Tip of the day for all the Beanies who are so bummed out by recent k-ent reports:

I find that sometimes when I am really angry about something in the news, instead of seeking puppy and kitten videos, I get more of a happy from rereading the Archbishop of Glasgow’s Monition of Cursing. It seems that back in 1500s he was upset about bandits along the English/Scottish border.

Go ahead, google it. But for the rest of you:

“I curse thair heid and all the haris of thair heid; I curse thair face… thair armes, thair leggis, thair handis, thair feit, and everilk part of thair body, frae the top of thair heid to the soill of thair feit, befoir and behind, within and without.”

Then, when he has run out of body parts:

“I curse thaim gangand (going), and I curse thaim rydand (riding); I curse them standand, and I curse thaim sittand…”

And after he’s got them coming and going he goes after possessions:

“thair scheip, thair horse, thair swyne, thair geise, thair hennys, and all thair quyk gude”
(Meaning sheep, horses, swine, geese, hens & livestock)

Then he gets to the point:
“I forbid all cristin man or woman till have ony company with thaime, etand, drynkand, spekand, prayand, lyand, gangand, standand, or in any uther deid doand, under the paine of deidly syn.”
“I condemn thaim perpetualie to the deip pit of hell…”

Etc, etc.

And, he explicitly voids all their contracts and everyone’s obligations to them, which might come in handy for everyone under contract to agencies with corrupt management 🙂