Love, February Day 1

Well.

Here we are again.

I f***ing hate this month.

I’ve said it every year, I’ll say it again.

I hate this stupid short month with its stupid cold days and its stupid cupids.

But I kind of love Love, February.

So.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s begin in earnest.

A few days ago, I went back through my wall, looking for something and it led me my first year of Love, February posts. My goodness, I left a lot of myself on this wall back then. The following years have been less personal, more reflective. Music is the throughline, as always. Surprise surprise.

The first year was about expelling the ghosts of my past, gaining the lightness and freedom I needed to move forward. It was healing.

The second year was an escape. I was tired, burned out but in denial. Writing these posts was a little respite from the awfulness that is February.

The third year was my uninspired year. After eleven months of distance and solitude, it was hard to find inspiration in anything, let alone love. In retrospect, it felt like a prelude to the days to come. Sometimes I wonder if I knew. That February ended…badly.

Last year was about mourning and grief. It was about learning to say goodbye. Learning that February is not ever going to be any easier.

So, that brings us to this year. Year five. I don’t know what this year will bring. But it seems like after five years, something significant should emerge. But then again, why do we feel like five is such a significant benchmark? Half a decade? I don’t know. It feels so arbitrary, but also, it feels like a shift is imminent. This last year, I’ve felt restless, both unlike myself and more like myself than ever before. I’ve been questioning a lot, but I have no answers.

And, with that, I suppose, we are off. I don’t know if I have the words in me this year, but I’ll try.

Love,
February

Song of the Day: On My Way by Epik High feat. Jackson Wang

In honor of their new album, Strawberry, out today.
My absolute faves, can’t wait to see them again in March.

The door I was knocking on turned out to be a wall
Here’s me waving goodbye with a bloody fist
Singing I’ll be on my way
OK, they say, “Be the change u wanna see in the world”
But it’s only I that have changed and the world stands unmoved

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    stupid cupid 😉

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    I love your reflection. I can’t believe it’s been 5 years, but here we are…

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      Crazy, right?! But yeah. I still remember writing some of my first posts for Love, February a few years ago, never knowing how much they would change me. They really helped me find my voice again after years of feeling like it had disappeared into a deep dark cave.

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    💜 glad to see you again Snarky. It’s crazy it’s been years of this… but, no pressure, but I do really love your music recommendations each year.

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      Coco!

      As always, thank you for sharing this beautiful tradition. Honestly, this makes the month go by a lot faster. I think I’m just in a funk today. Five years – so crazy. Everyone around here has gone through so many life changes. I hope you’re doing well! How is your little tigress?

      I can honestly say this has become one of my favorite traditions over the last few years. It’s a moment each day to slow down and reflect. It helps me clear a lot of the clutter from my chaotic brain, which can be really cathartic when life is overwhelming.

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        I get being in a funk… Honestly nearly forgot about it this year! I really don’t sleep anymore and it’s starting to show… She’s trying to start walking! Which is exciting and sad because she’s getting to be such a big kid…

        Thank you so much for participating each year, I forgot how special the community coming together here was!

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    Maybe a new beginning?
    New friends?
    New doors?

    Happy February 😘

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    Snarky!

    It’s nice to see you back~ and yes, no pressure but looking forward to the music you’ll recommend this year~

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