her. Jae-hyuk claims to love her, claims to know everything about her while Hae-kyung knew nothing about her, but at the same time he also knows all her secrets, and she, his. Jae-hyuk only ever keeps his secrets and never shares and yet expects Do-hee to come to him because that’s what he wants.

This is the difference between Hae-kyung and Jae-hyuk. Hae-kyung has opened the door and now it’s Do-hee’s choice on how their relationship will proceed. Just like with this touch – he is offering comfort, but he’s not demanding she accept it. So when she leans into him and lets him comfort her it’s just…so perfect.

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    What a great write up! I dropped this show some episodes ago, and am now only following through recaps and the fanwall, so posts like yours are especially useful to understand what’s happening. In the earlier episodes I watched, I didn’t get the sense that the show was sophisticated enough to be engaging with the sort of light/dark metaphors as you describe (and partly why I dropped it – it wasn’t fun or clever enough, and did not seem to want to tread outside the boundaries of a traditional rom-com), but it’s good to know it’s gone in this direction!

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      I waited and binged the first six episodes, and I think that made a huge difference to how I see the show. It definitely is a pretty basic premise, and if you had asked me eight weeks ago which of the three food dramas in this cycle I’d skip, this would have been my first response. But it’s a lot more subtle than it appears – Do-hee isn’t some sobbing mess, and neither lead has been manipulated by their exes so far, which is very refreshing. I never expected it to play with these elements so well, and figured it would stick to food metaphors, which it hasn’t really done beyond Hae-kyung’s patients.

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    You describe perfectly the differences between HK and JH. Their contrast is so evident, and DoHee can see it, but I can understand she’s confused and hurt.

    And I love the use of light in this show. As you mentioned it’s always warm when DoHee and Haekyung are together.

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      I think it’s not that she isn’t aware that JH is bad – it’s that the depth of his awfulness has now been revealed and it has tainted all her memories of him. He basically took away her ability to trust in relationships, which is probably the shittiest thing a person can do.

      Also, how the hell did he think that he could get away with so many lies? Like, she was gonna find out eventually even if they got back together. And then what? I swear JH lives in some fairytale world where all his sins are instantly forgiven. He’s such an entitled asshat I can’t even.

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        Well, pathological liars do. They believe their own lies.
        I totally get DoHee. She had a relationship, it was good, it ended badly, but she managed to cope with it and even have good memories (she still goes eating to the places she and JH were together), she’s learned from her past but she’s also moved on.
        But now she finds out that JH broke up with her for no reason (at least not to her) but her whole relationship was based on a lie and that he was sort of “ashamed” of a poor girlfriend. That even hurts me. I mean, when they were together, they went to cheap places because they were students and couldn’t afford even to pay 1 dollar more to get cheese in their fried pork.
        I totally get she’s shaken and doesn’t know what to do.
        And even HK is a very reliable man, even so, it’s not about who HK is, but how Dohee feels. And here it is were we see, as you point out, the difference between the two men, as HK would never impose himself on her and would never make her feel uncomfortable (which is what JH does, you could see every time on her face).

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          This is true – I used to live with a pathological liar and the damage she did…man there are some things it took me the better part of a decade to recover from, because she used her lies to hurt everyone around her. Ugh. I hate even thinking of her.

          I don’t know what I would do if I were Do-hee. I do love that this is the first time that we really see Do-hee doubt herself. She may have been broken up by the two breakups, but she never let those keep her down. But this has the possibility of long term damage to her. I guess it’s a good thing she’s got a renowned psychiatrist hanging around her, huh?

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