Beanie level: Jang Geu-rae

Just some thoughts :).

Why is MY so fixated on KT? She recognised that she resonates with him in a way she’s unable to with other people. At least in that they’re both imperfect. She grew up being told she’s different and that she’s a monster, she’s destined to be alone. She knows she’s different but she doesn’t understand why she’s different. It started when she was watching KT walking away from ST at the frozen lake, she was secretly egging him on to leave his brother behind. She saw a glimpse of what she thought was darkness in him. She wished for him to be different like her, cold and unfeeling. She’s so isolated from the rest of world though she craves connection. If there is but one person out there that’s different like her, that’s comforting.

When he went back to save his brother she was dissappointed, however a humanized part of her was awakened and she decided to save KT. I feel like whenever she’s plucking the petals to decide whether to step in she’s deciding whether to follow the “monster” she was told she was and raised to be. But in the end her human instinct still takes over.

When MY ripped the butterflies in front of KT, asking him “This is who I am, do you still like me?”. What she wanted from him was acceptance, even if she is different, even if the whole world treats her as such. If there is just one person who’s able to accept her, that’s enough.

Can a child who’s never been shown genuine love and warmth radiate love and warmth? Besides from the abusive, possessive “love” her mother fed her she doesn’t know of any other kind which explains why she displays possessive, manipulative, obsessive behaviours. A mother, even if evil is still a mother. Her mother’s love, even though toxic was the only love she’s ever known. When faced with the delusional patient who claimed to be her mother, her reaction was still “Mother, is that really you?” with tears welling in her eyes. What she deeply yearns for is still warmth, love and to be accepted.

MY is unable to understand the joy and pain of other people, she can’t understand something she’s never experienced or was a part of. Her reaction to the morning after/breakfast scene was telling, something so simple but so foreign to her. The scene at the hospital showed her looking on wistfully as an outsider. She craves connection, wants to belong and to be accepted yet she doesn’t know how to connect. That’s why she wished for a prince to “save” her from the cursed castle, from her mother and from herself. That’s why the main characters in her stories are witches and not princesses. She’s representing herself and those who are different. She wants to paint them in a different light from society’s prejudice. If you observe MY closely she’s actually has a natural understanding and sympathy towards those who are different. She doesn’t judge or treat them the way society does. Her harsh treatments are towards those she deems as “vermin”, the bad guys.

Years later even as an adult MY is still fixated on KT, her red shoes. The boy who followed her around, the only person who saw her for what she was and still came back for her. While everyone looked at her as being different and judged her, KT was the first and probably the only one to have shown her acceptance.

This isn’t a fairytale where a kiss from the prince will save or heal our heroine. Trauma and mental sufferings aren’t things someone can magically heal you from. You yourself have to actively want to heal for any progress to take place. It does help to have someone to support and guide you along the journey. I think if MY and KT have not become involved in each others’ lives, KT will continue to wear himself out until he can no longer and MY will eventually spriral down the path of self destruction. I’ve said this before, I think they’re needed in each others’ lives because each of them can see through and understand the other person better than they do themselves. They’ll be pushing each other to change, face their fears and begin their healing journey. In the process of helping MY face her demons, KT will also find the courage to face his fears and pursue what he wants out of life, learn to receive love and free himself from his emotional baggage he’s been holding onto since childhood.

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