ON the light of the current controversy of videos being sent around chats, I just have to say that somehow this hit quite close to home. Not that I am subject to being a victim, its just that i also knew men who have group chats like this. And i must say that this is quite common. Though I know that they are not as severe as talking about rape casually, the videos being shared are close to p*rns you can find in sites all over the internet. How did i know? Because there was a scandal recently involving people form my city, it was a video that was being shared to every one’s messenger, and jokes were being posted about it on social media. Though i know the video was taken with consent (the woman was even the one filming it) but it was not supposed to be for everyone’s consumption. And this scandal, partnered with the korean one, just makes me disgusted by men and their thirst for this kind of things. And someow my image of men is forever tainted. I know there are still good ones, but it indeed made me question, are they really like that?
Because that is so disgusting and violating as a woman, because in the end, whether the videos were shot with consent or not, it will still be women who loses in these situations, never the men. And that just what makes this so unfair.

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    I agree it is the woman who loses what so ever. And yest recently I have found it really hard to even believe good men of my generation exist. I mean I do thankfully have my father and uncles who are all good people. But because of having more women than men in my family and friend circle, I really end up doubting if I will also ever be able to meet a man who is not in all this.

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      I think care needs to be taken with the way in which the consume news like this. News can magnify and issue. That is to say, lets say a country has 1,000 citizens, 500 men and 500 women. On the news one day, there is a report than 5 men where caught in the similar scandal. It by no way means that the remaining 495 men are like those 5 men. It also does not mean that women are have not or are not capable of the same or similar actions. So news like this tends to make us use broad brushes.

      @greenfields, if that argument sucks/fails, as my lawyer, I need to clean it up. 😉

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        The problem is that all of these 5 men will have been total f*cking shits to more than one woman.

        If – say – they were each terrible to 20 different women (and I’m thinking that’s an understatement), then 1 out of 100 men were shits and 1 in 5 women were treated like shit by a man.

        This is why the silent condoning for the behaviour is so damaging and why men and women so often view these matters in a different light.

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        You’re absolutely right hades. 200%.

        If I may say this however Briann has a point. To explain, may I refer to the “Schrödinger’s rapist”? Until you know for sure, any man may or may not be a rapist. So if you’re walking on an empty road in the middle of the night, save for one man walking in the same direction – it’s better to just cross the road & be safe, because you never know. The guy may be perfectly harmlessly walking home, but how do I know? It’s not a jab at his character, but an act of self preservation from me.

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          (I did say something similar to what you said though – on jrr’s post)

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            For a sec I was like, what jrr post. Then I went on the beanie wall and figured it out. lol.

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          I agree that Briann has a point. It’s similar to what I said re: the Asian Boss video. What I was more responding to wapz’s comment.

          I think I understand where you’re coming from with the use of the “Schrodinger’s Rapist” theory but I think it’s somewhat problematic, at least in this context. Note, I’m responding to your framing. The theory by itself attaches a stigma to men. It becomes even more problematic if you changed the framing slightly and you added just a little bit more context like race or ethnicity, then the results can be deadly.

          Black people are often approached with heightened fear though their daily lives. It’s been an issue discussed in the news from people calling the cops on a black university student trying to get into their own dorms or as harmful as an unarmed back person man getting shot by the police. It’s become so bad that black people often have to go an extra mile to allay the fears of others before something even happens. It’s an unfair and burdensome one way street. The same thing can be said of every man being viewed as a potential rapist.

          I think you should be healthily cautious of anyone approaching you at night regardless of gender. Thus, I understand given your example why you would cross the street. But, anyone can be a murder, kidnapper, sex trader etc.

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          i am going to deviate a bit with that logic (and i am not opposing but trying to interpret this in another situation)

          Given current global situation, if one deems it a more cautious approach to maintain distance from Muslims, should that be interpreted as choice for safety/less complication/being cautious OR does it become muslim witchunt or racism. Why not allow others to choose their pick on how they want to behave around Muslims/ other people in other situations. It is not that people are against islam or muslims but the sheer proportion of reported cases may make this seem like a good option for some people.

          And therefore, what Trump says about Mexicans, Muslims, Immigration is also or can be interpreted as choices fo self defense.. no?

          PS: again, i am not saying your opinion is wrong.. i am just trying to interpret it in other situations and whether it is right in some situation and not right in another. If not, then why not

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    I would like to say something about women losing everything:
    My Dad said this to me when I was in some situation: “I will never lose anything. They (my parents) will love me and I will still love myself”.
    So, women, stop losing, if they film you, walk with pride, its their problem not yours! No one will marry you, you don’t want to be stuck with such a douche bag! No one will love you, you can love yourself.
    Losing stops when you stop letting them win over your life.

    I know its easier said than done, and rumors are scary but no one said winning was a cake walk.

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      I’m sorry, I can’t agree with this entirely.

      I have a close friend who is going through this exact thing and even though she’s trying to move forward, it’s not so easy. The things that were done to her are now being used to destroy her career, to blackmail her, to try to ruin her relationships. Even if people don’t believe she is a bad person, she herself doesn’t want to hurt others, so she is cut off from them. She’s one of the strongest, brightest people I know, and yet this has affected her more than anything else in her life. She’s not the same person, and she never will be. I’m so angry that someone could do that to her – not just expose her but to hurt and destroy who she is at her core.

      Walking away with a high head is nice in theory, but when you can’t work, when your personal relationships are being eaten away at because of the cruelty of people, when you become afraid of reaching out to loved ones for fear of them being hurt – you can’t walk with your head held high. Sure, you can fight back, you can persevere, but this changes a person and that’s not OK. I love her, and I don’t care what happened to her, and she loves herself and knows that she did nothing wrong. But when the world is against you, it’s hard to hold your head high, despite the truth.

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