Day Eleven

Still in a bit of a bleh mood today, but feeling a lot better after walking around and getting a load of errands done. Hopefully laptop will be fixed by Monday. I also treated myself to some fresh flowers and a small bunch of eucalyptus, so at least that can brighten up these gloomy February days. And I’m treating myself to an unhealthy but super satisfying dinner, so that’s always a good way to end a day.

Okay. Scratch all of the above. About five minutes after writing that I had a bad fall in the middle of the street, spilled milkshake all over my dinner and injured my knee. Not sure how bad it is yet – skinned badly, but I can walk and no swelling (yet). As for the dinner, the place was nice enough to replace my shake and gave me fresh fries too. I guess the silver lining to this evening is that I have a milkshake and fresh flowers (albeit somewhat crushed flowers, but still).

It took a lot of willpower to not burst into tears/hysterical laughter until I got home. Sometimes I think I’m cursed. Whenever things seem to be going okay for me something new happens to mess it all up. And I get that this has just been a bad few days, and sh*t happens, none of it is un-fixable. But compounded with the anxiety of going back to work and the looming anniversary of my dad’s death, plus some other personal stuff, it feels like a lot.

Some days I really just want to scream into the void. Or maybe throw myself into it. Screw this stupid month.

I guess I’ll try again tomorrow.

Love (not really),
February

[Song of the Day: Miss Misery by Elliott Smith]

I know you’d rather see me gone
Than to see me the way that I am
But I am in the life anyway

Next door the TV’s flashing blue frames on the wall
It’s a comedy of errors, you see
It’s about taking a fall

To vanish into oblivion
It’s easy to do
And I try to be
But you know me
I come back when you want me to

Do you miss me, Miss Misery
Like you say you do?

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