So ask yourself this then. What is the worst that can happen if they don’t do the dishes? Then they won’t have any clean dishes to eat off of? Maybe it’s time they learn some consequences.
When my boys were in high school our rule was whoever cooked didn’t have to do the dishes. There were days they cooked and I had to do the dishes. but it worked.
That is a hard one – how to teach them to be responsible (without killing them first).
Good luck mom!!! You will figure it out – but first, take care of yourself!

Teeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllll meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? 🙂 I love dragging out my vowels today.
Okay, an “l” is not a vowel, but I like the way it sounds when Ii do that,

So this is a story of a circle of friends (not all my friends, but two women are good friends of mine).

It started over Spring Break. Four families went skiing together, and stayed at the same home. Some families were good friends, others were not. All had interacted in some capacity with each other prior to going. The children were mostly the same age, young elementary school children, and played well together. There was one girl who was an only child, and the others all had another sibling. We’ll call her Bridget. Well, the second day of the trip, Bridget and another girl, let’s call her Rina, were together with my friend’s daughter, Lila. Bridget may have been recounting something that happened the day before that embarrassed Rina, so Rina reached over and lightly slapped Bridget on the arm, telling her to stop telling that story. (I don’t remember the story, and it’s really not important.) Now, as an only child, Bridget has never been touched, hit or slapped in her life (even in jest) and took offense to this so told her mother. Her mother was calm about it, asked why and then told Bridget that she probably should not have told the embarrassing story. Also, she went to Rina’s mother and very respectfully told her that Rina slapped Bridget, and in their family, physical hitting and slapping were not tolerated and if it would okay for Rina to apologize to Bridget, as Bridget would apologize to Rina for embarrassing her in front of her other friend. Well, Rina’s mom took offense to this, and, I kid you not, LOCKED herself in her room for the next 2 days. Not the child, the mother. Turns out that she finally did come out, after my friend coaxed her out to go to girls night, while the men took care of the kids So, that was that. No apologies, nothing. They all went back home and one family is not speaking to the other. Actually, two families are not speaking to Rina’s family (or mother, to be exact). The men don’t care and they’re still drinking buddies.

So, another friend of mine (let’s call her Kit) who knew what s@#*storm would be in store for all of them didn’t go on this trip because she had already done a trip with Rina’s family 4 years ago, and she came back saying, “Hell to the no!” She got an earful from both Lila’s mother and also Bridget’s, as she’s friends with both.

Now, Rina’s mother has already ostracized herself from her best friend as well, and has been trying ever since to win back all these friends that she’s somehow offended by her actions. (I should say that Rina and her family have never been friends of ours so I’m looking on this with some bewilderment, but am strangely entertained as well. I also think it’s because her mother has some real undiagnosed/diagnosed mental illness and is afraid of what we might find out if they hang out with us too much.) She invited everyone over to her house one evening and then went on a rant on FB about how someone’s child ruined some furniture of hers and she wasn’t…

…going to have anymore gatherings at her house anymore. Subsequently, Kit, who wasn’t at the gathering, texted her saying that really, this was too much and that if she was there, she would be offended, and then actually asked her if she had thought about seeing a therapist. She thought she was harsh, but has been trying to distance herself from this woman for the past year and thought this would be the nail on the coffin. Strangely enough, Rina’s mother has been reaching out even more to her saying their girls should all get together more often for playdates and such. So, the opposite of the desired effect. And Kit has been ignoring her texts.

Fast forward to this past weekend. We were at an 80’s party (how high school can you get, right?) and everyone was there. My husband and I were matching (how kdrama of us) in brightly colored preppy clothes reminiscent of a 1980’s Benetton fashion ad and we were rocking it, if I do say so myself. Kit and I were at the bar (where else would we be?) and Rina’s mom and dad come straight up to us and said “hi.” Kit gives the excuse that she didn’t have any cash and goes to her husband for some, leaving me awkwardly making small talk with these people. I let them get their drinks first and when they had left, Kit finally came back. They then sat across from the rest of the group. The whole evening, everyone ignored Rina’s mother except for the couple they came with. I ended up talking with all the women who were belittled or ostracized by this one person, including Bridget’s and Lila’s mothers, and also the best friend. It was super strange and with all the 80’s costuming, I really did feel like I was in junior high again! So, how will this drama.

End?

@ally-le OMG, that makes my (lack of) drama pale in comparison! BTW, Benetton was never my thing, but I am just picturing your outfits and loving it!

Wow, that whole situation is messed up! While I don’t condone parent/child violence, I have playfully whacked my kids all their lives – when I say playfully, a swap on their arms or something, heck one of my daughters regularly smacks my arm when she’s annoyed with my joking around (and yes, it hurts, damn it!). So, this whole “physical hitting and slapping were not tolerated” is just weird to me, in a “jestful” way. Then again, I had siblings, my kids have siblings, I think it’s part of family life. Honestly, for some reason I find *that* part the most disturbing out of the whole story, which is probably odd.

Rina’s mom sounds like, yes, she could use some therapy. I get that you don’t want someone smacking your kid, I didn’t like it when I see other kids hitting my kids (a playful smack is different, though), but her reaction is quite extreme. I have friends who’s kids I can’t stand, but I still like my friends and we still chat. I’m happy to see that dads still getting along for now, anyway.

Thank you for the story, it was highly entertaining, and weird, and a little sad. And a good lesson as to why I would never go with any other family on vacation. (It first I thought this was going to be like a spouse swapping story, lol!)

Yes, it’s crazy. Bridget’s mother is very socially conscious and a feminist as well, so I can see how she would approach the situation with her daughter being “hit,” even if it was by another girl. And again, her daughter is an only child so had no frame of reference of what that type of physical contact this was. My kids swat at each other constantly too. And to clarify, no adults hit any child. However, Rina’s mother completely over- reacted. It was Bridget’s mother that wouldn’t let the Rina’s action slide. If it were me, I would have just let it go. I’m still scratching my head. When everyone came back and we (on the outside of this friend circle) started hearing what happened, I heard it one way and my neighbor heard it another and she thought it was the daughter that locked herself in the room! That would have been more plausible, but a grown woman? Just goes to show that kdramas are not that far from reality! And I’ve travelled with one other family (Lila’s family) three times now. It’s so much fun with the right people. But this is a cautionary tale nonetheless. I do hand it to my other friend, Kit, in telling her the truth of the matter, that she probably needs professional help. It’s not like these people aren’t mature or successful—this lady is a college professor. Anyway, sometimes looking at other people’s lives makes you appreciate yours even more.

@ally-le Apologies, I got the kids confused!