I consistently forget that Song Ah and Joon Young are supposed ti be 29. Not because they are so babyfaced (they are) but because 99% of the time they seem like high schoolers with their first crushes.
But then they have a frank discussion and its…oh. Well maybe they are adults after all.

12
10

    Ok. Yes, yes, fine, fine we had kissy faced kisses tonight. When that man ran into that room all out of breath and says that hes going to accompany JK my first reaction was kick that man in the balls. Not because hes accompanying someone else but because the way he left earlier felt like a breakup. He calls her, tells her to wait right there and he comes storming into the room not to say that he has feelings for her and wants to work things out but to say that hes going to accompany this woman who has been a 3rd wheel in their relationship, that he has an overly complicated past with, who keeps popping up to confess to him–hes going to accompany HER and hes saying this a day after awkwardly preventing her awkwardly asking him to do the same?
    Ugh!
    Just kick him im the balls.
    Im glad after seeing the way her face fell and her stuttered explanation that he rushed over to her and finally confessed his feelings. But seriously.
    Seriously.
    Kick him in the balls.

    2
    1

      I feel like both of them are in a bit of a state of arrested development – he’s basically been touring since his early 20s and she’s started over late in life so they’re both sort of where most of us are at 22, but instead they’re older and all their friends are getting their shit together while they are just starting. I think that’s also why they work so well together – they are at the same place in life, and they are both in such unique situations in a small field. It makes sense that they would lean on one another.

      But oh my GOD I wanted to slap that boy around the head when he didn’t initially confess. Like, DUDE, this is how you get misunderstood. Thank God Song-ah was straight with him, or else I may have pulled half my hair out in frustration.

      (Also – how are you? I listened to the audiobook of Girl, 15: Charming, but Insane and it was a hoot. It definitely reminded me of the Georgia Nicholson books. Sadly my library does not have the rest of the audiobooks so now I am searching high and low for them.)

      0
      1

        Honestly? Im super not ok. I had a meeting with my manager 2 days ago which can only be described as needlessly cruel.
        I was given a statement from each of my colleagues detailing how much they hate working with me as i think my work is more important than theirs and leave them to do the bulk of the work.
        I have 1 month to fix this without being told how to fix it as Im no longer permitted to work in my office OR on the desk but if I dont fix it within the month Ill be fired. However, without being given a time or place to work Im supposed to plan 3 programs a week– except for the last 2 weeks of the month where I have to plan 5 a week. Im trying to set up an appointment with a career counselor as I honestly cannot do this anymore. I dont have it in me. I love the library but for some reason every manager Ive had in the last few years passionately hates me and I have NO IDEA what I do to bring this out in them. I literally have people I dont know pulling me aside asking me what Ive done to these managers because theyve never seen them hate someone as much as they hate me. So, Im going to leave the field. I hope that meeting with a career counselor will help me figure out what to do next.
        Im still looking for a new apartment but its kind of hard to do when I cant say for certain if Ill be able to pay the rent in a few months since Im probably getting fired before thanksgiving. But I also cant stay here as this apartment gets grosser by the day with new bugs being found in gross places.
        Ive made my peace with leaving. I have listened to “Washington on Your Side” 50 million times. When Jefferson announces that “this kid is OUT!” soothes the soul, and then I listen to Jason Mrazs “3 Things” and Im ready to let this chapter end.

        And on top of all of that! Ive been in a major drama slump! With Brahms and Lonely Enough to Love being the only things to drag me out, and even then Im kind of hoovering on the edges. I should have written at least one essay on dreams and why I love Song Ah by now. People chasing their dreams and refusing to suffer for it has to be my catnip! But my slump has been such that I havent even felt comfortable or welcome here or on discord. I havent watched anything with the iswak crew in like 2 months!

        So…Im basically the same as always? Ha!

        And how are you? im glad you liked Jess Jordan! Shes a delight! Ive been leaning heavily in the Heather Wells audiobooks and cozy mysteries these days.

        2
        4

          Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear about your shitty manager. And that is a shitty thing to do to you – I hate it when jobs make it impossible for you to comply. Needlessly cruel is right – why would they ever think that it’s OK to just sit you down and tell you that like that? I’m just so mad on your behalf. Like, that’s NOT OKAY. And especially when we’re all so stressed out all the time already because of COVID and just the world being a garbage fire that seems to be finding more things to burn with each passing hour. And to do that just before the holiday season hits is extra shitty. I’m sending all my bad and angry vibes at them.

          I think it’s a good idea to explore your options – I’m glad you’re taking that step. And I hope you get your apartment sorted soon too. It’s rough having to be in such an uncertain place both mentally and literally at the same time. I hope you can take time to take a few minutes for yourself too. Hamilton is definitely a good start. I used to listen to that soundtrack on repeat at my old soul-sucking job and I swear, between that, DAMN. by Kendrick Lamar and k-pop I managed to stay sane. Music really can be a magical balm sometimes.

          I feel you on the drama slump. I wasn’t watching much the last cycle of dramas but I’m loving Brahms and I did write my first long ramble in a while this week. I also really like Lie After Lie and Zombie Detective is completely bonkers and the show I didn’t know I needed right now. I’m gonna try a few of the other new dramas this weekend. I’ve also been watching a lot of Kim’s Convenience and Schitt’s Creek because those are two funny non-problematic shows that make me laugh.

          Honestly I’ve been so stressed with work and being stuck inside alone that it’s been hard lately. I was getting really depressed again, and I could feel my anxiety building back up. It’s hard when I can’t do boxing, but I did go back to yoga and I only was set back half a year’s work, so that was nice. Still rough though. I also just got slammed with a work deadline that means I have take three back-to-back depositions on Monday which is basically my least favorite part of the job. And I have two scheduled on my birthday next month as well, so yay. I hope we settle before that. I did have a deposition today too, but I wasn’t asking questions. Lately I keep feeling like I’m failing at my job and that I’m not doing as well as I should and it’s really hard to turn that voice in my head off.

          I’m trying to read more, or listen to audiobooks because I think that helps me stay calm. I’m reading N.K. Jemison’s The Fifth Season now and I like it. Plus, another Dresden Files book is out this month and I just finished the latest October Daye book. But it’s still hard for me to get into the habit when I can literally feel the stress in my back when I sit or lie down. I may try the Heather Wells audio next, since I don’t think I ever read those.

          1
          0

          I’m so sorry about your situation Isa. It must be a really stressful time and I honestly would have lost my bearings had I been in your place. I haven’t faced the outside world so I can’t give you any advice but I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

          1
          0

          Virtual hugs Isa! Hasn’t this manager been this je** since the beginning? You don’t have to blame yourself or let others make you believe that you should take the blame. Bad work environments are terrible because that’s where our entire day is spent. I can’t imagine how you’re coping right now. However, the career counselling choice is great. Sometimes you see options open up that you’ve never even thought of. You will be able to get through this Hwaiting!

          1
          0

          Oh no! I’m sorry to hear this! I’m a librarian, too, so I know how much effort you put into getting our job. I’ve been in the field for a while and worked in 3 different systems. The work culture difference between some library systems can be crazy! If all of your positions have been within the same system, you might find a place where you can thrive if the atmosphere is different. I have definitely had some hard conversations with managers in the past about team dynamics and how I can improve. I was once told to “try yoga” by a manager when I complained about workplace stress and carrying more than my fair share of reference desk time (on top of programming and collection management, etc.) for months on end. I found a new library where yoga is still a great exercise but not a solution to staffing shortages. Just saying.

          2
          3

            Its not just this system in the past I could say well, obviously I couldnt work with a racist! I had to leave! Which is true and I did. And before that it was a few managers in one system that was KNOWN for librarians getting called up into middle management and then losing their minds, kindness and basic sense of right and wrong. Amd I could point at those people and those systems and say, “see its not just me!” But ive been looking for a library home for 10 years and each job is worse than the one before. Maybe its not them and as much as I love thr work that I love Im just not cut out for it and its hard and sad but maybe its ok to do the hard ajd sad so something better thats not always hard and sad can take ita place.

            3
            0

            I think this field is so much harder than people give it credit for. Not the library materials part, but the interpersonal part can be so hard. You get it from all sides – co-workers, management, the patrons… No shame in finding something that is a better fit for you. 10 years is enough to know. I’m hoping you can take the things you’ve learned and use them to your advantage in another sphere. If you can, work somewhere that you won’t have to spend all day figuring out why that document won’t attach or nagging people to wear a mask. And where you get paid more!

            0
            0

            I will never understand that response – how does yoga help with being understaffed/doing more than your share? I do yoga but it does not solve my problems.

            I worked a gov’t job where we were underpaid (hourly wage, we were all licensed attorneys) and not allowed to do overtime, lost our department supervisor and then given a new incompetent supervisor who we were supposed to train. Our desks began to disappear under piles of paperwork. We told the guy in charge that we needed more people in our department or be allowed overtime, and their solution was interns! Who were useless because they could not stand up in court or help us there, nor could they sign the paperwork, because they were first year law students. We decided to just let it burn. Then we all left within a few months for better jobs. I think I was the tenth person in six weeks to hand in my notice in that branch. I have never loved giving notice more.

            1
            0