Perfect Marriage Revenge, Ep 7 & 8 – Everyone is a Feeble Victorian Lady

So, at the end of episode 8, I have one question: Who is not scheming here? Seriously, is there anyone who has no hidden agenda? And I will venture that, aside from both dads (who are the human equivalent of the Lorem Ipsum placeholder on websites), Se-Hyeok remains, oddly enough, the greenest of the red flags, and also the least able and willing to put up with any kind of scheming. Bear with me on that one.

A lot of shenanigans, SHE-nanigans mostly but some weak attempts at HE-naniganing too, and now my head hurts and I wish everyone could just talk about something simple like kimchi and XXL shoulder fashion. Pretty sure Yoo-ra and Fake Morticia would have a lot to say about the latter.

Secondary Voice
Note, FAKE Morticia. You’ll never be the real one.

Third Voice
The internal jury is still open on what to call her. Fake Morticia feels like an appropriate insult. Bitchy McBitch Face is a little too simplistic, but oh so accurate. Monochromatic Kween would be far too kind for her evil arse, besides we’ve got at least another monochromatic mother here, and she’s much better at mothering and, therefore, gets the Monochromatic Kween of Finger Heart award.

For now, let’s focus on the core of these episodes: Nobody is ever telling the truth here. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Secondary Voice
I seriously wouldn’t mind setting some of those pants on fire. Fake Morticia. Leg of Steel (turns out Leg of Steal suits him better, but it’s a story for another day)Yoo-ra. Gossip girls gang from Do-guk’s work.

Third Voice
Stop it. We don’t set people on fire. This isn’t the Spanish Inquisition.

Let me tag everyone again before I start: @mindy, @attiton, @kafiyah-bello, @lixie, @CecilieDK, @lapislazulii, @seeker, @ladynightshade, @mayhemf, @sonai, @elinor, @indyfan, @hopefulromantic @emsel @Johnb @vienibenmio (did I forget you or did I add you while you wanted some peace? Sorry, just let me know)

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Chapter One: In Defence of Se-hyeok
I venture that, of all the people who actively stood in the path of Yi-joo during her first life, Se-hyeok is probably the least notable enemy. In fact, I wouldn’t call him an enemy as such. Se-hyeok, for clarity, is the not-husband to be.

Secondary Voice
Enemy of hairdressers, at best, because that fringe has not seen a pair of scissors in eons.

Third Voice
Not that I am complaining. I’d happily donate some more hair so I can spend less time looking at his permanently shocked goldfish expression.

Fourth Voice
Se-hyeok is not far from the slight emo edge we get from No Minwoo in My Girlfriend is a Gumiho – Nothing is more emo than a 12-year-old boy with a sad expression and a fringe that’s far too long for his face. And honestly, if Se-hyeok had his own overly dramatic tune following him everywhere he goes, he too could aspire to such height of emo-life. Hwaiting Se-hyeok-sshi!

Fifth Voice
Ahem… Need to chill out on the voices. No more five voices. Keep it low-key. Stay cool. Pretend you’re normal.

Anyway, my view on Se-hyeok is that he married someone he didn’t love in the vain, and somehow surprisingly self-aware (he knew Yoo-ra would never be interested in him), desire to stay close to his crush. I know Yoo-ra is a cow. You know Yoo-ra is a cow. But bless his little fringe, Se-hyeok did not see it during his wife’s first life.

Sure, one might argue that he should have married out of love. And, frankly, I’d say in the marriage between Yi-joo and himself, the only one who married out of love is Se-hyeok. Admittedly, not love for the right person, but hey, bonus point for trying, right?

As for Yi-joo… Well, we’ve seen her in her first life. A queen of blandness with the personality of a turnip. Actually, scrap that, I’ve met turnips with more personality. No personality. No actual attempt made anywhere at showing some affection to her husband… We learn that she once brought him a lunch box to work (and might have brought more), but we also know she is a terrible cook, so it’s unlikely that landed well. But holding hands? Kissing? Or any sort of intimacy? Some attempt at a conversation? Probably not, Yi-joo was dull as shit before Fake Morticia finally murdered her. So, while Yi-joo was married, she could have been a nun in her first lifetime. Was there love on her side? She claims there was. I haven’t seen any of it. Seeing her relationship with Do-guk, we can safely say that whatever she had with Se-hyeok was not love. Can I blame Se-hyeok for wanting a divorce even though it was clear to him that he would no longer be able to see Yoo-ra? Not really. I’m actually surprised they stayed together for so long.

So, when you consider Yi-joo’s life before she died, Se-hyeok was the husband who was sick of being bored to death by his blander than bland wife. He didn’t scheme against her. He didn’t use her (otherwise, he’d already been seeing Yoo-ra behind the scenes). He just didn’t love her. There are probably worse people around. Hello, fake Morticia, you murder-addicted coathanger in a dress…

Did Se-hyeok not see how his family treated Yi-joo? This is interesting because I’d have thought he let it happen intentionally. But now that I’ve seen his reaction to some of the schemes against Yi-joo, I’m starting to think that, in good old Se-hyeok’s fashion, he didn’t notice any of the mistreatments his wife suffered. He was shocked when his sister revealed her bitching fiction against Yi-joo, and I’m tempted to think that Se-hyeok is not evil but just plain stupid. Yi-joo being a bland, poor, innocent martyr, probably never told him, and his family never seemed to act up when he was around. So, for now, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, mostly because his present actions indicate to me that there was never any desire to cause either emotional or physical harm to Yi-joo. (He didn’t love her, but he didn’t go out of his way to hurt her. It turns out that Yi-joo in her first life wasn’t exactly loveable either.)

Secondary Voice
Not that I am promoting murder, of course — I mean, there are exceptions, but still, I don’t go around poisoning people, unlike some — but at the same time, murder has given Yi-joo the rebirth she needed to become slightly more palatable as a character.

Third Voice
Am I truly suggesting getting murdered as a way to solve a dull personality? Yes. Don’t follow my advice. Whatever I say, just ignore it. I can’t be trusted.

Moving on to Se-hyeok present time, post Yi-joo’s rebirth. He is outraged that she would call the wedding off. He is convinced that Yi-joo doesn’t love Do-guk (and he isn’t entirely wrong; she chooses him as a revenge weapon first before seeing him as a partner). But, while his sister and mother are taking bribes to cause Yi-joo harm, he just maintains the same line of thought that Yi-joo can’t love Do-guk because she is supposed to love him. He desperately wants to stay close to Yoo-ra, and marrying Yi-joo was his way to making it happen. At the same time, given Yi-joo’s original boiled turnip personality, he may have also thought that she could not find anyone else besides himself. So, finding that his fiancée is ditching him to marry his boss is a punch to the ego. And despite that, all he does is asking her to reconsider, claiming that she doesn’t love Do-guk, and wondering if she is pretending to be happy. It’s a bit intrusive. It’s unrequested. It’s rude. But, he never goes for a low and petty attack. He doesn’t attack. He states things as he sees them, unable to realise that Yi-joo has a better understanding of what lies for her in the future.

Se-hyeok’s intelligence is lower than his fringe cut, so it comes as a surprise to absolutely nobody that he can be so easily manipulated by Yoo-ra. Sure, he’s no angel, but he doesn’t have the brain to fully grasp the consequences of his action when he retrieves the marriage contract (which is conveniently kept in an easily accessible drawer.

Secondary Voice
How easy is it to burglar their Do-guk and Yi-joo’s super top secret home? Se-hyeok just needed to walk through the door…

Third Voice
If even Mister Single Digit IQ can get in without any issue, how safe is their home?

I was disappointed when he gave the contract to Yoo-ra. Se-hyeok, you silly little fringed goldfish, what were you thinking? As it happens, he wasn’t thinking anything. Not one thought behind the emo curtain of hair. Not a single one. He was shocked when Yoo-ra used the contract against Yi-joo.

He even goes as far as to complain about it to Yoo-ra. How could she use the contract for evil when he only wanted to show her? And this is the most important aspect of Se-hyeok’s personality. He did not consider that Yoo-ra could use it to hurt Yi-joo because it is a completely foreign thought to him. Loving Yi-joo? Nah. But hurting her? Causing her pain? No, his mind never wandered in that direction. He also defends Yi-joo when Yoo-ra is busy bad-mouthing her adoptive sister.

”You can’t be doing that to me” she says to Se-hyeok, meaning you can’t defend Yi-joo when I bitch.

But here’s the thing, Se-hyeok still does it, completely unaware that this would lose him Yoo-ra’s favours (which he only has when she needs him, which is unlikely to happen now) He has absolutely nothing to gain from it. But Se-hyeok isn’t trying to gain anything because scheming is out of his vocabulary. He has no plan of being anybody else than the person he’s always been, even if that person ends up on the losers’ side. While he isn’t a good character, I don’t see him as a villain.

So when he apologises to Yi-joo, he doesn’t try to excuse his actions. He doesn’t lie about his behaviour. He simply states “Sorry that I hurt you.” This is even more impactful when his apology is closely followed by Yoo-ra’s made-on-the-fly-in-an-attempt- to blame-sister-for-stealing-her-man excuse. Granted, Se-hyeok wants to protect his family too, but his words are the most sincere apology Yi-joo will ever receive. Not one ounce of scheming. Just a brainless goldfish in a world of scheming bitches.

Secondary Voice
Also why does Yi-joo need to go to the police station? Don’t those people need to work during the day? Everyone has got so much spare time.

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Chapter Two: The Many Mothers of Yi-joo
I counted no less than three positive motherly figures around Yi-joo in those episodes, four if we count Do-guk who, likes a mother hen, goes back home to feed his chick.

I give you Super Scallion mom, Do-guk’s mom, who’s showing a penchant for whites and pinks here. But her first green outfit will forever stick to her. She protects. She listens. She takes great joy in insulting Yoo-ra at any occasion she gets (and who can blame her? I’d love to do that too). She turns Mama Bear whenever needed and will not shy away from making an attack against Yoo-ra and Fake Morticia. She’s also got enough brain to see through those around her, which is where she gets some of the most wonderful lines when describing others:

If you go low just because they do, you end up like them. about Yoo-ra and Leg of Steel

Are you introducing yourself? after Fake Morticia describes her as a terrible step mother to Leg of Steel

I don’t need to work hard to avoid it now. when Fake Morticia’s insults are so obviously below her.

Also, might I attract your attention to that power ABBA shiny white cardigan top she wears when threatening Yoo-ra with legal charges? Feeling all sort of dancing queen vibes here, because, why wouldn’t you dress outrageously to threaten someone?

Then we get nan, who is also willing to take Yi-joo’s side whenever needed, even after Yi-joo cooked for her.

Yi-joo: I’m not good at cooking.
Nan: No shit, Sherlock.

Secondary Voice
Nan, be happy, you’ve avoided the brownie that went through hell and back. Bland is okay. Bland is edible. Bland doesn’t make you regret being alive.

Third Voice
I personally wouldn’t like someone bringing me rice and vegetables when I’m poorly. Get me a Mars bar. Don’t bring me healthy food, you fool.

I was a little surprised when they discussed Yi-joo’s poisoning and nan get her best “awwww your poor thing expression” because I was pretty sure everybody already knew. But perhaps, this wasn’t something that they had talked about with Yi-joo directly, hence the few scenes about it.

Jaimie, the cooking class teacher has, of course, a special motherly bond with Yi-joo.

Secondary Voice
*screams SPOILER ALERT in a high-pitched voice*

Third Voice
I shall remain silent about this. You’ll find out soon enough.

And finally, the former nanny who gets out of her way at night to fondle little girls in bed. Not any little girls though. Just Yi-joo. And for some reason, the former nanny, who has clearly seen Yi-joo sleeping in her own bed after the poisoning attempt, did not realise that Yi-joo was still alive.

Yi-joo, you’re alive! she cries out when they finally meet again.

And now I am confused.

Secondary Voice
Woman, what made you think the family would keep a dead child safely tucked in bed?

Third Voice
Was this for a dramatic effect? Should I cry out “OMG, you’re alive” each time I see someone I haven’t seen in a few days even if they’ve been keeping in touch? Considering trying it out when I fly back home for Christmas, just to see the confused expression on my mum’s face…

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Chapter Three: Feeble Victorian Ladies
The one thing I shall keep from these episodes is that if you don’t like something, you should instantly faint.

The trend starts pretty early on with nan who doesn’t know how to react about the marriage contract between Do-guk and Yi-joo. I’d venture she can mind her own business rather than deciding to have an opinion on someone else’s, but this would be defeating the point of the drama. Or other any drama.

This goes approximately like this:
Do-guk and Yi-joo signed a marriage contract.

*nan quickly tries to consider a few appropairate reactions. Nan’s internal system goes on blue screen error.*

Nan’s inner thoughts: Fuck it, I’ll have a Victorian fainting spell. That’ll teach them.

A little later, someone threatens to reveal a video of Leg of Steel accident on the ferry, and how it was a failed murder attempt against his brother and he, pathetic unskilled assassin threw himself instead of the brother overboard. Such a rookie mistake. Nan jumps on the opportunity to make a quick diversion with another fainting spell. But before that she throws a fucking phone on the ground.

Secondary Voice
Nan, there are other ways to delete a video.

Third Voice
Those seniors are completely hopeless with technology. Use the dang buttons, you vandal!

And towards the end of the episode, for gender equality’s sake, we discover that even Korean middle-aged men can be dainty Victorian ladies too when dad finds out that Yoo-ra and Fake Morticia were scheming against Yi-joo and are facing legal actions. He also learns that the business acquisition he was waiting for cannot happen now that things are properly fucked up. His reaction? Quick, Accio Fainting Spell!

So, kids, today’s lesson is that if you don’t know what to say, fainting is the most appropriate response. Remember your Korean honorifics, though. If you don’t know the person, you must always faint-yo. And if they are much older than you, you will need to faint-sumnida. In short, be safe and faint to the right honorific to avoid a social faux pas.

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Chapter Four: Random Unclassified Thoughts

Why has everybody so much spare time at hand? How can you all be scheming around instead of working? When Se-hyeok’s sister is arrested, we get not only Do-na powersuiting to make an appearance at the police station, but she also brings with her a bunch of nameless people from the legal team, apparently. What for, I ask you…

Nobody seems to have heard about phones or emails… Every message needs to be delivered face-to-face like it’s the 1930s and modern technology doesn’t exist. Actually, wait; modern technology probably doesn’t exist if anyone above the age of 50 just throws phones at the floor to turn them off.

Every little scheming meeting with either Fake Morticia or Yoo-ra involves a meal. I love that they can only meet for evil at lunchtime. Noon to 2 PM, it’s evil hours. Special offer of the day: Two evil schemes for the price of one, and with rice on the side. Seriously, people, you could use a group chat. That’ll make it easier to come up with an evil mastermind plan that can work for a little longer than half an episode.

Was that a giant face portrait on Do-guk’s work presentation? Did he run out of ideas to fill up the powerpoint and just put a photo instead? Love his thinking. Hell, I’m using my next powerpoint presentation to showcase the last photos of my escape room adventures. It’ll be wearing a funny hat. Me wearing another funny hat. Me without a hat but squatting awkwardly. Me trying to carry a plastic skeleton. Me pretending that I am in a prison cell. Me climbing up a wall. Me with another funny hat. Do-guk-sshi, I will follow your lead, you’re my new PPT hero.

How long before Fake Morticia gets ejected from her chairman seat she’s forcibly manoeuvred herself in? I give her until the end of the scene start of episode 9.

PS: All typos, formatting, and grammatical monstrosities are bred in a safe environment and up for adoption.

PPS: I did not re-read because I couldn’t be bothered.