xiaoSxin,

i made a couple day trips to nyc in the past, and it was an amazing city, at least from what i remember at the time.

i didn't use public transportation when i was there, but if the public transportation (ie subway) is anything like seoul's or chicago's (i heard it's similar?), then you should have no problems navigating through the city. in fact, manhattan is such a small area, you could probably walk it easily within a day. i walked about half of it. i didn't visit the other boroughs of nyc.

for some reason, i thought koreatown would be huge in manhattan. when i actually got there, i looked around and said to myself, "this is it?!"...hahaha. it is a very small area.

hope you have a good time.

@ 99 omo

Tell me about it, the 'high' you have in following a drama you love is unspeakable. I watch City Hall live on Wed and Thu although I know no Korean. Then Fri and Sat are for searching the earliest available sub, with the rest of the week navigating Soompi and the like. It's kind of like the BoF, Coffee Prince craze days although this time is squarely for the KSA and CSW chemistry which is ...... toxic. Just read some of the discussion on Chinese forum boards - fans over there have line-by-line dissection of the dialogues between the two leads and everyone is mersmerised by CSW's charm.

I have the same worry that the writer might repeat the Lovers series with tonnes of melodramtic twists in later episodes (the fiancee, father, mom and son, and so on).

Oh well, I will re-watch from episode 1 to kill off this weekend.

@Samsooki

Your comment about buying a fur-lined coat after watching My Girl made me laugh! Are you sure your wife would let you wear it in public? My Girl was one of my first kdramas, and still one of my favourites. But those coats (did you notice Lee Jun Ki's red version made him look like an old English granny?) and man-scarves were pretty over-the-top.

Speaking of man-scarves, in Story of a Man when Phillip Lee's character arrives in Korea, after growing up the last 17 years in the US, wearing a huge man-scarf, I burst out laughing. I can't imagine any male in North America sporting such a scarf...or maybe I just live in a very insulated bubble.

samsooki,

there was a kdrama called "haeng-boke-hap-ni-da" (happiness) which has a male character (lee hoon) that almost fits your bill for the ideal male lead. it came out last year. i don't think this kdrama was all that popular because i never heard it mentioned before, but i enjoyed it immensely. i'm glad i was watching it as it was coming out because i could easily see myself pulling all-nighters if the drama was already complete.

in terms of looks, lee hoon is no hyun bin, but he's "smart, patient, good natured, optimistic, funny and tall (female lead is tall, so not sure how tall he is) and athletic." his mother died when he was young, and his father hasn't been able to get over the loss of his wife. the father is a good man, and there are no parental "control" issues at play here.

the story revolves around lee hoon's character's relationship with a woman who is the daughter of the chairman/ceo of the company for which he is working. lee hoon's character is from a humble background, and she grew up treated like a princess. conflict ensues because lee hoon's character has an inferiority complex related to the disparity in their upbringing, background, wealth etc., but he is definitely a "genuinely good guy."

there are several other story lines in this drama (it is a long drama, 58 episodes) that does have guys with messed-up issues, and they seem to drag the series down, but the main story is the gem.

@jboogie i actually did watch every episode but i stopped myself at 18 solely because i didn't want to see the inevitable, which is tea bong not to to up with ji ae =[.

and @every sons of sol pharmacy fans: i absolutely love it and the only other long drama i've ever watched is jumong and east of eden and even in those i skipped a lot but this drama is just so hilarious and cute i think i'll end up watching every single episode =].

i think 2009 is a good year...it's like the year for funny dramas no?

@102 epyc

ok..i admit it. I stalk tudou on Thu and Fri (they are really fast with the Chinese subs); and then viikii.net on Fri and Sat for the English subs. bcoz CH is more interesting now, people are subbing there the minute they are uploaded. So that's a good thing.

as for the melodrama...i suspect the grandmother that MR is helping might actually be JG's paternal grandma. Of course he doesn't know he has a grandma. I am fine with the mother, father, son part....not too sure about the fiancee...but didn't he throw out her cologne?

hehehe...i was actually thinking of rewatching all the epis too. i keep getting the feeling that i have missed some earlier details that the writer was casually throwing out. caught a few epis of BOF but saw the whole of CP...they are not even close to CH. Even YEH-GY's chemistry is about 10 notches below in intensity.

Have fun watching..and maybe catch you next week to rave some more.

im a new yorker going to japan for a few months...
any recommendations of must-do events/activities? im a female college sophomore..
im going alone and have knowledge of basically only a year of japanese in high school..
im staying in tokyo/shinjuku area..
ahh this is my first vacation alone!

@91, bspanda,

We do share a lot of similar tastes. My "hehe" was basically a knowing chuckle.

"if you don’t fall in love with Kang Ji Kwan (along with your exisitng love for Sung Yuri) I will question your Binnesexuality! Hmm….hang on!!! What the hell am I saying! Telling Samsooki to add KJK when KJK is my husband? Yikes!"

Kang Ji Hwan is different from Binnie. You cannot compare the two. That's like asking, "Do you like steak? Well, what about the color blue?" That's kind of like Binnie and Kang Ji Hwan. How do you compare the color blue to steak? You can like both blue and steak, but its not really the same thing. My Binniesexuality remains intact. I've not switched sides or anything.

"Perhaps ’sorry’ from a male lead to females (in dramas) is equivalent to the power of the Oppa-Pout-Wiggle? hehe"

Hard to say. OPW is a three step process that stops, disarms and stupefies korean guys. A heart-felt "mi-an" (sorry) by a korean guy, might stop and disarm a woman, but it won't stupefy them. So, I'll give the edge to OPW.

@94 chajjye -

Word. Going old school with Hotelier. Me like that.

@100 ripgal - May 23, 2009 at 6:11 am

"Apparently back then, DJS was scheduled for 20/22 episodes initially. Then they decided to extend it to Ep 23/24 something like that, but Chae Rim didn’t sign up to film whatever was planned out for the 2 episodes(for the extension). What I heard was that they kinda spread out the scenes filmed by Chae Rim prior to the extension in the last 2 episodes equally to make up for that. So maybe that was the reason it failed to deliver as you had expected? "

Is that right? That explains a LOT. Thank you for that info.

I wish they had just done it right. DJS is now one of my favorite dramas of all time, and it ranks up there with CP, MNIKSS, My Girl... A better ending, and it might rank #1... Chae Rim was just fantastic.

@103 birdscout -

"Are you sure your wife would let you wear it in public? My Girl was one of my first kdramas, and still one of my favourites. But those coats (did you notice Lee Jun Ki’s red version made him look like an old English granny?) and man-scarves were pretty over-the-top."

My wife would probably not let me. And, in actuality, I would be far less bold. I am not really an extrovert by nature, and so I would be the last to wear something that would make me stand out in a crowd. Still, this is my life, and I am trying to be adventurous and fun and interesting, even if it is against my more reserved nature. It would take a good deal of alcohol to get me to wear Jun Ki's coat though - I am just not as pretty as he is.

@104 kb -

I looked up Lee Hoon, and I found that drama - 행복합니다 (looks like it means "I am happy - or We are happy.") 58 episodes! That's one long drama....

I'd love to take your advice and watch it, but right now, we have Hong Gil Dong (watched 2 episodes so far), then we have 2 Outs In the Bottom Of the 9th Inning coming (pre-ordered the box set), and a few others lined up but not yet arrived. If we get to it, it might be in August, at the rate we are watching.

Wintertime is great for watching dramas, but summertime is hard because of weekend BBQ's, window-shopping in the city, hitting the golf range, etc., outdoor activities really suck up k-drama watching time.

Still, it's now on my list, and I'll definitely comment on it once we start watching.

YAY! Friday! Run amok everyone! Such beautiful weather here in Toronto.

@108 Jes: You lucky lucky thing. Going to Japan all by yourself. Such an adventure! I went to a restaurant called Modern Toilet in Hong Kong and I know that this chain operates in Japan. It is quick interesting although some might find it a deterrent to eat on top of a toilet with their food served in toilet bowls... But interesting experience none the less. (I got a kick out of it.)

@Samsooki: You should try watching Love Shuffle. It is a Japanese drama and I don't know if you've ever ventured there. If it is uncharted ground I really recommend watching Love Shuffle. (As an added bonus, not all the males are screwed up in the head.) I recommend everyone to watch it. I just finished it but I was really impressed with the story line. I'll be interested to know what others thought of it.

@93 Jboogie: I really enjoy watching Hwang Jung Min's portrayal of the character. His sister is fun to watch as well. I chose it because I wanted something light to watch too! Kang Mo really needs to grow a back bone doesn't he? I love it when them actors get me all riled up. Hahaha!

Question: I really like reading what people like to watch. It reveals a bit of about themselves. But that also makes me apprehensive when recommending dramas to others. How do you folks feel?

I just spent the better part of my time listing out all the dramas I've ever watched and then putting them in alphabetical order. I wonder if anyone else does this?

I haven't had a chance to read through the majority of the comments BUT something happened today related to the whole "asian stars/musicians crossing over towards to the US"

remember how se7en had his debut? i don't recall it being a big thing but i did see footage from a US club performance...anyways I was walking by Footlocker (or some shoe store) at the mall today and recognized footage from his mv w/ Lil' Kim (why she was chosen to be featured? i'll leave my opinions for that another time) . it was like, WHHAAAAT? SERIOUSLY???? I was so shocked (and expressed this several times to my firend who was with me). I doubt anyone else took noticed but for a random state is the US (that has a minimal to none Asian population) and in a mainstream (not ethnically targeted store) I thought it was ridiculous. haha..i had actually dragged my friend in and made us stay until its completion too. i might not be that crazy for the song but yes, it was something else.

has anyone else experienced this? or maybe i'm 'awwed' a little to easily. oh well :}

One word to describe the Epik High concert. HOT. I mean that literally and figuratively, It was boiling in the Fillmore room to the point where I had this delirious impression that I was in hell.I don't know how the Far East Movement guys were in the space suits. Tablo made a long comment about how hot it was on stage. Those guys all deserve major credit for being so professional. It was hot just standing there. I can't imagine how hot it was for them to have the lights on you, rapping and jumping around. It was really fun but it would have better 10-20 degrees cooler.

Far East Movement was really not my thing but they managed to really pump up the crowd. Really enjoyed Kero One's music. My only complaint was maybe they should have been two songs less since I was getting antsy for Epik High and as I mentioned the place was freaking hot as hell.

@110 snuffythemonkey -

Thanks for the recommendation, but at this point, I have enough trouble trying to catch up to everyone with the k-dramas. If I start adding j-doramas, that will be the end of me.

***

Btw, Just finished Hong Gil Dong, episode 3.

Kang Ji Hwan and Sung Yuri.... man, they are pretty special. Kang Ji Hwan is fast becoming my favorite actor who is not named Binnie.

@Samsooki,

You ordered 2 Outs In the Bottom Of the 9th Inning (I call it 9 End 2 Outs haha)? COOL~~ I can't wait until you get to that. Another one of my favourite favourite dramas. hehehe..

Hurray to Kang Ji Hwan becoming a favourite of yours. He's actually a favourite of too many here, that we all wana have a piece of him. Not meaning to burden you with another drama, but have you seen Capital Scandal by KJH?

snuffythemonkey,

timely question because i just made my first kdrama recommendation several posts earlier.

i'm not the avid kdrama watcher that i used to be, so i'm sort of clueless when others talk about certain shows that they are watching, and so i don't particularly pay attention in that regard; however, i do enjoy reading about issues, particularly cultural issues, that crop up now and then that pertain to the dramas others are watching. props to samsooki, because he does this quite frequently

this is an anonymous forum, so i don't really care what the drama i recommend in particular says about me. however, in making a recommendation, i am putting myself out there for validation, and that is where my apprehension lies, although less so here because, again, this is an anonymous forum..

for instance, it is disappointing when i recommend something to friends, and they are not as enthusiastic about it as i am. likewise, the converse is true; i get even more excited if my friends are enthusiastic about something i recommend. i feel validated. just as an aside, i don't recommend making a habit of seeking validation from everybody. you will go crazy.

i am also apprehensive about the fact that i know samsooki goes out of his way to purchase his kdramas. if he enjoys the drama, then awesome. if he doesn't, well, there goes dinner for two at a nice fancy restaurant. i'm sure his wife would mind that. although on the surface we have a lot in common, and so i hope he will enjoy the drama when/if he decides to watch it, we do have some clear differences, one big one being the fact that he's a cantab (if i recall correctly) and i went to the boola school of the arts/science located in the slums of new haven. big difference...hahaha.

Samsooki
@109 LOL Well I too appreciate steak AND blue! Love of one does not diminish my love for the other!

The thing is this - with Binnie in MNIKSS I was struck more by his appearance straight away (and man he has gotten finer as the years so by) then came the 'something' (presence? it factor?). His acting also got better - chose roles that were more interesting ('worlds within' impressed). With KJK, probably due to the ahem 'quality' of the series I first saw him in, it was sort of like the reverse. I keep harping about this - but it was like he made me WANT to keep watching. Intensity?! Then I noticed his hotness LOL Whichever way it was - love the both (and a lot of others) all the same.

'Kang Ji Hwan is fast becoming my favorite actor who is not named Binnie.'

....got to say ,,,,,,,,that's what I've been trying to tell you! :) The chemistry between KJK and Yuri is also pretty awesome - and it only gets better. Dare I sayt it, perhaps ever slightly stronger than Yuri/Binnie in Snow Queen. (OMG!) HGD is one fun series. Some of my favourite is whenever HGD gets pissed off (in often comical over reactions) at Ni Yok! HAHAHA

@115 kb
'however, in making a recommendation, i am putting myself out there for validation, and that is where my apprehension lies'

Totally understand your point. Before even venturing to recommendations - the prospect of commenting in forum/blogs use to frighten the hell out of me. Also having read in some (other) forums/blog comments the venom/flaming that other people's opinions &/or preference can provoke was truly frightening. Quite awful how personal the attacks can get. I use to be a 'silent' reader' in all forums/blogs. Obviously that has changed int his blog :P

One of the things (and there are many things) i love about Dramabeans blog (of course the awesome Javebeans!), and it's readers, is how safe I feel to make a comment or even recommendation. People might disagree here but there is a overall good nature/humor here. There have some very fun discussions (you know who you are *waves*) - even just to read. Comments are can also quite insightful and thought provoking (not mine though....I've been a very raving fangirl. My bad. Sorry!).

kb - I hope you will get to stage where it is comfortable for you to share. Don't see it just as self- validiation (I totally get your point, felt the same way) - cause hey everyone is different. It's ok to like what you like. Think of your recommendation along the lines of it could give enjoyment to someone up after they have had a crap day who might never have seen it . :) It might make them happy too! (speaking from experience here!)

Truly have to thank some of the readers who, through their recommendations, I discovered actors/kdramas that I would have never ever heard of or considered. And totally had a ball. Only down side to all this is risk of becoming a permanent Panda..........the list of 'to watch' ever growing, and late nights are killers! Hmmm that also might explaing my endless ranting.

@nycgirl--i 100% agree with you about the concert! I had a blast, and so happy to shake Tablo's hand..awww....he's a cutie..Seattle is their last stop for the US Tour, and I hope they had a good time!

hi guys..

can anyone tell me what is banjun drama? and whatt is makjang drama? thanks before..

bspanda,

thanks for the Merlin recommendation, love it!

@110 Snuffythemonkey

You're from Toronto? I'm next door in Mississauga. It's a beautiful Sunday but I'm stuck inside working...will go to Wonderland after work with the family for a few hours...line-ups should be minimal.

Don't worry...your alphabetical list of watched dramas is not a sign of illness! LOL. I have a "drama diary" where I record the dates of the kdramas and kmovies that I've watched, comments on the actors, overall impressions, etc. Let's just say we like to keep our kdramas in a nicely arranged list. ;)

@114 ripgal -

The official DVD release (June 23) will bring about a name change, and on the box itself, it is called "2 Outs in the Bottom of the 9th Inning" or something close to that. It looks like they saw dramabeans' thread on poor grammar, and got a copy editor. Honestly, I am expecting a ton out of this drama. It got great reviews from a lot of people here, so I am hopeful.

"Hurray to Kang Ji Hwan becoming a favourite of yours. He’s actually a favourite of too many here, that we all wana have a piece of him. Not meaning to burden you with another drama, but have you seen Capital Scandal by KJH?"

Hey, if I claim KJH, then that necessarily means that nobody else can like him. That's the way it works. If you watch the National Geographic channel or maybe Animal Planet, you can see what happens when there is a fresh kill and a bunch of lions start growling over who gets dibs. It isn't the lion who was first who gets the dibs, but the most persuasive lion. That would be Samsooki. Just because other people say, "MINE" does not necessarily make it so. As of yet, I've only seen 3 eps of KJH, and I've not seen Capital Scandal yet. So I have a while to go before I make up my mind.

So enjoy Kang Ji Hwan while you can, those days may be numbered. I do not share.

@115 kb -

No worries about making recommendations, especially to me. We are all adults here. I do not buy blindly (except for Sweet Spy, one of the biggest mistakes of my k-drama life), and I take responsibility for all of my k-drama purchases (except for Sweet Spy, I am still searching for the person who recommended that drama - if it turns out to be me, however, I will still try to find a scapegoat). As an adult, I take responsibility for my actions (except for Sweet Spy).

In fact, every drama or movie we have purchased except for Sweet Spy I have enjoyed, my wife has enjoyed, or both of us have enjoyed. Some more than others, but overall, that kind of batting average is incredible. That's like batting 0.950 or something like that.

@116, bspanda -

You seem to appreciate Kang Ji Hwan, and I agree with you. But if I start to like KJH too, then you should start liking some other actor. :) When TWO people say, "MINE" then one has got to be disappointed, no? You and ripgal are now on notice. I hope for your sakes that KJH is not as good as everybody else thinks he is. Else, I will claim him.

"Dare I say it, perhaps ever slightly stronger than Yuri/Binnie in Snow Queen. (OMG!) HGD is one fun series. Some of my favourite is whenever HGD gets pissed off (in often comical over reactions) at Ni Yok! HAHAHA"

Woah... let's not get carried away. Now you are comparing the tastiness of steak to the depth of the color blue. Which is better? Steak or Blue? *puzzle*

@118 zie -

A mak-jang (literally, dead-end) drama is a drama that is an over-the-top drama, with over-the-top characters, completely unrealistic plots and just no balance or sense of reality to them.

Basically, it means that when you watch these dramas, you literally come to a dead stop. There isn't any amount of debate when it comes to it. Take Temptation of Wife, probably the ul-jjang of mak-jang dramas (hehe). If you watch it, and you try to seriously understand the "why's" of what is happening, your head will explode. The safer course is just to accept the premise and the plot and just watch for pure entertainment sake.

Some critics say that watching mak-jang dramas will make you dumber, literally your IQ will drop through the course of the drama series. Empirically, I have found this to be true. After watching the last 10 episodes or so of Temptation of Wife straight through the night, I had the IQ of a bowl of cereal without milk. Still, I do not regret watching the series. NO REGRETS, BABY, AND I'D WATCH IT AGAIN HAHAHA... ahem.

As for banjun drama, check out this:

http://wiki.d-addicts.com/Banjun_Drama

@113 Samsooki: :D I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel out of loop when others make reference to a "must see" drama and then I feel compelled to watch it. 9 Ends 2 Outs was a very enjoyable drama. I don't know if you're the type that dislikes others discussing about their opinions on dramas before you watch it for yourself so I'll refrain from putting my two cents here... for now. :)

@115 kb: I guess what makes me edgy about recommending something is the false assumptions I'd have to make about that individual before advocating for a drama. If I get a negative response I feel like I've wasted 20 hours of their time plowing through something they don't enjoy. However, not a lot of my friends are so "into" dramas as I am therefore my enthusiasm has to be channeled through forums such as these. Usually it's my students who approach me to talk about it. Thanks for responding to my question. :)

@116 bspanda : Some of us do tend to be very defensive about our tastes huh? I completely agree with you when it comes to forums. Yes, we should play nice but sometimes I want to be critical too. Which is why I show up here. But even here I feel pressured to contribute something more meaningful than "He is so hot" although that is what I'd put down anyways. Hahaha!

@120 djes: I know what you mean. That's how I felt yesterday. But I'm sure you do other things besides watch dramas. Some people don't understand why I'd "chase" a drama till the end but it is my form of escape from stress.

Kim Ah Joong's teeth bothers me too! It is just way too perfect. She is a lovely looking girl though. Kazuko you say? I might watch that. Though I'm scared to start another dorama after Love Shuffle. It was THAT good. I'm so excited for you! Tell me what you think when you're done. And DO NOT read spoilers. I repeat DO NOT read spoilers!

@121 birdscout: Well hello neighbour. I love this weather eh? ;) Oh man I want a funnel cake at Wonderland now!

I like the idea of your drama diary but I haven't gone to the extent of commenting them yet. To be honest, I forgot half of what I watched. I only comment on the ones I don't finish for various reasons. There you will see my rants. But I'll go with your theory, we're just really organized kdrama addicts.

@123 snuffythemonkey -

"I don’t know if you’re the type that dislikes others discussing about their opinions on dramas before you watch it for yourself so I’ll refrain from putting my two cents here… for now. "

Hehe. I am okay with it. Discuss away!

Btw, I have come to the conclusion that k-drama watching is actually bad for you if you overdose. But k-dramas can be so addictive due to its structure and actors and mindset, that people who would normally be normal, tend to get nuts and crazy when it comes to k-dramas. Hence, k-dramas = bad for us, even for normal people!

What I want to know is, how do people in Korea actually get any work done? If I were living in Korea, and I got to watch as many dramas on DVR and/or TiVo, I would never have graduated college, I would never have gone to law school, I would be like Kang Ho in Super Rookie, before he went to work for LK Corporation.

Maybe JB should put a warning label on her blog, not that that would have prevent me from watching k-dramas....

@123 snuffythemonkey,

Wonderland was fun...only 15 minutes to get on Behemoth! And, I enjoyed my first funnel-cake of the season with icing sugar, ice-cream, and strawberries. Yummy!

@124 samsooki,

I agree with your conclusion that kdramas can be addictive, and bad for you if you overdose. I'm a fairly normal person, imho, but when I am into a drama I can not think of anything else but wanting to watch every episode until the end. When I was watching Flowers for My Life and Que Sera Sera, I would watch an episode, read Javabeans' recap and many of the comments posted by other readers, and then re-watch the episode. That way it takes MUCH longer to finish a drama. (My kids ate a lot of cereal and sandwiches because I didn't want to "waste" any time cooking! LOL)

My husband doesn't enjoy watching as much as I do, and has only watched a few episodes here and there...maybe that's better. If he were addicted too, we'd never get anything done around the house.

I'm actually glad I didn't discover kdramas during my university days; I don't know how I would have finished my studies. And although I've encouraged my teenagers to watch some episodes of kdramas with me so they get a sense of cool Koreans (not wanting them to have issues about their Korean ethnicity and having to face some of the issues you touched on growing up), I am also worried that they might get "addicted".

When I spoke to a family friend who was in Canada for a year for work, I asked her if she watches many dramas. She just laughed and said no, because she was so busy with her job (medical doctor) and raising her kids.

@ samsooki : thanks for the complete explanation.. i thought that banjun drama was another genre of k-drama.. but, actually it's almost the same with drama city from KBS (am i right??) ...
hmm.. i really want to watch tempation of a wife.. but there's no channel in my country that shows that drama & i got no time to watch it online.. i know that drama from parodies in gag concert or quiz expedition (KBS world)..

Nom Kitteh, HJkomo, et al.

So, we had a BBQ on this weekend, inviting a few people and we also invited the person in question from before, since she is a good friend of my wife and also of the other people we invited. It was a good time had by all (I spent 95% of the time grilling and talking with people who came out by the grill, and the women sort of separated and stayed inside the house and watched the ankle-biters that were around, so I didn't really say anything more than "hello" to the person in question. But she made it a point to say hello to me though, and I said hello back.

But the interesting point about all of this was that before the BBQ (after we sent out the invites), I got a reply email to the email I sent her last week (after I saw her at the friend's place when I was helping my friend move); my email last week just said, 'hey I wasn't ignoring you when I was moving boxes, I was just shocked to see you and so I was trying to keep my distance to not intrude in your space.' In that email she basically said, 'You should know the affection I still have for you, and I'm still your friend, regardless of what you think or over-think, and I mean this in the most gentle way, but you tend to overthink everything.'

So, with that, I guess that's her take on things. Of course, I still disagree, and I told her this in my reply email. This is the only life that I have, and so why shouldn't I be careful about who I choose as friends and why shouldn't I be thoughtful and thinking about this kind of thing? So, the bottom line - she considers herself to be my friend, and she considers me to be her friend. And from my perspective, I appreciate her sentiments and she's one of the coolest persons I know, and so maybe we'll be friends later, but we aren't really friends now because I think of friends like family, and if we were family, then she basically flunks the family test. So we have different ideas of friendship, and so she gets to think whatever she thinks, and I get to think whatever I think.

So this is what bothers me. My wife agrees with this person. Why can't I just accept what other people give, and not have to pass the standards that I have? But, I can ask the same question in reverse. Why do I have to bend over backwards to accept other people's beliefs, but nobody will accept mine?

Why is her idea of friendship (laidback, que sera sera) any more or less valid than my own? She gives what she is able to give, to a relationship, and isn't that the same as everyone else? Why do I have to compromise my principles? Shouldn't SHE be the one to understand where I am coming from, rather than just saying, "I'm saying this in the gentlest possible way, but you are over-thinking things."

1. My idea of friendship tends to be a little bit more serious. I'd like to be sure that people who are my friends are more like family than mere "friends." Her idea of friends is more in line with everyone else. I am not saying that her idea is better or worse. But if I accept her idea, then she should accept my idea, and she should not say that I should be the one who should change.

2. I want her to be my friend (like family), but she wants to be friends with me in her way (like everybody else). I am not like everybody else, though. So, I told her that I'd wait, whether it happens later or not at all, I'll be fine with it. Not everybody has to be friends with one another.

Kind of a pisser, but I feel like everybody is saying the same thing - my wife, this person, people on dramabeans... that I should just be laid back and not think so much. But why do I have to do it? Why can't other people just think more and not be so laid back? I feel like everybody is trying to get me to lower my standards - I sort of feel like they've all ganged up against me now.

@Samsooki:
" So, the bottom line - she considers herself to be my friend, and she considers me to be her friend. And from my perspective, I appreciate her sentiments and she’s one of the coolest persons I know, and so maybe we’ll be friends later, but we aren’t really friends now because I think of friends like family".............IMHO you're going to get what you really want in time, which her "friendship like family". But that takes time and you feel it should be like that now. Which I can understand as this is in line with how serious you hold your friendships. I think as you and your family spend more time with her it will grow into a family relationship. Speaking as someone who was in that girl's shoes.....

It's really interesting how you look at friendships. I'm just curious, do you consider co-workers as friends? What about people you had good relations with at work or at school, growing up that you are no longer in contact with? Would you still consider them as friends?

@128, simi -

No, co-workers aren't friends, they are colleagues. And good relations isn't really the yardstick measure - the measure for me is trust. So this is not just semantics. My life is pretty complicated right now, with a lot of things going on at work, at home, with various people, relatives, etc. And a lot of people are calling me up and complaining about this person or that person or asking for help or asking me to help solve issues, and I keep wondering, "umm, when I did I get appointed as the concierge desk." I can't deal with everyone at the same level - it's unfortunate, but the bottom line is that some folks gotta come in second (or third).

Generally speaking, I am just trying to sort my life into people that I can count on, and call those people my family (along with family members that are family by blood, regardless of whether I can count on them), and then everybody else. And it would be nice to be able to surround myself with people that are pretty awesome, and have those people be people whom I can rely upon.

samsooki,

i hear you about the whole friend issue. you want to surround yourself with those who have your back. i feel the same way. it seems this "friend" doesn't fit the bill.

i don't know the whole situation so i can't provide anything substantial, but i certainly don't think you have to compromise your principles. if she is unwilling to meet your standards, it's her loss, not yours.

@ kb
I second the description of Lee Hoon in Happiness. That drama was my first foray into fansubbing and watching a long, weekend drama. It was thoroughly enjoyable (although, the disruption from the Olympics did affect the plot and writing towards the end).

@ samsooki
"Hey, if I claim KJH, then that necessarily means that nobody else can like him."

Watch out....A lion is no match against an entire pride of lionesses....out for blood.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. ㅋㅋ

Sidenote: I was in LA this weekend....and couldn't stop chuckling whenever I saw the Dos Equis billboards strewn across the southland.

" 'I mean this in the most gentle way, but you tend to overthink everything.’ "

First, I must apologize....but I couldn't help lol-ing when I read that. I certainly don't mean to belittle your situation [the laughter was more of a reflex induced by memories of people from eons ago] because you have every right to want to surround yourself with people you trust. But judging from what you've shared, other people's responses (your wife's, kb's), and my own observations of the differences between my husband's friendships vs. my own....perhaps, it has more to do with the differences in the way men vs. women view friendships. My husband doesn't keep in frequent contact with his friends because everyone is spread across the country (and beyond), and they're all too busy with their lives, careers, and raising their kids. But he knows that at the drop of a hat, every single one of them has his back.
I don't know...do you find the responses you get are different from men than from woman?

@ birdscout
"My husband doesn’t enjoy watching as much as I do, and has only watched a few episodes here and there…maybe that’s better. If he were addicted too, we’d never get anything done around the house."

So true. While it would be nice to watch and enjoy kdramas with my husband, nothing would ever get done. One person in the house glued to the screen is plenty. ;)

@Samsoki
I'm kinda late checking the thread but reading your comment I felt compelled to say one thing...I am so glad that there is someone else out there that thinks like me! I find it so hard to meet others that have the same ideas about friendship and trust. I do hate to hear that there are so many things going on in your life and know that I will be praying that things call down. Being someone that people come to isolates you, sometimes to the point that you feel you don't have anyone to lean on.

With this friend, I'm one that breaks up with friends alot, mainly due to the trust issue, so I think that its kinda cool that you are willing to wait. Most of all I think its for the best for you not to compromise on your convictions and standards for friends. You have plenty that can understand and accept you so why change? If that friend won't their is no need for you to(not in this instance). The weird thing about situations like this is that neither one of you are wrong, just wrong for each other (IMHO:).

@snuffythemonkey(sorry if I got the name wrong)
So you are talking about suggesting here? I just tell people what I like and dislike. Most of the time there are some general assumptions you make based on a common show but you just through it out there and they like it they do. The suggestions I put more thought in are those that I give friends. I usually pretty spot on though. I really deliberate and take into account personality, etc. I try to find the best one that fits them and then their usually hooked so my work is done! BWUUUUHAHA!

@130 kb -

Yah, I hear you, but some people are worth it. She's not an awesome person for no reason, she's awesome because she's awesome. It might be her loss, but sure feels like my loss. hehe.

@131 hjkomo -

"Watch out….A lion is no match against an entire pride of lionesses….out for blood. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. ㅋㅋ"

YAH! HEY! Yes, that's right. You better back off.

I saw Episodes 4-8 of Hong Gil Dong last night, and I am totally vibing with Kang Ji Hwan. He's really, really, really good at expressing feelings and emoting. And he's pretty cool too! What a great story we have so far with Hong Gil Dong. I was so sad and so angry when watching certain parts in the beginning, and Sung Yuri rocks! All y'all (including JB) who said that Sung Yuri improved in Hong Gil Dong, I say, "that's one way to look at it, but I say she just is showing more of her talent as required by the drama." :)

As for Kang Ji Hwan - I will not make it official until after we finish Hong Gil Dong, but unofficially, I now claim Kang Ji Hwan as mine.

"But judging from what you’ve shared, other people’s responses (your wife’s, kb’s), and my own observations of the differences between my husband’s friendships vs. my own….perhaps, it has more to do with the differences in the way men vs. women view friendships....I don’t know…do you find the responses you get are different from men than from woman?"

At this age of our lives, for guys, it's all about who you can trust. We need people in our lives that we can trust, because this is where we grow up and learn to become fathers, where we learn to accept the fact that we aren't going to be astronauts, U.S. Senators, superstar athletes, etc. We will just be people who will be working for the rest of our lives, trying to support our wife(s), the generation above us and the generation below us. It means that we can't be kids any more, even though we are still kids at heart (some of us, kids in brain too).

It is a sobering thought, and honestly, it scares the crap out of all of us. What we all so desperately need then, is the security of our Family (friends and family) around us to make us feel secure, because without them, we are all alone, with every man for himself and every family for themselves. That kind of isolation is difficult to deal with, and not even our wives can make us feel completely safe, because part of the "deal" is that we would take care of everyone close, starting with the wife, and it is hard to ask her for the kind of support that your homies can provide.

Guys need homies for that reason.

@132 jboogie -

"I am so glad that there is someone else out there that thinks like me! I find it so hard to meet others that have the same ideas about friendship and trust. I do hate to hear that there are so many things going on in your life and know that I will be praying that things call down. Being someone that people come to isolates you, sometimes to the point that you feel you don’t have anyone to lean on."

Wooord...bassah! (I learned that phrase (inflection going upwards - absolutely hilarious when done with a SoCal accent) from a tattooed teenaged white girl who was working a Rosetta Stone kiosk at the mall, and she was talking about how she learned Korean from Rosetta Stone in 6 months, and combined it with her American high school slang to create her own language. I envy the creativity and absolute ignorance is bliss attitude of teens.) You totally get what I am saying, Jboogie. That's basically how I feel.

"You have plenty that can understand and accept you so why change? If that friend won’t their is no need for you to(not in this instance). The weird thing about situations like this is that neither one of you are wrong, just wrong for each other (IMHO:)."

Yeah, I agree, but it doesn't make me feel good about it. Not everybody has to be friends with each other, but I know a diamond when I see one, and so it is a shame when one has to be let go. But, I actually do not have "plenty" that can understand and accept me. Right now, I can count the number who can understand and accept me on one hand, without using the thumb or index finger. :) But, better a few that are trustworthy than a hundred that may not be...

@ Samsooki

So, to get some more male perspective on this matter, I had my husband read the part -
"At this age of our lives, for guys, it’s all about who you can trust.
...
Guys need homies for that reason."

And while he said he can see how you may feel isolated in your newly-found role (I don't know how long you've been married), it's what comes with the territory. Everyone (men especially) may feel a bit lonely at times and restricted (a term he chose to use over "isolated") while taking on the role of family provider/protector, but that's what having responsibilty is about. It "restricts" you (in a good way, though one may not always see it that way). He himself, in his younger days, wanted his friends to be his "brothers," but then life takes over & you do what needs to be done for your family. Give it a few years...

His advice is "RELAX."

---

And what makes this woman so awesome? Somehow, I just don't see her fitting into the role of what you described as being one of your homies. o_o

@134 hjkomo -

That's good advice I guess, to relax. For me, the effect is the same - on the outside, I'm about as passive as it comes when it comes to other people, almost indifferent. The difference is that on the inside, I'm always thinking. Hard to shut off the brain....

Responsibiltiy brings restrictions, and I understand this with a hint of sadness as my roles change and increase as I pass through life. It is inevitable, but inevitability does come with ambivalence and a bit of sorrow over how things could have been if. And so, each day, I try to be a little bit more than I was the day before, trying new things and so on, sort of like a controlled spontaneity kind of thing if that makes sense, because as I "give it a few years," in a few years, all I will have is a few more years worth of memories. Hopefully, those memories will be good ones.

As for this woman, I'll save that description for another time. :) Time to head home.

Ok, *pat* *pat* tummy full of food. =)

What makes this person special? Well, this is my opinion, and obviously other people might disagree about one or more qualities, but I find this person to be pretty awesome - smart, fun, interesting, good looking, and caring, just really cool. Not much to find fault with from a reasonable perspective (actually, she pisses me off a lot sometimes, but even I piss myself off a lot sometimes, so who am I to judge negatively). And the same time, she has this incredibly vulnerable side to her, which just fits right into my desire to help those whom I care about. What makes her special though, is that she falls into the category of people who are smart enough to help you if you are in trouble.

Some people, probably, mostly guys, are of the category that if you do get into trouble, they really aren't the people to call and ask for help, even if they are your homies, because 1. first they'll try to analyze where you screwed up and a lot of times, that's the last thing that you need, 2. second, they'll try to play savior and again, that's not really what you need. However it happened, I am not really like most guys, in that I don't care how you got into the mess you're in (unless absolutely related, like drug or alcohol abuse, then, the why/how is critical in trying to help), and I won't take over your life to help you - I assess, I fix, then I go away, without judging and without strings. And this person is sort of like that too.

Anyway. Enough about this person. This is where the story ends. Her point of view is that she considers herself a friend of mine and me a friend of hers, and on my side, I'll respect her point of view but at the same time, my point of view is slightly different - she doesn't make the cut - yet, and maybe never. My wife will continue to invite her over and hang out with her and stuff, and I'll continue to be polite and indifferent.

hjkomo,

it was the olympics that made "happiness" tumble towards the end there? hmmm, it definitely felt like it was starting to drag after a certain point. but i was so hooked on that show, it didn't matter. i still listen to one of the songs on the soundtrack regularly, the one they play after each episode. still brings a smile to my face.

@131 hjkomo

Perhaps I spoke too soon...my husband just started watching A Man's Story with me, and I think he's hooked. I guess 10 cm-tall grass doesn't look TOO bad! LOL

@136 Samsooki

OK, I think you may have put the discussion about your "friend" to rest, but I have come back to this thread late and I have one point to make that I don't think has been raised. I don't want to make things any more complicated for you, but sometimes when a person is attracted to another who is not available, said person may act a bit distant in an attempt NOT to look too close, if you know what I mean.

@138, birdscout -

"I have come back to this thread late and I have one point to make that I don’t think has been raised. I don’t want to make things any more complicated for you, but sometimes when a person is attracted to another who is not available, said person may act a bit distant in an attempt NOT to look too close, if you know what I mean."

I hadn't considered that. But we aren't kids anymore, and so I'm not particularly worried. Being attracted to people is a natural thing and I would guess that most friendships have some level of attraction between people - it's part of being friends with people, so long as there's no Fatal Attraction - Glenn Close thing (or Delightful Girl Choon Hyang / Mr. Byun thing) going on. It is unlikely in any case, because her heart has been set on a certain guy for a long time now, and given her circumstances, I think she is caught in a very difficult situation. It has to be hard to let go and it might be "too late" to move on, and the future is 100% opaque if she does move on... and too many well-meaning people have been giving her too many conflicting pieces of unsolicited advice - I've stayed silent on this, knowing that I can't add anything she's not heard before.

@139 Samsooki,

Oh, I see. It sounds as if you have come to terms with this situation, so I'm glad for you.
P.S. I like how you referenced Delightful Girl Choon Hyang...this being a kdrama site and all;)