Beanies, Indian girl here and I would rather have a small afternoon wedding and be done with everything

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    Wait, you don’t want a 20+ day wedding, complete with a buffet (or, as my dad and uncle like to jokingly (?) call it, a “boo-fah”), non-stop (and possibly coerced dancing), and repeated paroxysms of sobbing and wailing???

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    Tbh this pandemic helped many people get their dream weddings. Sometimes the bride and groom want intimate/small weddings but they can’t because there are people their families cannot miss out and the bride and groom don’t even know them. That’s how the number of guests and the events keeps increasing(to save face in a society that likes to show off weddings). Every bride that got married in the pandemic was so satisfied with her small wedding because they were only surrounded with people they valued and packed up within 1 or max 2 events.

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      Every bride that I know and got married in the pandemic*

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      Not only brides but even parents. So many ppl took advantage of the restrictions (rightly so) and sped up their own or their children’s marriage which just tells us that the whole society is tired of these unnecessary extravagant weddings but they keep doing it for the sake of society.

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    The real question is, do you really have the luxury of choice ?

    I wish you get the wedding (and marriage) of your dream. *kisses* *hugs*

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      thank you so much. My secret plan is to get married in my 30s ( late according to Indian standards) and use this as leverage.

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    My Indian mother’s plan is for me to have a tiny destination wedding and then have a party sometime later. Which I’m 100% on board with.

    Granted, at this point, I’m pretty sure she’d be happy even if I have a courthouse wedding and be done with it. But I will give her this credit: she want’s me married, but it’s more important to her that I have a happy marriage than just being married for its own sake. Which is why I’m 3[redacted] and single. Though I think my Nani got married in her thirties as well. So it’s basically tradition at this point.

    But also, we find the showiness of big weddings really dumb. It should be a celebration of family and a fun occasion, not a stupid show.

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      *high 5* fellow Indian 3[redacted] somethign who is not yet married, and whose mum now considers a happy marriage a priority, though she’d really just like me to be married lol

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        I also suspect my parent’s shitshow of a marriage has something to do with this. (It also probably has something to do with why I’m still single too, if I’m being honest.) I mean, I’m happy they didn’t abuse one another and we were happy growing up, but man, they really were not meant to be.

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          That is exactly how I feel about my parents’ marriage too. There was never any physical or verbal violence but I feel like had my parents met under other circumstances, they wouldn’t have even been friends. Looking at their marriage, I am honestly a bit apprehensive of relationships. I would honestly prefer being single than being in a marriage like that of my parents

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            I really hate that people don’t talk about this outcome from arranged marriage – it’s always either “We fell in love eventually” or “he/his family was abusive and I ran away”. What about all the ones where they stated together and had kids but were never really happy or right for one another? Where they just settled? Because I feel like this is the truth behind many arranged marriages and yet no one talks about it. And maybe a lot of people are happy just settling. But it doesn’t seem healthy.

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            @snarkyjellyfish I so agree with you. So many people just simply settle or are in a state of monotonous existence in their arranged marriages and it’s not very healthy and if you take into account how much a woman has to deal with her in-laws in an arranged marriage, ( as compared to the husband) it sometimes becomes unbearable. Also it is not very nice for the kids cause even though there isn’t anything bad about it, not knowing what a loving, healthy relationship between spouses looks like cannot be great.

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            Honestly, I think the only reason my parents lasted as long as they did is because my mother rarely had to deal with her in-laws. One of the perks of moving to the US after marriage. But also my mother was older and had a career and was never going to just cater to her husband. I do believe there is some affection between them, but it’s not what either person deserved. My mother never received support from my father when she needed it, and that’s where the real failure happened.

            The problem is now, even when they live their own separate lives, they have an unhealthy reliance on one another, moreso my father on my mother. Now that we’re older me and my brother run interference or just stop things, but it’s hard to break old habits. Which is why, as awful as it sounds, I wish they’d have just split earlier rather than wait for us to grow up.

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            Your mother is lucky in the fact that she had a career. My mother is a housewife and our grandmother lives with us so the strain on her considerable. It has just created this environment which really isn’t great. You can empathise with someone only so much when they are indirectly hurting you too. I can’t really talk about stuff like this to my friends because it is way too personal so I usually release my emotions here. I sometimes wish my mom had never married my dad cause she would have been so much happier. My dad isn’t a bad person but he too never understood my mother, they are just too incompatible.

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