I had an amazing friend in medical school. You know those kdramas that have three girls or three boys that are best friends? I had that. We met in school and because of fate or destiny, or whatever, we were fast friends. My two best friends during that time were male. I’ve always been able to form better connections, however platonic and asexual they may be (at least on my end), with the male counterpart. When I was in college, I discovered I had more in common with the “male” brain than the “female” brain. I’m very logical, unemotional, tactile. Emotions are for books and movies, not real life.
I was in the military, and that is how we solidified our friendship. W. was Army and I was Air Force. Together, we formed a military society at the medical school I attended. We studied together, ate together, did everything during the day together. He bailed my car out of tow jail one late night after I parked illegally at the hospital. He was married, so I never had to worry that he had ulterior motives. I worried his wife would misunderstand our relationship. I only ever met his wife once in our four years of school. He loved her immensely. We talked in passing about his marriage, never the center of our conversations. He was not overly obsessed with this part of his life, we were in medical school after all and most of our conversations were about microbiology or biochemistry.
W. knew my love life, more about me than anyone really. I was like his little sister, I always felt, and he was the big brother I never had. He teased me like one, anyway. He was the first person I told about this crazy guy who I met at officer training school and a year later somehow tracked me down and called me to go out with him. He unmercifully teased me to no end and to get him to stop, I said, “Stop it! It’s not like I’ll marry him!” Little did I know…
After I went on that first date, and knew that my date would lead to many more, and with clinical rotations starting so that I barely saw my medical school friends, and then being engaged and marrying within just 18 months of that first date, I lost contact, total contact, with W.
He did come to my wedding, and our interaction was too brief.
I have no idea where he is now, although I could easily find him if I wanted in the age of the internet. If my husband found me 20 years ago, it’s that much easier to reconnect with people now.
But that’s how it is with me. I make deep connections with people fairly quickly, and just as quickly, I move on. I prefer to leave them as jewels in my memory, unencumbered, perfect memories. People can get messy with time, and I prefer not to know how messy. And now, I have a new best friend, at least in the past 20 years, that those relationships that were in the past can stay there. W. was there when I needed him.
Omg @ally I had no idea you were in the army, also your love story and friendship are really cute. I really relate to you with this post. As a girl, growing up, I wasn’t really into more of the feminine interests like making cards or cakes for friends and stuff. My best friend ( we’ve been friends almost 9 years now, I’ve known her since 5th grade) was the same as me but my other friends did stuff like this and it made me feel a bit odd. Also I agree that sometimes friends lose touch, but that doesn’t mean the memories we shared with them become any less precious. I know so many girls who didn’t realise this back in high school when friends sometimes grow apart due to different interests. They created so much of drama instead of letting go. I myself had friends from whom I have grown apart but I let go of them when it seemed like they were developing new interests and evolving. I still text them from time to time and I look back on our memories fondly
Air Force! It’s not a big deal. Joining the military is how I paid for med school. It’s how I met my husband. I made good friends there too. I can always make friends but better at making memories!
I feel that sometimes certain people are in our lives for a small amount of time because that was when you needed to be together to grow into your best self. I have a lot of plants, and I think of these important but transient friendships like repotting a plant. It’s not that there was anything wrong with the old pot, but a new one is needed to grow bigger and stronger. You could cut yourself down and make sacrifices for the old one to still fit, but it’s not what is best for you. None of this makes the relationship any less important – you still needed that relationship to grow into who you are today. But it’s also important to move on when you need to, and hope that they remember you as fondly as you remember them.
It’s not the same, but I have a best friend from high school who I haven’t spoken to in a long time now – maybe six years? We drifted apart naturally, but I keep tabs on her from a distance. I don’t know why I haven’t reached out – maybe because I’m scared that I did something wrong? But those are my issues. But maybe it’s also because we did outgrow each other after so long apart. I feel like you – I want to keep those memories unencumbered and perfect.
It’s not just your issues. She probably thinks the same thing. I don’t miss friendships though. I guess because I’m always making new ones. But I love all my friends. Everyone I’ve been fortunate enough to become close to, I’ll love forever.
Thanks for sharing. I believe people come into your life and leave it for a reason. And I’m sure if your paths cross again, you two will feel the same connection you did back then.
Ally
February 4, 2021 at 8:19 AM
February 4, 2021
I had an amazing friend in medical school. You know those kdramas that have three girls or three boys that are best friends? I had that. We met in school and because of fate or destiny, or whatever, we were fast friends. My two best friends during that time were male. I’ve always been able to form better connections, however platonic and asexual they may be (at least on my end), with the male counterpart. When I was in college, I discovered I had more in common with the “male” brain than the “female” brain. I’m very logical, unemotional, tactile. Emotions are for books and movies, not real life.
I was in the military, and that is how we solidified our friendship. W. was Army and I was Air Force. Together, we formed a military society at the medical school I attended. We studied together, ate together, did everything during the day together. He bailed my car out of tow jail one late night after I parked illegally at the hospital. He was married, so I never had to worry that he had ulterior motives. I worried his wife would misunderstand our relationship. I only ever met his wife once in our four years of school. He loved her immensely. We talked in passing about his marriage, never the center of our conversations. He was not overly obsessed with this part of his life, we were in medical school after all and most of our conversations were about microbiology or biochemistry.
W. knew my love life, more about me than anyone really. I was like his little sister, I always felt, and he was the big brother I never had. He teased me like one, anyway. He was the first person I told about this crazy guy who I met at officer training school and a year later somehow tracked me down and called me to go out with him. He unmercifully teased me to no end and to get him to stop, I said, “Stop it! It’s not like I’ll marry him!” Little did I know…
After I went on that first date, and knew that my date would lead to many more, and with clinical rotations starting so that I barely saw my medical school friends, and then being engaged and marrying within just 18 months of that first date, I lost contact, total contact, with W.
He did come to my wedding, and our interaction was too brief.
I have no idea where he is now, although I could easily find him if I wanted in the age of the internet. If my husband found me 20 years ago, it’s that much easier to reconnect with people now.
But that’s how it is with me. I make deep connections with people fairly quickly, and just as quickly, I move on. I prefer to leave them as jewels in my memory, unencumbered, perfect memories. People can get messy with time, and I prefer not to know how messy. And now, I have a new best friend, at least in the past 20 years, that those relationships that were in the past can stay there. W. was there when I needed him.
Love,
February
Ally
February 4, 2021 at 8:20 AM
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Mani-chan
February 4, 2021 at 8:32 AM
Omg @ally I had no idea you were in the army, also your love story and friendship are really cute. I really relate to you with this post. As a girl, growing up, I wasn’t really into more of the feminine interests like making cards or cakes for friends and stuff. My best friend ( we’ve been friends almost 9 years now, I’ve known her since 5th grade) was the same as me but my other friends did stuff like this and it made me feel a bit odd. Also I agree that sometimes friends lose touch, but that doesn’t mean the memories we shared with them become any less precious. I know so many girls who didn’t realise this back in high school when friends sometimes grow apart due to different interests. They created so much of drama instead of letting go. I myself had friends from whom I have grown apart but I let go of them when it seemed like they were developing new interests and evolving. I still text them from time to time and I look back on our memories fondly
Ally
February 4, 2021 at 7:19 PM
Air Force! It’s not a big deal. Joining the military is how I paid for med school. It’s how I met my husband. I made good friends there too. I can always make friends but better at making memories!
SnarkyJellyfish
February 4, 2021 at 8:48 AM
Thank you for sharing, I love this.
I feel that sometimes certain people are in our lives for a small amount of time because that was when you needed to be together to grow into your best self. I have a lot of plants, and I think of these important but transient friendships like repotting a plant. It’s not that there was anything wrong with the old pot, but a new one is needed to grow bigger and stronger. You could cut yourself down and make sacrifices for the old one to still fit, but it’s not what is best for you. None of this makes the relationship any less important – you still needed that relationship to grow into who you are today. But it’s also important to move on when you need to, and hope that they remember you as fondly as you remember them.
It’s not the same, but I have a best friend from high school who I haven’t spoken to in a long time now – maybe six years? We drifted apart naturally, but I keep tabs on her from a distance. I don’t know why I haven’t reached out – maybe because I’m scared that I did something wrong? But those are my issues. But maybe it’s also because we did outgrow each other after so long apart. I feel like you – I want to keep those memories unencumbered and perfect.
Ally
February 4, 2021 at 7:24 PM
It’s not just your issues. She probably thinks the same thing. I don’t miss friendships though. I guess because I’m always making new ones. But I love all my friends. Everyone I’ve been fortunate enough to become close to, I’ll love forever.
FlyingTool
February 4, 2021 at 9:20 AM
“ as jewels in my memory, unencumbered, perfect memories.”
Same here.
Eazal
February 4, 2021 at 9:25 AM
Thanks for sharing. I believe people come into your life and leave it for a reason. And I’m sure if your paths cross again, you two will feel the same connection you did back then.
Ally
February 4, 2021 at 7:24 PM
I totally agree!