Firstly, this piece is excellent. Well-argued and beautifully written. But here's where I argue with you - I don't think any of your examples are actually Candies in the traditional sense of the word.

And this is where I'm sure some people's backs will straighten and their shoulders will stiffen and I anticipate all the comments telling me how wrong I am (as I very well may be) - but bear with me.

What really characterises a Candy, for me, is not a question of agency. The Candy exists to fulfill a fantasy of natural justice: that if you're quiet and noble and cheerful and self-sacrificing than the universe will reward you. The fact it rewards you usually with a man is also part of the Cinderella myth.

But the sense I got from your entire piece is not of someone stoic, keeping their head down and their smile wide while they wait for the universe to straighten itself out and reward them for nobility.

The sense I got - and the characters you identify with - are people who struggle with internal as well as external pressures. With the emphasis on struggle. These are all people who constantly win the battle but seem to never win the war. But they still fight.

Even being brave enough to write a personal piece like this shows that struggle. And so I hope that, like the characters you identify with, your struggle will eventually bear fruit.

Hwaiting!

Wow. I took a deep breath after reading your post. Thank you so much for sharing something so personal and in such an eloquent way. I have no brilliant advice because real life is hard and self worth can feel impossible, but I can send finger hearts.

Thanks for your piece @ohsoenthusiastic.

Go Deok Mi is one of my favourite heroines in dramaland, with her preference to stay at home and her relatable penny-pinching ways. It’s true that she had a contingent of flower boys neighbors that helped bring her out of her shell (most noisily Enrique) but it was she who opened the door. Say what you will about Enrique the Dancing Panda, he didn’t think Deok Mi needed “protecting” from the outside world.

I have a feeling you’re a perfectionist and tend to be hard on yourself, like me. You’d like to be a stronger, better version of yourself. However, to quote from Winnie the Pooh: “You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

Thank you so, so, so, so much for this piece and showing us the vulnerable you. I kept feeling surprised how this in traditional story, like @leetennant said, the candy-type is rewarded with a man, as if a man means the ultimate goal and desire of a woman!!!! My very independent self rejects this idea, but hey... I am not criticising either, I just feel surprised the myth is still alive, LoL.

Me, I encourage you to try to switch yourself your life, and leave the man out of the table(😅). If someone along comes, well... see if it suits you, but don't try to find any, they are usually not worthy.

Second, search for the things you like about yourself and enjoy those, alone or with friends.

Third: make new friends. Maybe this is the most important one. True friends are life savers.

And fourth: if you don't feel like having new or true friends (which I cannot believe), then get yourself a dog, preferably a Chihuahua. That is my ultimate goal and desire in life! Maybe it can work for you too!

Lastly: thank you again. Your post is beautiful and very brave. 😍

This was absolutely beautiful! It is gorgeously and very bravely written, an I personally love the idea of a "defense" od the Candy character. However, I have to say that I agree with Judi on the "Candy traits" and I also don't see the characters you talk about - especially Deok Mi - as the Candy types :) Hwaiting!

Oh great writeup @ohsoenthusiastic. You echo my thoughts. From the job search, uncomfortable comfort zones to self loathing and having a consistent desire to make things better for oneself, I am like you and my I am Jang Geu Rae. It very strangely is suffocating and freeing that many people go through the same battle as you. While I haven't seen any of the candy's you mentioned, I relate on all levels to JGR. I wpuld love to speak up for myself, make myself proud and happy but somehow it isn't always easy to remain that strong and better your own condition. There is not a prince and we all know that realistically no prince can save us unless we save ourselves.

That was beautiful and haunting.

"awkward, insecure, and self-loathing" - I was, too, though not exactly self-loathing, and would try to take refuge in (self-depreciating) humour. Hopeless at relationships but dreaming of success in one, that was me, too. I got lucky a few years ago and met someone who was everything that I wanted in a partner and the attraction was mutual. There are still moments when I wonder what he sees in me, and whether I "deserve" him.

I used to struggle with verbalizing my feelings or saying no, too, but I am getting better at them.

It is fine to be awkward and mousy - where is the fun if everyone was perfect? And I hope you get to move past the insecurity and self-loathing.

Good luck!

This is exquisite in every way. I do agree with LT/Dame Judi, though --- you've highlighted characters who struggle, and it seems that you have that same admirable trait <3 The struggle is real, we say jokingly, but actually, the struggle *is* real. HWIGHTING dear beanie! And thank you so much for sharing this. <3 <3 <3

You write so well!

This line: "living vicariously through these characters instead of living my own life." Uhm, ouch. Guilty!

But we really, really need to be kinder to ourselves. Kdrama characters have the benefit of writers who throw a spotlight on real conflicts and directors who backlight their weakest moments. Most of us just kind of muddle through the tedium and confusion, and don't have an OST that plays automatically when we reach that switch.

I remember thinking that when my Dad passed away. All sorts of people stood up and said beautiful tributes at his funeral, and I kinda felt bad that he didn't hear that when he was alive. I'm pretty sure it will be the same for all of us: we think we're leading ordinary lives, but we're somebody else's hero. And even if we're not, we're battling demons that nobody else sees, and sometimes just getting out of bed (and definitely, sharing an article like this!) is already an act of beautiful defiance and courage.

Thank you for sharing, @ohsoenthusiastic. Your piece reminded me of the period of time when everything about me eroded my self confidence and self esteem. What got me out of it were kind words from a certain teacher (the Chief Oh in my life), support from friends that were just like me, unconditional love from my family and of course, lessons I learned from dramas! It took a while for me to realize that the only thing I need to change is my perception of me. All those nasty things those people said really are not important and not true. It only matters because I let it got to me.

Here's hoping that you find that happy ending in your life soon, just like your heroines.

Thank you for sharing your story, you write it so well and it’s obvious how deeply you feel and connect with these characters ~ that’s a gift I’ve only ever found in kdramas. Especially in the opening episodes, they aren’t afraid of showing us people struggling with the heavy, dull weight of day to day life.

I’d like to say I don’t relate to Candies, but it’s their hope and optimism for justice I often find hardest to understand. Like you I’ve given up on understanding why people (at work and otherwise) have always found it easy to explode at me. I’ve given up on understanding why I can never do anything more than take it and cry later.

But these characters are wonderful because at the end of the day they will choose to stand up for themselves, to go after that brighter tomorrow (even if that involves a time skip). I hope one day you will feel that story arc too, Fighting Chingu!

And thank you, again, for being brave enough to share your story. I think by defending your Candies you are on your way to defending yourself. (I’ll stop being so cheesy now) 😅🤗

While I don't fully relate to most of the characters you mentioned I do sympathize with certain points you brought up especially about insecurity...I too have wondered about plastic surgery and whether if I changed my hair or my style of dress or whatever if things would be different and like you said I've changed my hair sometimes and it's still the same ole me. As others have said I wish you luck in not getting stuck in bitterness and hopelessness...sending you love from a fellow gal trying to make a way through my own sometimes crippling insecurities

This was so raw, like you’ve peeled off a bandaged wound that has barely healed. I hate seeing injustice and pity those that just take it. I haven’t seen any of these characters maybe because I am too weak to watch them. I don’t have any good answers for you on how to make that switch, but my brother was much like these you describe, and it took him 40 years to finally come out the other side, after I had almost given up hope for him. Medication and therapy has helped him (he unfortunately doesn’t have kdramas to fall back on 😜). But he’s found his better half and she’s more amazing than I could have ever dreamt for him. So here’s to your future self, after the switch, whoever that might be! Fighting!

Thank you for sharing this. I felt like I understood where you were coming from. But more than that, I felt that through your words I was reading how I feel nowadays. I too, am in the job-hunting/ never-leaving-my- parents-house phase of my life. I myself can’t say without idealistic certainty that it will get better, but I hope it does. Even if it’s a small change, it’s a start.

Thank you so much for writing this. I needed to read this to be reminded of how we never suffer alone and that out there somewhere, someone struggles as much as we do and for similar reasons. Which means I'm never alone in my own struggle and I should always keep on fighting. Thank you.

This is a great and brave piece of writing that really resonates with me, as I've struggled with a lot of similar feelings. As I've gotten older I became more accepting of my(solo, mousy, awkward, weird)self and have realized that maybe I'm actually pretty ok, but boy oh boy is that a journey. Honestly, I think a lot of getting past some of my own self-loathing has been less any big shift in my life than a softening of my own self judgement and comparing myself to others that I think, frankly, is just an accident of aging and being to lazy to keep up the self-judgement. I hope you keep writing about and exploring these issues-- I think many, many people struggle with these same kinds things in life. And yes, like you I have a soft spot for the quietly resilient "candy" type, because I love that fantasy of one day maybe, just maybe, all of that endurance pays off.