Beanie level: Rooftop room dweller

I’m loving Hometown Cha Cha Cha. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️🥺

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Hello autumn.

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Hello Beans! *waves*
BB is now ON YOUR SCREEN OMG in Hometown Cha*3. Please spare him some love!
I honestly thought the first eps were quite boring, but I hope the show will pick up soon!
♥️

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    I enjoy the first two episodes. It’s exactly what I expect it to be – nothing earth shattering (and it doesn’t have to be) and so long it’s not another DDLLSLS, I’m in.

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      Yup, same here. It’s not reinventing the wheel but I never expected it to. It’s light-hearted, brainless fluff and it’s not trying to be anything else. I can appreciate it for what it is.

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    I know your KSH’s fan, so by now I thought you will bombard the bean wall with Kim Seon Ho’s screenshots, but I like your honesty 😂

    I always go into the shows without reading the synopsis, so I can judge the 1st episode without any bias. I know the drama is based on some movie (which I haven’t watched), but I thought both the episodes were great. The visuals are pleasant on the eyes, the characters are not annoying, the plot is straightforward and requires zero brain activity. A plain old Kdrama doing what Kdramas are good at. I just hope they don’t derail the plot after episode 11🤞

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    I really liked it even if it was heavy handed. Hoping it gains some emotional depth, but the appeal for me of the oceanside and the beautiful way it’s filmed made me happy.

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Waeyo?

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The Traditional Chocolate Cake. 🎂 🍫
The recipe is https://www.nigella.com/recipes/old-fashioned-chocolate-cake

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I’m really liking Nevertheless’s osts.

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I made my own BD cake today. It’s Nigella’s Chocolate Cloud Cake. It tastes richer and the texture is denser than her Chocolate Olive Oil Cake. The recipe is –> https://www.nigella.com/recipes/chocolate-cloud-cake

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    It’s beautiful.

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    It looks lovely! Is it for your birthday?

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      Yes, it’s my BD cake! 🙃

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        I love it!! You have given me a new mission for my bday to make my own cake, it will actually work out for me since I usually don’t have any cake that day.

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          Please post the pic of your BD cake and tag me if you feel like! I’ll also be looking forward to it Jelly! 😳

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            It’ll be until next year, but I hope to stick around here in order to do so!!😊

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        Belated birthday wishes! I read recaps and go through the bean wall without logging in, but I have always seen the pictures of all the dishes you post. They look delicious 😋😍 Wish I had the same interest as you in cooking😂

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          Aww.. thank you emsel! *shy* 😳☺️🥰 I like making new sweet dishes because somehow it’s a bit easier for me to make compared to savory dishes I don’t know why. 😅 And when I make a new dish I don’t know how it’s gonna be like and it’s exciting!

          Thank you again I’m flattered. ☺️

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    Yum!

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I’ve decided to be forever 30.

Today is my birthday, so I’d like to share a poem written to me by one of my ‘internet’ friends, whom I still am yet to meet. (Hey, I hope you’re doing fine wherever you’re 😉

To You Whom I Have Not Met,

Where we now stand is the strangest of places
where hearts know hearts, before faces know faces
where in silence, we so much talked
where in distance, together we walked
unobscured by such things trivial
as attire and material
where we defy both time and space
where we now stand…
is such a wondrous place.
(signed) A faceless friend

DB Beanies and Discord Beanies have helped me feel like the past year wasn’t that bad. Thank you. I like you all very much, and I hope to be with you here for as long as I can.

M
and her baby BB Kim Seon-ho

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Thanks to you @parkchuna this song keeps haunting me now. 🤣

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    I’ve always liked this song, now i like it even more paired with Seon Ho 😄

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My new girl crush again. An San, the archer from SK. 🥰🥰🥰

#Olympics2021

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    She is goals!!

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    I was just reading the Twitter threads about her and those men’s groups.
    I feel bad and angry for her that this is happening to her right now, but maybe it will really highlight how horrible they are and others will stop giving in to their demands.

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      Really Beverly I’m glad I don’t have a Twitter account.
      I read about this in an article someone sent me, and I was literally mad at how twisted some people are. People don’t deserve this kind of harassment.

      These people are complete losers.

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      She’s definitely one of my faves now that I read what super insecure men are trying to do to her.

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        *sighs* They seem not to know how much all of this speaks of themselves, and how great all of this speaks of her character.

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I remembered you talking about your family’s tradition during Christmas. This is one of my favorite Disney songs. @kurama

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*Places* a piece of crepe cake on the altar. Drama gods please look favorably upon my dear BB Kim Seon-ho in his coming-up project Hometown Cha Cha Cha ~ 🏡 🌊 ♥️ 🥺

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Hv a pleasant day everyone. I’m sleepy again now.

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I miss BB SO MUCH. 🥺

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    3 weeks no 1n2d 🙁

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    I loved the poster of his futur drama! It was so lovely.

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      Yes! Kurama BB is always lovely. 🥰 His everything is LOVELY.

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    Just wait a little longer. His drama is just around the corner.

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    What show is this image from?

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      It’s a K variety show named 2D1N (2 Days & 1 Night)! This is now at season 4. The pic is from ep 81 or 82 I can’t remember (in the Superheroes series between eps 81-83). You should try Netsuke it’s so much fun! 🤣
      I watch it on a Viu.

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      try both s1, s4.. and ah well s3 if available on KBS

      this show is a gem

      and preferably watch from ep 1 of each season to see relationship build up

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Nevertheless ep5.. Why is Nabi so beautiful? I’m glad I have some beige dresses.
Living for Sol-Ji-wan potential union. Sol~ ♥️.

*whispers* They are holding hands.

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I don\’t know how to save gifs and I don\’t know how to post gifs here. But I am LIVING for this ship. My sol and Ji-wan. ♥️

https://thelchat.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=77705

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Nevertheless, I still love him/her/…

The purpose of writing this supposedly short analysis of the recent Kdrama ‘Nevertheless’ is to explain the FL’s actions through the Codependency Theory explained in The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap written by Ross Rosenberg. The content might contain triggers, so you should stop reading if it gets uncomfortable.

While I heard that some Beanies dropped Nevertheless because it was ‘disturbing’, I became very curious what it was like. I didn’t start it as soon as it was aired because I was contemplating about whether I should watch it or not, and in the latter case, when I should do that. The reason is because I just recently found a book that answered one of my ‘disturbing’ questions -why some people tend to choose the wrong people in their lives and stick with them for a long time. Because I still didn’t finish it and wanted to finish it before I began watching this one, I became reluctant to start the show. However, I feel like starting writing about this now (YY also wanted this as she wanted to know more about this codependency thing) because the content in the book can explain most, if not all, of the story, and because I hope that more people will come to read or understand the concepts written in this book as I think it might be able save a lot of people from unnecessary heartache in the future.

According to this book, we can almost certainly say that the FL (Nabi) is a codependent whereas the ML (Jae-eun) is a pathological narcissist. A codependent is a person who depends on other people to feel happy, joyful, etc. This, is suggested to have been passed on to them by the way they were raised when they were young. When a codependent meets a pathological narcissist, there will be a very strong almost magnetic-like feeling that pull both together. This force will be strongly felt by two people, and most of them describe this feeling as something ‘euphoric’ or ‘being infatuatedly in love’. They will find it very difficult, if not impossible, to think of other things such as their work/daily routine when this magnetic force is at work. The relationship is said to be ‘sealed’, or the force becomes strongest once they get intimate. After that, the narcissist will eventually reveal who they truly are: One that thinks of himself/herself as being superior than others and will always have the upper hand in the relationship. In short, their selfishness will be revealed. However, with this magnetic-like force between the narcissist and their ‘selfless’ partner, the codependent will almost always stick with this person and ‘bear’ with their ‘bad behaviors’ until they no longer can, in many cases at the expense of their physical and emotional well-being. Why? The following is the reason:

When a child is brought up in a family in which one parent is a pathological narcissist (an extreme narcissist) and another a codependent, they will subconsciously learn and make a copy of this relationship pattern in their mind. The codependent parent will not give their child the time and love the child needs because most, if not all, of the resources are to be given to their narcissistic partner. As a result, the child will grow up not knowing what ‘unconditional love’ looks like, and will automatically associate ‘sacrifice’ with ‘love’ because they always have to please their parent in order to get some affection from them. The concept of being unconditional loved will not be registered in their mind because they have never experienced it. This is how a codependent unknowingly breeds the next generation codependent. Without proper intervention, the prediction is that the child will grow up, become another codependent, and will sacrifice most of their energy pleasing other people especially their ‘dream’ partner until they’re worn out. They will relive their parents’ relationship they saw when they were young when choosing a partner. This child will normally be addressed by other people as ‘a kind, loving, nice, selfless, and extremely loyal person who has poor judgment in men/women/people.’ They inherently lack love, but the only way they have learned is to ‘do something’ in order to ‘gain it.’ This makes them attracted to a narcissistic partner or people that hurt them in general because that is only when they can feel they truly deserve love.

From this, even when Mr.Terrific (aka her neighborhood friend) is in front of her, doing everything she so dearly wishes the ML has done for her (e.g., making seaweed soup, providing sincere care for her), she won’t fall for him because there will be no magnetic force as strong as the one she experienced with the ML with this man. She will probably not be able to feel any chemistry between them at all.

I think that from what I’ve explained above, you can see why I think of Nabi as a textbook codependent. The pattern is again repeated here as after she broke up with her **** ex-boyfriend, it is the ML who got her heart and who began to show his manipulative nature, the same thing her ex-boyfriend had (i.e., talking about how he now wanted to keep the ‘butterflies’ for a little longer than planned; the ML’s female friend talked about how the ML loves to torture the things he loves). Another striking set of scenes for me is when the ML didn’t make the seaweed soup for her after sleeping with her; This, is sarcastically similar to the scene she was, again, ignored by her mother on her own birthday. Even at present, her mother still chose her partner over her own daughter. As sad as it is, it still seems like Nabi still chooses her partner who resembles her mother as that seems to be the only ‘love/loving’ relationship she knows of.

Before I end this analysis, I want to point out that the book suggests that there can be a change if some proper intervention is present. Luckily, there is one person in this whole hot mess that can be a knight in shining armor: Her aunt. As it is explained in the book that even with narcissistic and codependent parents, a child can become an emotionally-healthy person if he/she is actually raised by someone that gives them unconditional love, or in other words, provides the proper intervention in time (e.g., a devoting nanny, relative, an understanding teacher). So I think it’s safe to say that nothing is yet set in stone. If the love she receives from her aunt is enough, and for some reason she succeeds in installing the ‘unconditional self-love’ software in herself, there should be a more happy ending. It should be noted that one point that is clear from the book is that this codependency tendency can be improved, and once improved, the person will be more or become an emotionally healthy person who will then seek a fulfilling, with a balance of give and take, partner and relationship. This is why I am eagerly waiting for its next episodes.

I hope that after reading this short analysis of the drama, you might be consider giving this drama a chance, or be able to enjoy the drama more. The drama, however, shouldn’t be taken as a precautionary tale to warn against being experimental in college as the only way this can become problematic is when a person can’t see the toxicity of the relationship they are in, or can’t get out of one. The show been a very educational watch for me because it is like a depiction in motion of a codependency case. I’m not a psychiatrist/psychologist, so I cannot really say much about it. If you’re interested, I think the book mentioned above (or other versions of it) can give you a much more thorough details and layers of this type of relationship.

Book reference:
Rosenberg, R. (2019). The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissistic Trap. Morgan James Publishing.
Picture reference:
https://news.yahoo.com/stars-nevertheless-song-kang-han-so-hee-chemistry-123040297.html

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    Tagging Beanies who might be interested in reading. @yyishere @saturtledaisy @manichan

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    Also @waadmay

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    I love your analysis!

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      Thank you Zora! 😳😘 I found many insightful information from reading that book, and I was so glad I had read the book before I watched Nevertheless because it is almost like watching a documentary for me. If I hadn’t read the book before, I would have dropped the show only a couple of minutes in I think.

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      Zora, come watch Love (Your Mistress and Hate Your) Marriage with me. It’s satisfying now. That scumbag doctor’s wife is leaving him. She knows.

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        Is she going to have a revenge? I might watch it again if she is going to leave and make him suffer 😂

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    “this supposedly short analysis”- what are you me now. kekekeke I’m not watching, but I liked reading your “supposedly short” analysis. 😛

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    In other words, you can say that an emotionally healthy person will not be romantically attracted to a pathologically narcissist guy like Jae-eun.

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    That is so, so enlightening, mm. I will now view this unsettling relationship differently. It explains why she’s so drawn to him. He takes, and she gives. I may even continue watching now, aha!

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    I don’t think Na-Bi fits this criteria at all, she’s a lot more independent than people give her credit for, but because she is always questioning herself people seem to be way too demanding and assume many things which never really happened. Many of them use these words, disturbing, toxic, co-dependent.

    I disagree and to be honest I keep wondering how much of this harsh judgement isn’t about prejudice that has been reinforced by society. Women should not enjoy casual sex. They should not enjoy games of power or put themselves first, no woman would do it, no young insecure woman could do that. The only explanation left is poor Na-Bi being deceived by this cunning playboy.

    Why does she get labeled so easily? We don’t even know that much about her. What we do know is that she had one romantic relationship with a professor, who seemed to be a controlling man and fed her a bunch of lies. That can happen to anyone, later she becomes very interested in Jae-Un who is a mysterious charming man who may or may not be also very manipulative. What it’s interesting to realize is the difference in her atittude with both men, while the professor seemed to have control, with JU she makes this casual relationship almost a mind game about control in which they have equal power. She spends most of the episodes telling us in detail all the ways she tried to keep herself within the limits she felt to be safe, never really asking much about him or telling she wants anything more from him, all the while wondering about his possible true feelings and intentions. Not because she’s too insecure to ask but because that’s part of the game, that’s the reason she got on this train in the first place. It’s about control, JU is a tool she is using to learn about herself, an adventure she chose to embark fully aware of the possible heartbreak involved.

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      I think I clearly stated in one paragraph that if the person can see the toxicity in the relationship and can get out of it successfully without irreversible damage, then everything is good. But so far, I still think that she doesn’t have much control over any of her relationships. The show might prove me wrong in the next episodes, but until then this is my take on it. The labels in the books aren’t considered stigma: There is a need to be precise when they talk about certain phenomena in order to understand the situation.

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    Yes! You’ve summed this show up so well. It’s uncomfortable because there are so many people (women and men) that are in these relationships. Unfortunately, for the sacrificial partner, their mental health is at risk—I just had a acquaintance commit suicide who was textbook. She was in treatment. When you see this play out in real life, it’s heartbreaking. And being emotionally able to withstand this is difficult, but when you see the signs, you know it’s coming. I’m wondering if the writer has experience here, because it’s depicted so well. At this point, if don’t know if a traditional “happy ending” would be true to the situation. Narcissists don’t change, unless they have intense therapy and want to change—and (true to their name) narcissists don’t think anything is wrong with them, so why would they want to change? And the cycle continues.

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      A caveat—I have another friend who did get out of a relationship like this, after having four kids. She was an amazing wife and mom, but thank goodnesses he ended up cheating on her while she was pregnant with their 4th child (again, didn’t think this was wrong) and she finally left him. Her kids are better for it as she just pours love into them and not him. She’s in therapy too and is so much stronger now. So that cycle is broken. Thank goodness.

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      Thank you so much for confirming my understanding of this theory Ally! I think all can be said to have a tendency toward either being codependent or narcissist, but if many learn about this they may strive toward being more emotionally healthy.

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    I’m not watching the drama (I don’t think I will), but this is very interesting, thank you!

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    I’m not even watching this drama, but I find your analysis interesting, and I’d sure like to see kdrama handling codependency without romanticizing/fixing miraculously. In my early twenties I escaped my dysfunctional family to dive right into a codependent relationship and, dang!, it sure showed me a side of myself that I didn’t want to meet. It was hell, but in hindsight I needed to go through it to realize some things about myself and relationships. Over the years, I got to give friends this wisdom I earned by crying a sea of tears: it doesn’t matter if you really like that person – if it makes you feel like crap on a cellular level, it’s not ever going to get better: you need to get the hell away. Preferably towards a therapist’s office, because the stuff you have to deal with probably comes from way earlier on.
    Anyway, I’m not sure about seeing it strictly as a narcissist/codependent types, as I think that that role distribution suggests a “bad” type taking advantage of a “weak” type. I don’t like that kind of labels. People are complicated – I prefer to see it as a dynamic where two people with particular troubles repeatedly trigger the other in specific ways. It goes both ways. There’s no bad guy, only people who can’t do things in another way because they are too entangled in their sh*t. That doesn’t mean that those same persons aren’t capable of growth or finding fulfilling relationships, just not with that partner. And probably not before figuring stuff out. Anyway, I’m waiting out on Nevertheless until the end, only plan to watch it if the Beanie feedback assures me that this isn’t about a jerk turning into a cinnamon roll, he!

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      Thank you for sharing a snippet of your story with us Flycol! I know that the labels may make many people feel uneasy, but I kinda understand the writer as they also specifically stated that these labels are for the purpose of being precise when looking at the situation and for finding the most viable solution to help the more sacrificial one. I think I used to be more codependent, too; and with the help of my therapist and everything I grew to love myself and accept myself more. People need to go through that I guess, but I also feel like knowing about this, whether you agree or disagree with it, is already a good thing. Awareness of something allows you to have another perspective at the situation, and you’re very right at people having dimensions. I also think that this book focuses on the codependent one because, as Ally suggests, the more narcissist one is unlikely to change, so it depends on the more codependent one whether they want the ‘change’ or not, when they want it, and how they are to achieve it.

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    This is really interesting, M! I skimmed through the first episode this morning and although I’m curious enough to continue, I think I’d need to be more emotionally detached to appreciate the show.

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      Joy hello Joy! I’m glad you dropped by. Yes, I personally think that it’s gonna be a very triggering show if you don’t have the right state of mind before you going in.

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    Great writing. I enjoy your insight thoroughly. Now i think i can enjoy this show in different lens (rather than keep screaming to Nabi ala Gandalf, run you fool run!!!)

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      😂 I hope it can provide some insight to the readers, as I was so glad I discovered this book. 🥺 Thank you!

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    @mmmmm You did a great job of analyzing the story and the characters. I’m not sure if this will make me want to watch (I did watch the first two episodes) but it was fun reading your thoughts on the characters and their motivations.

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      Kamsamida thank you sirena. This is my take at the moment. I’ll wait and see how the show progresses.

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Yoon Sol is so cute no.2 ♥️ ♥️ ♥️

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My new girl crush –> Sol~ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️

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    i have to give this show credit..
    I honestly didn’t think anyone could pull of Lesbian arc so well ( given female audience are obviously more attracted to gay setups even if with trash storyline, and then lesbian arcs are so rare across the world)

    THIS is done so b’fully. The couple is actually quite charming and intriguing, and they hold their own place in the story

    The best thing about this drama is that every arc is strong on its own and holds a strong presence on its own without being overbearing and overshadowing any other ( main couple, side couples, general college setup.. everything)

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      Yes, alasecond! I love this pair so much! I hope they reconcile soon, and yes to the lesbian arc; it’s been done so well and so beautifully here. I love Sol. ♥️

      I might write about what I think of Nevertheless soon; it is a very interesting depiction of what is called ‘codependency’ situation I think. I don’t know much of it since I’m not a psychologist/psychiatrist, but there is a book that I’m reading that can explain EVERYTHING that’s been going on with the FL’s life.

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      I actually might re-watch the scene when she won a doll for Ji-wan again. That was so sweet.

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It’s almost evening here again. I hope you have a good day. 🌸

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    Hope you had a wonderful evening, and will have a lovely day!

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      Thank you FlyingTool.. *whispers* If you ever want to join our Discord… we also have a baguette channel. Last week the ingredient was lemon. I lost because I reduced the amount of sugar in the recipe. *end of my whispering*

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        Oh I mean we just began to have a cooking competition last week. Next week, the ingredient is beans.

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