For anyone who has ever taken therapy:
What should it feel like? It’s obviously not a magic pill that will take all your worries away but how does it help?Does it help in coping with the issue better?

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    In my case, it’s more like a consultation session. I once met a very bad therapist; she just wasn’t there for me and I felt worse leaving the room. However, meeting one that suits you well will make you feel like you have another person on earth that can give you another perspective toward your problems.

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      Oh ok that is reasonable. I think many people just think therapy will remove their issues but I think what you meant was that it is atleast able to give the person a different mindset to cope with the issues.

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    I’ve received therapy to help with mental health issues (what the exact nature of those issues are is still unclear — I can explain the symptoms pretty precisely, but different psychiatrists have said different things about what the diagnosis is, so at this point I’m convinced they are as confused as I am). My experience with it is pretty mixed.

    The first thing I would say is that you should come in with realistic expectations. When I restarted therapy earlier this year after a really scary period in my life, I went in hoping I’d see some significant results quickly. That was foolish on my part. Therapy, if and when it works, takes a lot of time and effort. Moreover, my experience with it is that it helps more with underlying issues and causes rather than assisting with immediate symptoms. If you’re noticing significant impairment in your daily life (if you can’t sleep, if you’re experiencing physical discomfort such as stomach pains or trouble breathing, if you’re having suicidal thoughts, if your concentration is shot, etc.), you may need medicine as well (although I say this cautiously and without any claim to expertise, since I’m not a doctor and I don’t know your precise circumstances).

    A second thing I would say is that a lot depends on your therapist. A good therapist will listen to you without judging, will meet you where you are, and will try to tailor his or her approach to your needs. On the flip side, a therapist should also be willing to tell you things you need to hear, even if they’re not what you want to hear. It’s actually really hard to find a therapist that meets this seemingly simple criteria. I’ve had a lot of trouble with it. I don’t think I’ve ever met a therapist who I’ve felt completely comfortable with, although I’ve had better and worse experiences.

    Relatedly, you may need to change therapists. This is a corollary of the fact that not all therapists will work for you.

    In terms of practical results, I think it may depend a bit on what the specific issues are. If it’s a particular event or set of events from your life, I think a therapist can be very helpful in trying to dispassionately reason through things with you and helping you get clarity.

    On the other hand, if the problem is more of a recurrent thing in your life and not wholly or primarily caused by external stressors, it may be a longer and harder slog. It does help to have somebody who will listen to you and provide validation. However, this is again depends on whether you are able to find a therapist who actually listens and tries to understand you. In the long-term, I will say that a therapist can be helpful in fighting against recurrent irrational thoughts and “rumination”.

    In terms of behavioural stuff, therapists have recommended me lots of exercises to do on my own. Some of them have worked, although most haven’t. It’s hit-or-miss sort. Most of the behavioural stuff that I’ve been recommended and that works for me is pretty obvious.

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      This is very well said, it was really nice of you to take so much time with your response 😊

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        Thank you for this comment! I wish, in retrospect, that somebody had really tried to explain this some of this stuff to me before I started therapy. Managing expectations is super important because unrealistic expectations can be a source of friction or misunderstanding with a therapist, can lead you to blame yourself, and will just generally lead to a lot of disappointment.

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        I was about to delete this post after making it thinking that maybe I’ve given too much personal life information (I haven’t but one can guess) but after reading the very helpful comments and seeing how they have also helped you, I’m glad I didn’t delete it and will definitely keep it for anyone else to see too.

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      This was very helpful. I guess many people have unrealistic expectations. And tbh in my case I’ve seen it work so well for someone else, they literally turned a new leaf that I thought maybe it works the same for everyone. However I have no idea what was their own part in this, maybe they already proactively tried to make things better for themself. So simply thinking that maybe everything will now be set isn’t really what therapy is about. It’s the run off the mill suggestion for anyone who’s going through trouble…take therapy. So I too thought that maybe it works as a magic pill lol. But as you said for recurrent thoughts rather than an external event, therapy is time taking because it’s a fight against your own mind.
      Also thanks for highlighting that one might need many therapists instead of one because it is hard to find someone who will be able to understand you and guide you accordingly.

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    Yes, if you get lucky and find the right therapist for you, it should help with your issue whatever it might be. That is not to say it will be quick and easy and you won’t get mad sometimes at said right therapist.

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      One thing I’ll add is that about getting mad at your therapist: your therapist might be telling you things that are wrong. This is one of the really difficult things about therapy IMO. On the one hand, you want to trust your therapist and his or her expertise. Furthermore, it is the case that a good therapist will tell you things that really need to be said or give you advice that really needs to be given which will nevertheless upset you, anger you, etc. But it’s also possible that your therapist will say things that just don’t apply to your situation, will form preconceptions or biases about you that aren’t right, etc. Figuring out when your therapist is right and wrong, and when you should or shouldn’t listen to your therapist, can be really difficult. Hopefully, though, you’ll find a therapist who’s good, so that you’ll generally be able to trust your therapist, even when your therapist makes you super mad.

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        Yes, absolutely, I meant a person might get mad in the best way possible, when the therapist is actually doing his or her job very well, and leading or making it possible for the patient to understand the causes of his or her issues, and the best way to deal with them. I’ve had therapists tell me nonsense as if they had been meeting somebody else entirely. That’s good because at least it’s harmless and makes someone search a better therapist but the idea they might be telling nonsense disguised as truth was a real possibility. Intuition and self awareness is important in finding the difference.

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      That is my confusion, in what form does the “help” come? For instance if someone has gone through a traumatic event, does it help with moving on because clearly one can’t forget? Or even with mental health illnesses, they do remain there, depression and anxiety doesn’t go away so what help should therapy bring to that? A diffierent outlook on the issue?

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        It should help the patient understand exactly what bothers them and how to deal with that. It’s not even about mental health problems. Do you know anyone who is perfectly content with everything about them or even close to it? To be very honest I believe everyone should go through some form of therapy in their 20s just to unpack, because there is just so much that all of us go through without properly dealing with it as we grow up. Families mess up, even the best of them, society keeps telling us all kinds of nonsense about winning and loosing some stupid imaginary race and much more, people keep pushing their insecurities and problems to us as if we are the cause of them. Who can escape all of that and still find their “better version”? And that is if you don’t develop any mental issue, suffer some form of abuse or traumatic event. Those should try therapy even faster! I’m not saying it’s the only thing that will help but I truly believe it can be the most important factor. I’m not a therapist but I think I can tell you it won’t make you forget things, instead it helps you put them in their correct place for you. I’m not sure if this will make sense for you but I hope it does. As far as depression and anxiety, it does go away, there are many people that go through them and get better and never show any signs of them again.

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    It depends on whether you’re seeing a social worker (ordinary counselor) or a trained psychiatrist, and what you are looking to get out of it. As others have said, it really is kind of a crapshoot.

    If I may suggest, start with a psychiatrist who has a background in cognitive behavioral therapy. It’s really the only form of therapy that has empirical support for any practical success, compared to psychoanalytic (which really is a crapshoot in my experience) and mindfulness (which worked best for me). Having clear goals of what you want to get out of therapy will help you know when to switch therapists or try a different program if things aren’t working out. Trust me, the last thing you want is someone trying to practice being Freud on you.

    Lastly, delay medication as long as possible.

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      It is indeed kind of a crapshoot rather than something that will certainly and surely help. Thanks for advicing about setting goals that will give a good insight on if it’s working or not.

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    honestly.. NO.. super expensive, and a lot of rigmarole, convoluted talking.. generic stuff that you KNOW (integrating self back into routine, normal day to day life/activities)

    BUT, maybe truly amazing accomplished professionals are different (i don’t know how to identify them – even heads of best of the best hospital were just expensive and useless)

    AND, unless you are severely clinically depressed where meds can maybe help you fall asleep.. meds really don’t do much.. ultimately they will also suggest the same thing – find the will to integrate yourself in normal routine life (whether this is depression or addiction)

    Lastly, these consultation sessions are effective specially if you truly do not have someone to share your worries with. But, that is not always the case..

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    One must have without fail – pay attention to physical (however) and mental (meditation) health –

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      This is myth, the idea that friends and relatives are just as good as listeners and will be able to give you the same feedback. They are important but they can only do their role,mostly emotional support, they are not professionals that have the proper knowledge to even begin to understand many issues.

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        well.. i haven’t seen professionals give any better advice, so. i’d rather reserve my judgement on not opinions but the facts of life witnessed..

        ofcourse what facts exist in others’ lives , they know best

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        I also think it’s unfair to expect your friends or family to treat you. It’s a hard job for the best of people, your friends and family can’t be impartial in the same way a professional can, you may find it difficult to be completely open with them, and they aren’t subject to the same legal obligations to protect information which you disclose to them.

        Also, I will just throw out there that medication saves lives. I know lots of people for whom medication has been very useful. Is it the first thing I’d suggest? No. It wouldn’t be the second or third thing I’d suggest either. Over-medication is a real thing. However, I don’t think it has to get to the point where you can’t sleep or are severely depressed for you to seek out this option. Medication isn’t going to “fix” you; at best, it’s a strategic tool you use to manage symptoms when they become disruptive. But it’s still an option that should remain open.

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          If you are responding to me, i don’t think its about family treating you..
          my point is, even if you have the most supportive system around you, it still doesn’t matter .. so therapy’s primary objective cannot and should not be geared towards “lending an ear” – that is hardly ever a primary reason for seeking therapy/ or the cure

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            in case of depression atleast, and in most cases (caveat)

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            I think having a supportive system matters a lot! It’s not a sufficient condition for improvement. However, for most people it probably is a necessary condition for improvement. In that sense, having a therapist to talk to, somebody who provides an informed external perspective and who provides validation, is beneficial. I obviously don’t want to claim too much — people are different and I can only really speak from my experience — but if you have the option to receive therapy (e.g., if it’s covered by an insurance plan you’re on) and if you can find a good therapist (which can be a pretty thorny problem), it’s not a bad idea at all try it out and see if it helps.

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          well .. ya.. people are different, problems are different.. depression has its own shades, problems have their own shades

          However, whether something works or not, one constant must do i have observed is paying attention to basics – food we eat and exercise. If one is devastated, one must force oneself to stick to those routines/must dos.

          No matter what you are going through – nutrient or hormone imbalances will always appear and are a telltale signs of sthg going wrong// or can help improve (it will never be the case that you don’t improve these underlying basics and can still recover, best one can find short term reliefs)

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            I used to hate routines and exercises but they help a lot. People function best when they live a disciplined life or atleast are more productive when they are disciplined. I think some issues are avoidable by a good routine, healthy food and exercise but obviously mental health illnesses don’t go away just like that.

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        I have noticed people listen to therapists better than friends and family even if they say the same thing. And I think that comes from people naturally thinking that this person is a professional and we should listen to them rather than just argue our way through with friends and family. But also they are trained professionals so they have a way to make you believe in them and that is mostly because they are impartial.

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          hmm.. actually you do have a point there..

          same logic as with strangers..

          there is no concern about being judged..so you don’t double guess what you are saying (even with closest family members, one would be cautious at some level.. you are never truly carefree)

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      Your first paragraph is exactly what I struggle with. I know what they are saying very well so how should them telling me the same thing be effective? And that has made me doubt if it was even needed because it’s the generic stuff.

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    Former social worker here (with two parents who are counselors). In my family, counseling is something that you do to get support and perspective when facing really challenging issues in life. I’m lucky in that there was no stigma attached to it when growing up. A good counselor (which I have found isn’t about degrees, but about fit to you and experience) helps you understand patterns and gives you tools to work through your issues. You still have to put in the work, but it isn’t like living with issues and mental/emotional challenges is taking the “easy way” out. I hope that you find some support. Hwaiting!

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      I wonder what’s the least challenging real life issue? Because I have seen depression getting extremely worse for people too even if the cause behind it isn’t that huge. I did gather it’s a two way thing, the therapist can guide you but the effort to overcame the issues will be yours. But with the right therapist should this be done easily? I’ve also been thinking what is the take on people with trauma and abuse because instead of internal issues, that is an external event and shouldn’t therapy be tougher for them? I’m not able to describe it properly but what I mean is that even with mental health issues if one is unable to understand how they should be overcoming this then for people with trauma caused by someone else what should they be getting by the end of it?

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        So true, the reason/cause can be so so trivial in a normal setting.. but when you are depressed, at some level it stops being about curing the situation that instigated it.. but rather becomes an insanely difficult project of finding relevance, finding the energy to go on, finding hope and motivation to literally do anything (even brushing one’s own teeth)

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