Thank you. I talked about this in the OT a few weeks ago. I really hope that our society will start looking after those who suffer once this pandemic ends, but I have my doubts.
@turtuallysarcastic,
You’re welcome. I took a gander at your comments and spotted your OT #651 post #11. The article you mentioned certainly sounds a lot like this one that I linked.
What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Those of us who have had to deal with adversity are one up on folks who have led charmed lives. Sometimes what seems to be a curse is actually a blessing in disguise, an opportunity for us to grow in ways that only that specific challenge presents. I consider it getting a private lesson in the School Of Becoming Human. Meanwhile, what the world deems blessings are often anything but, for they lull us into a false sense of security, and divert us from developing our spiritual muscles.
I’m grateful that I made the acquaintance of the Serenity Prayer many years ago. It is an antidote to the 24/7 bad news that currently inundates the internet and airwaves. The cacophony is enough to drive anyone mad.
Re: Issues with your childhood friend… Is it possible that you may have outgrown her? Human beings grow at different rates, and sometimes in the course of their lives, they get out of sync with each other. Depending on how serious it is, it may be worthwhile to have a wait-and-see attitude while remaining friendly with her. One of the most useful tools I learned for dealing with problematic relationships is “detachment with love.” I think of it as taking a step back to gain psychological elbow room, while continuing to care about the other party — and oneself.
Perhaps your friend will never be able to empathize with you in the way you wish and need. Can you live with that? Are you better off with her in your life? If you are dissatisfied with the relationship, is it something you can talk with her about? The possibility of losing such an old and valued friendship is cause for concern. But if it’s causing you pain, you have to ask yourself why, and what your bottom line is. — I hasten to add that, given the extreme pressure so many people are feeling as a result of mandated quarantine, you consider taking your time with these deliberations, and not do anything drastic or hasty. As for my unsolicited advice, take what you can and leave the rest. Hwaiting! 😉
I find myself recalling uplifting and inspirational music that I haven’t listened to in ages. One of my high school buddies turned me on to Dan Fogelberg, and I just remembered one of my faves from him. The second piece has inspired me since high school.
Thank you for the music recommendations! I am an old soul in many aspects, music is one of them. Jim Croce has an unique voice, I love his version of ‘Bad Leroy Brown’. The songs give me a bittersweet sense of acknowledging the bad times and at the same trust in better times to come.
I should have known you would retrace my comment, and I appreciate your efforts, but it was certainly not my intention to force you through my ramblings.😉 ‘Charmed lives’ is such a good term to explain that greener grass on the other side. If it was not for my adversity, I would not have been this immersed in K-dramas and other Korean stuff now.😉
“Detachment with love” has been my standard mode for a while now, because it does allow me to keep the friendship without getting hurt. I also have lost and gained friends, one of them is even my partner in crime for Korea stuff, so I am far from lacking there.😉 However, as you read in the OT, there will always be moments that I lament the loss of that eternal childhood best friend that seems to be the norm in all forms of entertainment, despite knowing very well that it is not always a reality.
@turtuallysarcastic,
I’m so glad you liked the music. Jim Croce was part of the soundtrack of my high school years. His music was one of the lifelines I grabbed. (Ditto for Dan F. and Don McLean in high school, and Harry Chapin and Jackson Browne, et al., in college.) Jim and Maury Muhleisen, who accompanies him in the videos below, died in a plane crash shortly after the start of senior year in 1973. It was the shocking and devastating loss of a minstrel who wove the emotional equivalent of an entire Kdrama into 3 minutes of memorable turns of phrase and exquisite melodies and musicianship. Maybe he was the virtual older & wiser oppa I didn’t have in real life. My own self-deprecating sense of humor was and still is much like the personas of some of the subjects and narrators in his songs. Jim was on the verge of quitting the music industry when he died because touring was killing him – right before he finally achieved commercial success.
Harry Chapin: Full Concert, 10/21/78 @Capitol Theatre, Passaic, NJ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_f6NTCIsLQ
One of Harry’s innumerable benefit concerts. He did a one-man performance for World Hunger Year at my college a year or two before this. As at this show, you could hear a pin drop in the gym.
I hesitated to look up your comment lest I come off as some kind of stalker. But I figured you wouldn’t have mentioned it without a reason. I certainly didn’t feel that I was being “forced through your ramblings.” On the contrary, it seemed to be bothering you, and I took it upon myself to toss a lifeline, just in case. Other people’s lifelines had made a world of difference to me. I’m glad to learn that you already are clued-in to detachment.
I’d like to thank you. Your comments shook loose memories of books that supported my own early steps in getting my act together when I was 29 – more than half a lifetime ago. What a welcome blast from the past.
I didn’t have lasting childhood friendships. Part of it was the result of being an introvert, and part of it came from living in a housing development 5 miles outside the neighboring town and having to take a bus to parochial school. Entering our public school system for high school was traumatic after attending K-8 with the same class of about 30 kids. My first year or two was socially awful, although I did well academically. It took a couple of years to find my kindred spirits: the literary and journalism nerds & the uncool-but-kind-and-sympatico misfits. 😉
So I say thank you for the music! I am bookmarking your comment and the recommendations for a rainy day with slightly more time on my hands. 😉
Thank you for the lifeline as well. Dramabeans is an important lifeline for me for two reasons:
1.) It gives me a space to practice writing. I stopped writing for a long time because my output was never to my liking, but it turns out I like the process of writing more than the actual output, so my fan wall and the comment sections contain my humble outputs.
2.) It gives me a space for self-therapy. Writing about my self-reflections, especially during rough times, helped/helps me to cope with my struggles (mainly unemployment, in case you were not familiar enough with me yet😉). Of course it feels nice when Beanies like and reply (especially whenever I am very bothered), but even if they do not I still get to rant anyway.😉
I feel that it is also important for me to open up to encourage other Beanies. I am nearly 29 and am still getting my act together, and so are many other (Beanie)s judging by their replies and confessions. You apparently fit that bill when you were my age too and I am relieved and grateful for that tidbit of information and honored by your gratitude in return.
If I had been born in some other time and place, we would have been besties.😎
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PakalanaPikake
April 30, 2020 at 9:22 AM
YMMV
My PTSD can be a weight. But in this pandemic, it feels like a superpower.
https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/4/23/21231596/coronavirus-covid-19-mental-health-ptsd-anxiety-depression
bbstl 🧹
April 30, 2020 at 1:54 PM
Thank you, that’s a very helpful article. Although I must admit that I first read it as “My Weight is a PTSD” and I could relate to that as well😉
TurtuallySarcastic
April 30, 2020 at 4:02 PM
Thank you. I talked about this in the OT a few weeks ago. I really hope that our society will start looking after those who suffer once this pandemic ends, but I have my doubts.
PakalanaPikake
April 30, 2020 at 9:13 PM
@turtuallysarcastic,
You’re welcome. I took a gander at your comments and spotted your OT #651 post #11. The article you mentioned certainly sounds a lot like this one that I linked.
What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Those of us who have had to deal with adversity are one up on folks who have led charmed lives. Sometimes what seems to be a curse is actually a blessing in disguise, an opportunity for us to grow in ways that only that specific challenge presents. I consider it getting a private lesson in the School Of Becoming Human. Meanwhile, what the world deems blessings are often anything but, for they lull us into a false sense of security, and divert us from developing our spiritual muscles.
I’m grateful that I made the acquaintance of the Serenity Prayer many years ago. It is an antidote to the 24/7 bad news that currently inundates the internet and airwaves. The cacophony is enough to drive anyone mad.
Re: Issues with your childhood friend… Is it possible that you may have outgrown her? Human beings grow at different rates, and sometimes in the course of their lives, they get out of sync with each other. Depending on how serious it is, it may be worthwhile to have a wait-and-see attitude while remaining friendly with her. One of the most useful tools I learned for dealing with problematic relationships is “detachment with love.” I think of it as taking a step back to gain psychological elbow room, while continuing to care about the other party — and oneself.
Perhaps your friend will never be able to empathize with you in the way you wish and need. Can you live with that? Are you better off with her in your life? If you are dissatisfied with the relationship, is it something you can talk with her about? The possibility of losing such an old and valued friendship is cause for concern. But if it’s causing you pain, you have to ask yourself why, and what your bottom line is. — I hasten to add that, given the extreme pressure so many people are feeling as a result of mandated quarantine, you consider taking your time with these deliberations, and not do anything drastic or hasty. As for my unsolicited advice, take what you can and leave the rest. Hwaiting! 😉
I find myself recalling uplifting and inspirational music that I haven’t listened to in ages. One of my high school buddies turned me on to Dan Fogelberg, and I just remembered one of my faves from him. The second piece has inspired me since high school.
Dan Fogelberg: “Part Of The Plan” (Souvenirs LP, 1974)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgZ1kezjGRo
Jim Croce: “The Hard Way Every Time” (I Got A Name LP, 1973)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47g1jS7G8OQ
TurtuallySarcastic
May 1, 2020 at 6:14 AM
Thank you for the music recommendations! I am an old soul in many aspects, music is one of them. Jim Croce has an unique voice, I love his version of ‘Bad Leroy Brown’. The songs give me a bittersweet sense of acknowledging the bad times and at the same trust in better times to come.
I should have known you would retrace my comment, and I appreciate your efforts, but it was certainly not my intention to force you through my ramblings.😉 ‘Charmed lives’ is such a good term to explain that greener grass on the other side. If it was not for my adversity, I would not have been this immersed in K-dramas and other Korean stuff now.😉
“Detachment with love” has been my standard mode for a while now, because it does allow me to keep the friendship without getting hurt. I also have lost and gained friends, one of them is even my partner in crime for Korea stuff, so I am far from lacking there.😉 However, as you read in the OT, there will always be moments that I lament the loss of that eternal childhood best friend that seems to be the norm in all forms of entertainment, despite knowing very well that it is not always a reality.
PakalanaPikake
May 1, 2020 at 3:40 PM
@turtuallysarcastic,
I’m so glad you liked the music. Jim Croce was part of the soundtrack of my high school years. His music was one of the lifelines I grabbed. (Ditto for Dan F. and Don McLean in high school, and Harry Chapin and Jackson Browne, et al., in college.) Jim and Maury Muhleisen, who accompanies him in the videos below, died in a plane crash shortly after the start of senior year in 1973. It was the shocking and devastating loss of a minstrel who wove the emotional equivalent of an entire Kdrama into 3 minutes of memorable turns of phrase and exquisite melodies and musicianship. Maybe he was the virtual older & wiser oppa I didn’t have in real life. My own self-deprecating sense of humor was and still is much like the personas of some of the subjects and narrators in his songs. Jim was on the verge of quitting the music industry when he died because touring was killing him – right before he finally achieved commercial success.
“Lover’s Cross” live
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8A2loaBhkQ
“New York’s Not My Home” live
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUO-4zp9gM0
Don McLean: “Oh My What A Shame” (3rd LP, 1972)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuTDTne54hg
Harry Chapin: Full Concert, 10/21/78 @Capitol Theatre, Passaic, NJ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_f6NTCIsLQ
One of Harry’s innumerable benefit concerts. He did a one-man performance for World Hunger Year at my college a year or two before this. As at this show, you could hear a pin drop in the gym.
I hesitated to look up your comment lest I come off as some kind of stalker. But I figured you wouldn’t have mentioned it without a reason. I certainly didn’t feel that I was being “forced through your ramblings.” On the contrary, it seemed to be bothering you, and I took it upon myself to toss a lifeline, just in case. Other people’s lifelines had made a world of difference to me. I’m glad to learn that you already are clued-in to detachment.
I’d like to thank you. Your comments shook loose memories of books that supported my own early steps in getting my act together when I was 29 – more than half a lifetime ago. What a welcome blast from the past.
I didn’t have lasting childhood friendships. Part of it was the result of being an introvert, and part of it came from living in a housing development 5 miles outside the neighboring town and having to take a bus to parochial school. Entering our public school system for high school was traumatic after attending K-8 with the same class of about 30 kids. My first year or two was socially awful, although I did well academically. It took a couple of years to find my kindred spirits: the literary and journalism nerds & the uncool-but-kind-and-sympatico misfits. 😉
Holly Near & Ronnie Gilbert: “Harriet Tubman” (Lifeline Extended CD, 2002)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnF0PDefPFI
TurtuallySarcastic
May 2, 2020 at 8:35 AM
So I say thank you for the music! I am bookmarking your comment and the recommendations for a rainy day with slightly more time on my hands. 😉
Thank you for the lifeline as well. Dramabeans is an important lifeline for me for two reasons:
1.) It gives me a space to practice writing. I stopped writing for a long time because my output was never to my liking, but it turns out I like the process of writing more than the actual output, so my fan wall and the comment sections contain my humble outputs.
2.) It gives me a space for self-therapy. Writing about my self-reflections, especially during rough times, helped/helps me to cope with my struggles (mainly unemployment, in case you were not familiar enough with me yet😉). Of course it feels nice when Beanies like and reply (especially whenever I am very bothered), but even if they do not I still get to rant anyway.😉
I feel that it is also important for me to open up to encourage other Beanies. I am nearly 29 and am still getting my act together, and so are many other (Beanie)s judging by their replies and confessions. You apparently fit that bill when you were my age too and I am relieved and grateful for that tidbit of information and honored by your gratitude in return.
If I had been born in some other time and place, we would have been besties.😎