Day Thirteen

Today I come to you with a bit of optimism.

I think the impatiens which definitely had spider mites may make it. If you were here last year you would know about how much my indoor jungle means to me and how devastated I was last year when I lost a lot of it in a super short period. Spider mites are the one pest I can never defeat. Every impatiens I’ve ever bought gets them. It’s almost funny at this point because I’ve tried so many times.

The particular impatiens was a birthday gift to myself last fall. It flowered throughout November and even a bit of December before slowing down. I noticed the mites about a month ago. It’s been living the quarantine life in my bathtub since then. Most of its big leaves are gone, and looks quite sad and sparse. But no new leaf drop in a few days and the new growth is looking healthy. It’s still not looking great and it hasn’t gotten worse in a week or so.

I’m not holding my breath, I know it can all go sideways in a day. I’ve been burned before. These losses don’t get easier but they do get more bearable over time. But I also keep trying because underneath this snarky, cynical exterior there is a hopeful girl who needs to keep going.

Maybe it’s because I know that despite all the losses there is also so much joy when I succeed, and chasing that joy is worth the heartache.

So today, I have a little hope. And right now that’s all I really need, just a little hope.

Love,
February

[Song of the Day: Keep Going by Standing Egg]

Keep going, just lean on me like this
Close your eyes
I wanna keep going
I won’t let go of your heart ‘til the world ends
I’ll hold you
I wanna keep going