On The Popularity Of The “Dating A Superior At Work” Trope
Perhaps it’s because my latest drama-watching victim partner is an impressionable 13-year-old, but I’ve been thinking a lot about the prevalence of romantic pairings in which one character is a boss and the other is an employee or subordinate. How do I help her understand that while we are expected to swoon over the fictional Ryan Golds, such a relationship would be ill-advised in real life?
Just this year alone we had:
Touch Your Heart
Her Private Life
The Secret Life Of My Secretary
Romance Is A Bonus Book
Hotel Del Luna
Angel’s Last Mission: Love
Catch The Ghost
My Strange Hero (?)
In some instances, such as Encounter/Boyfriend, the central conflict arises from the power imbalance and difference in socioecenomic status between the romantic leads. However, this seems to rarely ever be the case, as dozens upon dozens of secretary dramas have mined their drama and conflict from places other than the nature of the relationship. In Touch Your Heart or The Secret Life, dating your boss is portrayed as a viable romantic option, not as a choice rife with ethical and professional issues.
This year we’ve seen a rise in dramas that reverse the trope by having the female partner as the boss, which usually opens the door to interesting discussions about gender roles and societal expectations.
I have loved many dramas with this romantic set-up and will continue to watch them, but I remain curious as to why this kind of pairing seems to be so popular. Thoughts?

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    I’ve enjoyed dramas with this setup because they were fluffy and this is entertainment – it doesn’t need to be woke for me to enjoy it! But to tell you the truth, in my opinion this trope is pure patriarchy

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      When I was a kid, this trope was all over the TV shows I watched (non Korean). I was surprised to realize that it’s still so common on Kdramas. Basically, these shows tell women that it is aspirational to date your supercute usually chaebol boss (adding an extra layer of classism to patriarchy) instead of telling us that we are able to reach professional sucess if we focus on our careers… Worse still, they tell us that instead of doing real work, it’s ok to have a woman following the whims of a totally unprofessional boss who feels entitled to usurp her time and attention… Ludicrous! This doesn’t mean that I eschew these dramas, but I think we can enjoy something and be critical at the same time

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        I’d have thought that narratives like this would be a thing of the past by now, but here we are. And this is not to shame women who want to date someone with a good job, but must it be someone who controls your job as well? This, in addition to the inequality built into the relationship, just seems like a bad financial decision.

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        In real life, it’s pretty hard for the average person to have a dashing chaebol boss.
        I think workplace romance would probably work best if there’s a degree of separation, like it’s not your direct superior, or different depts, otherwise the conflict of interest & bias will make it complicated.

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    It could be that in these cases attraction is related to the stability a boss gives to an employee. There are a lot of advantages in dating your boss as portrayed in dramas like he’s always there to save the day, charismatic, respected by everyone, financially stable, closed to the object of affection (no need to go to blind dates), can be seen everyday and give work privileges (in dramas at least). He’s husband material and when there’s a weakness to all of his perfection, it makes him more approchable, thus a bond more special than the usual boss-employee relationship.

    Even if I enjoyed dramas you mentionned, I think that it gives the message of getting into a company to find a husband. There are dramas with that kind of women (because only women have these thoughts =.=”) and they’re portrayed as bad. So, only a nice woman who didn’t ask for anything and who just happened to fall for her boss or the boss fell for her, gets a pass. That’s also a point that ticks me. Sometimes, the boss gives special treatment and it makes it for the employee to be recognized for their work. But then, if rumours appear, the boss comes and saves the day. Isn’t it like a never ending circle?

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      This makes a lot of sense, especially the part about the boss being attractive because he is respected by everyone (even though he might not necessarily be liked at first). The idea of dating your boss is so unattractive to me that I couldn’t fathom why anyone would do it even in a fictional setting, but I’m considering the reasons you suggested and the puzzle pieces are starting to fit together. It boggled my mind at first.

      I get what you mean about how only nice women who didn’t come to work looking for a husband are given a pass if they find one. Those who expressly want to meet someone at work are labelled as desperate or manipulative. It’s part of a whole thing where women aren’t allowed to be proactive in their love lives the same way men are. I feel a rant incoming so let me stop here. 😂

      The thing is that I wouldn’t mind this set-up as much if the characters acknowledged that their respective positions made their relationship problematic. Some hesitation on the part of the secretary, some reticence from her boss, some discussions on how to handle things and how to make the relationship more equitable, something.

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        I agree with you. Dating your boss doesn’t appeal to me neither. Actually, anyone who can use power play on me isn’t a potential romantic partner. He can decide on your work career’s evolution or ending. That’s really icky.

        I feel you. I stopped myself before renting too haha A discussion between the two partners to separate their work from private life is needed. In What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim, I expected Kim Mi So to gain complete independence from her boss and live as Kim Mi So, not only as Secretary Kim like she wanted in the premiere. But, she was already caring for him and did more things than a traditional secretary should do.

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          That’s true for me as well. Anyone who has power over what becomes of my career is automatically disqualified as a romantic prospect. Ick.

          WWWSK was ultimately disappointing in that respect – I didn’t watch it but Beanie rants told me everything I needed to know – but thankfully Park Min Young came back with Her Private Life, which had a far healthier relationship.

          Are you currently watching any romcoms?

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            I’m watching Love With Flaws, Crash Landing on You and the Jdrama Nee Sensei, Shiranai No?

            The male lead in Love With Flaws is a chaebol and decides to work in the school where the female lead teaches because he wants to get revenge. Things happen and he goes back and forth but the fact that he wanted to use his power in the first place to get revenge because she rejected him when they were kids doen’t make me cheer for him.

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            HPL had a healthier relationship than in WWWSK because Ryan Gold was the new boss, Deok Mi was qualified and her work recognized before his arrival, and the two kept butting head in the beginning. Deok Mi was her own person outside of their relationship whereas Mi So in WWWSK was always secretary Kim at and outise work.

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    Totally agree with you. It presents an ethical dilemma and is professionally inappropriate. I do think that the female boss discussions about gender roles and societal expectations are needed especially in a patriarchal society like South Korea.

    However, I don’t think Touch Your Heart and RIABB technically fall into that boss/subordinate trope. Yoon Seo wasn’t really Jung Rok’s secretary. Dan Yi and Eun Ho knew each other before she started working for the same company
    and while he was a department head he wasn’t her direct supervisor.

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      Same here. I find that I enjoy female-boss dramas because they challenge the status quo in Korean society. I found it especially awesome when My Strange Hero’s Son Soo-jeong rejected the advances of her wealthy, well-connected boss to be with Bok-soo.

      As for RIABB and Touch Your Heart, when I was writing this I was thinking broadly of a situation where two people work at the same place/company and one has a superior position to the other. But I do understand your point.

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