[Hey, that's me] Dreaming, daring, them, and me » Dramabeans Korean drama recaps

37 September 22, 2019September 22, 2019

[Hey, that’s me] Dreaming, daring, them, and me

by Guest Beanie

I’ve been wracking my brains trying to figure out which character or scene from a drama most resembles me, but nothing has come to mind. Nothing. I’ve found multiple characters who I want to be and some characters I fear I may be, but I haven’t seen anyone or anything that truly felt like me.

Until now. I just watched episodes 31-32 of Rookie Historian Gu Hae-ryung, and, friends, it is me. Maybe not the whole episode, but a lot of it. (I’ll try to be general so as to avoid as many spoilers as I can, but also SPOILERS AHEAD.)

Basically: Prince Dowon, also called Rim, has a dream of spending his life with Gu Hae-ryung. However, we learn that they cannot be together. He pleads with the people he loves to help him, but (at least by the end of this episode), his efforts are in vain. The episode ends with him alone, Hae-ryung gone, and so many tears.

And me. There I am. I am Rim.

I’ve had a particular dream for as long as I can remember, and while it isn’t a romantic dream like Rim’s, I think the principle is the same. Just as Rim believes his future with Hae-ryung is possible, I’ve had times when I thought I was close to reaching my dream. But so far, I’ve had no success. I’m Rim, heartbroken over something that seemed within his grasp but is not. I’m Rim, entreating the people he loves (the dowager queen) to support his dream but being told to just let it go. I’m Rim, trying to commiserate with friends (Sam-bo) and being met with misunderstanding, even some mockery in my case. I’m Rim, whose very environment (Councilor Min) seems to be set up to keep him from achieving his dream. And I’m Rim, whose one potential ally (big brother Jin) is sympathetic, but silent.

That is me, I thought as I watched the episode. There I am. As Rim’s grief overtook him, I felt it in my bones. I know too well what it’s like to watch helplessly as your dream moves out of reach.

But then Hae-ryung turns around. “The world we live in,” she says, “isn’t a novel.” And suddenly, I see myself again. Only I’m Hae-ryung now. I want to resent her for her words, but I can hear my own voice saying them. I’m Hae-ryung, pragmatic (to a fault perhaps), who sees the reasons not to chase the dream and chooses to walk away.

As well as I know Rim’s sadness, so do I understand Hae-ryung’s resignation. Like Hae-ryung, I made certain choices about my life, and this dream isn’t easily compatible with those; the obstacles are real. But Hae-ryung’s pragmatism has a cost. Even though she doesn’t want to marry Rim, she also can’t bear the thought of him marrying anyone else. So I’m the Hae-ryung we see in private too—grieving, unable to reconcile choices, feelings, and this persistent dream. Putting on a brave front despite being heartbroken.

There are dreams I’ve attained and dreams I’ve let go of, but this particular dream lingers in limbo. “Please leave,” Hae-ryung tells Rim, and I wish I could say the same thing to this dream. Please leave. I want my dream to not matter to me. If I can’t have it, then I don’t want to want it. But I am Rim, too: at its doorstep, desperate, unable to let it go.

As I consider the episode, I realize that Hae-ryung’s resignation rankles me (you know I’m here for the happy endings!). It’s not because she’s sticking to the choices she made about her life, but because it seems like she’s not even trying to find a way to make this new idea and her life work together. It feels like she’s giving up too easily. And so, I come face to face with the issue that has been niggling at me all along: if I am Rim and Hae-ryung in all these other ways, am I Hae-ryung in this situation too? I want this dream, and I want others to support me in this dream…but how much support am I giving it myself? Could it be that the greatest barrier to my dream is…also me?

Rim and Hae-ryung seem likely to end up together in one way or another. The drama isn’t over yet, and the show feels more like a romantic comedy than a melodrama so the odds of a happy ending seem high. I expect that they’ll find a balance between her head and his heart and build some kind of future off of that compromise. Who knows, maybe somewhere in their compromise I’ll see myself again and see a compromise of my own. Maybe? Well, a girl can dream.

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1 Bebe | Nessa❣️

September 22, 2019 at 4:01 PM

Thank you for taking my heart, ripping it up, and putting it nicely back together @anothernicole :)

I'd much rather watch this than Carrot Boy XD

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