Sometimes you have to stand for yourself.

I was recently posting on my IG some pictures of my latest reenactment even with the new costumes I got. After the first post an old friend sent me a message saying “You’re getting worse as you get older”. I just ignored it and let it pass. I’m sort of used to people not understanding my hobbies, whether it’s reenactment, kdramas or kpop.

Some days later on my second post I got another message and it said “Booooo, watch out your medication, you are crazy 😂😂😂😂”. And this time I just got tired of being judged, so I just told him in my best manners that he should think before talking and that the comment was not respectful.

What I got in response I didn’t expect. If a friend sent me a message saying they were offended by my comment first thing I’d do is apologise, because I had hurt that person. What did my friend do:
– Are you crazy?
– When did I laughed at you?
– I won’t apologise because I did nothing wrong.
– Are you in one of those days?
– You don’t know how to take a joke.
– I consider you my friend so I’m joking with you and you reply to me this way?

So I didn’t like his comment, said it, and I was the one to blame because I was too picky. So I just insisted: I’m not mad at you, it’s ok we don’t agree, but how do you think I feel when I tell you your comment offends me and you basically call me a hysterical woman and blame for not finding it funny? A joke is a joke only when two people laugh. I am not laughing.

Only then he said he apologised. I don’t believe he really understands what he did to offend me, but at least he won’t repeat it again.

So standing for yourself, telling others that you don’t like what they’ve told you or how they’ve behaved is one step into loving yourself. You are not being picky or selfish. You’re just putting yourself in the first place. That’s love.

Love,

February

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    Thank you for sharing what is in no way, shape or form “friendly” interaction. I’m sorry you had to endure it but good on you to call out the BS.

    The JK is the worst non-apology. My response is exactly that – it is only a joke when the other person is also laughing.

    The lesson to stand up for ourselves is one which needs repeating.

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    If you don’t mind me asking, why don’t you just cut off the contact with him?

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      Oh, I did, but we are somehow work related. I will have to interact with him, but I cut him off my SNS. I don’t need this kind of relations and I’m too old to be a grown up man teacher.
      You know, one of the problems is he’s in his 50s acting as if he were 17.

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    It sounds like communication online is a problem in this circumstance. I wonder if he had rung to check in and discussed it maybe he might have got why it was not funny sooner.

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      He called, I didn’t pick up because I knew before hand she would invalidate my feelings, as he did with his texts. I really didn’t want to talk to someone who would turn to silly jokes (probably very sexist) to try and “calm me down”, even if I wasn’t angry at all, just telling him that I was not happy with his comments.

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    Well done for choosing your battles, there is always a time to let go and then there are the times we need to pursue the point to the bitter end. 💪🏾hwaiting

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    You are braver than me. A friend did this to me once. To express my discontentment, I posted a link to an article saying “how not to undermine your friends” or something like that 😅. And she immediately felt guilty and asked me what was the occasion to post the article. I made up some story, but I knew she knew. We never talked about it explicitly because she’s an old friend and I’m a rotten person without the guts to tell it to her face. But the closer the person, the more it hurts. You can laugh on me, but you can’t be making unkind comments when you call yourself a “friend”. You did good by standing up for yourself 👍❤

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      This lesson you only learn with time and after failing many times, at least in my case. So it will come the day when you will be able to do it if it happens again, which I hope it’s not the case for you. I always say that you can say anything to anyone with good words, even not nice things, but learning to say “I don’t like what you said” is one of the first things we should learn to love ourselves.

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