Beanie level: Loan shark with a heart of gold

Yall. What episode of INAR is Tilda introduced? My buddy watch continues and we’ve started watching the occasional ep in person and I want to plan on watching the Tilda of it all in person. So I can cackle. Because I am a good friend.

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I am in the middle of (or rather the very beginning of as we’ve only watched one ep) a buddy watch with a day from church. We click play at the same time and chitchat during the ep. She said the first ep was….ok. The drama? I am not a robot. I am not sure how to continue this friendship.

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Day 11
One good thing
The last couple of years have been awful. Honestly, when I think about it it’s no wonder my depression is at an all time high (low?). But sometimes, one good thing is all I need to get me over the hump to give me the stamina to do all the not good things.
In December my car was stolen for the 4th time in 1.5 years. I had a rental that lasted for 1 month (have you tried asking your insurance company–nicely–to extend it? My ridiculous mechanic to me) and then it was walking back and forth work. It was bumming rides from people to get to various doctors appointments (I apparently almost had a heart attack/stroke,diabetes, burns, mental health, fractured bone in the back) I have a lot of doctors appointments. I was tired and frustrated and sad and mad and a whole host of other adjectives. I was bumming rides all of the time. I hate bumming rides. I hate asking for help. I decided I needed a car and I needed one now now now
Like seriously
Now.
One day I needed to go to the bank, I needed to go to the chiropractors, I needed to go to the pharmacy and a few other places. Uber is good if you’re going from a to b. Getting a ride is fine if you’re going from b to c. But if you’re going from a to h and you need to stop at each letter in between there’s no real way to get to all of those stops. So, for days I didn’t have my meds so I just wandered around in pain. So, I found a car that I wanted. I had my friend test drive it with me and 2 days later I had a car. No co-signer, just me.
I feel like I’m coming into my own.
I’m only 40. (Eyeroll)
Anyway.
Having this one good thing happen suddenly makes it feel like other good things are possible. And even if other good things is a reach, this one good thing feels like it will help me navigate the rest.
So, here’s to figuring it out.
Even if I have no idea what exactly it is.
Love, February

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    You got this, Isa!!
    Even if you have to break some things down to into a few more steps compared to how others would do it, just so you can do it, and will help you to get that thing done that you NEED done, then do it that way. Take things one day at a time if you have to… But honestly, don’t compare— comparing yourself to others is a dumb and bottomless rabbit hole to go down that ultimately doesn’t end well.
    And I totally get you— like, GET YOU— about the thing on bumming rides, because I am the same:
    I have a physical condition that doesn’t allow me to drive. If I wanted to drive, I forcibly still could, but the work and the patience and the hassle for me to get to that point is just not worth it— most of which, I’d have to purchase a car and then fork out more money to get it modified for me.
    Bumming rides feels like a hassle on most days, and on other days, it truly is a blessing, especially when the one you’re bumming off of is a super kind and sweet person and thinks of you asking them for rides is a way for them to bless and help you— like, are you for real???? 🥹

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    So happy for you finally having ann experience that has brought you hope for more answered prayers in the future. Thank you for sharing, take care.

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    Bright spots and one good thing help us look forward. You’ve got this, isa!

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Day 7
So. I’ve broken a bone in my back. Just a tiny little thing running parallel to my spine. So small that there’s no reason to try to fix it. It fix itself. It just needs time. But that tiny little thing took. me. DOWN. For the last week I’ve been hobbling, hunched over like a crone, making it to the restroom maybe 75% of the time and honestly not doing a great job while I’m in there. Every step is accompanied by a swallowed scream, every shift (are you aware of how often we shift) now has a short, staccato, sucking in of the breath. I’m gasping literally all of the time. It’s a problem.
Yesterday morning I fell out of bed. It wasn’t a quick roll over one-time to many and now you’re on the ground. I slid slowly, inch by agonizing inch, until with a (not so silent) scream I was on the ground. I couldn’t move. It took me over an hour to move, and then another near hour to get up. I have rug burns on curious places from trying to stand. Getting on your knees is HARD.
While I was down there, crying, pleading, in pain I remembered my mother. My gosh yall. Typically when I think of her a handful of memories come, her teaching me how to read, reading together on a couch, that time she threw a chicken leg at my head and scream she hated me, the times she said she wished she had aborted me.
My therapist wants me to work on trust. Please insert the dryest, mockingyest heh you have in you right here.
Anyway. When I was 10 years old I lost my keys. I went home and knocked on the door hoping someone was home. The only person there was my mom. She was bedridden, not quite completely paralyzed but definitely not able to walk any distance. But I was her daughter and I was beating on the door and crying and pleading let me in. She threw herself out of her hospital bed and army crawled to the front door (her bedroom was the furthest from the front door) and she let me in. Did I mention she was blind? I don’t know how long it took her. I don’t remember. I remember her pulling herself up (how the actual f did she do that? Like…fr. was my mom superwoman?) and unlocking the door and I sat on the floor with her just inside our doorway and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. And she held me. And she called me tootles. And we both realized that life would never be the same.
I remember the drugs. I remember the nastiness. But yesterday morning as I fought a pain that I could not overcome I remembered my mom. And she loved me.
Love, February

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    Ha. So. I don’t actually remember how to do Love February. I’m not sure I remember the formating. And it’s been so long since I’ve felt like a part of this community that I wasn’t sure it was right for me to participate. If it’s OK I may have one or two love February posts in me. If it’s not that’s OK too.

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    The pain felt so real I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

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    I hope your pain will lessen soon.

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    Feel better soon, isa /hugs.

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    Some days….. some people…..
    It might seem far fetched whenever we such things being portrayed in the dramas we watch, but the things the human body, mind, and soul can accomplish when we need it enough, when we WANT it enough…. It’s nothing short of a miracle. It’s not a joke when the grit and inner strength of a person— strength that we don’t think we ever had— comes to a head and the things that it propels us to accomplish is almost always beyond comprehension and understanding from a human— i.e. limited— understanding.

    My prayers are with you, Isa, as you endeavour on this journey to recovery ♥️ Keep in mind that it is okay to take it easy, that it is okay to make yourself a priority, because it is when we, ourselves, are at 100% can we then be at 100% for those around us

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    Saying she should have undergone an abortion sounds like a hit phrase to say when a mother is angry. Maybe not all mothers do this, but my mom did it sometimes when I was young and talked back to her (and I think she now regrets it and many things she did when she was younger). It’s sad, but it’s real: what cruel things people say when they are angry.

    Did I tell you when I was so sick the only person I thought of was my mom? How funny? The person I resented the most was the very person I thought of at crisis.

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      I feel this. My mom had drug problems when I was young and disabled when I was 9ish. I have like a year of having a mother. But when I’m sick and hurt my mom is who I want. Not necessarily *her* but the idea of a good mother. I think it’s normal. I’m sorry about your mother. Physical and emotional pain both suck.

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    I hope you feel better soon. Take care. You are stronger than you know. Stay blessed.

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Ok, I’ve started Marry My Husband. Thr first episode is depressing af. But I get its setting up everything else. I’ve never liked time travel dramas. Should I watch or drop?

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    The absolute gall of this family! She goes –alone–to thr hospital and learns she has cancer and all her stupid husband and his awful mother has to say is who’s going to cook now? He doesn’t work so all the money coming in is her income and he can’t pull his *ahem* out of her “friend” and come bring HER money to the hospital to pay her bills? He’s. So. Gross. And her friend looks her dead in the eye while she’s plotting her death “ill never leave you”
    He’s using her insurance to buy that awful woman a bag?
    I don’t know yall. These two absolutely deserve each other. I want her to go back in time and get her happiness and for them to be miserable together but I also want them to go to prison forever and ever and ever.

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      We’re 25 mins into the first ep and we’re doing the “let me put your shoes on for you you delicate flower” already? Is this a record?

      Wait a minute! Is that my sweet girl from FMW being awful?! GASP.

      GIRL. It’s 2013. Make some good investments, go get checked for Cancer every few years and f that jerk you married and his awful mama.

      YES!

      Oh my gosh this library/bookstore is doing things to my book loving heart and this floppy haired, glasses wearing boss guy is so handsome.

      Oh, they really were best friends their entire lives. And she’s sleeping with her husband talking about die already. It

      He did the look back! Swoon!

      It’s no wonder she has no dang friends.

      Dang it. I can’t hate her. She’s so cute. Oh look at her primping when our girl is getting yelled at for how she’s dressed! Ick I’ll overlook her cuteness. She’s a bad person. Yuck!

      Oh. Interesting. I wonder if she’ll ever feel guilt or regret it? Like clearly she’s a fake friend and they both absolutely deserve every horrible thing but I think it’s one thing to do something in the moment and another to watch something play out. I wonder if knowing how awful the friend is will help her see how awful the friend is and that will help her sustain her anger to dump her awful fate on her former friend.

      Also. Hot boss guy. Is he also from the future?

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    If you don’t like TT, there is a lot that hinges on it so hard for you to continue.

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      I really don’t like time travel. How much time travel is there though? I was assuming it would be maybe 1-4 times? The initial jump, maybe a jump to the future to see if things are better or worse at some point, back to the past again to fix and adjust and a final trip back to the future to pick up and start living her new life. I could handle that, but if this is one of those time travel dramas where were zipping back and forth every few mins per ep I can’t do it. My main problem is I can’t sit still and just…watch a drama. I have to do things with my hands. And it’s too difficult to try and do things with my hands and keep up with a million time lines!

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        No zipping backwards and forwards so you don’t have to worry about that but flashbacks serve that purpose although no excessively.

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    It does get better, but you have to see if it agrees with you. 😊

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      I did really like the first ep as dark as it was. I loved how quickly she’s picking up on things and realizing that there has to be balance. I would have expected in a drama like this to have a few scenes where she’s relishing her future knowledge but I like that they didn’t swerve into something silly they go straight to the plot. But with as heavy as the first ep is I wonder if there’s any lightness in the drama?

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        I don’t think ANY current K-drama can be accused of “lightness” – dark, darker, darkest is the way to go. 😭

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          Boooo!! That could be why I’m just not loving dramas these days. I watch for lightness

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          My favorite drama is season 2 of It Started With a Kiss, and then Fight for My Way, Jealousy Incarnate, Another Oh Hae Young, A Gentleman’s Dignity, Chicago Typewriter, I’m Not a Robot, Dal-Jas SpringI could go on and on. The only recent thing I’ve managed to finish to the end was Castaway Diva. I love a Noona Romance oh my gosh. The Thai version of It Started With a Kiss. Kiss Me. I loved all of those but I think theblast time I really had *fun* with a drama, not just watching it but had fun with was when EVERYONE here on db was watching that incredibly cracktackular Emperor drama, and the most recent Boys Over Flowers adaptation and there were groups of us who couldn’t wait for the subs (I think subs were funky that year) would watch all together with one lone bean doing on the spot translating and then we’d all watch again later. And oh my lands, the great beanie ship war when there were a ton of beanies watching A Poem A Day and there was an insane ship war flooding the board but because it was db it was the gentlest most hilarious war that there ever has been. I still have the fanfic that that war spawned.

          Maybe I’ve outgrown dramas. So much of my love of the dramas was wrapped up in my love of this community and I come here now and I don’t know anyone. All of the people that I knew back then seem to have…. grown up?and they’ve taken the friends that they made here and they’ve formed a new community. And I’m still here. Without a drama to watch, not really a part of the community anymore. And not really going anywhere with my life.

          I’ve always been known (back when I was known) for epic overshares. So there we go.

          What’s your favorite drama? What’s your catnip? I love the Noona romances and anything with adults. Which is a solid part of why I love noonas there aren’t candy’s looking for their prince charming there’s grown ass women looking (or not looking) for love and some guy comes and sweeps her off her hardworking feet. A grown up candy, if you will.

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            @seeker
            Also, i have a well documented love hate relationship with the first 8 eps of Something in the Rain or (Pretty Noona who disappointed tf outta me)

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            Thank you so much for taking out time to respond. You sure had a lot of fun drama watching before. I do hope you get some new dramas you like and find some new friends on DB. 😅

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            My K-drama love started with Full House and hasn’t stopped since. For me I love all things K-dramas. While I discovered DB a long time ago, I couldn’t contribute and have started only recently. But have been a long time lurker and and loved both the old DB and new DB which has been an integral part of my drama watching experience.

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    Watch 🙂
    If you fell for Mr.Glasses… and if you want some comeuppance for our (fascinating and well acted) villains, watch. 🙂
    There will also come later a smexy HR manager, on a bike. 🏍 😉

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      You, friend, are speaking my language. I don’t know anyone’s name yet, but, I did feel like they were giving layers to the former friend. There’s a duality that I saw in that first ep. She can love and admire and want the best for her friend with her while heart, and be burning with jealousy and want everything the main character has. Both can be true at the same time. It’s like she’s walking on a balance beam, though, what tips her to the point where sleeping with her friends husband, wishing for her best friend to hurry up and die is more important than loving her friend?

      As for that husband! Yuck. She says that she stayed with him because she was scared of leaving, of being alone. I wonder if he was ever physically abusive–we know he was abusive in every other way and we saw him shove her so hard she fell through the table and died. And he slammed her against the wall and raised his hand to her without making contact. So. Hmm.

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Now I just need saltnpaper to give me something new and I’ll be quite content.

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Vromances new album is flat out gorg.e.ous. It’s only 3 songs but my gosh.

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Yall. What a day to be a fan. GOT7s 10 year anniversary and vromance FINALLY announcing a comeback! I hope they get some support this time. They are SO talented.

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Well. I’ve started My Demon. I’m on ep 2 and my lands the end of the first episode was just…pretty. No idea whats happening but boy howdy. Pretty. And for once I’m not talking about the cast (although,obviously) it’s the cinematography and atmosphere and such . The wave coming over them? That was some little mermaid business.

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Well, I finished Castaway Diva and I have a question. Why was there no girl power duet (or trio) with Mok-Ha, Morae (and Ran-Joo). It was begging for some girl power power rock ballad. I thought maybe we were getting there when we Morae and Mok-Ha were all fired up about their switched song and realized they had no real reason to be fighting and their collective rage puttered out into nothing. But then no girl power rock anthem AND then didn’t storm the CEOs penthouse and kick him in the shin either. Disappointed.

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So. Dramaland. Where are you hiding the sweet fluffy dramas? Sweet, fluffy, skinshippy and no murders or child abuse?

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    I hope they’re hiding in my Christmas Stocking …

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    Soundtrack #2 😏

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    Where is this Unicorn …. where …. where??

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    In a giant hotel. Except DB is determined to hate it. It was the best show of 2023 for me.

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      King the land? I accidentally dropped that. I’ll finish it!

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        The only minus point for me is the episode of the Arab prince, which as I knew about it beforehand and I just dislike all depictions of foreigners by Kdramas I just ff through all of his scenes.

        I’m just mentioning this because 1. It’s longer than one scene, and 2. I know it’s a particularly sensitive subject for most Beanies.
        But for myself, I always ff through foreigner scenes no matter the nationality, be it Arab, Indian, Italian, American, German. Doesn’t matter which. I dislike Koreans’ depiction and I ff through.

        But I loved everything else.

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          Most of my moots loved it, but after all my moots are Junho fans. I dropped it at episode 8 (I watched episode 9 and 10 in 20 minutes by ff), mainly because I couldn’t care about any characters, but I do agree it’s a fluffy sweet drama, if you can look aside all its flaws.

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            Strangely, I didn’t see is as fluff at all. To me it was a very solemn but sweet look at the hardships of today’s workers. And knowing your own worth, while still having to earn your bread. And wishing for a boss who although didn’t understand the hardships at first, but the minute it was explained to him, tried to rectify matters.

            Anyways, I have been holding my tongue on a tight reign for the past few months 😄 Better enjoy whatever we wish without needing to defend and explain.

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      Yes, this. Beanies say they want a rom com without serial killers but I’m not convinced they actually do. More King the Land for us!

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On to ep 11.
I still do not give a flying fig about Ran-Joos mom. Like. Less than 0 percent.
I LOVE the adopted dad. My gosh he’s the safe haven that family deserves after that evil father.
I take back every good thing I said about the CEO. He and Ran-joo are just too dang toxic together. How do you go back to a man who calls you trash and says that not only does he think so does everyone he does business with? Ran-Joo deserves soooooo much better.

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Well. I’m finally getting back to Castaway Diva (I accidentally abandoned it on ep 6. The sing off just didn’t appeal and made me not want to watch. But I do want to finish so here we are)….is this drama telling me that this entire time (in the past) Ki-ho had a brother and a mother and they were all getting abused? I’ve never been a fan of oh…he has nice hands and I’ve lost my train of thought.
So veiny.

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    So this may not be the drama to fulfill my undying love of romance, skinship, and squee but I’m in ep 10 and several eps ago Ki-Ho announces that he still has feelings for Mok-ha and adds, “what kinda lunatic looks for someone for 15 years if they aren’t interested?” And I swooned. I swooned so freaking hard. Can they just…drop this storyline with the abusive father and the entertainment industry and just let these two puppies heal and fall in love? Because this may be the only drama I finish this year but it would totally be the best one.
    Also. I super don’t go about Ran-Joos mom. Like not even the tiniest part of my soul cares about this. And finally I watch dramas to take my mind off of my aging parent not to be reminded of it. So…thanks for that.

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      What is the brother’s name? Woo-hak? Chae-un? When he broke down when Mok-ha left? Confessing to his dad that he tried not to fall for her when he knew that Ki-ho had? But that he couldn’t help it? How my heart broke precious boy. And she doesn’t even have a friend that I can ship him with. I hope he finds someone 🙁
      And how did this drama make me want Ran-joo and her label head together again? Every time he shuffles in in his pj’s and stares at her all wistfully I’m like put a pin in it and go sleep with that man! He’s hot and the way he stares at her….2 eps left. I’d finish it now flif I didn’t have a doctors appointment in a few hours.

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        Woo-hak!! I love him to bits – that moment got to me as well. I knew Ki-ho and Mok-ha were end game, and wanted them to be but I’m hoping that Woo-hak eventually finds his own happy ending too, he’s such a precious, sensitive soul 💕

        AND YES hahah the CEO, I blame it on the actor doing too good a job with the expressions but I’d also find myself momentarily slipping and then mentally slapping myself to be like ‘nO! remember what he did to Ran-joo!!’

        Also yes the ‘what kind of lunatic looks for someone for 15 years if they aren’t interested’ is such a swoony line 🥰 I think it’s how matter of fact he was too that added to the swoon.

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          It’s this and it’s also that even when she hates him and wants nothing to do with him….the ceo is who Ran-joo goes to. When all of her chips are down and her back is against the wall and she had nowhere else to turn…she went to him. No questions asked. And he met her at the door, picked up her bags and brought her in. Their relationship is messy and deep and I think I love them? He’s awful but monsters need hugs?

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BamBam is coming to Chicago–same theater that Jackson was in (maybe? Who cares!) and I’m thinking of going. Maybe maybe maybe…

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    Go!!

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      One of my coworkers is interested in going and listen to this story!
      So, yesterday I got a new coworker. My manager came to introduce her to me in my little cubicle and she looked around and said, “oh! You’re army!” to which I replied, “uh, NO! I am most certainly not!” I have hung up on my cubby shelves: Vromance, CNBlue, 2pm and Got7. I listed GOT7 and she was all, “OH! I like GOT7!” So I asked her if she knew about BamBams concert and she said she and her sister were thinking of it. So, new kpop friendly coworker who likes GOT7 and likes them enough that she’s interested in going to see BamBam. Squeee!

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        These are some amazing news, Isa!!! I’m so happy for you!!!

        And nothing against BTS and Army, but there are other (tiny in my case) fandoms out there, so I feel your pain, hehe.

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I’ll watch ep 6 tomorrow, but right now, as ever, I have *questions*. Questions like why did I think this was a fluffy drama? Why did I keep watching when the first ep was heinous abuse? Why was I surprised when the drama dropped its fun, light hearted couple of eps and slid into murdery nonsense. Why is this whole family lying to Ki-ho about who they are? Why won’t evil dad give it tf up? Is he bitter that he didn’t get to murder ki-ho so he’s hunting him to rectify the situation? And finally, who decided a mash up of frothy songs and murder and abuse was the dream juxtaposition?

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    All very good questions.
    I am watching on for Park Eun-bin … but otherwise my heart is not in it.
    Also why take out insurance and why attack the insurance agent just because he asked you to stay away from Ki-ho.

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OK Diva, ep 3 here we go. I have bad feels already.

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Well, it’s too the recaps for me. I’m looking at this sweetpeas sweet set up on her island and….did she earn her engineering degree while stranded here? Is her little island where every helpful good in the ocean goes to disappear? Where did she get all of those umbrellas?! I have so many questions.

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    I believe a pallet or perhaps an entire shipping container of umbrellas foundered upon the rocks of her island by the looks of things 🤣

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    I think we are supposed to believe that various items washed ashore her little island.

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    This drama had me tearing up watching her hug her idol. Also, I cannot tell the brothers apart. They have the same pajamas, the same job and dang near the same hair!

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    We had heard of plot armor … perhaps the new deal is plot umbrellas.

    Also what is with these Treasure Hunts of different colored umbrellas.

    For future reference I know Yumi’s Cells had a blue one.

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I finally started Castaway–midway through the first ep and GOOD NIGHT this drama is dark af. I didn’t read anything about it, just remembered the chatter here a few weeks ago and thought to give it a go. I’m going to take a little break and clean my kitchen. Does it stay this level of dark or should I just drop now?

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    No, you can proceed without fear although there is something sinister lurking around the edges later is how I’d characterize it.

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    @isa: I’m not a serial killer having just finished 5, I came back to say that for me it’s getting pretty dark again. I thought we were getting a Cinderella success story, why is it becoming a mystery? Fooey.

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    OK, where they going to let that evil man kill that little boy? How come not a single adult tried to help him? Tf? Also, her father was busting into her bedroom? Is he a molester on top of beating her? This is a lot for my first foray back into kdrama land. I’m going to need something fluffy like…immediately.

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      We can offer you 2&3, it gets fluffy for a while! But I’m looking askance at 6 after watching 5 is all I’m saying 😬

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        It doesn’t feel like a side / slice of darkness anymore.
        I am enduring only for Park Eun-bin. She is magical but the Ki-ho’s father’s storyline is just too much.

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I think I’ll try Castaway. It feels like it’s been literal years since I watched a drama that so many others were watching on the wall. Maybe the end of the slump is in sight

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    You can’t go wrong with Park Eun Bin.

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    Hi!!! This is the first time I’ve been logged in on here in ages so nice to see you pop up. Hope you’re recovering well.
    I will humbly recommend Perfect Marriage Revenge. It’s been the one I look forward to each week, the FL is pretty pitiful at first but the turn around is Awesome and satisfying

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It seems like every woman in this drama (except for Xinxing and her friend) is evil, stupid, weak, or a combination. I was slowly won of by Xinxings mom and Anni is tolerable as long as she’s NOWHERE near Zhaoxun. I feel like they are trying to do the same to Tianyus mom. To that I say: no way Jose. But then they somehow made me ship Xinxing and Tianyu.
I’ve always thought that about Zhaoxun and Xinxing from Xinxings point of view. I never thought about how guilty he must feel. Her father’s decision wasn’t Zhaoxuns fault but he’d clearly feel guilty about it. I wonder if he’ll learn that her father visited Yucheng group before his drowning? I hope it lessens the guilt he feels. I can’t ship him with Xinxing (she and Tianyu are just too adorable). But I really hope Zhaoxun gets a happy ending.

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    I do think for the most part all of these moms think they are doing what’s best for their kids. Maybe.

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    Hi! Haven’t seen you for a bit. How are you doing? No worries if you don’t feel up to responding, but I’m thinking of you.

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      Oh, thank you for thinking of me! I’m…ok. Recovery is much harder than I thought it would be. The same week I came home from the hospital my landlord raised my rent by almost 1000 dollars and I hadn’t gotten my car back yet (stolen). So I was trying to find a new apartment, healing, and just doing poorly really. I did find a new apartment and I’m supposed to move in the next couple of days and a couple more bombs fell into my lap including but not limited to being robbed and and an assault. Shrug. Im…as good as I ever am.
      Thank you for checking on me. I miss the db community but the last couple of months have been a lot. Like…a. lot.

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        Oh my gosh, that IS a lot. I’m so sorry this has all crashed down on you. I know you’re very strong just by the way you’ve handled this crazy sh*t for the past many months but it’s SO MUCH to deal with. Sending you lots of healing power and good luck even though that seems hopelessly inadequate. I really do think of you and wish for the best for you.

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