Day 10

I know I’ve been rather awful about actually writing during this Love, February. But honestly I’ve just been so tired.

Between my pride in not falling behind at work just because “I’m the pregnant one” to my fear that I’ve become bad at contacting people during this insular pandemic life, I feel drained constantly.

I love my job, I can honestly say that these days. Are some days unnecessarily more rough than others? Is management run by idiots? Yes to both and many similar questions. But I enjoy the work itself, the long term relationships I get to make with people on their cancer journey, the fact that I get the privilege of caring for them and hopefully helping along the way.

And I love my friends. Many of my closest friends are intentionally child free, so I admit I was nervous they thought I was buying into the 2.5 kids and white picket fence ideal of life when I got married and pregnant so quickly. But their absolute joy since the beginning at getting to be honorary aunts to my child, their care love for me and unborn baby tigress has been nothing short of beautiful. I’ll be one of the first to admit that I prefer to be a caretaker than taken care of, so this season of nausea and fatigue has taught me how thoughtful my friends and family can be, when I give them the chance.

What do any of these random thoughts have to do with this song? When I saw Eric Nam in concert several years ago, before he sang “Love Die Young” he talked about how the song wasn’t about a romantic love, but more his love for his music and performing. The song is about his fear of burnout, of losing this love that was central to his life.

I get that fear, I’ve come so close already to burn out in my work as a nurse. I love being a nurse, but I’ve seen coworkers on the other side of burnout, and how little care they have left afterwards, for themselves and their patients.

Even with this baby coming, I get worried that I’ll get so wrapped up in this little thing I love that I’ll forget to pour into the relationships that have gotten me here, that I’ll forget the other parts of myself that have worked so hard to help me learn to love me.

So, in other words, “Please don’t let this love die young.”

Love, February

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    Eric!!!!!! Okay, I’m so glad you were at his concert. I would love to see him while he’s touring right now, but I’m not ready to with too many people. I love his new album though and I love this song too. Thank you for the meaning behind the song.

    And to being tired. WE. ALL. ARE. It’s ok. I having written anything meaningful either. It’s nice to see you here and that’s enough.

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      Same, he’s going to be in my city next month, but I don’t think I’ll be ready to go to a concert just then…

      It’s nice to see you here too! Thank you.

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    I hope your love never dies or at least that it happens when it’s really old and you’re ready to let it go.

    You have really good people around you so even if you feel like you’re losing yourself I bet they help you in the search.

    Fighting! ^^

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    It’s okay to be tired; we’re all tired – and being pregnant makes you super super tired (especially right at the end, when you also can’t sleep because you are too pregnant 😅).

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    It’s okay to be tired. That’s an understandable worry, but I think more often than not, new loves are like a new sprout in the garden. Even if they might take more attention and care, especially in the beginning, your friends and family and all those parts of yourself are still there ❤ And can grow and help along the way too

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