I hate peopling. I hate going out amongst the people. Even when its my idea I hate it. Ive been sitting here for the last hour literally watching the clock as it slowly makes it way to the time Im supposed to leave and go peopling –still in my pajamas–and I DONT WANNA I DONT WANNA I DONT WANNA I. DONT. WANT. TO! Hmph.
I mean, I should…I really, really, really should. But I really really really dont wanna….and theres that.

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    Update: I didn’t.
    Chips, you fall where you may. I went back to sleep.

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    I feel you. I need to run errands (i.e. get food so I stop eating only pasta) and I kind of want a burger but I’m so gross and the idea of getting ready is less appealing than sitting on the couch and watching The Empire Strikes Back for the millionth time.

    I think my only motivation to go out is that I may pick up a burger for dinner.

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      This is what I’ve done: I doordashed. I need to go grocery shopping. I needed to go to church to wrangle someone in to looking behind my refrigerator to see if something has died back there, get rid of it, and NEVER tell me the answer. Instead, I spent 50 dollars on doordash and have spent the last three hours looking at pants online.
      You can always go to a burger place on the opposite side of town so you can go gross content in the knowledge that you’ll probably never go to that place again.
      I have been trying to think of something to say to your post from a few days ago, I have it open in another tab to respond to. But this is where I am as a person. I’ve got nothing. But I’m sending you good, hopeful, and positive vibes.

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        I can’t justify delivery fees. It’s a problem. I also want a very specific burger and shake. It’s not far. I can do it. I can even go to the other grocery store which is next to the place. It’s the shower that is throwing me. I was stupid and went to hot yoga yesterday and did not shower after (because…tired. then distracted, then sore; also, no one to impress here). But there is a smell now. A distinct whiff I get whenever I move. I mean, I can hide the hair with a hat but the smell…it’s not good. I’m slowly hyping myself up. I will make more tea and make another go at the shower/pants situation. I really want that butterscotch milkshake.

        But first Han Solo needs to get frozen in carbonite and an epic father-son battle where birth secrets are revealed. Priorities, you know.

        (And I appreciate the thought – don’t feel like you need to say anything. I feel better just having gotten it off my chest. The fact that you guys are all so wonderful and and here to listen is enough for me. You seem to have had a lot going on lately too – did you hear from your dad? And how’s the work situation?)

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          I have NOT heard from my dad. Hes dropped his cable and by dropping his cable he dropped his land phone plan and he doesnt have cellphone. I have to go and put him on my cellphone plan.
          As for work…well. I had been planning on not looking for another option until september so that I can say that Ive been at one location for a year (which I havent managed since I quit my last long term job, 2.5 years ago). But I learned that a childrens librarian in this system is leaving. The library is less than 5 minutes from my house. Like…I could take my 30 min lunch break at home. When its warm, I could walk there and back. One of my big problems (other than the manager) is the restroom is SO disgusting that I cannot go in there. I go in there once a day, at close, to make sure the water is turned off. I could go to the bathroom during the day like a normal person. Looking at their calendar they offer similar programs and the ones that I do regularly could slide in there.
          It could be a really good fit. But, my current manager has trashed my reputation. Im looking to see if I could meet with the outgoing librarian and see what her thoughts are on the manager and if I even have a shot.
          And then, a few months ago there was a shooting outside of the library, A man was walking with his daughter and someone shot him, right outside the library. Thats a little scary.
          So…hopefully that meeting can happen, or she’ll email outside of work and she can give me some advice.

          And I know that I dont *have* to respond to your post. But you have been one of the ones since I very first started posting on the wall who has offered me advice during my many melt downs. I want to offer you advice as well! But right now I’ve got a “fighting!” and a butterscotch milkshake sounds like a perfect motivating factor. Good luck!

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            Ugh, sorry about your father and the work. Hopefully you can get that meeting and it’ll work out. I hope you have other people you can talk to for references? It definitely sounds like your current manager is a piece of work. Is there anyone else at your current place who can vouch for you? As for your dad – hopefully something will work out so you don’t have to keep worrying. It’s so stressful when we reach that stage where we’re looking after them more than the other way around.

            I did manage to shower which actually helped a lot. Of course, now it’s getting dark and Jedi started so I’m again not motivated to go out, though I did put on real clothes (i.e. leggings and a giant hoodie). But I really need to eat proper food – I’ve been having like one meal a day and then just tea which is probably not great for me. Goal for the week is to get back to proper meals. I’ll work on sleep the week after that. (And sometimes I wonder why I never feel 100% these days.) But hey, my skin is on point.

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