why did i put off this recap so long?? part of me says schoolwork, part of me says it’s because it’s nothing i haven’t mentioned before. but part of me thinks that once i finish writing this recap, the show will be truly over. i mean, it has been for five years anyway, but there’s something about episode 20 that i’ll never really get over or never be able to not cry while watching.

i was gonna hold off on this recap for a bit, but today actually marks a year since i finished reply 1988 (i’m crazy for remembering this, I KNOW). and i decided that maybe today would be a good day to finish this recap, and share what the show means to me.

r88 ep 20
taek and deoksun’s relationship is sweet as ever— i love when he hugs her in the parking garage and you can see how happy he is!! their relationship will never make me FULLY happy, but i’ve come to peace with it because out of all the men, it’s taek, it’s bogum, and those small smiles he gives when he sees deoksun make me realize that it may be worth it.

the scene where the ajummas find out about sunwoo and bora is HILARIOUS (“why, you” by chuli and miae scores this scene, which i love). and sunwoo and bora being open to their parents about their relationship is difficult, but i love it because it perfectly captures their personalities as well as their families. the ajummas making up after the awkwardness is the BEST too, it reminds me so much of how my family friends and i react after we’ve had an argument— it’s awkward at first, but once we’re over it, we’re back in no time (how i’ll miss the ajummas…)

i love the smaller family moments, like when the kim parents sit outside and reflect upon how happy their sons have made them, how their children made the bad times bearable and worth it. one of my favorite moments in the series is when kim sungkyun said JB and JH coming up to him as he sold jajangmyun was the best day of his life. it’s just a sentence, but KSK’s face as he remembers that is so bright, and his smile is so contagious. i also love when sunwoo gives his real invitation to taek’s dad, where he lists him as his father. it wasn’t easy for sunwoo to accept him, but the invitation shows how much he does care for him, because he brings so much happiness to his mom.

bora and her appa’s relationship is the one that makes me cry THE MOST, as it reminds me of the one i have with my own father. i think a lot about when bora keeps asking her dad if the shoes are okay, or if he’s fine. it reminds me of me asking my dad if he’s okay when we drive together and he doesn’t say anything— it’s not because we don’t have a good relationship. quite the opposite, we are just too similar and don’t know how to convey our love for each other. i really had to pause the show when bora finally noticed the shoes were too tight on her dad and starts sobbing at her wedding, and how sung dong il waves her off with a sad, small smile. i DISSOLVE when bora and her father read their letters to each other, because they’re the exact same to the very end. for the umpteenth time, words fail how much this show touches me, and in this instance, it’s particularly because i think of my own relationship with my father and how i guess what i want to say to him before college is pretty much what bora says to her father…

the wedding in general makes me sob, as it was the last scene they filmed. the actors’ tears move me to pieces. and when it’s time for the families to leave, and the ajummas are separated, and deoksun looks around ssangmundong one last time, my heart hurts, because of how much i’ll miss this group.

i assumed that the ending of the show wouldn’t hurt as much as it had the other times i saw it, but i was surprised that i cried the most than i ever have watching the show this time. each element moves me, whether it’s “youth” by sanullim, looking at the character’s defaced rooms (it physically hurts), and most of all, deoksun’s monologue. she says this: “I couldn’t return to my youth, and I couldn’t return to that street either. Time flows, everything passes by, and ages. The reason that youth is beautiful is because of that. Because at a brilliant moment, you shine so brightly that it’s blinding, but you can never go back.” (taken from the DB recap). and seeing the gang back in taek’s room, or even thinking about it makes my eyes well up. the gang sings, jokes, and yells at each other one last time, and just like the show began, the ajummas call out, and they go back home, and then the street is left empty. and deoksun closes the show with the reply trademark: “A time so warm and innocent that I miss it painfully. Do you hear me? If you do, answer me, my 1988, the days of my youth.”

i needed quite a bit of time to recover from the ending this time, and when i talked to a school friend (who also loved the show), i think i figured out why. reply 1988 has always been so important to me because of what it meant to me last year. when things were difficult, this show was what made me laugh and smile and feel something. more than anything, it gave me a feeling of warmth, which i so longed for last winter. and even though i’ve seen certain scenes tens of times, they never lose their meaning. but this time, deoksun’s words of youth moved me more than they ever have. it’s because although i haven’t enjoyed high school, although last school year was without a doubt, the worst year of my life… it still represented my youth. i don’t quite know if that makes sense, but that’s why it stings even more— this final year, which was supposed to be brilliant and be my last and “shine so brightly”, has really just gone by. i feel like i never really got to enjoy school as much as i could, and it looks doubtful that i’ll ever be able to return to that time.

i guess this is somewhat the brilliance of reply 1988. it has officially been a whole year since i finished this show. i was so worried that my love for it would deteriorate, that it would be a passing phase, but i find quite the opposite— through this rewatch, i found more meaning and solace in the words it gave me. i know that it’s just a tv show, but to me, reply 1988 represents happiness. or, as deoksun would like to put it, the show is “so warm and innocent that I miss it painfully”. ◡̈ , 응답하라 1988, 사랑합니다