Beanie level: Errand boy

I never understood how much a casual ” How was your day?” could mean until now. No one at home really asks me that and I am growing to see how important this simple question can be

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    How was your day, Mani?

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      Aww thank you so much for asking. I went to but I followed the wrong day’s timetable so I came super early. The good thing was that I finally got to meet my school friend (we’re at the same college) and I realised I am not alone in my doubts, worries and anxieties.

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    This is so true – and equally important (which you seem to have understood) is that an honest answer to this question is just as important. It’s so easy to say “fine” or “good” when I don’t want others to be bothered with my problems. But I’ve found more often than not, the people who care enough to ask also care enough to listen.

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All these bullying allegations, whether true or not, should make Korean authorities examine their school culture. It is alarming how pervasive this bullying culture seems to be.

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    It reminds me of the fact that whatever is portrayed on TV, actually stems from something that happen in reality. Just to think about how pervasive this ‘bullying’ culture is makes me cringe. It doesn’t mean that in the culture where I live things are less severe, but knowing that many nice-looking ones we see and love in dramas are involved in such scandals is definitely not something I like.

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      You are so right. I’ve always said that the way bullying is portrayed in dramas has always made me think it’s really close to the real situation students are living.
      I think it may be related to the excessive pressure that students have to succeed that I find a bit insane (but then I’ve never had problems in school, and always had good marks…).

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        I think the financial gap between people in the society leads to excessive pressure to compete. Parents want their children to thrive to be the best, even to follow the parents’ dream instead of finding and pursuing their own. People endure things they shouldn’t have just because they don’t want to face possible consequences (being bullied more, losing a chance to study at the same school, etc). The society is dysfunctional, oh I’m talking about mine. 😂

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    They should, and they shouldn’t stop there. The work culture appears to have the same problems.

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    Clearly there’s something wrong in their school culture. It’s really disturbing to know that many of the people I love on screen were involved in these scandals.

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    Also I think the entertainment agencies need to do some background research before scouting a new talent.

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How is Lee Ji Hoon so sexy in River Where The Moon Rises? The intensity of his gaze melts me. I lowkey want him to be the lead, nothing against my boy Ji Soo but I am more into LJH

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    He’s so, so, so sexy here.

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    Haven’t watched this show. However, LJH is stellar. He was amazing in Dinner Mates. A very talented actor.

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      He was amazing in Dinner Mate. I would have been crushing over him had his character not been so creepy and unhealthy

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This gave me a really good laugh beanies

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The central government, in it’s reply to the court regarding the same-sex marriages, said that same-sex marriages went against the “Indian family unit concept” and honestly a lot of us just can’t with this. Someone on Twitter had perfectly summed up how it is okay to marry a perfect stranger in India but you can’t marry your partner, whom you love, if you are gay. I was talking to my friends and we all were just saying how the Indian family unit is nothing but two people who are stuck in an (arranged) marriage where it is the woman who has to keep her life centered around her husband and his side of the family. The Indian family unit is a woman who is, in the majority of the cases, robbed of her true potential and has to face constant public scrutiny. The Indian family unit is one where wearing western clothes in front of your in-laws results in a woman being shamed in her own household. The hypocrisy is that the Indian family unit that the government is using as a default is the same one which results in patriarchy being enforced generation after generation and one in which children yearn for acceptance but give up eventually. I was raised in one such Indian family unit, with parents who had an arranged marriage in which the husband and wife were happy but not necessarily together which has had me greatly disillusioned with the concept of marriage and love. I am grateful for all that was done for me but it really would have been much better had I had seen my parents be happy with their choice of partner and rather than just making peace with it.

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    I wholeheartedly agree with everything you say about the central govt’s reply on same-sex marriage, and the indian family unit. I only have additional perspective on this line: “…my parents be happy with their choice of partner and rather than just making peace with it.”

    This has nothing to do with your argument – which I agree with – but only to do with what I’ve learnt through experience. While in an ideal world, we’d all be happy with our choice of partner rather than make peace with it – there’s no guarantee that partners in an arranged marriage won’t come to be truly happy with one another. Similarly, there’s no guarantee that partners who married for love won’t come to simply make peace with one another, and stay together for the sake of their kids or whatever.

    I’m rambling, so at it’s essence, I just mean that I think making peace with things is not so bad. (Ofc, I mean this more broadly, not specific to your parents since I don’t know their situation. But this is also probably a sign I’m getting older, and am much weary than I used to be. When I was your age, I wanted everything to be ideal too. Now I’m just..tired hahaha xd)

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      hi @greenfields. I get what you mean to say and I appreciate it. I haven’t seen a lot of life and I agree about me wanting things to be ideal but at the same time, I can really only talk about what I have seen. I do agree that making peace with things isn’t so bad but I just sometimes feel that my mom should have enjoyed herself a bit more

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        100%. That’s why I made sure to clarify that my comment was not necessarily specific to your parents, but that I was only commenting on the perspective in the last line. Sending you and your mum the best of wishes mani-chan!

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    Just two technical comments to add:

    There is reasonable certainty that India will (eventually) end up legalizing same-sex marriages in the near term. We won’t have to wait long, IMO.

    Besides being a relatively decent bench at the Delhi High Court, the judges are also bound by the Supreme Court decision in Navtej Johar case (which decriminalized homosexuality), where the majority opinion conceded that “members of the LGBT community are entitled, as all other citizens, to the full range of constitutional rights including the liberties protected by the Constitution”. This effectively includes all civil rights including the right to education, right to health, and the right to marriage.

    What remains to be seen is what form this will take: will it be an outright recognition of “marriage” as we understand it in law? Or an intermediary “civil union”? or a less controversial and more passive reading down of the marriage laws? In any event, the Delhi HC is bound by the Supreme Court decision, and cannot deny fundamental rights.

    Separately, while I’m not defending the central government in any measure, it is worth recalling that in the history of the same issue (the Naz case which set the ball rolling), the central government – through two of its ministries (health and home affairs) – in fact expressed two CONTRARY views on LGBT rights before the Delhi High Court; health being in favour, and home affairs being against. So it would be incorrect to presume that the central government speaks with one voice on this issue.

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      Thank you so much for the details in the case. The information you provide gives me hope and an more perspective on the issue

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      Fascinating stuff, @pickleddragon. I don’t know much about Indian constitutional law, but it seems like there’s a lot of interesting legal developments in India.

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        Constitutional law is also not my strong suit, so if you were to probe me further, I would be hard pressed to answer 😂 but I think a win in this particular case is a foregone conclusion (and thank goodness for that!), and it might happen sooner than we imagine. It’s taken only ~10 years since Naz to turn the tide completely. In India, I’d say that’s super fast!

        The Supreme Court also acknowledged, in an unrelated decision on the right to privacy, that its previous decision against homosexuality was one of two “discordant notes” in its jurisprudence (the other being a decision that suspended habeas corpus during the Emergency in the 1970s, for which a separate apology was also tendered).
        I love that line!

        Of course, it will be a few generations before all this translates into ground reality. I hope we all live to see that happen.

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          Is the habeas case Shivkant Shukla? I think I learned about that case in my advanced constitutional law class (we had a guest lecturer who was educated in India).

          Agreed re “discordant notes” — a good line! Very few Canadian judges write elegant judgments. One thing I will say about American judgments is that they tend to be very well-written. On the other hand, they also tend to stray beyond what I would think is appropriate for a judge. I know Lord Denning is often cited as a skilled judicial writer, but I personally don’t agree; I think his judgments were often quite infantilizing and kitschy.

          I think the big problem in most countries with developing constitutional cultures is getting governments to respect judicial pronouncements about what the constitution requires. My understanding is that India is still struggling with this, although this might also be due to a general lack of state capacity. Am I right about this?

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            Yes, ADM Jabalpur v. Shivkant Shukla it is! I’m so glad you’ve studied about it! It is inarguably THE lowest point in India’s constitutional jurisprudential history, and should be taught the world over as part of how NOT to protect fundamental rights.

            Almost all judges in India write very badly too! I hate reading Indian decisions for that reason. “Discordant note” is a rarity :/ There are some judges whose decisions are revered by law students, e.g., Justice Krishna Iyer, but I find his judgements appallingly bad. And yes, I agree about Lord Denning. This judgement of his is very popular here for the cricket reference, and generally the style. I’m not a fan: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miller_v_Jackson

            On your question of respecting constitutional pronouncements, I think it’s a mixed bag in India. There have certainly been instances of non-enforcement of Supreme Court decisions recently. But I’d in fact argue that the Supreme Court itself has been strategically packed to ensure that decisions involving the executive go a certain way, which effectively pre-empt concerns of non-enforcement. (This bench packing is the fallout of a larger and longer-term problems of judicial independence and transparency in appointments. I can write essays on this, because I’ve worked on this for a few years, but I wouldn’t want to torture you here 😂 ) (Also, my apologies to @mani-chan for having hijacked your wall! )

            Enforcement of a decision has also tended to depend on the government of the day and the issue at hand and how important it is to their political agenda. I don’t think LGBTQ rights are a major contentious issue for the current government, which has other distractions. In any case, regardless of enforcement, I think the case will really and truly be finally won only when society as a whole understands the essentiality of this issue. That will take a few generations, IMO.

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As a girl who rarely went out and whose school had a uniform, I am finding out that I don\’t have enough clothes. Also i am having to do most of my shopping online because of covid

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My grandmother is a bully and nothing can prove otherwise

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On Dal is such a goner. Also the chemistry between the second leads is good

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Beanoes I hung out with my friends yesterday and it was kind of comforting to know that I was not the only one struggling with my family and worries about the future.

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Beanies, I\’m liking my college teachers so far

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    I wish my students could say the same. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Pakistan gives some really amazing music. This song is currently stuck in my head.

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River Where the Moon Rises: I feel like the show is a bit uneven and needs a bit stable pacing. I feel like Lee Ji Hoon is gonna give me major sls

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Beanies, Indian girl here and I would rather have a small afternoon wedding and be done with everything

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    Comment was deleted

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    Wait, you don’t want a 20+ day wedding, complete with a buffet (or, as my dad and uncle like to jokingly (?) call it, a “boo-fah”), non-stop (and possibly coerced dancing), and repeated paroxysms of sobbing and wailing???

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    Tbh this pandemic helped many people get their dream weddings. Sometimes the bride and groom want intimate/small weddings but they can’t because there are people their families cannot miss out and the bride and groom don’t even know them. That’s how the number of guests and the events keeps increasing(to save face in a society that likes to show off weddings). Every bride that got married in the pandemic was so satisfied with her small wedding because they were only surrounded with people they valued and packed up within 1 or max 2 events.

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      Every bride that I know and got married in the pandemic*

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      Not only brides but even parents. So many ppl took advantage of the restrictions (rightly so) and sped up their own or their children’s marriage which just tells us that the whole society is tired of these unnecessary extravagant weddings but they keep doing it for the sake of society.

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    The real question is, do you really have the luxury of choice ?

    I wish you get the wedding (and marriage) of your dream. *kisses* *hugs*

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      thank you so much. My secret plan is to get married in my 30s ( late according to Indian standards) and use this as leverage.

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    My Indian mother’s plan is for me to have a tiny destination wedding and then have a party sometime later. Which I’m 100% on board with.

    Granted, at this point, I’m pretty sure she’d be happy even if I have a courthouse wedding and be done with it. But I will give her this credit: she want’s me married, but it’s more important to her that I have a happy marriage than just being married for its own sake. Which is why I’m 3[redacted] and single. Though I think my Nani got married in her thirties as well. So it’s basically tradition at this point.

    But also, we find the showiness of big weddings really dumb. It should be a celebration of family and a fun occasion, not a stupid show.

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      *high 5* fellow Indian 3[redacted] somethign who is not yet married, and whose mum now considers a happy marriage a priority, though she’d really just like me to be married lol

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        I also suspect my parent’s shitshow of a marriage has something to do with this. (It also probably has something to do with why I’m still single too, if I’m being honest.) I mean, I’m happy they didn’t abuse one another and we were happy growing up, but man, they really were not meant to be.

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          That is exactly how I feel about my parents’ marriage too. There was never any physical or verbal violence but I feel like had my parents met under other circumstances, they wouldn’t have even been friends. Looking at their marriage, I am honestly a bit apprehensive of relationships. I would honestly prefer being single than being in a marriage like that of my parents

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            I really hate that people don’t talk about this outcome from arranged marriage – it’s always either “We fell in love eventually” or “he/his family was abusive and I ran away”. What about all the ones where they stated together and had kids but were never really happy or right for one another? Where they just settled? Because I feel like this is the truth behind many arranged marriages and yet no one talks about it. And maybe a lot of people are happy just settling. But it doesn’t seem healthy.

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            @snarkyjellyfish I so agree with you. So many people just simply settle or are in a state of monotonous existence in their arranged marriages and it’s not very healthy and if you take into account how much a woman has to deal with her in-laws in an arranged marriage, ( as compared to the husband) it sometimes becomes unbearable. Also it is not very nice for the kids cause even though there isn’t anything bad about it, not knowing what a loving, healthy relationship between spouses looks like cannot be great.

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            Honestly, I think the only reason my parents lasted as long as they did is because my mother rarely had to deal with her in-laws. One of the perks of moving to the US after marriage. But also my mother was older and had a career and was never going to just cater to her husband. I do believe there is some affection between them, but it’s not what either person deserved. My mother never received support from my father when she needed it, and that’s where the real failure happened.

            The problem is now, even when they live their own separate lives, they have an unhealthy reliance on one another, moreso my father on my mother. Now that we’re older me and my brother run interference or just stop things, but it’s hard to break old habits. Which is why, as awful as it sounds, I wish they’d have just split earlier rather than wait for us to grow up.

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            Your mother is lucky in the fact that she had a career. My mother is a housewife and our grandmother lives with us so the strain on her considerable. It has just created this environment which really isn’t great. You can empathise with someone only so much when they are indirectly hurting you too. I can’t really talk about stuff like this to my friends because it is way too personal so I usually release my emotions here. I sometimes wish my mom had never married my dad cause she would have been so much happier. My dad isn’t a bad person but he too never understood my mother, they are just too incompatible.

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Brown households really have people yelling while talking every few minutes

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    Any attempt by my mother to speak softly/lower than her normal tone (loud) will end in us arguing 😆

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I am unhappy with the latest casting choice for Bridgerton. I have nothing against Simone Ashley but she doesn\’t give me the Kate vibes. it\’s almost as if she looks to urban and chic

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Beanies I sometimes feel jealous of kids whose parents tell them they love them. My parents have never told me that they love me, even though i know that they do.

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    I think it’s quite common for Asian parents to be in a quieter side when it comes to expressions. My way is to make it become natural through my doing, i.e., I hugged my father reluctantly, and he became less resistant after several times. I did that with my mother too and now they sometimes hug me themselves.

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    I come from a very expressive family (wth, we’re Spanish!) and we are always hugging and kissing and saying I love you. Why not try what Mmmm says: you tell them “I love you” and you will receive it back…

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      ☺️ One day when everything seems more natural, I believe they’ll tell you, or at the very least find some way to tell you back that they also love you.

      This is one thing I like about westerners: They’re more expressive with physical gestures, and many times these gestures help restore balance and heart-warming feeling within the person who receives it.

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    Growing up, my parents never really told me they loved me many times. Only on special occasions. Once on a field trip, I had to make a phone call to my parents and when I hung up the phone, my teacher was surprised that I didn’t say, “I Love You” to them. I was surprised that it was even a thing. So, I started saying it to them. Then they started saying it back. Now, we always hang up the phone with an ‘I love you’ or ‘love ya’ even when English is not their first language. It extended past our phone calls as well. Your parents love you very much, maybe now you can help them expressing it by teaching them what would be nice to hear. Fighting!!! You got this @Mani-chan.

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All the Love, February posts are making me feel super single but I am glad that there is love out there in the world. I hope we are able to preserve the love that we get.

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    I was telling my sister the same thing!

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    It’s always nice to hear love stories. ☺️

    Or we might form the beautiful and sexy single lady club of some sort. I think I had a similar idea once when I was stuck in the Errand Boy level for too long. I suggested we should form the good-looking errand boy club then.

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    You’re not alone.
    Unloved, February

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Beanies my offline classes start tomorrow. Wish me luck for tomorrow.

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I kinda related to with this conversation.

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Hi beanies,
I am feeling not great at the moment. Our house is almost 30 years old and is in need of renovation. When I was young, we didn’t have enough money to do that and I was pretty understanding about it because I understood our financial condition. My parents were already sending me to a really great school. The problem is that as I grew older, dad got transferred to other cities and since he came home during the weekends, he didn’t have enough time to oversee the renovation. I’m now completing my first semester in college now and everything is still the same and it has kind of had a negative effect on my self esteem and that of my brother. While I understand the condition of my father, it still hurts that our condition isn’t improving. I really haven’t had any friends over at my place and I know that people have things much harder, but it still hurts a bit.

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    @Mani-chan I’m sorry that you’re going through a difficult time. Things will get better.

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    I know it is complicated to find balance in a situation like this, and I’m really sorry you’re going through this, really hope it gets better.
    The only thing I can say is we all love nice things because they make us feel better, but you’re not better or worse because you are not constantly surrounded by nice things. If the house you live in is a real home, you should treasure it.

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