Thank you for the write up. Your family sound like the family culture here in my little south east asian country. Or at least how it used to be. 20-30 years ago, families, even extended families always find reasons to gather, during weddings, or eid. During weddings, the ladies of the families will be at the bride/groom's family house as early as a week before, as those days, all the food for the festivities are prepared by the family themselves, instead of using catering services like we do now. So there's tons to be done, house and dais to decorate. There's even some assigned just to prepare meals for families preparing for the big day. Everybody sleep everywhere all over the family house, and everybody know everyone. But as time goes by, economic pressure rose, lifestyle change, people move to big cities, we just dont have as much time to dedicate to spending time with families, let alone extended families. Wedding buffets are now served by caterers. Families attend wedding for just maybe and hour or so, to eat and congrats the couple and parents. We start to knowing only immediate families, only seeing cousins maybe once every 2-3 years. Gone were the days when everybody knows everyone.

I admire you for sharing@ohsoenthusiastic. I hope your family finds healing for their rifts and wounds.
I never connected my aversion to Makjang family drama (and angst in general) to my family history. But I think I don't like them for the same reason as you.
Your family story is familiar to me (although my last name is not Odum or any spelling variation thereof). I grew up in a very tight extended family with family reunions and get-togethers too. But I also grew up sheltered and oblivious of the pain and trouble right under the surface. On one side, divorce and a blended family that did not blend at all and on the other side, a history of alcoholism and neglect. Honestly, I wish I could still be oblivious, but that is part of growing up, right?
There are members of my family who are able to forgive and move on and others who are not. I have learned so much watching these two groups and it has helped me to know what kind of person I want to be.
It hurts to have family divided against each other and the distance can seem to be an impasse. I have found hope, though, in realizing that I can choose what legacy I will leave to the next generation in my family. Just because I inherited it, doesn't mean I have to keep it.
Family is hard work, but it is also the greatest work we can do.

This reminds me of the reunions I went to when I was a kid. My dad has 8 siblings and a family reunion usually involved his cousins and such too. So there was never enough room to sleep. I once went to sleep in the space between a bed and a cupboard (only enough for one person) and woke up under the bed with three other people between me and the said cupboard.

You nailed it, @ohsoenthusiastic! Family traditions include a lot of family reunions where family secrets are just whispered about. My mother's side of the family comes together every Christmas. And as we grew up, some cousins migrated and we were left to continue the traditions. That is the time where you pretend not to hear snide comments by cousins about your sister(s), be surprised that your cousin living abroad has a new husband, be more surprised (and slightly annoyed) to learn that a cousin who lives abroad came to the country and didn't even say hello. Nowadays, I am afraid that when I leave this world, I don't think my children will come to these reunions if I'm not there. Four generations of our family will come together again this Christmas and I hope that when the last of the first generation goes, we (the 2nd) will still be doing this reunions.

❤️ this topic is close to my heart.

I also am from a large extended family kept close by my grandparents who insisted on us all gathering together during important occasions- their birthdays, holidays etc. They were the glue that filled any cracks between family members and (forcibly at times) kept us all together.

But my grandfather passed away 9 years ago and though my grandmother welcomed her 9th great grandchild recently, i know she won’t be around forever.

And I know things won’t be the same once she is gone. And I know my family will go the way yours has and it will be a very sad day when things all start falling apart.

My family has simply scattered- from coast to coast, North to South, with all kinds of things happening to or with my siblings and cousins. It makes a family re-union very difficult to put together.

I am the only one who's ten of thousand of miles away from my big extended family, and I missed these big reunions. It's also sad to hear that my family and extended family do not meet as regularly anymore. Whenever I go back hone, only my family will gather and even then the younger generation are mostly glued to their cellphone. No more interaction like me and my cousins used to do.

Thanks for the write-up , I love it and I hope and wish for the mending of your fragments and family @ohsoenthusiastic

Honestly, what happens in makjangs is horrible in real life. Horrible. I think as children a family gathering is exciting but as we get older it just seems like hard work. Families are messy and extended families are even messier. My own has some astonishing makjang stories in it beneath a veneer of normal suburban life. And as the world changes we've learned that it's okay to say no to that kind of hard work. Still, it's a shame to throw the baby out with the bathwater as it were.