This seems to be one of those dramas where there are no real villains - everyone is just kind of tragic and sad. The scene between Kwang-il and Ji-an was striking. There was something about the way it was acted and shot - the closing visual of them standing silently next to one another, the air heavy with all the lost potential. I've only seen Jang Ki Yong in Go Back Couple, where he was solid (and fun) eye candy (and maybe the what could have been to this universe), but am very impressed with him in My Mister.

I'm scared about how we're going to wrap this up - especially in terms of the inevitable fallout when Dong Hoon finds out about what Ji an's been doing behind his back. You'd think he'd be understanding, but you can also see him being super pissed.

Anybody know why no new episodes during the first week of May? I'm assuming it's something to do with politics or sports, but I was curious about the exact cause. Thanks!

@missjb

How did this comment not become famous? Its so beautiful.

I don't think yoon hee deserve doong hoon like guy because,she only regrets because ji Ann tells the trouth about joong yoon so ...othewise she don't regrets and also don't think abouth her husband and children... Why every people make wrong descison then after somthing bad happends , then people comes to regrets otherwise nothing.....

Confirms my opinions about her ex lover's opinion of her being shameless enough. He confesses to being made to feel worthless and unworthy of even the most basic respect after twenty years and a kid together, and she gaslights him and makes this all about herself, painting herself as the victim. Does not realize that however valid, this is all subjective, her not clicking with his friends, her opinions about nuclear vs large families (does she really think her kid, who she throws in as a token, does not benefit from the support group and close bond of having such a close relationship with his grandmother, uncles and aunt? It seems to me that expercially when living abroad, having such a close bond is a clear added value). As Ji An hitting it off with them and having the same opinions on family demonstrate, one can have different attitudes towards all of those, it is a different perspective, not a slight.

And please, she just had a flashback when she remembered how kind he was to her when she treated him badly and lied to him for a year, betraying him with his worst enemy, while he nursed her back to heart when she was dealing with the affair's breakup, how can she now question his care for her as if she completely forgot about all of that? And pettily bringing up stuff (kimchi, etc.) from a decade ago, which she shouldn't have done had she not wanted to, and that apparently she did in a completely transactional manner, keeping score (I did this, so change who you are for me and distance yourself from friends and family? And as we saw before, a complete break, not even compromising for fewer days a week). All things that needed to be aired our, but not after he just confessed to being made to feel worthless.

Thankfully Ji An listened in and told him he was a good, deserving person. But this is the contrast, it's something that she should have done while apologizing, while she completely ignored his state of mind when he confessed his feelings of unwothiness. All things in their time and place. Don't switch from apologizing to victim blaming, throwing accusations and bringing up old grudges, painting yourself as a victim in the same sentence. When you question his care, even after he treated you so kindly when knowing the trush (he was not obliged to nurse her back when she was heartbroken), keeping in mind you were making excuses to avoid meeting him and his family while spending time with your lover, manipulating him into quitting his job while being with someone that would have fired him for his own convenience -and greatly misjudging him regarding the possibility of retaliation-, it's hard to see how shameless one can get.

Lastly... no confession about Ji An? Not addressing trying to get him to quit his job, mortage his house, only to embark on a project that would have been guraanteed to collapse as soon as she left him for his worst enemy, destroying his confidence (he also had less experience managing people at that level...

On top of the bad taste and lack of care for him being made to feel unworthy of the basic respect (after 20 years and a son together), I feel like she didn't exactly take responsibility:
- it was all about herself, but she didn't mention how by her actions she deemed him unworthy of basic respect (Ji An took care of that later, having heard)
- she forgot her own slights (making excuses to get out of family meetings only to complain when she was not involved, treating him curtly even when she was cheating -without a shred of guilt about either, until she confirmed he knew and remembered his care for her, nursing her while knowing she betrayed him with his worst enemy and lied to him, not that that stopped her from continuing to question his care for her even afterwards or throwing it back in his face now-). Most of this was perception/inability or unwillingness to fit in -see sister in law and Ji An for demonstration that without the need for transactional exchanges of money it is possible to establish deep, good relationship with these people she looks down on and despises-.
- she does not even notice his gestures of affections -doing the housework, not watching tv while she is in the studio, always asking her whether she needs something... she reacts badly to the latter, while Ji An notices it as one of the most heartwarming things-. This is not even mentioning the kindness with which he supported her after the breakup with her lover, asking her how she was doing and making her porridge, etc., which she felt guilty about just recently. Completely out of the picture.
- I wonder if she realizes that any of the subjective perceived slights she accused him of (which as Ji An, for example, demonstrates, are simply difference of perceptions or inability/unwillingness to fit in with people she dislikes), she is guilty of tenfold, a hundredfold, a thousandfold. Her betraying him with her lover, his worst enemy, says "I don't care about you" much louder than him *not* lying to her about being with his family (completely reasonable sentence).
- She complained about him not knowing what she needs... does she know what he needs? Because it includes being close and spending time with his family and friends, and she wants to distance himself from them because a decade ago she made kimchi and some other stuff.
- Who between the two does she think has the right to question the other's care for them, after she betrayed him and he took care of her when she was heartbroken afterwards, despite knowing the truth? Who has the right to feel alone, abandoned, made to feel unworthy of love and respect? She is so self centered that she does not even address the latter point, and Ji An has to "save him" when he was "dying", having heart his cry, reassuring him that he is a good person.
- He tried to compromise with her about the days, even when she was cheating and he knew about it. She cherry picked his actions, choosing always the worst interpretations...

Didn't really address important issues such as the fact that she did try to manipulate him into quitting his job and mortaging his home, by playing on his insecurities, which would have ended in a disaster, him being wrecked at seeing her divorce him for his worst enemy and in no condition to be responsible for starting business and his employees. For that matter, the fact that she wanted to divorce was not mentioned, as well as the fact that yes, she knew her lover was trying to get him fired, but the reason she broke up with him was because (as far as her husband knows) he told him to (while in reality it was because Ji An told her he badmouthed her behind her back and he lied to her about camping -that counted more than him trying to leave his subordinate whose wife he was sleeping with, someone she knew for 20 years jobless and alone, for his own convenience-).

I feel like she didn't exactly take responsibility in the breakup scene, for her role in the relationship getting to this point (for which they are both responsible) in addition to for the cheating, for which she is sorely responsible:
- She talks about him not knowing what she needs, but does she know what he needs, or even care? She wanted to take away a core part of him, his relationship with friends and family, and/or to change the type/nature of that relationship. His mother is as important to him as Ji An's grandma is to her. His friends will go through thick and thin for him. For that matter, I feel that his son benefits greatly from the closeness with his extended family, particularly while abroad, so while she uses him as a token I wonder if she ever spent the time to think about the child's needs in this regard.
- She is selective about the slights she recalls. She complains about him spending time with friends (even when he compromises, she does not accept it), but does not mention her coming home late herself, nor, for that matter, the numerous times she made excuses to avoid spending time with family or him (only to complain he was there without her) while she was with her lover. It was a destructive spiral, she focuses on what he did but does not accept her role in the situation.
- She questions his affections, which is simply crazy given that not long ago she flashbacked to him being kind to her and nursing her back from the affair's breakup, while knowing what she did. In general, she takes a difference in perspective and inability to fit in as a slight (ignores his kindness after the discovery of her betrayal, the housework he did before she came home, him not watching tv while she was in the studio, and asking her whether she needed anything... compare with Ji An that thinks the latter is the most heartwarming thing -while the wife brushes it off and take it, and him, for granted-,loves his friends, has the same perspective on family... not only differet perspective, but also not taking him for granted), but with her betrayals and curtness she gave him all the reasons to doubt not only her care for him, but also her basic respect, after 20 years and a child together.
- Considering her recent behavior, but also her lack of care for his perspective and what he wants, whathever she accuses him of she did tenfold. Nuclear vs extended family is a matter of perspective. Him valuing his family and friends is a matter of his character. She married him *for* his character. Had he been the type of person that would distance from friends and family as she asked, he would not have been the type of person with the character she appreciated when she married him. Her not fitting in (not wanting to fit in with people she dislikes) is not a given. Him being wrong about love not being a pyramid is not a given. Ji An hit it right off with his friends, and has the same attitude towards family. Her betraying him with his worst enemy and...

Read somewhere that he could have avoided the whole thing had he moved. Disagree with this immensely. Setting aside the fact that then he would have been miserable, I don't know how healthy (and I can imagine how unfair, needy, controlling and unreasonable it would seem were the roles reversed, though this seems the case even in the current setting) it is for someone to ask the person they claim you love more than anyone else to distance himself from his family and friends, basically every other person who loves him and that he loves. I would add that I think not having grandma/uncles/aunt in his live would have been a loss even for their child's life, were she not using him as a token in her complaint, particularly now that he is alone abroad the conf calls with everyone else were full of joy.

Those relationship are a central part of his life. She knew him for I think five years previous to this, and his brothers were in his life from his twenties, so she well knew what his ideas on family and community were. She certainly knows now after 15 years of marriage. More than anything, however, one should point out that if he did distance himself from them, he would be walking away from his family and friends always had his back (the brother putting aside money, the friend letting Ji An live with her at a moment's notice, no questions asked), sacrificing an essential piece of his life and his happyness for the sake of the validation of someone that would be willing to betray him for his worst enemy, lie to his face for a year, treat him curtly with selective outrage and a good dose of shamelessness, stay at his enemy's side while he was plotting to fire him, the subordinate whose wife he was sleeping with, for his convenience, enlisting the help of a woman that killed someone, and even try to manipulate him to give up his job, mortanging his house, to alleviate her guilt -an enterprise destinate to a catastrofic failure, if one takes into account the wreckage of his confidence and mindsef after she divorced him to be with his worst enemy)-.

In all this, the biggest question that was't asked in their confrontation/apology scene was why she cares so much about what he does and how he regards his family, to the point of being bothered about when he tells her stuff or where he spends his time *now*, given that she was lying to him, ghosting him and spending time with her lover for a year (think skin complaining about him being with his family without her) and they both know it. She had been deceiving him and having a relationship with his worst enemy for a year, and she was planning to divorce him (not to mention without the company job, either by her lover firing him or her manipulating him by playing up his insecurities. So, not only "where does she get the idea she can complain after doing/deceiving/hurting him much worse (as Ji An would ask in the rooftop scene), but why does she care what he does anyway, considering her year long relationship with her lover and her desired to divorce him.

Hard to tell why she is bothered by him spending time with his family and caring about them *now*. On one hand, if I was having a relationship with someone's worst enemy for a year, ghosting my partner, lying to them about where I was to go see my lover, not to mention treating them curtly and only regretting it when I learned they knew of the affair, I would feel rather embarrassed to question their care (particularly if I knew they were kind to me while knowing of the betrayal). On the other had, if I had the aforementioned relationship and had even decided to divorce, it's hard to see why I would care. Nice touch getting the kid into it, when if one stopped to think for a moment he clearly benefits from the close knit relationship with his grandma/uncles/aunt, particularly when he is abroad, away from his family, he knows there are a lot of people at home to count on. Of course, as asked by her husband, there is the question of how could she deceive for a year, and plan to leave without the corporate job right when she left him for his worst enemy, someone that she has known for 20 years and the father of her child. In terms of questioning how much he and the kid mattered to her, I feel that his arguments hold much more weight than the non-objective and unsubstantiated "if you love your family it means you don't love us" (not true for the kid, as the warmth and value added to his life by the relationship with his relatives make clear, not true for her, as he protected her and nursed her back after the breakup, despite knowing what she did, and after all this was even willing to compromise on the number of days he met his -very necessary after what she did to him- support group of friends).

Unsure about whether the fact that she complains about his behavior -not telling her about the promotion, being with family and friends- is a sign she still loves him, or if in some way she has regained love after he cared for her despite knowing her betrayal, and she needs to absurdly believe *he* does not care in order to feel less guilty about what she did.

One thing I notice is that in the beginning when she was talking about this to her lover she was not nearly as emotional as when she accused him during her confession. Makes me thing if this means that she loves him, as I can't imagine why else she would care about his attachment towards family and friends now, after she had a lover and was determined to divorce him.

I feel that the show has really drawn a parallel between the wife and Ji An, comparing the former's attitude -betrayal, remostrations, etc.- with the latter's growing appreciation, and she acts like a sort of "mirror" for the wife to see the truth/what she does not see about her husband. Ji An's hitting it off with his friends, and in the end the appreciation of the "do you need something" line that the wife spurns.

One question that I would have liked to see addressed during the confession/apology is whether she would have felt any guilt and apologized in such a way had he discovered the affair (or had she divorced) if her lover had not lied to her about camping. Meaning, is this guilt and shame conditional on her alternative being scum (specifically, scum that badmounthed her behind her back, as had he been simply scum willing for fire a subordinate whose wife he was sleeping with for his convenience she would still be together with him)? Because when she discovered her lover was trying to mess with him (with the aid of a girl that murdered somebody) she certainly didn't seem to feel any need to apologize, nor did she seem inclined when she though he was still oblivious (nor did she feel any need to ease up on her husband and get off his case). When she knew he knew is when she started to feel regret.

An interesting bit is that when she talked about her issues with her husband with her lover she was perfectly tranquil, calm and rational, she didn't seem distraught. She even admitted his positive qualities and the fact that most (any other) girl would probably be happy with the kind, dependable, reliable guy, but that he was lonesome and she couldn't make him happy. After the breakup instead we saw her recently being snappy towards him about his relationship with friends and family, which he thinks he puts ahead of her (ironic, expecially considering her lying, ghosting and wanting to divorce him for his worst enemy and get him out of his job, that they both know about), and her being emotional during her confession (a sign that after seeing how he cared for her while knowing about her affair she felt guilty and also gained a new appreciation? But that she needs to believe he doesn't love her anymore in order to assuage her guilt?).

I mean, I found it pretty ironic that she would be on his case for not telling her about the promotion. Besides the fact that afaik his mother learned it from his brothers, and that they both know she was sleeping with the other candidate, and was willing to get him to quit his job (or stay with her lover when he fired him, enlisting the help of a girl that murdered someone), or that he could have simply waited to tell her until it was a sure deal (a perfectly reasonable thing to do), there is the fact that she was hiding a much bigger and more important secret (her year long affair with his worst enemy, her plan to get him to quit his job, and his plan to fire him, as well as Ji An, that she did not mention even during the apology/confession)... he couldn't have as he wanted to keep things quiet, but I would have liked him to say "see the mote in one's brother's eye but not the beam in one's own" or in other words "lady, don't you have something pretty important to tell me, yourself?"

I like to compare this with Ji An's apology. What she *didn't* do was throw a pity party about her sob story when trying to apologize. Those were mentioned, but separately. I feel that these were important issues to air, but, on one hand (and thankfully the show did this), they are a matter of perspective and interpretation, it's not enough for her to see them as slights to conclude that they are (Ji An hit it off beautifully with his friends, probably because of personality or because she really wanted to be there, as opposed to making her husband a favor while she waited to move elsewhere; Ji An has the same ideas about family; Ji An noticed and appreciated his small gestures of kindness rather than brushing them off; Ji An noticed that he was hurting and felt unworthy of respect, and moved to address the issue, rather than talking about her problems, and she was not even the one apologizing and supposedly trying to make amends). Another thing: he said he doesn't know how to fix things, and it's unclear to me why he should be the one to, rather than her. This should have come from her (but she couldn't even be bothered to reassure her husband after he confessed his insecurities, unless it happened off-screen -we are not shown the whole dialogue-).

Regarding the promotion to the director position, at a second watch I noticed that he kept it under wraps and only told his brothers because they were distraught about asking him to stay in a job he hates for the sake of maintaining his mother, then his brother tells his mother, and everyone in the neighbor learns it the same way as his wife does, so his explanation to her is true. Unfortunate that she learns only afterwards in the same episode from Ji An that he knows about her lover, since it might also put things into perspective: he is worried about the other candidate doing something dangerous.

I found the accusations pretty unfair, and agree with the fact that loving one's family does not mean loving someone else less. On top of what he mentioned here (housework, asking her if she needs something, trusting her unconditionally, etc.), he also, as she remembered not long ago, cared for her when she was devastated over her breakup with her lovers, despite knowing what she did.

One thing that I would have liked more clarification about is the wife: the brother tells her that he is in love with her otherwise he wouldn’t suffer (this answers her claims during the apology/confession and in the rooftop scene that he does not love her, as would also the fact that he cared for her while she felt down for her lover). The same I think would go for her, considering the way she behaved recently up till the breakup, and the emotional way she complained, however galling and insensitive (while issues worthy of airing, when apologizing to someone that has confessed having been made to feel worthless/like dying/unworthy of basic respect it’s not exactly the right time to complain/attack/etc., particularly while having been much worse along all the dimensions of complaint -showing care or even basic respect, having your priorities straight, honesty -though she never complained on that side, maybe about not telling her things, but not lies-).

Basically, granting the different world views and the affair (though we don't know how it begun and why she choose such a scum), I don't get various things, among which why did she let it continue after a one-night stand, etc. In particular, I really can't reconcile her guilt after being discovered with her being able to lie to her husband to his face day after day without any remorse while the affair was going on. Why does she feel guilty only afterwards? Trying to put myself in her shoes, looking him in the eye and deceiving him would feel like torture, but she did it effortlessly. She had a bit of a postomous regret after she discovered and confirmed with her lover that he knew, in her flackback in the car, when she recalled treating him curtly and lying to him about where she was going. Beyond that, since she was planning to leave him in the first place and she was unhappy, one wonders why she didn't divorce from the beginning (her sister in law is separated, and her kid is in the us, where she will later go herself, plus they are living in Seoul and are affluent... divorce clearly is not a taboo in this context, as demostrated by the fact that she was planning to do it anyway.

I mean, I think that considering how much value her son seemed to find in their extended family he would not share her opinion that he would be better without them. That said, this is a "fight" that was never had, because she was never this upfront about how she felt, she hinted at him distancing himself from his family (something I found rather possessive), which he didn't comment on (but that one might imagine he might have resented her for). I would say that these different world view would have warranted a no-fault divorce (and before that some counseling), but don't really get how we go from "in love/possessive/frustrated" to "lying to his fare for years" (the show does not talk about how the affair developed, why it grew beyond a one night stand, why she chose his boss, who he hated and that was scum... those questions were only asked and not answered). Especially considering that in the end she had the intention to divorce him anyway.